- Mar 25, 2015
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I feel awful today and need to post… You may have seen my original posts here about caring for your parents (March 2016)… Things became worse with mom and my last post in that thread was March 2017. Since then we had had to have he declared and my sister and I became guardians and when she came out of the hospital we had gotten 24/7 care at home for her as she always wanted to be home. She began to treat the aids horribly and since March we have gone through 7 or 8 aids!! It came to a head last month when her behavior totally turned to wildly paranoid, verbally abusive to the aid AND my sister and me (my 2nd sister was not involved as planned so mom never freaked out on her). She was refusing to take her meds and became more agitated and paranoid. She would call the police and all people on the development member list claiming she was being held against her will and asking for help. Last week on Friday she fell in the morning and we had the ambulance take her to the hospital and decided that we had to place her in a home. I flew out on a 5am flight Sunday morning and went straight to the hospital to visit mom with my sister. Mom was friendly then, but then Sunday night she flipped and turned into the most horrible person I have ever seen. The hospital had to place her on personal watch to keep her in the bed and stop her from roaming the halls screaming. I went to see her Monday and she was saying the most hateful and hurtful things to me. She was awful. When I got back to her house Monday night, while eating some food I bit into something hard and I broke off about ½ of my back molar! Tuesday evening my sister and I went to see her again and she was even worse, if that was even possible. She said she “hated” me and what an “awful” son I was and “a horrible person” and far far far worse. My sister was trying to tell mom I was helping her and trying to get her off me and then mom would turn to her and I would have to do the same. She was also delusional and believed my nephew was there all day (he lives far far away and not there at all) and kept screaming at the nurses saying “Get these black people out of my kitchen” and such and worse. By the time we left an hour or so later I was in tears. This morning I had an emergency dental appointment with mom’s dentist for 4 hours to get a crown, which was a nightmare to me as I am extremely dentist-phobic and needle-phobic and by the time I left dentists I felt like I ran a marathon and was weak, numb…. And an hour before I was done texts started pouring into my phone from my sisters because mom was being transferred to a nursing home to a locked dementia ward. The nursing home we were hoping to get refused due to her behavior and we had no choice but a locked dementia ward! I have spent all day dealing with my tooth, mom, hospitals, nursing homes AND I am at the breaking point. I have flown out to NJ 8 or 9 times since January to help and try to care for mom and get her out of hospitals, get aids, hospice care and more and my job is in jeopardy at this point… Now mom IS in a nursing home (though a locked ward) and absolutely HATES my sister and me…. I KNOW it is the dementia and not my mom now, but it still HURTS and a lot! *sigh* My father was a calm dementia patient when it was his time, I wish mom was too.
The nursing home will have a lunch for me tomorrow and I will go at noon to eat with mom and try to talk with her and check on her. I just know it will not go well. I’ll go again Friday and then Saturday and I fly back home late Sunday and likely won’t be back out for a couple/few months.
The stress of all this (and becoming diabetic in March) stopped me eating and has me down close to 70lbs and underweight now. The ONLY upshot is that I was taken off the diabetes meds now and managing. But I do not feel like eating to be honest, the thought of eating makes me feel sick now. 42” waist to 33” in 4 months cannot be healthy. My sister and husband (both doctors) are worried about my weight loss now as well. I never would have thought this all would have affected me in this way.
I feel like I have done the wrong thing with mom, though I KNOW I have not. But emotional thoughts vs logical thoughts are often hard to sort out and I suppose I will be in internal turmoil for a long time on all this. For anyone reading this who has gone through something remotely similar, my hats off to you, and I would love to know how you coped and stayed sane and not like you murdered your mother.
The nursing home will have a lunch for me tomorrow and I will go at noon to eat with mom and try to talk with her and check on her. I just know it will not go well. I’ll go again Friday and then Saturday and I fly back home late Sunday and likely won’t be back out for a couple/few months.
The stress of all this (and becoming diabetic in March) stopped me eating and has me down close to 70lbs and underweight now. The ONLY upshot is that I was taken off the diabetes meds now and managing. But I do not feel like eating to be honest, the thought of eating makes me feel sick now. 42” waist to 33” in 4 months cannot be healthy. My sister and husband (both doctors) are worried about my weight loss now as well. I never would have thought this all would have affected me in this way.
I feel like I have done the wrong thing with mom, though I KNOW I have not. But emotional thoughts vs logical thoughts are often hard to sort out and I suppose I will be in internal turmoil for a long time on all this. For anyone reading this who has gone through something remotely similar, my hats off to you, and I would love to know how you coped and stayed sane and not like you murdered your mother.
