Age and Insecurity

[JAM2b]

Does your age make you feel insecure when it comes to trying to find someone to date or possibly marry?

I'm in my mid-forties, and I know that's not terribly old, but it does make a difference in my physical abilities, especially since I started life with some physical disability and had serious injuries while I was still young. It has gotten worse with age.

I don't feel like I'm over the hill, but I'm no spring chicken either. I'm not looking to be with a younger man, but I can't help but feel that I am not as appealing as someone in their 20's or 30's even to men my own age and older.

I'm also not wanting something exciting. I'm wanting something stable, friendly, kind, and gentle. Slow moving. It seems that most people who are out searching do not want slow and stable but instead want fast and adventuresome, thrilling.

The thing is that I'm not even wanting to change (does that also come with age?). I like what I hope for in a relationship and don't want to be with a person who would make me worry about my appearance, age, or physical capabilities. So I wonder if it is time to just give up the thought or hope of a good relationship with someone at this point in my life. I feel very insecure about myself when I try to talk to men.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Are you a member of a church? If so make your desires known to others who you can confide in. Trust me, the word will get around. Men are also shy about their desires. You many also consult with your pastor about this.

 

[JAM2b]

I am currently searching for a church. There is one I have been connecting with a lot. When the numbers of Covid cases are high in our area I don't attend in person, but watch the services online. I've participated in a zoom Bible study from this same church but sometimes my internet connection isn't great or I have to work on the evening they do it.

I'm not really seeking hard after someone at this time. I have been recently, but I stopped. I felt I needed a break from it. My insecurity was part of that. The quick and easy rejection from men wanting way more than I did very soon after meeting or wanting me to participate in physical activities that I can't keep up with is part of it. Or I reject them because of the heavy pressure from them.

 

[d taylor]

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Age is a problem, but not in the security area. I am 57 (jan 6th) but i am often told i look to be in my 30's.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

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Age is a problem, but not in the security area. I am 57 (jan 6th) but i am often told i look to be in my 30's.

I've always looked much younger as well.
I had a couple actually get mad at me and call me a liar when I told them how old I was. I had to show them my driver's license to convince them. I was nearly forty but looked about 25.

And it gets better. I was getting a checkup from a new doctor, who kept staring at me. He sensed my curiosity and finally confided, "I can't believe you're as old as you are." I was 75 at the time. Thinking back I can't believe he didn't ask me what my secret was.

 

[d taylor]

I've always looked much younger as well.
I had a couple actually get mad at me and call me a liar when I told them how old I was. I had to show them my driver's license to convince them. I was nearly forty but looked about 25.

And it gets better. I was getting a checkup from a new doctor, who kept staring at me. He sensed my curiosity and finally confided, "I can't believe you're as old as you are." I was 75 at the time. Thinking back I can't believe he didn't ask me what my secret was.

Just hope our insides reflect our outward appearance.

 

[bèlla]

You are who you are. You can make improvements where applicable (and possible). But you must make peace with the rest. Age isn’t an impediment. How you see yourself in relation to it is the problem.

You want someone who values the real you. No’s save a lot of time and hurt. If they’re unwilling to invest its wiser to decline than string you along until something better comes.

Let it go. You’ll feel lighter and happier. That’s very appealing. Focus on the things that better you as a woman, servant, friend, and companion. You’ll have a lot to share and less to worry about.

I like what I hope for in a relationship and don't want to be with a person who would make me worry about my appearance, age, or physical capabilities.

The only way that will happen is if you choose him. You can’t be led by your emotions or desire for companionship. You can’t scrutinize with that in the way. Take your time and get acquainted. It takes a long time to know someone. Truly know them. Don’t allow anyone to rush you.

 

[Freth]

All of us experience age. I'm 50 years old and I've had my share of physical challenges. All of us get older and have ailments. Our bodies change and we lose the youthful appearance. What doesn't change is the youth on the inside. I know I started looking on the inside a long time ago, because appearance is just on the surface. I think you would be hard pressed to find people in their 50's who don't have some sort of ailment they're dealing with. I would say now, more than ever, you should have just as good a chance, if not better, to find a good partner. The only thing holding you back is people who are in denial about their age and what's important, but you don't have to let them bother you. There are plenty out there who have their minds in the right place.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Does your age make you feel insecure when it comes to trying to find someone to date or possibly marry?

I'm in my mid-forties, and I know that's not terribly old, but it does make a difference in my physical abilities, especially since I started life with some physical disability and had serious injuries while I was still young. It has gotten worse with age.

I don't feel like I'm over the hill, but I'm no spring chicken either. I'm not looking to be with a younger man, but I can't help but feel that I am not as appealing as someone in their 20's or 30's even to men my own age and older.

