My sexual orientation is eating away at my faith

[grandvizier1006]

Although I've dealt with this for most of my life (since adolescence when I first developed sexual feelings), for some reason right now my same-sex attractions have been figuring prominently in my mind. I'm atttracted to both sexes (so "bisexual", except I don't know if it's right for a Christian to use such a label) and while I don't see my attractions to men (I'm a man) getting more prominent or my atttraction to women reducing in any way, it's still just lingering in my head.

It's not giving me any kind of sadness or inferiority, but there's this sense that nobody gets it. I talked to my pastor a while back about seeing if I could arrange a meetup with other people in my church with SSA (same sex attraction, this is the common abbreviation). Unfortunately, he told me that even though there were others like me in the church, none of them were willing to consider homosexuality a sin and so he didn't consider it a productive discussion. That was really saddening--that there wasn't a single person in my church that could relate to what I was feeling that was on the same "side" of the issue as me. It's made me feel very much alone and isolated, all at a time when I'm wondering if maybe I should have left my church to go find another one.

I find myself having sexual fantasies of women and wanting to see men naked. It makes me wonder how much I'd enjoy sex with a man as I know I would with a woman. I've never had any kind of sexual activity before and I don't plan to outside of wishful thoughts, but I find them hard to resist sometimes. In the past I've had sexual thoughts about some of my friends, both male and female, and it's given me tremendous guilt. I suppose most Christians would tell me to cut off all contact with the people I've had these thoughts about, but that would be a lot of good people that I used to have such wonderful friendships with before some thought popped into my head. Also, lately I'm finding myself writing a lot of stories (I'm an aspiring writer) where my main protagonist is a bisexual man like myself. It's like my characters are being tempted into identifying as that just like I am, even though for years this wasn't a stumbling block to my faith.

My church is full of friendly people and has a vibrant community. But I still feel like an outsider there. I don't have a spouse or children, and I am still not sure if I ever will (I doubt most Christian women are willing to marry a man with same-sex attractions who also has a past with inappropriate content and mental health problems). I don't feel like I come from the same culture that they do. I don't think I have all the same beliefs they do, either. I'm starting to wonder what the point of being a Christian is nowadays. The only thing I can remember God doing for me is telling me He loved me, back when I first became a Christian. He accepted me without any reservations then. But now I have to put in all the effort and grow in Christ all by myself? It just seems like a lot of work, reading the Bible when I often feel like most of it doesn't have any relevance to me. My pastor seems to think just reading whatever randomly-assigned Bible verse his "read the Bible in a year" plan will give me all the answers, but instead I'm just finding that I have to accept that I can't figure out a lot of answers. I feel like I'm on the verge of leaving the faith and I really don't want to. I just feel like I'm failing some test that every other Christian I see is passing with flying colors--namely, to just trust God and somehow see Him in everything. I have to wonder where God is when I just look at the world and all I see are either natural processes or miracles happening only to other people, and not me. I want God to help me in my unbelief.

I feel like I'm on the verge of leaving the faith sometimes and it's miserable, because it's not what I want. I know that there are plenty of arguments for God's existence, proof of the validity of the Resurrection, and I feel like my life needs some kind of meaning and purpose. I just want to be able to keep my Father involved in that. I hate that wanting to serve and honor Him makes me feel like I'm having to pull away at so much of myself, when my heterosexual Christian friends don't have to make any sacrifices at all and life is just easy for them. I know that's not true, but it feels that way sometimes.

 

[Tolworth John]

I'm starting to wonder what the point of being a Christian is nowadays.

From the Westminster confession of faith:- The chief end of man ( purpose ) is to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever.
The point of being a Christian is to serve God, to be obedient to him.

doubt most Christian women are willing to marry a man with same-sex attractions who also has a past with inappropriate content and mental health problems)

There are very few men who haven't viewed inappropriate content, whose imaginations constantly cause problems with lust, women too have problems with lust, so you are not alone. Get involved with your church, talk to people.
A girl who finds you attractive will regularly talk to you, coming to you to talk.

feel like I'm on the verge of leaving the faith sometimes and it's miserable, because it's not what I want. I

If Christianity is true why are you thinking of leaving it?
How relevent is your ministers preaching to todays society? Start asking him questions about how Christianity applies to today?

May I suggest you do your own bible reading, either through the bible in a year or just read a chapter a day, but write down what you read, what struck you in the passage, why and what you prayed about.
There are plenty of bible commentaries you can use to help understand the passage you read.
Try following christian blogs like wintery knight.or toughquestions answered.

 

[BillMcEnaney]

My friend, please don't let anyone convince you that homosexuality and bisexuality are sins. They're properties. You didn't choose your bisexuality, and you're not to blame for it.

Courage is a Catholic organization you may want to call because it helps people with same-sex attractions live holy Christian lives. You can join a Courage chapter if there's one near you. Or you could even found one with a Catholic bishop's permission.

Courage members join support groups to talk about what they go through. They pick sponsors, too, so they'll have others to turn to when they feel tempted to act out sexually. There's also Encourage for friends and families of Courage members.

CourageCo

The organization believes sexual-orientation can change in some people. But courage doesn't focus on changing it. Courage is about helping people with same-sex attractions live devoutly with unwanted sexual feelings.

