- Jun 8, 2017
- 8
- 18
- 26
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Hey all, I'm Mikey—24.
First off, I'd like to state I think masturbation is, at its face value, potentially sinful. It can lead to definite sins such as lust or adultery.
As per that belief, I've been engaging in a personal abstinence challenge involving the avoidance of masturbation and certainly pornography. It wasn't something I did frequently, but I definitely felt regret when pairing it with pornography. I know it's not too impressive, but I'm on day 12 and I'm actually sorta proud of that.
Here's where it gets complicated, however:
Ever since I began this extended abstinence from masturbation, I've had sexual thoughts far more frequently. I feel like I see sexuality everywhere. Previously, if I felt so overwhelmed by sexuality that I couldn't stop thinking about it regardless of context, I would engage in masturbation. Then, I would no longer have to deal with those intrusive thoughts (that's a big deal considering I have OCD and several other anxiety disorders intrusive thoughts a very distressing experience).
So in a cruel twist of irony, I'm now thinking of sex far more—like, 75% more—than I was previously. The longer I abstain, the more viciously it gnaws at me. It's got me rethinking the whole deal. Not because it's difficult, but because the whole point was to purify my thoughts of lust for the sake of glory to God. But it seems now my thoughts are more consistently impure than they were before.
I feel like I'm in a catch 22—an unwinnable situation. I have lustful thoughts if I allow myself to touch, but have them more when I don't allow myself to touch. Which is worse? Both. They're both worse. I can think of several reasons why either way is smarter and the other is worse. There seems to be no way I can rid my mind of those things altogether. Either choice, I'm disappointing God, anyway.
I want to be a good son of Christ. I don't want to justify something that seems so blatantly sinful, but I also don't want to trick myself into thinking I've changed my habits when the same stuff is still going on in my head, regardless. It's not like I can entirely detach my sexuality so as to struggle with none of it, though the Lord knows I've wished many times I could.
I really need advice. I'm still young and don't have as much wisdom and understanding as I wish I did. Please be kind and sympathetic.
Thank you,
Mikey
First off, I'd like to state I think masturbation is, at its face value, potentially sinful. It can lead to definite sins such as lust or adultery.
As per that belief, I've been engaging in a personal abstinence challenge involving the avoidance of masturbation and certainly pornography. It wasn't something I did frequently, but I definitely felt regret when pairing it with pornography. I know it's not too impressive, but I'm on day 12 and I'm actually sorta proud of that.
Here's where it gets complicated, however:
Ever since I began this extended abstinence from masturbation, I've had sexual thoughts far more frequently. I feel like I see sexuality everywhere. Previously, if I felt so overwhelmed by sexuality that I couldn't stop thinking about it regardless of context, I would engage in masturbation. Then, I would no longer have to deal with those intrusive thoughts (that's a big deal considering I have OCD and several other anxiety disorders intrusive thoughts a very distressing experience).
So in a cruel twist of irony, I'm now thinking of sex far more—like, 75% more—than I was previously. The longer I abstain, the more viciously it gnaws at me. It's got me rethinking the whole deal. Not because it's difficult, but because the whole point was to purify my thoughts of lust for the sake of glory to God. But it seems now my thoughts are more consistently impure than they were before.
I feel like I'm in a catch 22—an unwinnable situation. I have lustful thoughts if I allow myself to touch, but have them more when I don't allow myself to touch. Which is worse? Both. They're both worse. I can think of several reasons why either way is smarter and the other is worse. There seems to be no way I can rid my mind of those things altogether. Either choice, I'm disappointing God, anyway.
I want to be a good son of Christ. I don't want to justify something that seems so blatantly sinful, but I also don't want to trick myself into thinking I've changed my habits when the same stuff is still going on in my head, regardless. It's not like I can entirely detach my sexuality so as to struggle with none of it, though the Lord knows I've wished many times I could.
I really need advice. I'm still young and don't have as much wisdom and understanding as I wish I did. Please be kind and sympathetic.
Thank you,
Mikey