Marrying a non Christian girl / Corinthians discussion (help!!!)

[Wheatly]

I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

 

[Wheatly]

Also just a thought. What about the Christians that are married and are unequally yolked/not working together?

 

[Wheatly]

I cant seem to edit my old posts so ill post this here.

To me from what I understand unequally yolked basically is not working together, in a biblical case being unequally yolked would be me being held down in my faith because of her. I dont think thats the case. Nowhere in the entire bible have I read anything about marriage that states directly and clearly one must not be with an unbeliver. Only that you must not be unequally yolked, not ' you must not be yolked with an unbeliever ' as Paul also stated not to divorce an unbeliving spouse.

There are so many testimonies of people getting engaged or marrying non Christians and them coming to faith. Who am I to say that was not Gods plan. I understand people do not always convert or that most poeople dont. Regardless I dont think we are equally yolked when we come to a comprimise. Im being truthful when I say she makes my faith and love for God stronger afterall God made her. I understand why Paul gave this warning, and to proceed with the relationship would take honest self reflection and prayer on if its just my emotions or if its Gods will.

 

[NBB]

Ask God, is a red flag for a christian to marry an unbeliever, they could make your life impossible, BUT, if God gives you the green light and you are sure it was God helping you decide, then it's going to work. One of the pastors i had, married an unbeliever and she was sick with cancer.... crazy right? because God approved, she was healed and lived 30 more years and converted.

 

[John G.]

You claim to be a Christian yet worked your way into a relationship with an unbeliever...
What's done is done.
As the apostle Paul says (1Cor. 7:36) "if a man feels he is not acting properly towards the girl and his passions are too strong and he feels they ought to be married, then they should get married as he wants"

 

[Carl Emerson]

Are you in fellowship ?

Talk it through with your church leaders.

 

[bèlla]

Paul's comments are in response to couples already married who came to faith afterward. He advises the Christian to maintain the bond if their spouse will remain with them. Your circumstances are markedly different. You knowingly got involved with someone who didn't share your faith and had relations. You chose her over your beliefs.

You said that God's number one but your behavior says otherwise. You may believe in God and agree with Christian teachings. But in respect to your flesh and this connection she's first. If that wasn't the case you wouldn't have gotten involved, been sexual the entire time and cemented the act when you met.

You've known it was wrong all along and this is where your sin has carried you. From attraction to fornication and contemplating marriage. Now you're hoping she gets saved to ease your conscience. But rest assured you'll walk it out. There's a lot of books on the subject and ministries devoted to the same. If you do your homework you'll discover the wait is long and painful. They believed it would happen sooner but it didn't.

I've sat beside them in church and their misery is evident. They look around and see families and couples and they're alone and they feel it. They bring the kids and have no one to share their experience. That's the thing that eats at them. They have no spiritual support and everything is on their shoulders. After a while they get upset and become wearied from carrying the load.

It can have a negative effect on your relationship with God. You'll get upset with Him because she isn't saved and feel your prayers aren't answered. I spent seven years praying for someone's salvation everyday during that period. He's no longer hostile about the subject and will entertain discussions to some degree. But he's not a believer.

I think he'll get there at some point. But I would never walk that road willingly. It's fraught with disappointment. Because of my stance on his behalf I know how it feels to carry someone spiritually. You have two people on your back. You and the other. They're not pulling their weight. You're on your own.

If that's the life you want carry on. But don't get mad down the road or envy the couples who chose differently. Churches are couple centric and family centered. That's when you'll feel the difference. Some stop attending for that reason.

~bella

 

[Wheatly]

Ask God, is a red flag for a christian to marry an unbeliever, they could make your life impossible, BUT, if God gives you the green light and you are sure it was God helping you decide, then it's going to work. One of the pastors i had, married an unbeliever and she was sick with cancer.... crazy right? because God approved, she was healed and lived 30 more years and converted.

Thank you. I agree. If God wills it.

Are you in fellowship ?

Talk it through with your church leaders.