I don't feel same-sex attraction. But I study its causes because I hope to write a published article about it. I'm not a counselor. But I'm here if you want to PM with me. Most importantly, stay close to Our Blessed Lord and try to treat yourself gently. If you'll let him, he'll use your SSA to sanctify you.

You're brave to confide in us, and I'd feel honored to be your friend.

This video may help you, even if you're not Catholic.

 

[BillMcEnaney]

GV, a psychology book I've read tells me that men with same-sex attraction are unlikely to feel them when those people are confident, happy, and feeling connected to other people. Another book describes a young man who talked with a friend when they stood undressed in a locker room. While he thought of his friend as only a friend instead of a sexually desirable person, he didn't feel attracted to him. But the sexual feelings began when something bothered him. Maybe he got nervous or felt hurt or ashamed. Those things tend to cause same-sex attraction.

If another man catches your eye, please try to treat yourself gently, knowing you're not to blame for the feelings. If you're hard or yourself, they may get stronger.

I'm proud of you for your courage. Always remember that you've made friends here at the forum, where we're ready to help a great guy. I know I'm eager to do all I can for you.

By the way, God made you a talented writer. I should know because I proofread books for a publisher friend of mine. God bless you and your literary career.

 

[grandvizier1006]

GV, a psychology book I've read tells me that men with same-sex attraction are unlikely to feel them when those people are confident, happy, and feeling connected to other people. Another book describes a young man who talked with a friend when they stood undressed in a locker room. While he thought of his friend as only a friend instead of a sexually desirable person, he didn't feel attracted to him. But the sexual feelings began when something bothered him. Maybe he got nervous or felt hurt or ashamed. Those things tend to cause same-sex attraction.

If another man catches your eye, please try to treat yourself gently, knowing you're not to blame for the feelings. If you're hard or yourself, they may get stronger.

I'm proud of you for your courage. Always remember that you've made friends here at the forum, where we're ready to help a great guy. I know I'm eager to do all I can for you.

By the way, God made you a talented writer. I should know because I proofread books for a publisher friend of mine. God bless you and your literary career.

I almost had what I could essentially call a "locker room encounter". I still don't know what to make of it, and if my relationship to this particular friend would have changed. I think ultimately it was a good thing but the exact details of the memory drive me crazy sometimes.

I definitely agree that feelings of shame and loneliness make the SSA worse. I'm feeling better a few days later, but the feelings might come back later on. Thanks for the encouragement, and thank you for saying I have good writing skills. I don't know how you can tell from just one post, but I appreciate it.

 

[grandvizier1006]

My friend, please don't let anyone convince you that homosexuality and bisexuality are sins. They're properties. You didn't choose your bisexuality, and you're not to blame for it.

Courage is a Catholic organization you may want to call because it helps people with same-sex attractions live holy Christian lives. You can join a Courage chapter if there's one near you. Or you could even found one with a Catholic bishop's permission.

Courage members join support groups to talk about what they go through. They pick sponsors, too, so they'll have others to turn to when they feel tempted to act out sexually. There's also Encourage for friends and families of Courage members.

CourageCo

The organization believes sexual-orientation can change in some people. But courage doesn't focus on changing it. Courage is about helping people with same-sex attractions live devoutly with unwanted sexual feelings.

I don't feel same-sex attraction. But I study its causes because I hope to write a published article about it. I'm not a counselor. But I'm here if you want to PM with me. Most importantly, stay close to Our Blessed Lord and try to treat yourself gently. If you'll let him, he'll use your SSA to sanctify you.

You're brave to confide in us, and I'd feel honored to be your friend.

This video may help you, even if you're not Catholic.

I appreciate your encouragement. On the one hand, the speaker in the video sounds very sympathetic, and I appreciate that. On the other hand, I don't know if I'd consider myself a "victim soul", or go along with the idea that God made my life harder so that I could reach others. I know that there are plenty of other circumstances where someone could end up rejecting Christ than just SSA. And I certainly don't like the idea that my life was made harder for reasons I don't understand. But again, I appreciate the encouragement.

 

[BillMcEnaney]

I appreciate your encouragement. On the one hand, the speaker in the video sounds very sympathetic, and I appreciate that. On the other hand, I don't know if I'd consider myself a "victim soul", or go along with the idea that God made my life harder so that I could reach others. I know that there are plenty of other circumstances where someone could end up rejecting Christ than just SSA. And I certainly don't like the idea that my life was made harder for reasons I don't understand. But again, I appreciate the encouragement.

GV, I feel honored to help, and I'm sure you'd help me, too.

Mr. Voris feels empathy for men with SSA because he admitted publicly that he behaved homosexually years ago. So I suggested the video because I admire him for the thoughts he shares in it. He reminds me of Joseph Sciambra, a former amateur inappropriate content star who became a devout Catholic when he rejected the gay lifestyle before converting to Greek Orthodoxy. He knows better than I what St. Paul told the Romans.

5 Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have obtained access[b] to this grace in which we stand, and we[c] rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God. 3 More than that, we[d] rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.