I'm also not wanting something exciting. I'm wanting something stable, friendly, kind, and gentle. Slow moving. It seems that most people who are out searching do not want slow and stable but instead want fast and adventuresome, thrilling.

The thing is that I'm not even wanting to change (does that also come with age?). I like what I hope for in a relationship and don't want to be with a person who would make me worry about my appearance, age, or physical capabilities. So I wonder if it is time to just give up the thought or hope of a good relationship with someone at this point in my life. I feel very insecure about myself when I try to talk to men.

I don't know you personally but it doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you. What is normal for you is normal for you and everybody ages.

I know this may sound a little strange but have you considered looking into getting a post office box and getting a Christian male "penpal" or a couple of Christian male "penpals" by way of snail mail?

I know a lot of people are doing things by way of email but to me there's something about someone taking the time to correspond that way. It's not for everybody but it's just a thought....

 

[JAM2b]

I didn't know that pen pals still existed. Is there a way of finding them or is it by chance?

 

[Occams Barber]

I've always looked much younger as well.
I had a couple actually get mad at me and call me a liar when I told them how old I was. I had to show them my driver's license to convince them. I was nearly forty but looked about 25.

And it gets better. I was getting a checkup from a new doctor, who kept staring at me. He sensed my curiosity and finally confided, "I can't believe you're as old as you are." I was 75 at the time. Thinking back I can't believe he didn't ask me what my secret was.

It must be that cheap watery bean soup you're always making.
Food is cheap.

OB

 

[OldWiseGuy]

It must be that cheap watery bean soup you're always making.
Food is cheap.

OB

It only looks watery.

Homemade bean soup has twice or more the nutrition of most canned soups at one-sixth the cost.

 

[quietpraiyze]

I didn't know that pen pals still existed. Is there a way of finding them or is it by chance?

To my knowledge they still exist. I know you can google the subject and see what comes up. I'm not so sure now if "church bulletin boards" are available where you can actually go in an post a note. You can ask introduce the ideal to Christian friends and see if someone might know an older brother who might be interested. I'm just saying you can investigate it and put some "feelers" out there. You just never know.

I just think sometimes we need to think outside the box and maybe look at what's not so conventional. I also feel like people are moving fast, grabbing for people and things. So maybe slowing things down where you have time to hear your thoughts, your heart beat, and pray isn't such a bad thing...

 

[bèlla]

Pen pals were mentioned many times on the site. Several people do it or have done so in the past. Search the term.

 

[frank1234]

You should never give up dreaming and imagining things you want(life would be very un-zestfull that way), but as we grow older, of course, our choices become limited and different than when er were younger. We should adjust ourselves to that.

 

[frank1234]

Pen pals sounds good to me.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

You should never give up dreaming and imagining things you want(life would be very un-zestfull that way), but as we grow older, of course, our choices become limited and different than when er were younger. We should adjust ourselves to that.

While certain choices are limited others are expanded by the simple fact that we have more money, although many choose to leave it to others instead of spending it on themselves.

 

[dayhiker]

I just turned 70. I'm traveling about half the time. Have people I meet in several locations.
Will be in Jamaica in a week.
I'm very secure in who I am and very comfortable with who I am before God.
With me being out and meeting meeting people I get to share Jesus much more than when I was at church services 3 times a week.

 

[rhawk]

Does your age make you feel insecure when it comes to trying to find someone to date or possibly marry?

I'm in my mid-forties, and I know that's not terribly old, but it does make a difference in my physical abilities, especially since I started life with some physical disability and had serious injuries while I was still young. It has gotten worse with age.

I don't feel like I'm over the hill, but I'm no spring chicken either. I'm not looking to be with a younger man, but I can't help but feel that I am not as appealing as someone in their 20's or 30's even to men my own age and older.

I'm also not wanting something exciting. I'm wanting something stable, friendly, kind, and gentle. Slow moving. It seems that most people who are out searching do not want slow and stable but instead want fast and adventuresome, thrilling.

The thing is that I'm not even wanting to change (does that also come with age?). I like what I hope for in a relationship and don't want to be with a person who would make me worry about my appearance, age, or physical capabilities. So I wonder if it is time to just give up the thought or hope of a good relationship with someone at this point in my life. I feel very insecure about myself when I try to talk to men.

Laugh. If you replaced "men" with "women" and jumped the age up 10 years, you could almost think I posted that.
I find it harder to estimate age now too. Younger people tend to just all look, well, younger. I cannot point to someone who may be 28 and say "He/She is in their 20's" because they look about the same as someone in their 30's to me now.
Hopefully the Lord has something planned for me relationship-wise, but if not, I'll accept it.

 

[Lost4words]

I much prefer being single these days. But, who knows! I might get a naughty wink by a gorgeous pooch while out on my daily street light hunt and then look out!