There's no Scripture that says God picks your mate..

[Revived]

A thread here reminded me of something a friend and Pastor wrote to me in a recent email. I'm sharing it here to prompt thought and perhaps discussion.

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There's no Scripture that says God picks your mate, just as there's no Scripture that says God picks where you live, where you work, what kind of car you choose to buy, etc.

I know people with good marriages like to say that it must be because God put them together. But if we credit God for good marriages, we have to blame Him for bad ones.

There's no Scripture that says that God has only one person on the planet with whom you could be happy, and you have to try to find her. And there's no Scripture that says God supernaturally manipulates your circumstances to make sure you find her.

Marriage isn't about finding the one person on earth with whom you can be happy. It's more about eliminating all the people on earth with whom you probably wouldn't be happy.

Then after you make your choice, it's a matter of sticking with it. The Bible never says, "Marry the one you love." It says, "Love the one you marry."

 

[adderbolt]

But if we credit God for good marriages, we have to blame Him for bad ones.

Every good gift comes from above including the gift of a good wife or husband. Obviously we all don't get the gift of a good partner in marriage and so we find ourselves on our own. But if you are a Christian even the suffering of a bad relationship can move you along in time and space to and for the service, praise and honor of Almighty God.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father ... " - James 1.

 

[Bobber]

A thread here reminded me of something a friend and Pastor wrote to me in a recent email. I'm sharing it here to prompt thought and perhaps discussion.

_______

There's no Scripture that says God picks your mate, just as there's no Scripture that says God picks where you live, where you work, what kind of car you choose to buy, etc.

You don't always need a scripture to prove that's the case. And I think with this subject we need to think out of the box. God might not have the same criteria for every certain person. There can be certain individuals God DOES put together for reasons of his sovereignty Each one may have particular skill set that working together as a team they could advance the Kingdom in a certain way that it's best that they be together. Others he may give the green light for them to marry whomsoever they'd choose as long as they're fellow believers.

For your Pastor friend to say scripture doesn't say God brings people together though for marriage.....I have to wonder if he didn't ever read Gen 24:12,15 which states,

Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. Gen 24: 12,15

So....God here did the choosing. We'd have to deny the Bible to say that he didn't. Does that mean though that everybody who marries another God choose them? Nope. Does that mean then that if they marry someone they didn't invite God to choose that they couldn't have a happy marriage. No I think God gets involves in marriages and wants them to work well. If they apply the spiritual principals of God they should.

My own personal testimony.....I was a teenage in the late 70's and lots of my guy friends would go from church to church ......looking for a potential wife. They'd get discouraged saying there's just nobody out there which of course there was for the Christian girls of the city might have said the same thing about guys. But I didn't go looking for a spouse and I told my friends, "Look if God has to go to a different town, city or region to find a spouse for me then that's what he'll do" And I did take it to prayer....Mark 11:24 says what things so ever you desire when you pray believe that you receive them and you shall have them (or I'll cause it to come to pass if you'll believe you've received when you prayed)

Well I prayed, Thankyou Father that you said what things I desire when I pray and I do desire a wife of whom her and I would be good together. So therefore I thankyou for her in Jesus Name. About 4 months later I was in a different town visiting a home Bible study and in walks this young lady and the moment she walked in the room I knew she was going to be my wife. AND ....she knew I was going to be her husband. Never even knew her name and hadn't even talked to her. She knew it. I knew it. It was all supernatural. Even then I hardly even saw her much until we were married 6 months later as she lived in another region. We've now been married for 40 years and we've been very happy. So we know that we know that God brought us together.

It was interesting too that she told me when she was a young girl of about 9 years of age she was visiting our town to go to a zoo for a trip. She said she remembered getting outside the car and telling those she was with, "Something tells me when I'm older I'm going to marry someone from this town" And she did about 14 years later.

And I had something similar about the same age. I like to believe it happened the same week in time that happened to my wife although I could never know that but I recall I was sitting in the yard looking at the front cover of a TV guide (in the 60's) I said about a television star on front cover I'd sure like to marry someone who looks like her someday. Well I never ever thought anything more about it for years.....and 5 years after we were married my wife put on a pair of sunglasses and when she did it stunned me. With sun glasses on she was the spitting image of that one I said I would like to marry when I was a kid. When I told me wife this we both had a laugh. So God actually knew the desire of my heart and yes I believe he brought us together.

 

[Revived]

Every good gift comes from above including the gift of a good wife or husband. Obviously we all don't get the gift of a good partner in marriage and so we find ourselves on our own. But if you are a Christian even the suffering of a bad relationship can move you along in time and space to and for the service, praise and honor of Almighty God.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father ... " - James 1.

