Is it all worth it?

[eyeliv4God]

I'm going to try and keep this short, sweet, and to-the-point. I'm engaged to a man who lives approx. 650 miles away from me... while visits are great, it's very emotionally excruciating. There's a spot in my heart for him (not the biggest spot, mind you) that nothing else can fill. God has the biggest spot, but David has a good-sized spot too that school, socializing, friends, and other things aside from him just cannot fill. We haven't set a date to get married yet, but we were talking about November 27th of this month, but before that, talked about sometime in 2006.

Waiting is so hard... there's only so much you can do in a long-distance relationship... letters, cards, and care packages are nice in between visits, but they don't fill up that empty space....

I've written this letter to him and although I haven't sent it yet, I wanted to share it because hopefully, it'll help explain things better...

I just need advice... is it worth sticking it out? Or would dragging it out just cause more pain in the end if it's a dead-end road?

Excerpt from letter to David:

"I'm mad about things... not at anyone, particularly... just mad... I can't be mad at you... things are beyond your control financially right now... and I can't be mad at myself... do I have to be mad at someone? Can I just not like the way things are going right now? Or is there no use complaining? I can't really change how things are right now... trying to come up with a solution feels like it's getting me nowhere, though, too. There's only so much I can do, and what I want to do, isn't going to happen... anytime soon, anyways... why? I don't know; I've been asking God the same question.

Mom and her fiance are getting married tomorrow, and him as my step-father)... but I can't be happy for them when they have what I want... right in the palm of their hand... and I just feel like every time I get close to what I want with you, you pull back... are you?

I just feel like I'm running around in circles over and over again with you... like, you have an idea of where we're going, but... you don't know where the final destination is. I know you told me you're sick of living moment-to-moment... so when is it going to stop? Because it seems like you're relying on your feelings more than anything... but could I be doing the same thing? Because I feel "tired" and I feel "frustrated" that we have to keep putting things on hold... is God just telling me to wait?

Then again, could he be telling me "no"? Does he not want us to be together? And how can I go about determining that?

Is living moment-to-moment the only way to live? Because we don't know if tomorrow will come. Future is such a complicated word... it means so many things...

Should I just not think about it? Would I just be setting myself up again? Is this fear creeping back up on me or is it just rationality?........"


There you have it; I need well-thought out advice and prayers would also be greatly appreciated.

 

[MagicStar723]

First of all let me tell you. My bf is in college (not near as far away as your fiance it though!) and I know what you mean about nothing filling to void. I am so lonely and unhappy when he is gone.
Now, if your feelings or your void feels anything like mine I can tell you, you have probably found your person and no other person can feel that. My bf and I are planning (although not "officially" engaged) to get married in the not so distance future and it is hard. Real hard. Patience is not one of my stronger areas and I really feel God testing that in me while I am having to wait.
My advice,
don't jump into the marriage too quick because of your empty feeling. Make sure you are ready emotionally.
Is it worth it? Well ask yourself that. Do you really love this man enough to suffer through your pain?
My bf always tells me this one thing. "I know its hard to wait, but think. This time apart and time waiting is merely a very small fraction of the time we will have together for the rest of our lives. Then it will be worth it."
If you need any support please pm, e-mail or IM. I am always here for someone who needs to talk!
I will be praying for you!

 

[Maeyken]

That's a tough situation you're in. I don't know what advice to give you, other than keep talking to him about what you're feeling. Hopefully he'll be able to give you some answers about what his ideas of the future are. Uncertainty is hard to deal with in any situation, but I think in relationships it is even more so, because there is so much more at risk (ie- your heart). When you don't know what the other person is thinking, its easy for your own doubts to keep popping up. Keep on talking; keep on praying. Eventually things will become clearer.

 

[tinkerbell]

That is a tough situation. I will be praying for you. My best advice is to share your feelings with him, it's important for him to know how you feel. However, I don't think you should share your feelings with him expecting a change. You should share, and let him share and let God continue to lead. I don't know your specific situation, but in the letter there was something about finincal issues mentioned, also, you're very young. Waiting right now is probably a good thing. I know this isn't very concrete, but it's hard to make it incredibly so. I recently went through a similar situation. It had nothing to do with engagement or anything like that, but it did have to do with progresion in my relationship with my boyfriend. I shared with him how I feel, and he shared with me his feelings. It helped so much just to know where each other was comming from. Now we know specifically how to pray for and support each other. PM me if you have more questions. I hope my rambeling at least helps a little bit.