I lost my baby

[Finn88]

I should have been 9 weeks pregnant with my first baby when i realised i had lost all pregnancy symptoms and then the bleeding started. I was in alot of pain on sat night and Im pretty sure everything is gone now but i have a scan tomorrow to confirm everything is back to the way it was.

Iv'e spent my whole life looking after everyone else's kids and have wanted my own baby for such a long time. I was so excited when i got got pregnant right away but now Im really struggling with "Why". I feel so low and confused and angry with everyone and everything. I want to start again trying as soon as possible, but Im terrified this will happen again.

Has anyone else been through this and then had a healthy baby? I know theres no reall reason why i shouldn't i just need some comfort that God dosn't hate me, cos thats how i feel right now.

Any prayers are also appreciated too. Thanks

Finn x

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I'm so sorry, and praying for your peace and comfort.

Yes, this did happen to my daughter, and then she went on to have the healthy beautiful children you see in my signature.

God does not hate you. He is not depriving you of a baby. I would want to see it as Him protecting you from even worse problems later on. Usually these things happen when the baby is not forming properly and would not have been able to live outside the uterus. I realize that this is no real comfort, since you have experienced a devastating loss. When my youngest child died in her sleep of SIDS at two months old, the first thing my mother said to me was, "If you'd had her longer, it would have hurt worse," and even though I'm almost saying the same thing to you, I couldn't imagine it hurting any worse, and I'm certain you can't either.

 

[Finn88]

Thank you for your reply. That actually was somewhat comforting. Does it ever stop hurting? I want so much to have kids but Im scared about trying again.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Thank you for your reply. That actually was somewhat comforting. Does it ever stop hurting? I want so much to have kids but Im scared about trying again.

God bless you. I'm glad you found some comfort.

Speaking as one who buried my child, I can say this:

You go on. You adjust. You learn to live your life. You never forget it, you never "get over it," and although the pain becomes manageable, it doesn't *completely* stop hurting. Jessica would have been 24 this coming November 1. I still remember her on her birthday, and I still hang a stocking for her on Christmas. I don't know if my daughter commemorates her lost child. Maybe I can ask.

 

[Finn88]

I bought a soft toy for Pickle (that was baby's 'bump' name but as its the only name he/she ever had its how I'll remember him). It was my mums idea. Iv'e hardly put it down in the 5 days I've had it. It helps to have something to hold. It helps that people acknowledge him, he was real and he lived for however short a time on this earth, and he was mine and i loved him, and i miss him.

Jessica would have been a little older than me. I'll think of her on her birthday too.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Pickle is your child just as much as any others you may have in the future. The fact also remains that I am the mother of three daughters, not merely two. One of them is in Heaven, but she's still my daughter.

 

[ex-pat]

First, I'm so sorry for your loss! My husband and I lost our precious one to an early miscarriage recently. I can only say that when I told people this, I found out that more people I know have had miscarriages (including my own mother...never knew I had another younger sibling waiting in Heaven to meet!) and had healthy children afterwards.

Does it get easier...yep..but you won't forget, and be prepared for that remembering to be stronger than you think on days such as your baby's birthday, or the day you lost your baby.

DO tell people why you're hurting...you'll be amazed at the support you get. Also, don't expect your husband to remember due dates...I warned my husband about 2 weeks in advance that I'd probably need extra support as our baby's birthday came around.

DO remember that this is your baby, and that that baby didn't cease to exist, but is with God, and waiting to meet you. You and your husband are parents of a blessed one in God's arms.

DON'T be afraid to mourn your baby! You'll see remembrances all the time (I cried for an hour months after the miscarriage when I was cleaning out a bureau drawer and found the sample diaper my OB-GYN had given us with a packet of paperwork). When that happens, if your husband is there to hold you so you can both cry together, call him, tell him why you're crying, and ask for his arms for a bit. It helps. Failing that, call your mom or someone you love and trust and explain why you're miserable at the moment.

Most women have healthy children even after multiple miscarriages, and I pray to God that you are blessed with another little one soon...not to take the place of the child in God's arms, but to bring his or her own special blessing into your lives!

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Finn,

You might want to go to a blogging site like wordpress. Many women who have suffered a miscarriage write blogs so you might find comfort in their stories. DH and I have been struggling with infertility and I enjoy reading infertility blogs from time to time.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

My sister miscarried her first baby,then had healthy twin girls and 2 healthy boys.

 

[Godsgirl79]

It's actually pretty common to happen. I had a miscarriage before, then had four healthy kids. The last time I got pregnant, it was a bad situation and my baby died in the 18th week and I miscarried her just 1 day short of 20 weeks. She had a neural tube defect, didn't have a skull. Even though it was sad, I feel like it was meant to be, and that she's in a better place. There are lots of women who experience a miscarriage at least once and then have healthy babies. Usually when that happens that means that there was something wrong with the fetus, and the body detects that and aborts it. That means that that baby was meant to go to heaven and got to avoid having to deal with life on earth.

 

[Catherineanne]

My prayers are with anyone suffering miscarriage. The impact of this is often very much underestimated.