Sons of St. Joseph

Since I hope to be your friend, maybe you'll give me that privilege someday. For now, I'll still strive to understand what you're going through. I can't think with your mind, see with your eyes, or hear with your ears. That's why I can't see anything exactly the way you do. Like you, I don't enjoy suffering. But I thank God for my crosses because Our Lord wants me to carry them and follow him. His cross represents pain because he died on it to redeem you and even me.

I know how emotional agony feels to me because my Severe Depressive Disorder made me suicidal in 1991. If not for Christ and my first psychiatrist Dr. Lawrence G. White, I wouldn't have met you. God also asks me to cope with another mental illness and the cerebral palsy I "caught" at birth when my lungs collapsed.

In my teens, I hated my disability, begged God to cure it, and nearly became an atheist. You may already know that my emotional pain worsens if I rebel against it when God wants to sanctify me with it. After I told Our Blessed Savior that I trusted him, the pain became almost easy to endure. Think about Job, my favorite biblical hero. God let Satan torture him, knowing that Job would be faithful and holy. Satan hates you because he knows that if you persevere to the end, you'll feel everlasting heavenly bliss that he rejected. That's why he loves to see you suffer. But you'll humiliate him if you trust God, especially in your toughest times.

I rarely understand why God lets me suffer. But now and then, some people say I set a good example. If I do, that's because of God's grace. Either way, I'm grateful for my crosses because I know he custom-made them to change me into what he wants me to become. He's only begun to do that. Sometimes my flaws seem extreme. When they are extreme, I remind myself that I'll be a much, much better man when they go away. After all, ". . .nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life" (Revelation 21.:27). And Our Lord tells me, "You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48).


To quote an old song by Jamie Owns-Collins, "The bitter tears you've tasted will be diamonds in your crown."

What happened to Job at the end of the book named after him? God returned his wealth to him blessed him with even more than that because he stayed loyal to God in the worst part of his, Job's, life.

I'm no Christian role model, let alone a victim soul like Job. But I know something for sure. Even when you don't understand why you're hurting deeply, God is trusting you enough to cope admirably with what he allows. When you go to heaven, he'll explain his purpose for what happened in your earthly life. Before you get through the pearly gates, he'll say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" partly because you'll have dealt patiently with your SSA. The holier you become on earth, the more bliss you'll feel while you see him face-to-face.

Our earthly life is a pilgrimage, and a pilgrimage isn't meant to be easy. After some people live like hedonists with their fancy cars, mansions, gourmet food, sexual pleasure, and more, they may hear Christ say, "Well, you lived for yourself when you should have lived for me. So go away. Leave me because you don't belong in heaven."

 

[Blade]

Something happened and everything I typed here lol vanished. But as I was typing to you the song playing was "God only knows" by KING & COUNTRY. Go find it listen to it. It was not by chance. Now as typing here again the song "Questions" by 7even Time Down. Find it also for its not by chance those two songs playing.

We all as believers get all kind of thoughts desires. We don't listen to them. Some can seem like a nightmare to make stop yet they always will if we lean on trust on have faith and ASK Him JESUS to help us. Every time He will answer and all those thoughts desires leave.. Resist the enemy he has to leave. I have seen to much in 61 years regarding this. I know so many set free delivered from everything you talk about here. See the key is one must want to be set free. He can not will not go against our will. As long as I want to play with some thought or desire He can do nothing. Then that feeling that desire I was playing with becomes mine and it makes me what it is.

One young gay man kicked out of house his friend let him stay with them. At the table one day friend asks him about Jesus? The young gay man said na been there done that. The friend said no if you need someone to laugh with I will be there. If you need someone to get mad at I will be there. If you need someone to cry with I will be there. If you fall I will not judge you nor condemn you. That young gay man is married and set free does not have those desires any more. A young girl cried out day after day to be set free from the desires for the same sex. I can still see her crying out soooooo happy. Said she woke up one morning and every desire for the same sex was gone as if it was never there.

I know more stories each one is not someone that has to live with that desire yet PRAISE GOD they keep there eyes on Christ and will not bow to any sin that keeps them from Him. See SIN will keep us form Him and SIN will in some way destroy kill us. This hurts Him. All those sins do is keep us form Him and deceives us by telling us a lie. He came to set us free to give us life more abundantly. Your not alone.. He loves you... the only one that does NOT condemn you but takes you just as you are. Yes His arms are open and loves you. We have to make a choice. OT says anyone that calls on the name of the lord shall be delivered. Yes its that easy but the key to all of this is we must want to be.

No matter how you feel what desires you have RUN TO CHRITS! He will never ever cast you out. He that starts a good work in you will finish it. Man I remember .. I was saved for years yet LOVED I mean LOVED listening to Acid Rock. The strongest the better. You know He never ever made me feel guilty for HE died for guilt. I can remember at work listening to it and .. ever desire for it just vanished. Never been back. You give your life to Him.. me next time in Church I would go to the altar .. at then end of service even if they didn't offer it fall on my knees and tell Jesus.. help me. Then KNOW no matter what comes your not alone and HE WILL help you. He will send people your way that understand.. not being nice just what will happen. In Jesus name. You are so loved.. NO He made no mistakes Tell Him exactly how you feel.. ask Him to show you how He sees you. He is NOT like man. What will get you is how much LOVE He has and every thought desire you ever had...He's still there.. never left. Just saying I love you.. its why He died for you. He has set you free.

