I suffer from living a lie in my marriage.
I came to faith in 1997 after my first marriage ended, father of two daughters, 7 and 9, I think, at the time. After my divorce, I had a nice internet relationship with a christian girl, Kandy, for over a year, sharing our lives and faith over the internet and the telephone. We finally met in person and had sex. Then she went back home and we were planning on getting married. I loved her deeply based on our sharing our faith.
Then, as the time neared, I don't know if I got cold feet or what, but I ended up meeting another girl, Jenifer, and was "unfaithful." My then almost two-year relationship with Kandy was over. I kept seeing Jenifer, knowing in my heart it was not right, as she was not a Christian, at least as was apparent to me. She and I were never able to have a spiritual oneness and I believe she had not accepted Christ. Jenifer saw an e-mail I sent to Kandy saying that I did not want to marry Jenifer, but still wanted to hang around.
At the time I was seeing Jenifer, I was also going to school at night. I always got so extremely frustrated because Jenifer didn't share any interest in my efforts. She was also sexually abused as a child and carries psycological problems from that. We stayed together because we both were lonely and needed support from each other. We started talking about getting married, though I really, really did not want to. Then she got Multiple Sclerosis. I felt like because we were living in sin, and now that she was sick, I had an obligation to marry her. I finished my undergrad degree at a Christian college.
My faith life has been in the toilet since we have been together. I really miss the closeness I had with the Lord before I made such bad decisisons. We moved from one state to another, about 800 miles. I was really committed to my marriage though because I felt like it was the right thing to do. For a couple of years now though, I have made my mind up that I want a divorce. My faith life has suffered even more in that I feel like I am living a lie in my marriage and my marriage is more of an obstacle to my relationship with the Lord than it is something that is glorifying.
We go to church. I had gotten custody of my two daughters, but after I started law school, I never got to see them, and my wife despised them. I sent them to go live with their mother so they would be with someone during the day who didn't despise them, and so I could be free to divorce. Unlike before our marriage, now she is not willing to have sex. I haven't had sex with her except maybe twice in the past two years. I had a couple of encounters with another girl, but I just can't live that way.
I have prayed, read all the scriptures, done the counseling, and listened to God's word on Christian radio. Ninety-nine point nine percent of what I hear is that I need to divorce. I just hate the thought of hurting someone else. I feel like the main reason though that I stay married is because of the financial situation. However, I have even been planning my way out of that problem, too. I am ready to be free. I want my life back.
Whew! Any takers?
I came to faith in 1997 after my first marriage ended, father of two daughters, 7 and 9, I think, at the time. After my divorce, I had a nice internet relationship with a christian girl, Kandy, for over a year, sharing our lives and faith over the internet and the telephone. We finally met in person and had sex. Then she went back home and we were planning on getting married. I loved her deeply based on our sharing our faith.
Then, as the time neared, I don't know if I got cold feet or what, but I ended up meeting another girl, Jenifer, and was "unfaithful." My then almost two-year relationship with Kandy was over. I kept seeing Jenifer, knowing in my heart it was not right, as she was not a Christian, at least as was apparent to me. She and I were never able to have a spiritual oneness and I believe she had not accepted Christ. Jenifer saw an e-mail I sent to Kandy saying that I did not want to marry Jenifer, but still wanted to hang around.
At the time I was seeing Jenifer, I was also going to school at night. I always got so extremely frustrated because Jenifer didn't share any interest in my efforts. She was also sexually abused as a child and carries psycological problems from that. We stayed together because we both were lonely and needed support from each other. We started talking about getting married, though I really, really did not want to. Then she got Multiple Sclerosis. I felt like because we were living in sin, and now that she was sick, I had an obligation to marry her. I finished my undergrad degree at a Christian college.
My faith life has been in the toilet since we have been together. I really miss the closeness I had with the Lord before I made such bad decisisons. We moved from one state to another, about 800 miles. I was really committed to my marriage though because I felt like it was the right thing to do. For a couple of years now though, I have made my mind up that I want a divorce. My faith life has suffered even more in that I feel like I am living a lie in my marriage and my marriage is more of an obstacle to my relationship with the Lord than it is something that is glorifying.
We go to church. I had gotten custody of my two daughters, but after I started law school, I never got to see them, and my wife despised them. I sent them to go live with their mother so they would be with someone during the day who didn't despise them, and so I could be free to divorce. Unlike before our marriage, now she is not willing to have sex. I haven't had sex with her except maybe twice in the past two years. I had a couple of encounters with another girl, but I just can't live that way.
I have prayed, read all the scriptures, done the counseling, and listened to God's word on Christian radio. Ninety-nine point nine percent of what I hear is that I need to divorce. I just hate the thought of hurting someone else. I feel like the main reason though that I stay married is because of the financial situation. However, I have even been planning my way out of that problem, too. I am ready to be free. I want my life back.
Whew! Any takers?
and that you should seek God's will for your life. Pray, study the scriptures. Get back into a solid relationship with Him before you make any big decisions. Making decisions without His guidance can usually make things worse. 
