- Sep 12, 2004
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I'm going to try and keep this short, sweet, and to-the-point. I'm engaged to a man who lives approx. 650 miles away from me... while visits are great, it's very emotionally excruciating. There's a spot in my heart for him (not the biggest spot, mind you) that nothing else can fill. God has the biggest spot, but David has a good-sized spot too that school, socializing, friends, and other things aside from him just cannot fill. We haven't set a date to get married yet, but we were talking about November 27th of this month, but before that, talked about sometime in 2006.
Waiting is so hard... there's only so much you can do in a long-distance relationship... letters, cards, and care packages are nice in between visits, but they don't fill up that empty space....
I've written this letter to him and although I haven't sent it yet, I wanted to share it because hopefully, it'll help explain things better...
I just need advice... is it worth sticking it out? Or would dragging it out just cause more pain in the end if it's a dead-end road?
Excerpt from letter to David:
"I'm mad about things... not at anyone, particularly... just mad... I can't be mad at you... things are beyond your control financially right now... and I can't be mad at myself... do I have to be mad at someone? Can I just not like the way things are going right now? Or is there no use complaining? I can't really change how things are right now... trying to come up with a solution feels like it's getting me nowhere, though, too. There's only so much I can do, and what I want to do, isn't going to happen... anytime soon, anyways... why? I don't know; I've been asking God the same question.
Mom and her fiance are getting married tomorrow, and him as my step-father)... but I can't be happy for them when they have what I want... right in the palm of their hand... and I just feel like every time I get close to what I want with you, you pull back... are you?
I just feel like I'm running around in circles over and over again with you... like, you have an idea of where we're going, but... you don't know where the final destination is. I know you told me you're sick of living moment-to-moment... so when is it going to stop? Because it seems like you're relying on your feelings more than anything... but could I be doing the same thing? Because I feel "tired" and I feel "frustrated" that we have to keep putting things on hold... is God just telling me to wait?
Then again, could he be telling me "no"? Does he not want us to be together? And how can I go about determining that?
Is living moment-to-moment the only way to live? Because we don't know if tomorrow will come. Future is such a complicated word... it means so many things...
Should I just not think about it? Would I just be setting myself up again? Is this fear creeping back up on me or is it just rationality?........"
There you have it; I need well-thought out advice and prayers would also be greatly appreciated.
Waiting is so hard... there's only so much you can do in a long-distance relationship... letters, cards, and care packages are nice in between visits, but they don't fill up that empty space....
I've written this letter to him and although I haven't sent it yet, I wanted to share it because hopefully, it'll help explain things better...
I just need advice... is it worth sticking it out? Or would dragging it out just cause more pain in the end if it's a dead-end road?
Excerpt from letter to David:
"I'm mad about things... not at anyone, particularly... just mad... I can't be mad at you... things are beyond your control financially right now... and I can't be mad at myself... do I have to be mad at someone? Can I just not like the way things are going right now? Or is there no use complaining? I can't really change how things are right now... trying to come up with a solution feels like it's getting me nowhere, though, too. There's only so much I can do, and what I want to do, isn't going to happen... anytime soon, anyways... why? I don't know; I've been asking God the same question.
Mom and her fiance are getting married tomorrow, and him as my step-father)... but I can't be happy for them when they have what I want... right in the palm of their hand... and I just feel like every time I get close to what I want with you, you pull back... are you?
I just feel like I'm running around in circles over and over again with you... like, you have an idea of where we're going, but... you don't know where the final destination is. I know you told me you're sick of living moment-to-moment... so when is it going to stop? Because it seems like you're relying on your feelings more than anything... but could I be doing the same thing? Because I feel "tired" and I feel "frustrated" that we have to keep putting things on hold... is God just telling me to wait?
Then again, could he be telling me "no"? Does he not want us to be together? And how can I go about determining that?
Is living moment-to-moment the only way to live? Because we don't know if tomorrow will come. Future is such a complicated word... it means so many things...
Should I just not think about it? Would I just be setting myself up again? Is this fear creeping back up on me or is it just rationality?........"
There you have it; I need well-thought out advice and prayers would also be greatly appreciated.