The consensus seems to be obedience is a joke. Is that God's will according to his word?
Obedience is a poor term to use for submission because its not well understood. Not because it is incorrect per se.
Obedience as understood by most hearers would be an unquestioningly following a leader in an almost military format. You know how in the military, if the CO says "Jump" you respond "How high?" Thats not how a marriage works.
Submission on the other hand biblically means a lot that the term obedience doesn't convey.
1. Submission is done willingly without blackmail, complustion, threat of force etc. This one is very important for any guy getting married.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE YOUR WIFE SUBMIT. Submission is willing, she does it because she belives it for the best or belives that God has told her to submit to her husband. Not because her husband says "Submit to me".
2. Submission is not unquestioning either. She has every right to question why you want her to do something and what your motives are. And you owe her a truthful and complete answer. In fact you owe her a truthful and complete answer to pretty much any question she has. This is not a just do it, cause I'm da boss. type of relationship. Also obviously if you ask her to do something sinful or self-harmful her duty is to God above you to say "No".
3. Submission is one equal person choosing to obey another equal person because they belive that it is there role to submit. I don't know about protestant churchs but in Lutheran churchs we submit to our pastors. A pastor doesn't compel or threaten or blackmail someone to get something done, he simpily asks the person to do it, and most good Lutherans would see it as their job then to do that to the best of their ability. Again this isn't an unquestioning obedience, a person may say to his/her pastor that they don't belive they have the necessary skills or time available etc to do it. But we don't outright resist doing something the pastor asks us to. And a pastor doesn't come beat us over the head or order us to submit either.
Remember we are called to "love our wives as Christ loved the church." Though we are not Jesus and therefore imperfect its best to gauge your family dynamic based on the relationship Jesus had with his diciples. At no point in the bible did you see Jesus threatening or ordering his diciples to submit. When they submitted they did it of their own free will.
Also whats very important is that Jesus only asked them to do things and only did things with their best interests in mind. Jesus wasn't concerned about himself or his best interests, he was concerned about their best interests.
When looking for a wife, I think its important to find a good balance of a woman who can be submissive and allow you to lead, but also a woman with a spine. You don't want a power hungry wife that has to be in charge of everything that would be tough to live with.
But on the other hand you don't want a spineless wife who just blindly goes with whatever you say without question. If our spouses are suppose to help us and encourage us in our faith, you want a wife who has a spine enough to say "Hey I think you are wrong." Because you are human you need someone with the spine to call you out. Not telling someone when you think they are doing something wrong is neither love nor respect.