Dear all,
I am new to this forum, so I would first like to greet you all. I am a Christian, but certainly not the most well-versed in the religious way-of-life I must confess, which is why I aim to seek support here. I recently experienced a very troubling issue with my a close friend's family, whose members are allegedly strong Christian believers. Therefore, I thought that it would be good to get the point of view of fellow Christians on the following matter, which is why I would highly value your input here. Sorry if the story is a bit long, but I would like to give you all the elements to objectively evaluate the situation.
The problem is the following. My friend's family (she is a girl) lives in Germany in a single family house. The members (relatively to her) were the two grandparents (motherside), the parents, the uncle (motherside), and the two brothers and sister. When the children were still very young (the girls 12 and 14 years old, the boys 8 years old), their mother passed away after a long fight against cancer. This was obviously catastrophic for the children in many manners that would be too long to describe here. I should mention that, since the family had needed money due to the surgeries needed by the mother, the grandparents had in the meantime decided to have the uncle buy the mother's heritage claim to the house, so that the house would entirely belong to him.
To make things worse, the grandmother, who was the only real support left for the children, died only 4 years later, also from cancer after several surgeries. The father proved psychologically incapable of taking care of the children (he was actually diagnosed with several important mental disorders after the death of his wife), and the uncle, while living in the same house, very objectively did nothing at all to help them, except granting them the right to remain in the house. Four years later, the father also passed away from a lung cancer, leaving the children alone in the house with the uncle, who has been their only family left (the grandfather died shortly after). At that time, the 16-year old boys were legally put under the responsibility of the uncle, who noticed that they had inherited a bit of money from their father (in total approx. 20'000 USD, their only money). In 2007, one month after the father's death, he therefore decided to request a rent (~400 USD/month + 300 USD/month for water, electricity, gas) from the two boys and the girl (my friend had left the house). This rent contract has been running until nowadays. I must add objectively that the uncle has had the chance to never experience financial issues during this whole period and until now: he spent 50 years of his life with his parents, with the grandmother cooking and taking care of the household, he always had a stable job and has lived in a very frugal way. A few months after the father's death, he actually got married and moved in his wife's house, leaving the children alone in the family's house. The situation with the uncle pushed the sister to also leave the house and move in with her then-boyfriend living far away.
I would like to hear what you sincerely think at this stage.
In such a situation, is it normal to request a rent from 16-year old nephews? Would you have done the same?
As you can imagine, the children went through a very difficult path, financially, and more importantly psychologically. It would be too long to describe the numerous problems. In short, after the death of their mother, they entered a depressive state, which was obviously strongly aggravated by the subsequent events. They stopped going to school and refused to leave the house. After some time, my friend managed to resume her studies and pushed her brothers and sister to do the same. The process took several years of very very intense efforts, which I have personally observed in part (I met with her shortly before her grandmother's death). The children have developed a very shy character. Thank God, they all refrained from criminality, drugs, or other perversions, but they really went through a very difficult path, on which their sister was their only support. I know it may sound crazy (at least it is to me), but the uncle really barely talked with the children, never inquired about their lives, only rarely drove them to shop (they walk 3 km by foot to go to the supermarket), never brought them to church, and even seemed annoyed by their unwanted presence while he was still in the house. On one of the rare occasions during which he talked to me about them, he referred to the boys as "apes" that would not be able to take care of their lives.
This brings us to nowadays. After incredible efforts from my friend, her sister will finish her Bachelor diploma at university in one year, and the boys have finally managed to get their psychological issues more or less under control, graduate from highschool, and enter first year Bachelor. I must say that the children have always been very smart and skilled young people. Before all these sad events, they were ranked among the very best middle school students in mathematics of the Hessen region in Germany. More recently, one of the boys, who had undertaken a 3-year apprenticeship, was awarded a price for the best apprentice in electromechanics in the Hessen region. The situation finally looked better, but it was still extremely fragile (one of the boys still attempted suicide only a few months ago, and none of the children, who are now studying at university, have a job). And it is in this context that the uncle, under the strong impulse of his wife, sent a formal letter to the boys two weeks ago, putting an end to the 7 year rental contract and requesting them to leave the house before July, because he wants to sell it. (When asked if he experiences financial difficulties, he answered that he is not, and I can say for a fact that he obviously is not.)
This brought extreme sadness to my friend, who thought that things were finally getting better, and more critically, it was a terrible psychological blow for the boys, who entered a depressive state again, with one of them not able to attend his semester exams at university. My friend tried to discuss the matter with her uncle, telling him that now is really not a good time for all this and that selling the family house like this without prior family discussion is unacceptable. But the only answer she got in return (from the uncle's wife, who, I could personally observed, was terribly aggressive), was that they should take a loan from a bank (which is obviously impossible) and buy the house.
Again, I would appreciate to hear your external opinion on this matter. Is this acceptable behavior in your opinion, especially for Christians?
Let me apologize for the very long post. I must say that I lack experience with such matters, so I am looking forward to hearing what you think.