Im not a member but I will be going to a Church my family and I have been too a couple times for service I went there for counseling once and a couple times for youth group when I was young enough. I think I can ask a leader there to help and guide me

Paul's comments are in response to couples already married who came to faith afterward. He advises the Christian to maintain the bond if their spouse will remain with them. Your circumstances are markedly different. You knowingly got involved with someone who didn't share your faith and had relations. You chose her over your beliefs.

You said that God's number one but your behavior says otherwise. You may believe in God and agree with Christian teachings. But in respect to your flesh and this connection she's first. If that wasn't the case you wouldn't have gotten involved, been sexual the entire time and cemented the act when you met.

You've known it was wrong all along and this is where your sin has carried you. From attraction to fornication and contemplating marriage. Now you're hoping she gets saved to ease your conscience. But rest assured you'll walk it out. There's a lot of books on the subject and ministries devoted to the same. If you do your homework you'll discover the wait is long and painful. They believed it would happen sooner but it didn't.

I've sat beside them in church and their misery is evident. They look around and see families and couples and they're alone and they feel it. They bring the kids and have no one to share their experience. That's the thing that eats at them. They have no spiritual support and everything is on their shoulders. After a while they get upset and become wearied from carrying the load.

It can have a negative effect on your relationship with God. You'll get upset with Him because she isn't saved and feel your prayers aren't answered. I spent seven years praying for someone's salvation everyday during that period. He's no longer hostile about the subject and will entertain discussions to some degree. But he's not a believer.

I think he'll get there at some point. But I would never walk that road willingly. It's fraught with disappointment. Because of my stance on his behalf I know how it feels to carry someone spiritually. You have two people on your back. You and the other. They're not pulling their weight. You're on your own.

If that's the life you want carry on. But don't get mad down the road or envy the couples who chose differently. Churches are couple centric and family centered. That's when you'll feel the difference. Some stop attending for that reason.

~bella

Thank you for your honesty and the grim reminder of how these things can play out if it is not Gods will.. It is a terrifying thought. But I also have some hope and some faith. I will go to Church tomorrow and try and talk to some people, if not then the next day..

Regardless im not going to marry if it feels like there is no hope or its not Gods will for me

 

[AlexB23]

I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

This is a tough one. From a Biblical perspective, the decision to marry a non-Christian partner is a complex issue* that requires careful consideration of various Scriptural principles and real-world factors. Let's examine the verses you have provided in great detail:

1 Corinthians 7:12-14: These verses do not command that a Christian should marry an unbeliever but rather allow for the possibility of living with one if both parties consent and there is no conflict in their beliefs. Paul emphasizes that the children are holy in such a situation, suggesting that God's grace can extend to them even if both parents do not fully follow Him. However, this passage does not give permission for a Christian to enter into a marriage with an unbeliever or remain in one if there is significant conflict or disobedience to God's commands.

2 Corinthians 6:14: Warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers, meaning that it is not wise to enter into close relationships or marriages where one partner is not committed to following God. This does not necessarily mean that a Christian cannot marry an unbeliever, but it does emphasize the importance of being discerning and ensuring that any relationship is built on mutual respect for each other's beliefs and values.

1 Corinthians 7:17-24: Emphasizes the importance of remaining in the situation that one was in when called by God, suggesting that it is generally best to honor existing commitments and relationships rather than leaving them. However, this passage does not override the principle of not being unequally yoked or living in disobedience to God's commands.

*Note: Given your situation, it is important to pray for wisdom and discernment as you consider your next steps. If you feel that continuing in the relationship is causing you to sin or compromising your commitment to follow God, then it may be necessary to end the relationship or consider waiting until your girlfriend is willing to explore her faith more deeply. However, if you believe that remaining in the relationship is not causing significant conflict and that God is working in both of your lives, then it may be possible to continue with caution and prayer. Ultimately, the decision should be made with a humble heart and a deep commitment to honoring God's will in your life.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Thank you. I agree. If God wills it.

Im not a member but I will be going to a Church my family and I have been too a couple times for service I went there for counseling once and a couple times for youth group when I was young enough. I think I can ask a leader there to help and guide me

Thank you for your honesty and the grim reminder of how these things can play out if it is not Gods will.. It is a terrifying thought. But I also have some hope and some faith. I will go to Church tomorrow and try and talk to some people, if not then the next day..