To clarify, the Pastor isn't saying we don't thank the Father for every gift. We do and should. He's saying that Scripture doesn't say that God picks the marriages. That's totally a free will choice and it's up to us, once we're in marriages (or any relationship including family and friends), to be fulfilled in the Lord and loving/pouring into others and not expecting people to give us the fulfillment we are not designed to give.

The woman at the well is the quintessential example of this. She was a multiple divorcee and wasn't even married to her current partner. And subsequently Jesus taught her and us the pitfall of drinking from the wrong well...a well in which love and compassion have their limits and inevitable repercussions.

 

[Bobber]

To clarify, the Pastor isn't saying we don't thank the Father for every gift. We do and should. He's saying that Scripture doesn't say that God picks the marriages.

I think you're failing to appreciate he can if you ask him to. Gen 24: 12,15

 

[adderbolt]

He's saying that Scripture doesn't say that God picks the marriages.

So if you have a successful marriage it's a matter of luck and/or the marital competence of one or both the husband and wife?

 

[Sir Robbins]

no where in scripture does it say everyone has a partner either.... no where are you promised to even meet someone... I know I'm one of them

 

[exitstageright]

So if you have a successful marriage it's a matter of luck and/or the marital competence of one or both the husband and wife?

I believe that God can put people together. But,my question is what or who keeps marriages together for non christians? It seems that marriages are like one rolling the dice on the table. If one rolls a 2,3,or 12 on the first roll, one loses. If one rolls a 7,or an 11 on the first roll, one wins.

 

[bèlla]

There are numerous couples in the bible. But few instances of God's involvement in their establishment. He brought some together for specific purposes. It's clear that didn't apply to all. More than a few were questionable.

We should pray nonetheless and seek His insight. Oftentimes people claim the Lord joined them when the marriage fares well and say otherwise when there's problems. Both may have made inquiries and acted according to the leading they felt they were given.

I can't say for certain He'll pick my partner. But I'll admit He's chosen my friends. All of them. The connections I've attempted to build on my own never work. I stopped trying. It remains to be seen if He'll do the same for my spouse.

~bella

 

[sampa]

Then after you make your choice, it's a matter of sticking with it. The Bible never

I might agree on this! It seems like it boils down to choice. Just how we can choose what we think and what our thoughts dwell on. It's been some years since I talked to you and I hope that you are doing well

I also agree with @bèlla that we need to seek the Lord's inside. Not just with marriage but in every aspect of life.

 

[Lost Witness]

GOD does do all of that, Just got to obey His voice.

 

[65James]

What about Proverbs 19:14b:
…and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

 

[Bobber]

There's no Scripture that says God picks your mate, just as there's no Scripture that says God picks where you live, where you work, what kind of car you choose to buy, etc.

Of course. But those things should be a matter of prayer.

I know people with good marriages like to say that it must be because God put them together. But if we credit God for good marriages, we have to blame Him for bad ones.

I agree with you but I don't. How's that for an answer. Depending on what one means. You can pray to God to lead to you one who would best match the way you are and what God has called you to do and other dynamics as well. God can line you up with a good marriage potential but such doesn't mean it will be. You still have to walk that out applying good love principals found in the Word of God. and if not what had the potential of being a good marriage doesn't end up that way.

On the other hand one who doesn't pray and just marries anyone based on their own longings.....such a marriage can still be good and even succeed over one that fell apart. I think one can have a good wonderful life with one of whom God didn't necessary line up for one and yet God none the less gets involved to make it a very good marriage. Not sure if this comes across as contradictory but I think it's basically true.

And there's no Scripture that says God supernaturally manipulates your circumstances to make sure you find her.

I don't like the word manipulates, I'd say rather can create circumstances. But sure he can. Study Genesis the story of Abrahams servant going out to find a wife for Issacs.

Marriage isn't about finding the one person on earth with whom you can be happy.

As stated I believe God can bring the one who might be best suited for you.

It's more about eliminating all the people on earth with whom you probably wouldn't be happy.

Sure one should do an assessment and ask themselves who they wouldn't be happy with.

Then after you make your choice, it's a matter of sticking with it. The Bible never says, "Marry the one you love." It says, "Love the one you marry."

First as for me I loved my wife when I married her....still do.....45 years. But I can agree with your statement. One may marry another for a variety of reasons.....pragmatic reasons.....can they make a go of it......do they have a job.....are they set up and secure financially and what some think of as love can come later. That seems pretty small but I think everyone knows that a Father of a young lady has pragmatic issues on his mind.....he might advise her to at least marry someone that has something going for them.

