E
ElaborateNames
Guest
Hi all,
I'm new to the forums, and just signed up a minute ago. I'm not what you would call Christian I guess, so I hope that's not a problem? I find myself wanting to believe in something, but it's hard sometimes. Not to mention outside factors influencing how I think and feel. It makes it so it's hard to pretty much believe in anything, even things that are tangible.
I'm posting here because I've been stripping for the last six or seven years, and it's just... It just is I guess. Like my title says, I want to feel ashamed of myself, but I just don't feel anything anymore. Instead I just feel for lack of a better word, grey. I feel like life is just going through the motions, and every day is exactly the same. It's numbing and robotic. At work it seems every lap dance has the same moves, the same conversation, the same outcome. At home it seems like I sit around and don't accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I'd like to leave stripping, but I'm uncomfortably, very comfortable doing it... I don't know what else I would do. I don't see myself being good at to much when it comes to dealing with other people, I'm introverted, angry, and unmotivated. I couldn't pass a drug test, and I don't even know where I would begin to start looking. I don't think anyone would want to deal with me anyway. I just wish I had something I could kind of cling onto, which would make me want to be a different person.
I'm just... Frustrating. To myself, to anyone who cares. I don't want to be myself, and I wish I could just start my life over again. Unfortunately I don't think I'll have such luck. It's just like these are supposed to be the "Best years" of life, but I pretty much hate mine. I just feel stuck in something I can't get myself out of. While the people I went to school with are settling down and being happy, I'm just feeling apathetic, lonely, and sick..
Hmm, but that's just the way things are I guess. I'd love to hear back from people.
I'm Jess BTW
I'm new to the forums, and just signed up a minute ago. I'm not what you would call Christian I guess, so I hope that's not a problem? I find myself wanting to believe in something, but it's hard sometimes. Not to mention outside factors influencing how I think and feel. It makes it so it's hard to pretty much believe in anything, even things that are tangible.
I'm posting here because I've been stripping for the last six or seven years, and it's just... It just is I guess. Like my title says, I want to feel ashamed of myself, but I just don't feel anything anymore. Instead I just feel for lack of a better word, grey. I feel like life is just going through the motions, and every day is exactly the same. It's numbing and robotic. At work it seems every lap dance has the same moves, the same conversation, the same outcome. At home it seems like I sit around and don't accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I'd like to leave stripping, but I'm uncomfortably, very comfortable doing it... I don't know what else I would do. I don't see myself being good at to much when it comes to dealing with other people, I'm introverted, angry, and unmotivated. I couldn't pass a drug test, and I don't even know where I would begin to start looking. I don't think anyone would want to deal with me anyway. I just wish I had something I could kind of cling onto, which would make me want to be a different person.
I'm just... Frustrating. To myself, to anyone who cares. I don't want to be myself, and I wish I could just start my life over again. Unfortunately I don't think I'll have such luck. It's just like these are supposed to be the "Best years" of life, but I pretty much hate mine. I just feel stuck in something I can't get myself out of. While the people I went to school with are settling down and being happy, I'm just feeling apathetic, lonely, and sick..
Hmm, but that's just the way things are I guess. I'd love to hear back from people.
I'm Jess BTW