Regardless im not going to marry if it feels like there is no hope or its not Gods will for me

I had 7 years in an unequal yoke and it was very tough.

God gives us guidelines for our own good.

 

[bèlla]

Thank you for your honesty and the grim reminder of how these things can play out if it is not Gods will.. It is a terrifying thought. But I also have some hope and some faith. I will go to Church tomorrow and try and talk to some people, if not then the next day..

Regardless im not going to marry if it feels like there is no hope or its not Gods will for me

I immersed myself in those communities during that period for a reason. My intentions were good; noble even. But the flesh is weak and I didn't want to forsake the Lord. He pursued me the entire time but what helped to resist was my love for him and desire for him to have what I'd found in God.

If it cost me my heart I believed the Lord could resurrect it. He could remove the hurt and make me whole. My sacrifice didn't go unrewarded. He mended my heart and made it anew. He healed my body from two diseases and brought another down the road.

I understand your plight because I've lived it. It takes a lot of strength to deny yourself and trust the unknown but it can be done.

~bella

 

[Wheatly]

This is a tough one. From a Biblical perspective, the decision to marry a non-Christian partner is a complex issue* that requires careful consideration of various Scriptural principles and real-world factors. Let's examine the verses you have provided in great detail:

1 Corinthians 7:12-14: These verses do not command that a Christian should marry an unbeliever but rather allow for the possibility of living with one if both parties consent and there is no conflict in their beliefs. Paul emphasizes that the children are holy in such a situation, suggesting that God's grace can extend to them even if both parents do not fully follow Him. However, this passage does not give permission for a Christian to enter into a marriage with an unbeliever or remain in one if there is significant conflict or disobedience to God's commands.

2 Corinthians 6:14: Warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers, meaning that it is not wise to enter into close relationships or marriages where one partner is not committed to following God. This does not necessarily mean that a Christian cannot marry an unbeliever, but it does emphasize the importance of being discerning and ensuring that any relationship is built on mutual respect for each other's beliefs and values.

1 Corinthians 7:17-24: Emphasizes the importance of remaining in the situation that one was in when called by God, suggesting that it is generally best to honor existing commitments and relationships rather than leaving them. However, this passage does not override the principle of not being unequally yoked or living in disobedience to God's commands.

*Note: Given your situation, it is important to pray for wisdom and discernment as you consider your next steps. If you feel that continuing in the relationship is causing you to sin or compromising your commitment to follow God, then it may be necessary to end the relationship or consider waiting until your girlfriend is willing to explore her faith more deeply. However, if you believe that remaining in the relationship is not causing significant conflict and that God is working in both of your lives, then it may be possible to continue with caution and prayer. Ultimately, the decision should be made with a humble heart and a deep commitment to honoring God's will in your life.

Thank you for your reply. I agree just because it is not forbidden does not mean I should, its even warned against. But I cant rule out the possibility that its Gods will for us to be in eachothers lives as it has been for other couples. I accept that it could be against Gods will too. That is something I will have to figure out for myself with time and wisdom. But thank you all for helping me.

To add I do not think its causing me to sin or compromising my commitment to follow God. But I will still think about it more

 

[Bob Crowley]

If you marry this girl I think you may be setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak when it comes to maintaining your Christian faith. But you'd be better to talk to qualified Christians in your church.

It's your decision in the end.

 

[AlexB23]

Thank you for your reply. I agree just because it is not forbidden does not mean I should, its even warned against. But I cant rule out the possibility that its Gods will for us to be in each other's lives as it has been for other couples. I accept that it could be against Gods will too. That is something I will have to figure out for myself with time and wisdom. But thank you all for helping me.

To add I do not think its causing me to sin or compromising my commitment to follow God. But I will still think about it more

It would be good to heed what Bob Crowley said, and talk to a church elder or leader about this. But, it is your choice to make. Maybe, your girl will switch to Christianity, and you will make an impact in her life. And if possible, tell her that a lot of Christians made contributions to the world, scientifically speaking. A Catholic Christian named Gregor Mendel discovered genetics in the mid-1800s, while another discovered the expansion of the universe in the early 20th century, named Georges Lemaitre. The guy who we can thank for making milk and juice safer, Louis Pasteur was also a Christian, with humanitarian beliefs to serve the greater good. Also, not all Christians are conservative as well. Many want to see lower health care costs, and allow freedom of expressions, within reason.

