Fiance loved Jesus; now is lost

[cm7859]

I have been dating my fiancé (I will refer to him as "Jake") for about three years. We were friends for a while before that. We met through a campus ministry. During the "friends" stage, I audibly heard God's voice telling me to marry Jake.

Jake accepted Christ in 2011, so his faith is still young, but he had a powerful transformation through the Holy Spirit and was even able to overcome an addiction. When we met, and throughout the first 2+ years of our dating relationship, it was clear that Jake loved Jesus, believed the Bible as truth, and wanted to serve the same God that I did. This is what attracted me to him to begin with.

But in the past six months or so, he has become completely lost. We are finished with college, so we no longer have the campus ministry to rely on. Jake and I live about an hour apart, so going to church together is hard--but he has not made an effort to find a church or ministry near him.

After we got engaged (just a few months ago), his doubts really started to surface. We now regularly get into arguments about faith. No matter what I try to explain to him--from both faith-based and intellectual perspectives--his top two roadblocks are: 1. If Jesus can be trusted, he would have miraculously proven himself to Jake by now, and rescued him like the lost sheep. 2. The Bible's infallible nature cannot be proven, and all beliefs must be built on logic and objectivity.

I don't know where this is coming from, but it's very scary for me. I do not want to marry an unbeliever, but it seems as though Jake has become one. But then, I am confident that God told me to marry him.

Other than steadfast prayer and begging Jake to get involved with Christian community again, what should I do?

 

[Sketcher]

Why do you believe that it was God who told you to marry him?

What have both you and he read on apologetics?

 

[JojotheBeloved]

What makes you think Jake is "completely" lost?

I don't know him, so I can't tell you if he is or isn't. But I can tell you from my own experience that throughout our lives it is possible for some of us to have doubts about what we used to believe or were taught to believe. It can be scary, especially for others who are watching us go through it, but for some of us it is necessary. Doubt doesn't have to be opposed to faith or an obstacle to faith... sometimes doubt is an element of faith. My favorite Bible verse is Hebrews 11:1 where it says, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." For some of us growing our faith looks a lot like being lost to someone on the outside. But inside there's a transformation happening where we begin to look for the evidence and re-evaluate the substance our faith is built on. If in that process we find God's hand working, the result is that our faith is stronger than ever before. But it might look different than it used to.

I guess what I'm saying is don't immediately freak out because he stops going to church for a while. There can be many contributors to that - including depression or anxiety from a completely different source. It doesn't mean he's lost his faith in God, if he's not regularly attending church. Even if he is doubting God, you can have faith that God is faithful to him even when he is going through a difficult time spiritually.

But either way, you can't do his searching for him and you can't walk his walk with God. Only he can.

I'd say have some patience and pray for a little bit... keep your relationship with God strong... and see what happens. If your fiance decides to walk away from God and church and that is something very important to you... than you may indeed have to re-evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not you want to marry an unbeliever. I wouldn't suggest marrying someone that doesn't love God, because they won't understand the most important part of you - because you do love God. But ultimately you have decide that for yourself.