 

[grandvizier1006]

GV, I feel honored to help, and I'm sure you'd help me, too.

Mr. Voris feels empathy for men with SSA because he admitted publicly that he behaved homosexually years ago. So I suggested the video because I admire him for the thoughts he shares in it. He reminds me of Joseph Sciambra, a former amateur inappropriate content star who became a devout Catholic when he rejected the gay lifestyle before converting to Greek Orthodoxy. He knows better than I what St. Paul told the Romans.



Sons of St. Joseph

Since I hope to be your friend, maybe you'll give me that privilege someday. For now, I'll still strive to understand what you're going through. I can't think with your mind, see with your eyes, or hear with your ears. That's why I can't see anything exactly the way you do. Like you, I don't enjoy suffering. But I thank God for my crosses because Our Lord wants me to carry them and follow him. His cross represents pain because he died on it to redeem you and even me.

I know how emotional agony feels to me because my Severe Depressive Disorder made me suicidal in 1991. If not for Christ and my first psychiatrist Dr. Lawrence G. White, I wouldn't have met you. God also asks me to cope with another mental illness and the cerebral palsy I "caught" at birth when my lungs collapsed.

In my teens, I hated my disability, begged God to cure it, and nearly became an atheist. You may already know that my emotional pain worsens if I rebel against it when God wants to sanctify me with it. After I told Our Blessed Savior that I trusted him, the pain became almost easy to endure. Think about Job, my favorite biblical hero. God let Satan torture him, knowing that Job would be faithful and holy. Satan hates you because he knows that if you persevere to the end, you'll feel everlasting heavenly bliss that he rejected. That's why he loves to see you suffer. But you'll humiliate him if you trust God, especially in your toughest times.

I rarely understand why God lets me suffer. But now and then, some people say I set a good example. If I do, that's because of God's grace. Either way, I'm grateful for my crosses because I know he custom-made them to change me into what he wants me to become. He's only begun to do that. Sometimes my flaws seem extreme. When they are extreme, I remind myself that I'll be a much, much better man when they go away. After all, ". . .nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life" (Revelation 21.:27). And Our Lord tells me, "You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48).


To quote an old song by Jamie Owns-Collins, "The bitter tears you've tasted will be diamonds in your crown."

What happened to Job at the end of the book named after him? God returned his wealth to him blessed him with even more than that because he stayed loyal to God in the worst part of his, Job's, life.

I'm no Christian role model, let alone a victim soul like Job. But I know something for sure. Even when you don't understand why you're hurting deeply, God is trusting you enough to cope admirably with what he allows. When you go to heaven, he'll explain his purpose for what happened in your earthly life. Before you get through the pearly gates, he'll say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" partly because you'll have dealt patiently with your SSA. The holier you become on earth, the more bliss you'll feel while you see him face-to-face.

Our earthly life is a pilgrimage, and a pilgrimage isn't meant to be easy. After some people live like hedonists with their fancy cars, mansions, gourmet food, sexual pleasure, and more, they may hear Christ say, "Well, you lived for yourself when you should have lived for me. So go away. Leave me because you don't belong in heaven."

Thank you for your kindness. Since you've dealt with clinical depression and have cerebral palsy you probably have a better understanding of suffering and hardship than I do. You would probably "get" me a lot more than many of the other Christians in my life. I'd be happy to consider you a friend--I did make a few friends on this site in the past, and they've been valuable.
I didn't realize Michael Voris had his own past with homosexuality. I've never had sex with anyone, so I'd say it takes a lot of guts to admit what he did. I was wrong to assume he didn't understand, although I still don't like the idea of specific people being "victims". I think maybe it's the use of the term "victim"--it implies a lack of agency and helplessness.

 

[BillMcEnaney]

Thank you for our friendship, GV. You'll always be welcome to keep in touch, even if I leave the forum. But I don't know whether there's a private way to give you my contact information. Since I haven't found a private messaging system here at CF, I'd love a way for us to talk confidentially if you want to confide in me.

It's a relief to know you're still a virgin, partly because physical intimacy between men can be medically dangerous. Since some dear friends of mine have been homosexually active, I've read about the medical risks they take and still pray Our Lord will save my friends and keep them healthy. Your celibacy protects you from STDs, colorectal cancer, a suppressed immune system, and even an early death. Statistically, sex between men shortens their life expectancy about 15-20 years. Stay with us here at CF because we want you here.

Though I don't know what will happen to other people if they do what I did, my sex drive vanished when I promised Our Lord that I'd be a lifelong virgin.

Maybe "victim" is the wrong word, my pal, partly because people usually harm us maliciously when they harm us un purpose. But to me, God is like a surgeon. When spasticity threatened to dislocate my right hip bone, Dr. Kamen operated on it, knowing I'd feel pain for months with each leg in a plaster cast. He did that because he knew it was the best way to keep the bone in its socket.