Sincerely,
Christian
I am new to this forum, so I would first like to greet you all. I am a Christian, but certainly not the most well-versed in the religious way-of-life I must confess, which is why I aim to seek support here. I recently experienced a very troubling issue with my a close friend's family, whose members are allegedly strong Christian believers. Therefore, I thought that it would be good to get the point of view of fellow Christians on the following matter, which is why I would highly value your input here. Sorry if the story is a bit long, but I would like to give you all the elements to objectively evaluate the situation.
The problem is the following. My friend's family (she is a girl) lives in Germany in a single family house. The members (relatively to her) were the two grandparents (motherside), the parents, the uncle (motherside), and the two brothers and sister. When the children were still very young (the girls 12 and 14 years old, the boys 8 years old), their mother passed away after a long fight against cancer. This was obviously catastrophic for the children in many manners that would be too long to describe here. I should mention that, since the family had needed money due to the surgeries needed by the mother, the grandparents had in the meantime decided to have the uncle buy the mother's heritage claim to the house, so that the house would entirely belong to him.
To make things worse, the grandmother, who was the only real support left for the children, died only 4 years later, also from cancer after several surgeries. The father proved psychologically incapable of taking care of the children (he was actually diagnosed with several important mental disorders after the death of his wife), and the uncle, while living in the same house, very objectively did nothing at all to help them, except granting them the right to remain in the house. Four years later, the father also passed away from a lung cancer, leaving the children alone in the house with the uncle, who has been their only family left (the grandfather died shortly after). At that time, the 16-year old boys were legally put under the responsibility of the uncle, who noticed that they had inherited a bit of money from their father (in total approx. 20'000 USD, their only money). In 2007, one month after the father's death, he therefore decided to request a rent (~400 USD/month + 300 USD/month for water, electricity, gas) from the two boys and the girl (my friend had left the house). This rent contract has been running until nowadays. I must add objectively that the uncle has had the chance to never experience financial issues during this whole period and until now: he spent 50 years of his life with his parents, with the grandmother cooking and taking care of the household, he always had a stable job and has lived in a very frugal way. A few months after the father's death, he actually got married and moved in his wife's house, leaving the children alone in the family's house. The situation with the uncle pushed the sister to also leave the house and move in with her then-boyfriend living far away.
I would like to hear what you sincerely think at this stage.
In such a situation, is it normal to request a rent from 16-year old nephews? Would you have done the same?
As you can imagine, the children went through a very difficult path, financially, and more importantly psychologically. It would be too long to describe the numerous problems. In short, after the death of their mother, they entered a depressive state, which was obviously strongly aggravated by the subsequent events. They stopped going to school and refused to leave the house. After some time, my friend managed to resume her studies and pushed her brothers and sister to do the same. The process took several years of very very intense efforts, which I have personally observed in part (I met with her shortly before her grandmother's death). The children have developed a very shy character. Thank God, they all refrained from criminality, drugs, or other perversions, but they really went through a very difficult path, on which their sister was their only support. I know it may sound crazy (at least it is to me), but the uncle really barely talked with the children, never inquired about their lives, only rarely drove them to shop (they walk 3 km by foot to go to the supermarket), never brought them to church, and even seemed annoyed by their unwanted presence while he was still in the house. On one of the rare occasions during which he talked to me about them, he referred to the boys as "apes" that would not be able to take care of their lives.
This brings us to nowadays. After incredible efforts from my friend, her sister will finish her Bachelor diploma at university in one year, and the boys have finally managed to get their psychological issues more or less under control, graduate from highschool, and enter first year Bachelor. I must say that the children have always been very smart and skilled young people. Before all these sad events, they were ranked among the very best middle school students in mathematics of the Hessen region in Germany. More recently, one of the boys, who had undertaken a 3-year apprenticeship, was awarded a price for the best apprentice in electromechanics in the Hessen region. The situation finally looked better, but it was still extremely fragile (one of the boys still attempted suicide only a few months ago, and none of the children, who are now studying at university, have a job). And it is in this context that the uncle, under the strong impulse of his wife, sent a formal letter to the boys two weeks ago, putting an end to the 7 year rental contract and requesting them to leave the house before July, because he wants to sell it. (When asked if he experiences financial difficulties, he answered that he is not, and I can say for a fact that he obviously is not.)
This brought extreme sadness to my friend, who thought that things were finally getting better, and more critically, it was a terrible psychological blow for the boys, who entered a depressive state again, with one of them not able to attend his semester exams at university. My friend tried to discuss the matter with her uncle, telling him that now is really not a good time for all this and that selling the family house like this without prior family discussion is unacceptable. But the only answer she got in return (from the uncle's wife, who, I could personally observed, was terribly aggressive), was that they should take a loan from a bank (which is obviously impossible) and buy the house.
Again, I would appreciate to hear your external opinion on this matter. Is this acceptable behavior in your opinion, especially for Christians?
Let me apologize for the very long post. I must say that I lack experience with such matters, so I am looking forward to hearing what you think.
Sincerely,
Christian
