I don't believe in those doctrinal variations. The Matthew passage I quoted earlier said that adultery is a valid reason to divorce. Abandonment applies when the abandoning spouse is an unbeliever:
I'm of the school of thought that there is no exhaustive list in Scripture of what are permissible grounds for divorce. In other words, I believe that just because some offense is not explicitly named in the New Testament as a ground for divorce would not make it any less valid. If those two were in fact the only valid reasons for divorce, the Law of Moses would have made that explicit.
Am I expected to believe domestic violence, gross financial recklessness, drug use, refusal to provide marital intimacy, and attempted murder are not valid grounds for divorce simply because they are not named as such? So if you are married to such a person, you are out of luck? You can probably understand why I refuse to recognize that doctrine as being of God.
I've heard some people say things like "pray for repentance" or "pray for reconciliation". That's namby-pamby nonsense, and it is putting God to the test.
What sort of excuses was she giving you? A couple of examples might help me understand the situation...
During sex (which was infrequent) she would place a heavy blanket between us so I couldn't really see her. She would claim that the room was drafty, when in fact it was over 80 degrees in there.
She would sometimes pick arguments or fights just before sex. I would ask her to discuss the matter another time, but to no avail. Throughout our marriage, she had a way of persisting in pressing a matter even though I asked her multiple times to stop.
When I requested some intimacy, not sex, she said she "wasn't comfortable" with it, so she wasn't going to do it. To me, that was the last straw. I told her I was done with the marriage, and I wanted a divorce.
You're making that "reality" reality by your own actions, so what you are saying is still a threat. ... This is a very hurtful comment, and it probably made your wife feel very helpless to hear.
She had been acting this way for years. That wasn't my doing. I felt that she needed to understand that no further excuses would be tolerated.
And yes, it was a threat. But by that time, I had no choice. She had been giving me the runaround for years. I don't have to stand for this mistreatment, and I would recognize no doctrine that says otherwise.
I said all of those things prior to counseling. The whole point of counseling was to determine if there was a satisfactory resolution short of divorce. While I did at first say I wanted a divorce, the reality was that I wanted to exhaust other possible remedies and treat divorce as a last resort. I got threatening because her myriad excuses and diversions over the years convinced me that nothing would change unless she was made aware that divorce is a very real possibility.
So yes, I took a threatening tone. But really, did I have much of a choice?
Then the marriage is over. It's that simple. If you want to be married to me, then I have some standards and expectations.
In reality, I wasn't asking for much. She did provide these things early on, so she was perfectly capable. Her refusal to provide these things was a violation of her marital vows, and I would recognize no doctrine that says I have to continue to put up with it.
In the course of counseling, I realized she was unhappy with the marriage for years. Largely due to events and circumstances that were out of my control. She was unhappy with her relationship with my relatives. A lot of that was due to decisions that she made in her interactions with them. The marriage truly was too far gone. There was nothing I could do about it.