Naturally, I don't know how you react to suffering. Although it's hard, I welcome it because it humbles me, teaches me to feel more empathy, and reminds me that I depend fully on God. Why should I balk at tough times when Christ died the most agonizing death in human history?

Some silly people think I sound like a victim soul when I'm sure I'm not one. Either way, I strive to act like a pen in God's hand. If I don't resist him, I'll do exactly what he wants me to do because he'll guide me. Please understand. Since I'm not a fatalist, I'll do all I can to solve the problem when something goes wrong. But if God knows it's better for me to endure it's that's fine with me. During a faith healer's Mass, I craved a cure I didn't get. Instead, God gave me something much better. He stopped the craving and made me realize that he'll use my handicap to help other people. To paraphrase Nietzsche, "When we know the 'why,' we can endure any 'how.'" I don't need God to tell me exactly why he lets me go through tough times. It's enough to know that his purposes are always infinitely good.

I'm willing to bet you'd do anything for the people you live most, and you wouldn't count the cost. Christian love isn't a feeling, We choose to love Christ's way. We want what's objectively best for the ones we love. We long to help them reach heaven. If you asked for me, I'd feel privileged to hurry your side.

About 27 years ago, when my best friend's mom died young, I sat silently beside him at the wake with my arm round his shoulder. Sometimes feelings and physical presence communicate more eloquently than words ever could. I rarely knew what to tell Tim in the funeral home, let alone at the graveside. I'm no saint. In fact, Tim always helps me much more than I ever help him. But our time together convinced the that the Holy Trinity is always with us. When the Bible teaches that Christians partake of the divine nature, it means the three divine persons are present in our souls. You also realize that during the pain, being with the people you love most can help you more than an IV bottle full of morphine can.

God will always be with you, even if everyone else runs away. Though we've just met, I won't run away, I won't roll away either. If I try to wheel the chair away, I'll be too easy to catch. I promise.

 

[linux.poet]

You're not alone in your pain, my friend.

I'm actually pretty confident at this point that every sexuality, even heteroromantic heterosexual, has its own special cross to bear. Most of the so called "normal" folks wish that they could be free of sexual desire and become asexuals, at least if reading *Every Young Woman's Battle* is any indication. Meanwhile, the actual aces, when someone is sexually attracted to them, don't know how to respond and wish they were normal. Sexuality is not easy for anyone. Nobody is completely happy.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Although I've dealt with this for most of my life (since adolescence when I first developed sexual feelings), for some reason right now my same-sex attractions have been figuring prominently in my mind. I'm atttracted to both sexes (so "bisexual", except I don't know if it's right for a Christian to use such a label) and while I don't see my attractions to men (I'm a man) getting more prominent or my atttraction to women reducing in any way, it's still just lingering in my head.

It's not giving me any kind of sadness or inferiority, but there's this sense that nobody gets it. I talked to my pastor a while back about seeing if I could arrange a meetup with other people in my church with SSA (same sex attraction, this is the common abbreviation). Unfortunately, he told me that even though there were others like me in the church, none of them were willing to consider homosexuality a sin and so he didn't consider it a productive discussion. That was really saddening--that there wasn't a single person in my church that could relate to what I was feeling that was on the same "side" of the issue as me. It's made me feel very much alone and isolated, all at a time when I'm wondering if maybe I should have left my church to go find another one.

I find myself having sexual fantasies of women and wanting to see men naked. It makes me wonder how much I'd enjoy sex with a man as I know I would with a woman. I've never had any kind of sexual activity before and I don't plan to outside of wishful thoughts, but I find them hard to resist sometimes. In the past I've had sexual thoughts about some of my friends, both male and female, and it's given me tremendous guilt. I suppose most Christians would tell me to cut off all contact with the people I've had these thoughts about, but that would be a lot of good people that I used to have such wonderful friendships with before some thought popped into my head. Also, lately I'm finding myself writing a lot of stories (I'm an aspiring writer) where my main protagonist is a bisexual man like myself. It's like my characters are being tempted into identifying as that just like I am, even though for years this wasn't a stumbling block to my faith.

My church is full of friendly people and has a vibrant community. But I still feel like an outsider there. I don't have a spouse or children, and I am still not sure if I ever will (I doubt most Christian women are willing to marry a man with same-sex attractions who also has a past with inappropriate content and mental health problems). I don't feel like I come from the same culture that they do. I don't think I have all the same beliefs they do, either. I'm starting to wonder what the point of being a Christian is nowadays. The only thing I can remember God doing for me is telling me He loved me, back when I first became a Christian. He accepted me without any reservations then. But now I have to put in all the effort and grow in Christ all by myself? It just seems like a lot of work, reading the Bible when I often feel like most of it doesn't have any relevance to me. My pastor seems to think just reading whatever randomly-assigned Bible verse his "read the Bible in a year" plan will give me all the answers, but instead I'm just finding that I have to accept that I can't figure out a lot of answers. I feel like I'm on the verge of leaving the faith and I really don't want to. I just feel like I'm failing some test that every other Christian I see is passing with flying colors--namely, to just trust God and somehow see Him in everything. I have to wonder where God is when I just look at the world and all I see are either natural processes or miracles happening only to other people, and not me. I want God to help me in my unbelief.