 

[65James]

Yet Genesis 24 picturing Christ marriage to the Church show Isaac and Rebekah without doing a thing getting married, for they both found favor of God, Proverb 18:22. So as a SINgle yes I get frustrated that God has kept a good thing from me. A godly desire, that has been denied me, Psalms 37:4. The whole Book of Ruth shows God favored given to Boaz and Ruth again foreshadowing Christ and His church, grace and mercy for these two.
We also see Solomon stating the advantages of being more than one, Ecclesiastes 4:8-12. So this means it is a great blessing from God to be married, again if someone is happy being single I envy him/her, but I find myself feeling robbed of good things by God. Thus making myself most miserable and and along with to many unanswered prayers joyless, John 16:24

 

[bèlla]

So as a SINgle yes I get frustrated that God has kept a good thing from me. A godly desire, that has been denied me,

I would hope you're not suggesting that God is responsible for your relational struggles or keeping suitors from you. Both are unlikely. He isn't going to force anyone to consider you or make them give you up. Whatever your struggles God isn't to blame.

Psalms 37:4. The whole Book of Ruth shows God favored given to Boaz and Ruth again foreshadowing Christ and His church, grace and mercy for these two.

Ruth demonstrated uncharacteristic love and commitment to her widowed mother-in-law. She wasn't obligated to accompany her but swore to remain by her side no matter what. Most people couldn't imagine a woman making the trip without an escort let alone someone older with greater vulnerability. She gave no consideration to her prospects or what she left behind. Naomi was her lone concern.

The Lord didn't have to nudge Boaz. Her character spoke volumes and that's what attracted him.

but I find myself feeling robbed of good things by God. Thus making myself most miserable and and along with to many unanswered prayers joyless, John 16:24

You've convinced yourself of certain truths which exacerbate your circumstances. It weakens your faith, hinders trust and causes doublemindedness.

~bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

A thread here reminded me of something a friend and Pastor wrote to me in a recent email. I'm sharing it here to prompt thought and perhaps discussion.

_______

There's no Scripture that says God picks your mate, just as there's no Scripture that says God picks where you live, where you work, what kind of car you choose to buy, etc.

I know people with good marriages like to say that it must be because God put them together. But if we credit God for good marriages, we have to blame Him for bad ones.

There's no Scripture that says that God has only one person on the planet with whom you could be happy, and you have to try to find her. And there's no Scripture that says God supernaturally manipulates your circumstances to make sure you find her.

Marriage isn't about finding the one person on earth with whom you can be happy. It's more about eliminating all the people on earth with whom you probably wouldn't be happy.

Then after you make your choice, it's a matter of sticking with it. The Bible never says, "Marry the one you love." It says, "Love the one you marry."

I think there is clear Biblical evidence that God sometimes does choose our mate. However, we also have Romans 8:28 that tells us that God causes all things to work together for good which includes our mistakes and even our sins. We are free to disregard God's plan for our life and make poor choices. God is sovereign though and can make happen what He wills.

Regardless, we don't have the luxury of knowing. We must seek the Lord in prayer and follow His instructions in finding a good mate. Beyond that, we can't say for sure if God guided us to that person or if we acted on our own. Theologically, we differentiate between the prescriptive will of God (those things He prescribes and will come to pass) and the permissive will of God in which we have a degree of autonomy. I say "degree" because God is absolutely sovereign yet we would never accuse God of forcing Adam and Eve to sin. Did God know they were going to sin? Yes. Did God force them to sin? No.

We are to be thankful for all the blessings in our lives so if you have a good marriage, thank God! If you have a poor marriage, don't blame God but seek His help. I agree that there is not necessarily one perfect person for each of us. There are probably a number of people we could have a successful marriage with.

 

[Richard T]

Yet Genesis 24 picturing Christ marriage to the Church show Isaac and Rebekah without doing a thing getting married, for they both found favor of God, Proverb 18:22. So as a SINgle yes I get frustrated that God has kept a good thing from me. A godly desire, that has been denied me, Psalms 37:4. The whole Book of Ruth shows God favored given to Boaz and Ruth again foreshadowing Christ and His church, grace and mercy for these two.
We also see Solomon stating the advantages of being more than one, Ecclesiastes 4:8-12. So this means it is a great blessing from God to be married, again if someone is happy being single I envy him/her, but I find myself feeling robbed of good things by God. Thus making myself most miserable and and along with to many unanswered prayers joyless, John 16:24

I would read this small pdf "On the matters of a mate." by Kenneth Hagin. It will help build your faith for a mate. On the Matter of a Mate - Rhema God desires to give you a mate more than you want one. For myself, I had many hindrances that had to be removed to open the way to marriage. You also might try to expand your search area. Setting limits on on geography or other things too might be hindering you. Regardless, I do with finding your mate.