When I was in my late teens/early 20's my mother was diagnosed with a possible allergy to wasps/bees. Some time later a wasp nest cropped up under a windowsill in the yard and I was surprised at how well it was hidden. Our dogs were nosing at it and were being ignored. So, I decided to show my mum, I took her into the yard and pointed it out. I did remember her allergy, but didn't really think there was a risk due to the dogs being safe.
She was surprised and in hindsight maybe scared, reminding me of her allergy. I just shrugged it off back then as she wasn't stung and I hadn't felt that there was much danger, they weren't aggressive and the allergy wasn't certain.
I'm not good with people and it's only years after that I really started thinking on just how badly it could have gone. She never really brought it up afterwards.
Similarly, I worked for my parents, and was tasked with disposing of some liquid nitrogen. My dad used to chuck the last little bit on the floor in front of us as a joke sometimes, and I once thought I'd emulate him and aimed in front of my mum's feet. My dad immediately scolded me, my mum was thankfully protected by her long pants though her hems got a little iced. I could have burned her and I feel so horrible years later.
It's been so long that I can't even remember if I apologised properly. I just feel like a terrible human being. I'm sorry that this is a bit of a vent. I honestly plan to call her tomorrow to talk about this. I sometimes get OCD (anxiety?) symptoms which are probably why this hit me so strongly. I feel like I should be in jail, even though nothing happened. Though that's probably the OCD talking.
Please pray for me. I feel like my mind is jumping from one thing to another to be guilty about and I'm struggling to keep up.
She was surprised and in hindsight maybe scared, reminding me of her allergy. I just shrugged it off back then as she wasn't stung and I hadn't felt that there was much danger, they weren't aggressive and the allergy wasn't certain.
I'm not good with people and it's only years after that I really started thinking on just how badly it could have gone. She never really brought it up afterwards.
Similarly, I worked for my parents, and was tasked with disposing of some liquid nitrogen. My dad used to chuck the last little bit on the floor in front of us as a joke sometimes, and I once thought I'd emulate him and aimed in front of my mum's feet. My dad immediately scolded me, my mum was thankfully protected by her long pants though her hems got a little iced. I could have burned her and I feel so horrible years later.
It's been so long that I can't even remember if I apologised properly. I just feel like a terrible human being. I'm sorry that this is a bit of a vent. I honestly plan to call her tomorrow to talk about this. I sometimes get OCD (anxiety?) symptoms which are probably why this hit me so strongly. I feel like I should be in jail, even though nothing happened. Though that's probably the OCD talking.
Please pray for me. I feel like my mind is jumping from one thing to another to be guilty about and I'm struggling to keep up.