I think i am at the end of myself. I feel really bad. I cant take it anymore. I dont know what to do. I am starting to feel suicidal but im not ready to die. I am afraid of these feelings. I feel so weary and so much heartache. My life is over and if it wasnt for my mom i think i would have done it already. I have lost all hope and im just not optimistic about things. I am falling apart and my eyes are burning with tears. I never thought it would come to this. I completely hate being in this body and i completely have come to hate myself and my life. Nothing is going to be ok. I am in hell and i am losing my mind. I hate putting this on here because i am not trying to make anyone feel bad. I just cant take the pain anymore and whats happening to me. I feel like the only way to not feel this pain is to die. I am suffering inside so much. I just dont want to feel this anymore..i cant stop thinking and i cant sleep. I feel alone and talking about it doesnt help me anymore. I am completely at the end of myself. I just might do it.
Awww, Heavenly Father, we thank you that our sister has brought these cries to us, and we thank you for this wonderful community of supportive people who care so much about her. We lift her before you and we acknowledge that you know what she is going through, where she has been and where you will lead her. We ask that right now you will take away those tears that are burning her eyes with despair and flood her eyes with tears of relief, as you cradle her heart in your palms. We thank you for her loving Mom who has seen all that she has gone through, where she began and how enthusiastically she has walked the path of faith, trusting in your goodness and wanting to share that with others. But we know that there's a big wide world of people out there that are hurting, and I just feel that it's become to the point where our sister is losing sight of the glorious plan that you have, and the reality of the way the world is when we can let go of all the worries. Father, I think that our sister is spending more time with people who are saying depressing things than with people who can build her up in a positive way, so we ask that you will open doors for her, maybe to join some church missionary or outreach group, or to find some creative flair that she can really turn her hands toward making something of the world that warms your heart and ignites your Holy Spirit's passion to make her feel cherished everywhere she goes. We come against these negative thoughts with words of truth, declaring in Your presence that she is dearly loved and valued. So we lay this before you and we ask that you will reveal to her the sorts of things that is going on in her life that she can turn away from and the sorts of things she can bring into it, that will be like walking through a door into lovely, warm sunshine with delicate scents of roses in the breeze. We pray for the salvation of sister Jennifer's soul to come again to that place that glorifies Jesus' holy name, Our Lord and Saviour, amen.
Jennifer, just as I was writing this, the idea of being crafty came to mind, and I'm not sure if you're a little bit artistic or not, but I thought you might be inspired to see what I made a couple of days ago
It's the angel for the top of the Christmas tree!
I found a gorgeous doll at the local 2nd hand shop, a white blouse and some lace place mats. I got a roll of ribbon from the $2 shop and cut some wings from a piece of tin I had out the back, then using a hot glue gun, I made the wings like the way Debi explained over here:
Home Talk : DIY Angelic Organdy Ribbon Angel Wings .. (although, I just sort of did it my own way, but she gave me the idea). And I took the old fashioned red dress off and just cut the blouse and made it drape over a bit like a robe, and a bit of hot glue gun to make the wrinkles so it looks like folds in the robe. It was great fun, it only cost $16 all up (I already had the glue and the glue gun), and she's going to go on the top of the Christmas tree tomorrow!
This is the before and after shots:
It's nice to be able to get away from the computer and do something like this, maybe that's an idea that will help you to feel inspired that there's different ways that we can use our time that actually make us feel good about our self!
Anyhow, I will continue to think of you and hold you up in our prayers.