 

[Finn88]

Hi, to everyone who has posted to me since October!
I stopped looking at this thread when I started trying again so I didn't see alot of your comforting words, but now I find myself back here in the same situation again. Pickle has a brother/sister with him/her in heaven now. I got to 10 weeks pregnant with baby Orchid, but my worst fears were realised as i miscarried again this week. In some ways I am recovering quicker this time, I am less angry with God than before, i know he hasn't taken my children to be cruel and that they are safe in heaven. But in other ways it is harder...when its number two you get told all the same stuff as the first time. "Its not anything you did" "you're no more likely to have another miscarraige" "you'll probably have a healthy pregnancy next time" and worst of all "we'll not look into it further untill you have 3 miscarraiges!!!!" And so its harder to believe them that there's not something wrong with me, that it's in God's plan for me to have children, that "my time will come".

So I ask again for your continued prayers for me and my husband as we struggle to make sense of this. That I will heal quickly ,both physically and emotionally. That our faith will remain strong and for guidance as to when/if we should be trying again and for our friends and family who I know are struggling with what to say/do around us just now.

Thank you

Finn x

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi, to everyone who has posted to me since October!
I stopped looking at this thread when I started trying again so I didn't see alot of your comforting words, but now I find myself back here in the same situation again. Pickle has a brother/sister with him/her in heaven now. I got to 10 weeks pregnant with baby Orchid, but my worst fears were realised as i miscarried again this week. In some ways I am recovering quicker this time, I am less angry with God than before, i know he hasn't taken my children to be cruel and that they are safe in heaven. But in other ways it is harder...when its number two you get told all the same stuff as the first time. "Its not anything you did" "you're no more likely to have another miscarraige" "you'll probably have a healthy pregnancy next time" and worst of all "we'll not look into it further untill you have 3 miscarraiges!!!!" And so its harder to believe them that there's not something wrong with me, that it's in God's plan for me to have children, that "my time will come".

So I ask again for your continued prayers for me and my husband as we struggle to make sense of this. That I will heal quickly ,both physically and emotionally. That our faith will remain strong and for guidance as to when/if we should be trying again and for our friends and family who I know are struggling with what to say/do around us just now.

Thank you

Finn x

I am so sorry to hear that, Finn, but there is nothing wrong with you. Miscarriages are one of nature's mysteries; mostly we don't know why they happen, or why some women suffer so terribly, as you are suffering. But it is not your fault, or your husband's.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[Finn88]

Thanks for your prayers Catherineann,
I got scanned again today and they confirmed that everything is gone now, and everything looks healthy and normal...small comfort but at least i dont need surgery.
I had thought I was doing better, but being outside in the world is still a major challenge. Back home now and I just want to curl up and shut out the world!

 

[Catherineanne]

Thanks for your prayers Catherineann,
I got scanned again today and they confirmed that everything is gone now, and everything looks healthy and normal...small comfort but at least i dont need surgery.
I had thought I was doing better, but being outside in the world is still a major challenge. Back home now and I just want to curl up and shut out the world!

I am glad all is well physically; that is something at least. But you still need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of your child. If you need to curl up and shut out the world, then do. Take the time you need; losing a child is such a terrible loss; so impossible to come to terms with. Take it slowly, and try to be gentle with yourself; don't expect to be able to do what you could before; grief is likely to overwhelm you from time to time. Even if it is not always as intense as before, it will still sometimes be more than you can bear.

Don't be in any hurry to try again; just let this happen when you are both ready for it. I am really sorry for your situation and wish I could do something to help. I pray that the Lord will have mercy on you, and have compassion on you from now on.

God be with you, Finn.

xxx

 

[Godsgirl79]

Wow, I am so sorry for you! How hard. I can see where that will make it hard for you not to worry the next time around. You will be in my prayers!

 

[Godsgirl79]

I don't want to preach to you. But I feel the need to share this scripture with you. It has come to my mind. I think that God might be allowing this to happen to let your faith be strong in him. Not that this was done on purpose or because of a lack of faith. But because I have relied on the same scriptural truth many times when I've faced things that challenged my faith.

James 1:2-4
"cONSIDER IT PURE JOY, MY BROHTRS, WHENEVER YOU FACE TRIALS OF MANY KINDS, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT THE TESTING OF YOUR FAITH DEVELOPS PERSEVERANCE. PERSEVERANCE MUST FINISH ITS WORK SO THAT YOU MAY BE MATURE AND COMPLETE, NOT LACKING ANYTHING. "

God bless you sister as you grow in your trials of faith. I pray that this will hit you the right way.

 

[Finn88]

Thanks Godsgirl,
I kinda get where your coming from, and that verse was helpfull. Ithink in terms of faith Ifeel stronger this time round. Last time felt hurt and let down by God...i still did a little this time but i got past that part quicker. Its dealing with people that I'm struggling with this time. and leaving the house. Its been over a week and so far with the exception of my husband taking me to his parents to look after me while he was out, the only time I've left the house has been to go to the doctor, hospital or pharmacy.
I just feel so empty...

 

[BridgetsMom]

I don't have any wisdom to share. But I wish I could give you a hug. My prayers are with you.

 

[TamaraLynne]

I had five children ....when I got pregnant with my sixth child I went through a miscarraige. I went through labor and felt my body release the child only after a few months of pregnacy....I was outside with my children around me when this happened...I had not even been to a doctor yet...crying....sorry...


my husband and I buried our baby next to a river...and I planted a rose bush above the grave....I could not even find what looked like a baby ...but knew that she would be waiting for my husband and me up in heaven....When I said this to my husband he started to cry....I named her emily...but don't know if she was a girl or not...it will be a surprise when we get to heaven....I went on to have another child....

These things do happen.....its hard...very hard...