Damascus Steel - A Trailer

[The Ascetic Crusader]

Fade to :

Desert / evening - magic hour

Lord Roderico´s medieval crusader army stands ready by the
thousands in the desert sands of Jerusalem . Line upon line of battle ready warriors wait shoulder to shoulder. Lord Roderico comes galloping onto the top of a hill holding the Castillian penant-standard : A Lion . He steadies his white horse. He stabs the standard into the desert sand like a spear. He unsheathes his broadsword. Pointing it to the heavens. The army cheers.


Lord Roderico

It has fallen to us to claim what is ours. To take back Jerusalem!!!
(army cheers) What is Jerusalem I ask ? Is it not simply a holy palace that the Romans set a blaze ? Is it not simply the coveted prize between two peoples ? No I say to you...Jerusalem is us !!! We ARE her walls, her streets, her churches. She is in our hearts I say to you. She is in our mother´s eyes and in our lady´s soul. She shields from the desert sun and holds up the cool evening moon. She is our Lord´s vision of love and his golden path to righteousness...This is Jerusalem Oh knights!!! This is Jersualem !!!

(The army breaks into thunderous cheer. Rattling swords)

Lord Roderico

This Muslim places of worship will not lie over ours. Do you understand what I say ? No infidel place of worship will lie over ours!!!!

(army roars in thunderous cheers)

Roderico jumps off his horse and stabs his sword deep into the desert sand
holding on with both hands. He kneels in prayer against his broadsword. A close up of the sword. His forehead pressed against its old blood stained steel.

(the army continues to roar in thunderous cheers)

Screen fades to black

In white letters we read : Damascus Steel - The Story of El Cid


What do you guys think ?

 

[takemedeeper]

Its good but will there be more? i want more.

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

What did you like about the trailer ?

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

I think I´ll probably make it a 10 min. short (10- 11 page screenplay). Time constraints, y´know.

 

[takemedeeper]

i see id ont no about the short tho. I loved it it totally emerses you into the crusades. So id make it pretty long if i were you cuz as u see there is so much to expand on. U leave the reader wanting and expecting more. i loved it anyway and think you are a definitly good writer

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

Really ? You think I´m a good writer ? thanks . But I think I need to work on my writing habit . I´m not constant enough. It takes me forever to write stuff. I´m the kind of person that writes when I feel like it. Which is another way of saying I´m lazy.

 

[takemedeeper]

I know wat u mean but if u really took this story and ran with it i think it wod be amazing

 

[TheAsceticCrusaderIV]

I know wat u mean but if u really took this story and ran with it i think it wod be amazing

Thank you my friend.

 

[Latreia]

http://www.christianforums.com/f163-new-worlds.html


The above link is to a world, several worlds, of developing writing skills through spontaneous RPG activity. "Damascus Steel" would be very well received by a group of very talented young minds experienced in creative writing. They are young Christians who have imaginations fired by battles and "writing" wrongs.

Give them a read and explore their RPG worlds. You might be glad you did.

 

[TheAsceticCrusaderIV]

"Damascus Steel" would be very well received by a group of very talented young minds experienced in creative writing.

What did you think of the trailer Latreia ?

 

[Latreia]

What did you think of the trailer Latreia ?

Well, really, I just think that everyone should have the joy of writing creative fiction, my husband writes sci-fi stories, he really enjoys that. But he is a long-time sci-fi and fantasy buff so it is easy for him.

I am more partial to nonfiction, altho I write some poesy now and then. I am not a talented fiction writer and am always impressed with those who can, more especially historical fiction, which is very challenging indeed.
I think the young members over in RPG are very devoted to the genre and are very imaginative, while having lots of fun and developing writing skills.

As for the trailer, it should be up to the writer to expand the story and have fun doing it. If you are not writing for a newpaper, or have publishers pushing you to get a story completed, writing is about as much enjoyment as any very entertaining past time.

That is all I know about the subject.

 

[takemedeeper]

Hey man listen r u gonna write more? im so interested i want more. Ive read alot of books about the Crusades but i want to see your take on them. your prespective of them. I think it would be so interesting. If you r gonna write more email it to me at jordan_batstone@hotmail.com

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

Fade to :

Desert / evening - magic hour

Lord Roderico´s medieval crusader army stands ready by the
thousands in the desert sands of Jerusalem . Line upon line of battle ready warriors wait shoulder to shoulder. Lord Roderico comes galloping onto the top of a hill holding the Castillian penant-standard : A Lion . He steadies his white horse. He stabs the standard into the desert sand like a spear. He unsheathes his broadsword. Pointing it to the heavens. The army cheers.


Lord Roderico

It has fallen to us to claim what is ours. To take back Jerusalem!!!
(army cheers) What is Jerusalem I ask ? Is it not simply a holy palace that the Romans set a blaze ? Is it not simply the coveted prize between two peoples ? No I say to you...Jerusalem is us !!! We ARE her walls, her streets, her churches. She is in our hearts I say to you. She is in our mother´s eyes and in our lady´s soul. She shields from the desert sun and holds up the cool evening moon. She is our Lord´s vision of love and his golden path to righteousness...This is Jerusalem Oh knights!!! This is Jersualem !!!

(The army breaks into thunderous cheer. Rattling swords)

Lord Roderico

This Muslim places of worship will not lie over ours. Do you understand what I say ? No infidel place of worship will lie over ours!!!!

(army roars in thunderous cheers)

Roderico jumps off his horse and stabs his sword deep into the desert sand
holding on with both hands. He kneels in prayer against his broadsword. A close up of the sword. His forehead pressed against its old blood stained steel.

(the army continues to roar in thunderous cheers)

Screen fades to black

In white letters we read : Damascus Steel - The Story of El Cid


What do you guys think ?

Man, I can´t believe how corny this silly story would be...I needed to step back and mull it over again. Re-work it.

" Jerusalem ....in our mother´s eyes and our
lady´s soul " ???? Did I write this tripe nonsense ?

Man I am sooo embarrassed.

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

Hey man listen r u gonna write more? im so interested i want more. Ive read alot of books about the Crusades but i want to see your take on them. your prespective of them. I think it would be so interesting. If you r gonna write more email it to me at jordan_batstone@hotmail.com

Buddy, I got nothing for you. Really. I´ve spent the last months working on a stooopid piece of garbage screenplay about Spanish Conquistadors in South America. Working title :
Molten Lava Mayan Love Story. It sucked, really it did...I burned the hard copy it my waste basket last night all 40 pages of it and deleted the files off my computer.

I can´t write, seriously I can´t ....so don´t take my rantings seriously , OK ? Don´t waste your time JB!!!

 

[loveiseverywhere]

I really liked the dialogue. You have strong skills there.

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

I really liked the dialogue. You have strong skills there.

which dialogue ?

 

[FireRock]

Okay, no offense but the mental image of burning 40 pages of screenplay and then deleting the files off the computer because of how bad it was struck me as really amusing...like a scene from a movie or something. Ironic.

I've always enjoyed pondering over the ideas you present, Crusader, whether good or bad or somewhere in between. It's outside my writing scope and therefore challenges me on some odd way.

Keep writing! You'll strike literary gold sometime, even if it's only gold to you.

 

[The Ascetic Crusader]

Solid gold real estate FireRock....Solid gold. THanks for the encouragement.