Apologizing to friends I hurt in the past

[Cheyanne]

Hi. This is my first time posting on here. Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully reply with biblical guidance/advice.

I was saved in July of 2021. Before that I was deeply into the new age/occult. I was incredibly selfish and I abruptly ended my friendships with three of my best friends (about 3 years ago) during that period of my life. I had been wanting to end the friendships but I went about ending them in the wrong way. I emailed my closest best friend and told her our friendship was over (I was a coward). And the other two I just completely ghosted them and stopped talking to them. Again, I was a coward. I was dishonest with them because they never knew I was unhappy with our friendship. I did not communicate any of my feelings with them. I would always pretend to be happy when I was with them. I was a liar. So I basically blindsided them when I stopped talking to them/ended the friendship.

I am just so conflicted over what to do. I know I need to apologize for what I did. I have been feeling very convicted. I just can’t tell if it’s the Holy Spirit convicting me to apologize or if it’s just my own selfishness/guilty conscience that is goading me to apologize. I worry that I’m not actually being sincere in my apology and that I simply just want to ask for forgiveness so that I can have peace of mind (selfish). I also don’t know if I need to offer friendship to each friend again? I don’t really want to be friends again. I ended things for a reason. Do I have to be friends with them again or can I just apologize?

I am just feeling so conflicted over what to do. I know that apologizing is the right thing to do. But am I simply apologizing so I can feel better and clear my guilty conscience? Or am I apologizing because I’m truly sorry and I want to offer a sincere apology? Do I have to offer friendship again?

I also don’t want to reopen old wounds and make things worse. I want to offer a sincere apology that hopefully allows each friend to heal and also allows me to heal. Am I being selfish in sending apologies now after 3 years?

I keep praying to God to guide me in what to do. This whole situation is eating at me. It keeps popping up in my dreams too. I’ve written one apology so far to the person who was my closest best friend, I just keep hesitating when I think about sending it. I’m just so conflicted. I would greatly appreciate your guidance and advice. Thank you so much!

 

[BobRyan]

You have the perfect intro then. Tell them that you became a Christian in 2021 and feel very grateful for the gift of a new heart and eternal life. Tell them that as a Christian you realize that some of your actions in the past were unkind/hurtful and that you apologize for the way you behaved toward them and pray that God will bless them with all the best.

 

[Friedrich Rubinstein]

Since it was 3 years ago it might actually open wounds again. At least it would do that for me if someone did that to me. But if your friends are still around (like in a social media group) then I would suggest to send out a general message with a similar content to what BobRyan wrote: "I've become a Christian recently and realized that my behaviour in the past toward certain people was hurtful and wrong. I don't want to open old wounds or make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I would like to apologize for it. If you feel like I have treated you wrongly in the past feel free to message me".

 

[St_Worm2]

Hello @Cheyanne, @BobRyan has offered you some excellent advice to consider

You might also ask your pastor about it, but (generally speaking anyway) when we (believers) sense the need to make amends by asking others to forgive us for things that we did (or failed to do) to them/for them, things that we know are sinful (or perhaps things that are a bother to our consciences, even when they are not overtly sinful), that tends to be something that is coming to us from the Holy Spirit, as forgiveness and reconciliation/making peace with others who we have hurt and/or who have hurt us .. cf Matthew 5:9, is what God is all about, not Satan.

I can certainly respect the fact that you don't want your past friendships renewed with the three that you mentioned, but you may find a way to be a new kind of friend to them as a Christian, helping them to discover what you've already found in Christ

As in all things, always make sure that you are following the Spirit's leading. As such, I would wait patiently on Him for clarity .. e.g. Proverbs 3:5-6 (continuing to search the Scriptures and praying), making sure of His guidance before acting (IOW, wait until you feel more at peace/less conflicted about whatever it is you eventually decide to do or not do).

Just FYI, the principal ministry of someone who is young in Christ/young in the faith is to sit at the Lord's feet and learn (growing in both our knowledge and understanding of Him and of His word), because we become so much more useful as Christians (to Him/to others, and even to ourselves) when we do so. So, you might also want to consider (perhaps with your pastor's help) if this is the best time to approach your former friends with this, or if it might be a better thing, for their sake, to wait a little while longer.

God bless you!

--David
p.s. - since I see that you are new here, let me also say, WELCOME TO CF

1 Thessalonians 5
23 May the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body
be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.
.​

 

[angelsaroundme]

They might be upset or at the very least tell you that it hurt them that you ghosted them. At the same time, that may help them move on, and although it will be tough for you in the moment, at least you'll have apologized.

 

[Rachel20]

Are you prepared for them wanting back into your life if you extend an apology? They may take it as an invitation. If they do, and you reject them again, then what?

 

[lsume]

Hi. This is my first time posting on here. Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully reply with biblical guidance/advice.

I was saved in July of 2021. Before that I was deeply into the new age/occult. I was incredibly selfish and I abruptly ended my friendships with three of my best friends (about 3 years ago) during that period of my life. I had been wanting to end the friendships but I went about ending them in the wrong way. I emailed my closest best friend and told her our friendship was over (I was a coward). And the other two I just completely ghosted them and stopped talking to them. Again, I was a coward. I was dishonest with them because they never knew I was unhappy with our friendship. I did not communicate any of my feelings with them. I would always pretend to be happy when I was with them. I was a liar. So I basically blindsided them when I stopped talking to them/ended the friendship.

I am just so conflicted over what to do. I know I need to apologize for what I did. I have been feeling very convicted. I just can’t tell if it’s the Holy Spirit convicting me to apologize or if it’s just my own selfishness/guilty conscience that is goading me to apologize. I worry that I’m not actually being sincere in my apology and that I simply just want to ask for forgiveness so that I can have peace of mind (selfish). I also don’t know if I need to offer friendship to each friend again? I don’t really want to be friends again. I ended things for a reason. Do I have to be friends with them again or can I just apologize?

I am just feeling so conflicted over what to do. I know that apologizing is the right thing to do. But am I simply apologizing so I can feel better and clear my guilty conscience? Or am I apologizing because I’m truly sorry and I want to offer a sincere apology? Do I have to offer friendship again?

I also don’t want to reopen old wounds and make things worse. I want to offer a sincere apology that hopefully allows each friend to heal and also allows me to heal. Am I being selfish in sending apologies now after 3 years?

I keep praying to God to guide me in what to do. This whole situation is eating at me. It keeps popping up in my dreams too. I’ve written one apology so far to the person who was my closest best friend, I just keep hesitating when I think about sending it. I’m just so conflicted. I would greatly appreciate your guidance and advice. Thank you so much![/QUOTE
Being unequally yoked with unbelievers is very dangerous and until Christ directs you otherwise, I suggest you hold on and grow in Christ. Perhaps you might be Christ directed later to witness to your old friends.

 

[com7fy8]

God bless you, and welcome to Christian Forums. Trust God and enjoy how He takes care of this. It is impossible for us, and easy for God