I feel like I'm on the verge of leaving the faith sometimes and it's miserable, because it's not what I want. I know that there are plenty of arguments for God's existence, proof of the validity of the Resurrection, and I feel like my life needs some kind of meaning and purpose. I just want to be able to keep my Father involved in that. I hate that wanting to serve and honor Him makes me feel like I'm having to pull away at so much of myself, when my heterosexual Christian friends don't have to make any sacrifices at all and life is just easy for them. I know that's not true, but it feels that way sometimes.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself. I don't believe ANYONE is 100% straight, or 100% gay for that matter. Everyone has different turn-ons and fetishes, and you're no different in that regard.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Interesting, I thought most people were 100% straight. Would you include yourself or others you're close to? This is certainly news to me. BTW I'm feeling a bit better now. I think my mental health was just really bad a few weeks ago.

 

[linux.poet]

Interesting, I thought most people were 100% straight. Would you include yourself or others you're close to?

I would include myself. I'm a heteroromantic asexual. Which means I'm technically 50% straight and 50%...Vulcan, I guess . I don't feel sexual attraction and thus calculate who to have sex with based on pure logic.

It feels great until someone gets a physical attraction to me, and I feel guilty because I'm not in a compromised mental state and they are, and also because my romantic attractions take longer to form I feel like I'm baiting them along when I don't feel anything intense yet. Further, romantic attraction can form regardless of the guy's age, and I don't have a natural mechanism to weed out relationships with older guys, or younger ones, which is what sexual attraction does for women. (It's a cross, but there's nothing to quit - the only remedy is to be honest about my orientation and carefully select my dating pool for age to avoid contact with males who are older or younger by a significant margin.)

However, the amount of theoretical sexualities is numerous - @.Mikha'el. is right. For example, heteroromantic heterosexual, homoromantic heterosexual, biromantic heterosexual, panromantic heterosexual, aromantic heterosexual and heteroromantic asexual can all present as "straight" to outside observers without full orientation knowledge and disclosure, which many people (especially paranoid Christians trying to follow the Lord) don't actually have.

Here's a complimentary Powerpoint that explains sexual and romantic orientations and all of the variations I know about that I made (48 slides). I've found that this really helps people. Please note that I am not supporting any of these orientations with the file or identifying yourself as anything other than heteroromantic heterosexual. I'm just saying: it's all not fun.

Some of you might be wondering what the difference between a romantic and sexual orientation/attraction is. A sexual attraction is a physical attraction to someone's body regardless of their mind, character, etc - you want to have sex with that particular body. A romantic attraction is who you want to form a relationship with, converse with, and accept physical affection such as hugs and gifts from. It's who you want to spend time with over a long-term basis. Sexual attraction is short-lived - once you have sex, it dies and has to be revived again. A romantic attraction persists indefinitely unless you specifically choose to terminate it. Deficiencies in moral character make romantic attractions hard to form and sustain, and they take time to form.

So what happens in someone who is "completely normal" is that the heteroromantic attraction between the marriage partners revives the partners' heterosexual attraction on a periodic basis, which is what allows the relationship to function. But many heteroromantic heterosexuals get married based on sexual attraction without allowing the romantic attraction enough time to form, then they have sex and they find that they hate each other. Whoops. This is a well-known classic mistake. But it can get even worse if the couple has romantic orientations that aren't straight. Consider a homoromantic heterosexual woman married to an aromantic heterosexual man. She's not romantically attracted to him, so she goes to her female friends (who are #thebest and totally have her back) and complains about her "barbarian" husband who isn't there for her and only shows up when he wants to have sex. Whoops. (I'm not saying that everyone who has this relationship problem has this particular orientation issue, I'm just providing an example for clarity.)

Again, let me be clear: I am not promoting homosexuality or homoromanticism with this post. Non-straight romantic orientations can lead people into sinful sexual practices the same way non-straight sexual orientations can. Someone who is homoromantic will have to watch the depth of their homosocial friendships to avoid drawing themselves into the darkness slowly over time. I'm just trying to promote self-awareness and provide encouragement to the suffering. Take care of yourselves out there.

BTW I'm feeling a bit better now. I think my mental health was just really bad a few weeks ago.

I've been there. This is probably going to be my last post in this thread for awhile - I don't want to drive this thread off-topic and force the moderators to take action - I've made my point. If you or anyone else want to discuss the file, my PM inbox is open.

 

[bèlla]

There are people who have no desire for same sex relationships and weren’t privy to enticements, experiences, or ideologies that exposed them to it. If you’re reading books or watching inappropriate content you’re going to get ideas. They’re planting seeds and decreasing your objection.

No one wakes up one day desiring a fetish. There’s always an influence. A door you’ve opened or something you’ve been exposed to that tripped the switch. When you talk to people intimately about their interests and question the origination it’s never happenstance. I’ve done it for years.

People don’t tell you what they really like and do. Only what’s socially acceptable. You have to be very trustworthy for them to spill the beans and share their dark secrets. You can’t gauge someone’s sexuality through general conversation. You have go beneath the layers to ascertain what measure is factual (things they’ve done), what percentage is desirable (things they’re open to), and what portion is fantasy (acts that sound appealing they’d never undertake).