Finally, Christian counseling could be an option for you guys, but costs can get prohibitively expensive for counseling sessions.

Also, happy Easter brother.

 

[eleos1954]

I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

Amos 3:3
King James Version​

3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Amos 3&version=KJV

 

[Carl Emerson]

To be blunt and quick, you seem to be unable to separate love and lust, going headlong into sin.

The better way forward is to break off entirely, seek Godly council and accountability, get your 'desire life' sorted out before God, otherwise the same sins will repeat and you will end up with the wrong foundation for a Godly marriage.

In this permissive age, few really put God and His Wisdom first in these areas of life and the high incidence of failed marriages results.

If you are serious with God, you will seek to put every aspect of life under His order.

This will take time, as His rule is established in depth in your heart, but the rewards are beyond what you could ask or think.

Frankly most will choose the 'easy way' and miss the blessing He intends.

From one who has really been through it...

Now married almost 40 years with 5 grown up children, in His blessing, seeing the 'more than you could ask or think'

 

[simplefaith]

I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

99% of the time I would say you need to break free, the bible verses are all there concerning it. But, if you need proof, to be sure of what God wants. I have often put fleeces before God and accepted the outcome of what God wants one way or another. IE, you could always pray that if you not wrong to marry the woman she will come to accept Christ as her saviour in a certain amount of time. Of course the hard part, would be accepting the outcome if it not want you really want to do. End of the day, from my own personal experience, you can receive multitudes of advice on websites such as these, but in the end it comes down to what you are willing to do.

 

[Grafted In]

Paul's comments are in response to couples already married who came to faith afterward. He advises the Christian to maintain the bond if their spouse will remain with them. Your circumstances are markedly different. You knowingly got involved with someone who didn't share your faith and had relations. You chose her over your beliefs.

You said that God's number one but your behavior says otherwise. You may believe in God and agree with Christian teachings. But in respect to your flesh and this connection she's first. If that wasn't the case you wouldn't have gotten involved, been sexual the entire time and cemented the act when you met.

You've known it was wrong all along and this is where your sin has carried you. From attraction to fornication and contemplating marriage. Now you're hoping she gets saved to ease your conscience. But rest assured you'll walk it out. There's a lot of books on the subject and ministries devoted to the same. If you do your homework you'll discover the wait is long and painful. They believed it would happen sooner but it didn't.

I've sat beside them in church and their misery is evident. They look around and see families and couples and they're alone and they feel it. They bring the kids and have no one to share their experience. That's the thing that eats at them. They have no spiritual support and everything is on their shoulders. After a while they get upset and become wearied from carrying the load.

It can have a negative effect on your relationship with God. You'll get upset with Him because she isn't saved and feel your prayers aren't answered. I spent seven years praying for someone's salvation everyday during that period. He's no longer hostile about the subject and will entertain discussions to some degree. But he's not a believer.

I think he'll get there at some point. But I would never walk that road willingly. It's fraught with disappointment. Because of my stance on his behalf I know how it feels to carry someone spiritually. You have two people on your back. You and the other. They're not pulling their weight. You're on your own.

If that's the life you want carry on. But don't get mad down the road or envy the couples who chose differently. Churches are couple centric and family centered. That's when you'll feel the difference. Some stop attending for that reason.

~bella

Re-read bella's first paragraph.
Marrying an unbeliever is sin.
You will most likely regret marring an unsaved woman. But, perhaps not. But scripturally, you should only marry a believer.

It's your life. Do what you want.
But I suspect one day you will recall this thread, especially bella's opening paragraph., and wish you'd taken more time to understand what God led Paul to write down for you.

