Is it ever OK to lie to children?

Benjamin Müller

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What you're neighbor did sounds similar to something my aunt did to my sister. My aunt was/is. . .odd. I'll leave it as that. It was raining that day and my aunt told my sister that it was acid-rain and it would melt her skin off and not to go outside. When my mom came to pick my sister and I, my sister was afraid to go out in the rain. My aunt didn't correct herself at all, but used the lie to terrify my child and make it difficult for our mother to get us dressed and out the door.

That was just evil and thoroughly uncalled for. Her motive was to plant a phobia and also make us well-behaved kids, suddenly difficult for our mother so that my aunt could later say how imperfect we were. Like I said, she's. . .odd. She and my mother had an abusive upbringing and her brain seems to be twisted. Thankfully my mother 'reversed the curse'.

Telling lies that would do psychological damage -- implant phobias -- is thoroughly evil. There's no justification for that.

I remember a story of parents whose daughter had watched the Wizard of Oz and she was terrified of the Wicked Witch. No matter how many times they told her the witch wasn't real, she in her childish mind just could not let go of the idea that she was. So the parents, finally realizing their words wouldn't be able to comfort her, got her a bucket of water. If the witch were to come, not that she would, but no use trying to explain that anymore, if the witch comes, they instructed her to throw water on the witch and she'll melt and die. And instantaneously their child finally calmed down and was able to go to sleep.

They followed through with a lie -- with the fairy-tale. But they used the lie to curb a phobia rather than provoke it.
 
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Krav Maga

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I asked this question originally on my Facebook page, but I thought it might make for good discussion here too.

Out of curiosity, a parenting ethics question: Do you believe it's OK to lie to children in order to get them to behave, or to not ask for something? I'm thinking along the lines of the ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. Some place they want to go to is closed, when in fact it's open but you don't want to take them. You're allergic to dogs, when you merely don't want one. The food you don't want to share tastes awful. Some activity is illegal and they could be jailed for it, when you simply don't want them to do it. Some dangerous animal that the child is afraid of just happens to live somewhere that you don't want the child to go.

I'm thinking that the old standby of "let's have a contest to see who can be quiet the longest" might also fall into this category, since we all know it's nothing but a ruse to get the kids to shut up for a while.

What is your opinion?


Personally I never lied to my children. When my oldest (6) asked me about Santa I told him the truth. Never lie to them or they won’t trust you on the more important things.
 
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Skye1300

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I asked this question originally on my Facebook page, but I thought it might make for good discussion here too.

Out of curiosity, a parenting ethics question: Do you believe it's OK to lie to children in order to get them to behave, or to not ask for something? I'm thinking along the lines of the ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. Some place they want to go to is closed, when in fact it's open but you don't want to take them. You're allergic to dogs, when you merely don't want one. The food you don't want to share tastes awful. Some activity is illegal and they could be jailed for it, when you simply don't want them to do it. Some dangerous animal that the child is afraid of just happens to live somewhere that you don't want the child to go.

I'm thinking that the old standby of "let's have a contest to see who can be quiet the longest" might also fall into this category, since we all know it's nothing but a ruse to get the kids to shut up for a while.

What is your opinion?

LOL No, that's too many lies. It will make you look silly when they get older and remember that stuff you told them. Hahaha. I don't believe in lying to kids. The Santa Claus thing I don't consider as lying, it's more like a pretend game, a tradition for small children. Same with Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. All kids should enjoy the magic of Santa Claus growing up like I did. :angel::)
 
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RDKirk

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Terry Pratchett was a proponent of "lies for children", which are basically truths, but broken down so far that they're not really true, but just versions of the truth that can be understood and which are meant to be replaced with more accurate versions of the truth in the future.

I can't think of such a circumstance that the process of "breaking down" the truth to a point that it can be understood by the unsophisticated could be called a lie.
 
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Nithavela

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I can't think of such a circumstance that the process of "breaking down" the truth to a point that it can be understood by the unsophisticated could be called a lie.
I guess that it depends on your definition of a lie.
 
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Nithavela

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I said I could not think of such a case.

Can you give me an example?
Again, it depends on your definition of a lie.

I think Pratchett defined a lie as "saying something you know is not true as if it were true".
 
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grasping the after wind

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I asked this question originally on my Facebook page, but I thought it might make for good discussion here too.

Out of curiosity, a parenting ethics question: Do you believe it's OK to lie to children in order to get them to behave, or to not ask for something? I'm thinking along the lines of the ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. Some place they want to go to is closed, when in fact it's open but you don't want to take them. You're allergic to dogs, when you merely don't want one. The food you don't want to share tastes awful. Some activity is illegal and they could be jailed for it, when you simply don't want them to do it. Some dangerous animal that the child is afraid of just happens to live somewhere that you don't want the child to go.

I'm thinking that the old standby of "let's have a contest to see who can be quiet the longest" might also fall into this category, since we all know it's nothing but a ruse to get the kids to shut up for a while.

What is your opinion?

I don't think it is ever ok to lie to anyone. That doesn't mean one can't tell fictitious stories as long as one makes it known that the story is fictitious.
 
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RDKirk

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Again, it depends on your definition of a lie.

I think Pratchett defined a lie as "saying something you know is not true as if it were true".

So give me an example in which you think a truth has been effectively reduced to a lie.
 
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Nithavela

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So give me an example in which you think a truth has been effectively reduced to a lie.
The atom model most people learn first.

You know, the one that looks like a solar system.
 
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grasping the after wind

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The atom model most people learn first.

You know, the one that looks like a solar system.

How about Geometric points? Negative numbers? Imaginary things that people pretend are real.
 
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Nithavela

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How about Geometric points? Negative numbers? Imaginary things that people pretend are real.
I was giving one example because RDKirk asked for it. I will not entertain any more example requests in this thread, which has been revived for some reason.
 
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grasping the after wind

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I was giving one example because RDKirk asked for it. I will not entertain any more example requests in this thread, which has been revived for some reason.

I was simply giving more examples. I wasn't asking you to give more.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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I asked this question originally on my Facebook page, but I thought it might make for good discussion here too.

Out of curiosity, a parenting ethics question: Do you believe it's OK to lie to children in order to get them to behave, or to not ask for something? I'm thinking along the lines of the ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. Some place they want to go to is closed, when in fact it's open but you don't want to take them. You're allergic to dogs, when you merely don't want one. The food you don't want to share tastes awful. Some activity is illegal and they could be jailed for it, when you simply don't want them to do it. Some dangerous animal that the child is afraid of just happens to live somewhere that you don't want the child to go.

I'm thinking that the old standby of "let's have a contest to see who can be quiet the longest" might also fall into this category, since we all know it's nothing but a ruse to get the kids to shut up for a while.

What is your opinion?

I believe we need to mirror the behavior we want in our children. One of those things we want is for our children to be truthful. Also, a child needs to trust the words of their parents.
 
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