Once you’ve done that you can assess their feedback and determine their leaning. But without it you’re guessing and relying on generalities. People contemplate a lot but most of it never happens. They don’t want the consequences.

~bella

 

[BillMcEnaney]

Linux.poet, you're a man after my own Unix-obsessed Vulcan heart. It's Vulcan because my sex drive vanished when I vowed to be a lifelong virgin.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I would include myself. I'm a heteroromantic asexual. Which means I'm technically 50% straight and 50%...Vulcan, I guess . I don't feel sexual attraction and thus calculate who to have sex with based on pure logic.

It feels great until someone gets a physical attraction to me, and I feel guilty because I'm not in a compromised mental state and they are, and also because my romantic attractions take longer to form I feel like I'm baiting them along when I don't feel anything intense yet. Further, romantic attraction can form regardless of the guy's age, and I don't have a natural mechanism to weed out relationships with older guys, or younger ones, which is what sexual attraction does for women. (It's a cross, but there's nothing to quit - the only remedy is to be honest about my orientation and carefully select my dating pool for age to avoid contact with males who are older or younger by a significant margin.)

However, the amount of theoretical sexualities is numerous - @.Mikha'el. is right. For example, heteroromantic heterosexual, homoromantic heterosexual, biromantic heterosexual, panromantic heterosexual, aromantic heterosexual and heteroromantic asexual can all present as "straight" to outside observers without full orientation knowledge and disclosure, which many people (especially paranoid Christians trying to follow the Lord) don't actually have.

Here's a complimentary Powerpoint that explains sexual and romantic orientations and all of the variations I know about that I made (48 slides). I've found that this really helps people. Please note that I am not supporting any of these orientations with the file or identifying yourself as anything other than heteroromantic heterosexual. I'm just saying: it's all not fun.

Some of you might be wondering what the difference between a romantic and sexual orientation/attraction is. A sexual attraction is a physical attraction to someone's body regardless of their mind, character, etc - you want to have sex with that particular body. A romantic attraction is who you want to form a relationship with, converse with, and accept physical affection such as hugs and gifts from. It's who you want to spend time with over a long-term basis. Sexual attraction is short-lived - once you have sex, it dies and has to be revived again. A romantic attraction persists indefinitely unless you specifically choose to terminate it. Deficiencies in moral character make romantic attractions hard to form and sustain, and they take time to form.

So what happens in someone who is "completely normal" is that the heteroromantic attraction between the marriage partners revives the partners' heterosexual attraction on a periodic basis, which is what allows the relationship to function. But many heteroromantic heterosexuals get married based on sexual attraction without allowing the romantic attraction enough time to form, then they have sex and they find that they hate each other. Whoops. This is a well-known classic mistake. But it can get even worse if the couple has romantic orientations that aren't straight. Consider a homoromantic heterosexual woman married to an aromantic heterosexual man. She's not romantically attracted to him, so she goes to her female friends (who are #thebest and totally have her back) and complains about her "barbarian" husband who isn't there for her and only shows up when he wants to have sex. Whoops. (I'm not saying that everyone who has this relationship problem has this particular orientation issue, I'm just providing an example for clarity.)

Again, let me be clear: I am not promoting homosexuality or homoromanticism with this post. Non-straight romantic orientations can lead people into sinful sexual practices the same way non-straight sexual orientations can. Someone who is homoromantic will have to watch the depth of their homosocial friendships to avoid drawing themselves into the darkness slowly over time. I'm just trying to promote self-awareness and provide encouragement to the suffering. Take care of yourselves out there.


I've been there. This is probably going to be my last post in this thread for awhile - I don't want to drive this thread off-topic and force the moderators to take action - I've made my point. If you or anyone else want to discuss the file, my PM inbox is open.

I used to wish I was asexual. It would have been nice to have been "sexually pure" and not worry about a inappropriate content addiction. I think back then I was more concerned about looking good to other Christians.

I'm not sure what my "romantic orientation" is. I know I had romantic thoughts for some girls in the past that were my friends, but one was only an Internet friend, and the other wasn't interested in me. I may also have had feelings for a guy, but that was all very complicated and mixed in with sexual thoughts that I originally didn't have about him. Those feelings have mostly subsided now, but I never told him about my SSA.

 

[BillMcEnaney]

I used to wish I was asexual. It would have been nice to have been "sexually pure" and not worry about a inappropriate content addiction. I think back then I was more concerned about looking good to other Christians.

I'm not sure what my "romantic orientation" is. I know I had romantic thoughts for some girls in the past that were my friends, but one was only an Internet friend, and the other wasn't interested in me. I may also have had feelings for a guy, but that was all very complicated and mixed in with sexual thoughts that I originally didn't have about him. Those feelings have mostly subsided now, but I never told him about my SSA.

GV, my friend, you can be sexually pure in another sense of the phrase. You can resist sexual temptations, avoid people, places, and things that may tempt you, be celibate, and practice virtues. The virtues include courage, self-control, patience, chastity, and Christian love. Christian love isn't an emotion. You choose it. You will the highest good for yourself and everyone else. That's why you can love your enemies.

My love for you is Christian and brotherly. So don't be surprised if I tell you I love you. Years ago, a man thought he attracted me sexually because I patted him on the back. He must have expressed his false opinion to someone else I knew for years. So that man ignored me from that day on. Now and then, my friend, people think too much about romantic love and reflect too little on Platonic love. If I think too much about romantic love, I might misinterpret the gesture when someone shows me Platonic love.

By the way, the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred. You know hear many leftists say that you shouldn't care what other people do because it's none of your business. Leftists want maximum autonomy. But even those people would warn you if you were about to fall off a cliff. Genuine love requires self-sacrifice. We sometimes need to let others make stupid mistakes when we love them self-sacrificially. But I don't love you that way by saying, "GV, do anything you want to do. I don't care."

I know a lot about alcoholism because Mom counseled alcoholics. That's why she knew that some people needed to lock some alcoholics out they protect themselves or let the alcoholics go to jail or even prison. That pained those people. But it was the only way to convince the drinker that he had to quit drinking.

 

[linux.poet]

There are people who have no desire for same sex relationships and weren’t privy to enticements, experiences, or ideologies that exposed them to it. If you’re reading books or watching inappropriate content you’re going to get ideas. They’re planting seeds and decreasing your objection.

Be careful with this. I think orientations are largely formed by the actions of parents in childhood, rather than media and temptations from the outside. While some shallow individuals may have been led astray, a sexual/romantic orientation is what is appealing in the first place. It doesn't matter how much you try to expose me to lesbianism, I'm revolted and disgusted by it and will run away. It has no appeal. Likewise, you can show me all of the pictures of good-looking guys you want, it doesn't work. I need to get to know him before I feel anything.

I read a book called To My Trans Sisters where a bunch of biological guys told their stories about how they got to be transgender female, and that nailed in the idea that multiple influences can get you to a particular ugly result. Still, the classic assumption that homosexuality comes from a boy being raised without a father holds some water: he's looking for the father he never had, thinking that sex will get him that. He also tends to idealize his mom (she's the best, I don't need another woman) or villainize her if she was controlling (woman are the worst, I don't want to sleep with them). But homosexuality can come from other parental causes.

Bisexuality, at least all of the cases I've read about so far, come from parents who fail to be there emotionally for their children, both of them. The child finds sex with either gender equally appealing. "Who cares who it is? I want everyone to love me, since nobody has in the past, I'll take that from either male or female." But there could be other causes, this isn't a diagnosis and I'm not a therapist.

However, in my state, public school children are being educated about LGTBQIA from an early age. That is an influence to be worried about, because children are still forming their orientations, unlike adults. It twists my stomach.

Linux.poet, you're a man after my own Unix-obsessed Vulcan heart. It's Vulcan because my sex drive vanished when I vowed to be a lifelong virgin.

Libido (sex drive) is different from sexual attraction.

Meanwhile, younger linux wanted to be a lifelong single woman and God was like "haha no" and placed an attractive man in my path. I rejected him, dealt with the thing that was attracting me to him, moved on, and God was like "Oh, here's another attractive man, try this one." Nope. And so on. God and me are still doing this.

I'm not sure what my "romantic orientation" is. I know I had romantic thoughts for some girls in the past that were my friends, but one was only an Internet friend, and the other wasn't interested in me. I may also have had feelings for a guy, but that was all very complicated and mixed in with sexual thoughts that I originally didn't have about him.

Romantic attraction is an intense emotional desire to be with a person, to talk with them, and also to do things for them, at least in my experience. I favor and esteem the person with an irrational emotional bias. I would wait to be certain of a romantic orientation for longer, because those attractions take longer to form so it takes longer to be certain of it.

Based solely on this information, though, I'd say that you're biromantic as well as bisexual. If you form a romantic attraction to a guy, it will be more complicated because you want to follow the Lord. Unwanted romantic attractions can lead to mental breakdowns, because the part of your mind that is attracted is fighting the part of your mind that doesn't want the attraction. This has happened to me multiple times. And yes, romantic attractions can generate sexual thoughts that weren't previously there - that has happened to me as well.

I feel sorry for you. The Lord seems to have given you a challenge here.

 

[bèlla]

Be careful with this. I think orientations are largely formed by the actions of parents in childhood, rather than media and temptations from the outside.

That’s addressed in the opening statement “enticements, experiences and ideologies”. I had a trans friend in high school. I dated his brother and we hung out for years. I learned a lot about gay culture and trans ideologies firsthand. He taught me how to spot men in the closet.

During adulthood most of my friends were bisexual or bi-curious. Several were straight and some were gay. We shared openly. That’s the beauty of youth during that period. We didn’t care what people thought. We lived our lives. That’s why I know so much about sexuality. I met people of different persuasions within my group and outside of it and we talked.

When you’re on the outside of socially accepted behavior and you encounter someone willing to listen its nice. You want to be heard and understood. If you’re willing to listen without condemnation they’re more likely to open up. I was that person for many years.

I’ve been around people with alternative lifestyles for a long time and haven’t lost my radar. People keep a lot on the down low. The OP isn’t the only one on this page. Many hide things bigger than this and never come clean and won’t if they fear they’ll lose you.

~bella