 

[Kokavkrystallos]

1 Corinthians 7:39 immediately comes to mind: " The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."

Now that would go for any believer who is single. Remain unmarried unless you find someone who also shares the saving faith of Jesus Christ. "Only in the Lord"

I've been down this road, and always, always, the unbeliever got me into whatever she was into, and my very feeble attempts to "convert" her went nowhere. Consider also Solomon, who was the wisest man, yet look at this in Nehemiah 13:26, "Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin."

"A Christian must deny his relations.
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Luk 14:26). The meaning is, when carnal relations come in competition with, or stand in opposition to Christ, we must hate them. When our friends would prove snares and hinder us from our duty, we must either leap over them or tread upon them. Here is faith in God. If my wife, said Jerome, should hang about my neck, if my mother should show me her breasts that gave me suck, and persuade me to deny Christ, I would break from them and fly to the cross. When Peter would be a tempter, Christ said, “Get thee behind me, Satan” (Mat 16:23)."
- Thomas Watson in the 1600s

1 Corinthians 6:18 plainly put - "Flee fornication."

When I was in adultery I didn't want to hear what the Pastors and brethren said to me. I even sought out what today would be called "affirming churches" that would accept us in our sin. That was like 25 years ago before there was such thing as "open and affirming" I think. Needless to say, the majority who said I was in sin were right: God finally moved to break us apart and send her back to her husband, and send me on my way.

Did I learn? No. I fell right into it again. Fell in love with a girl then found out she was married and had tried to hide it. She was somewhat Christian, but also involved in other stuff. However, I committed adultery with her, she divorced her husband, we married....shades of David and Bathsheba, our first child died, her brother in law died, 2 of our neighbors died which were a result of their interactions with us, and finally, my wife died.

For me now, almost 63 years old, I'm not getting involved with any woman unless she is a SOLID believer, and absolutely no sexual activity whatsoever before marriage. Not even French kissing. And if there's no agreement, I'm fine staying single, as I can devote all my time to the LORD.

 

[Strong in Him]

I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset

I'm not surprised; those are very mixed messages.
First, you tell her that you are a Christian and the 2 of you have a sexual relationship. I don't know but she may have thought that both you, and God, were fine with that. Then you decide it is a sin and you shouldn't be doing it. Then, you go to visit her, have sex and tell her, again, that you cannot live in that sin.
A sexual relationship is a very intimate one. First you are fine with it, next you don't want anything to do with it. She's probably confused about your relationship, what she means to you and, possibly, what your faith means to you.

We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian.

That's up to the two of you.
Personally I would find it very difficult that I couldn't share something that meant so much to me, my faith, with someone I was even going out with, never mind considering a long term relationship with. You wouldn't be able to pray or read the Bible together. You would (possibly) not be able to go to church together; even if you did, she might only be doing it to keep you happy.

Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her,

What do you want to do; what does she want?
Are you saying you would only get engaged so that she knows that, in time, you will have a sexual relationship again? What about the future? What if you believed that God was guiding you to do something and she didn't agree? What if she asked you to miss church services so you could do something together on Sundays? Would you have any children baptised and take them to church?

she needs to know I'm serious.

Serious about what?

Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so?

It may not be very wise - for the reasons I have listed above, and more.
I know several couples where one person is a Christian and the other isn't. In each case, I think, one person found faith in Jesus after they were married. That was/is hard enough; one person was in a different kind of relationship that the other couldn't/didn't want to share.
You would be starting married life in that way.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14

Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

Paul is talking about if one person in the marriage became a Christian and the other one didn't.
If the unbelieving spouse cannot bear to live with their life partner who has become a believer the implication is that they can separate. If the unbeliever agrees they can carry on living together, Paul says that they are somehow made holy by the other. I would imagine that this would be because of the believer's prayers, attitudes, changed values etc. If an unbeliever shared their home and life with a believer, they may be influenced for Christ.
But only if one person becomes a Christian AFTER the couple are married. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul says "do not be yoked to an unbeliever."

2 Corinthians 6:14

I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart.

A couple are tied together when they are married - the vicar/minister may say "those whom God has joined together, let man not separate."
A couple are not only tied together - metaphorically speaking - they are meant to be so close that they are even described as being "one flesh".

What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you.

Marriage is not a contract of employment.
Would your girlfriend be "working with you" if you were praying about your futures, and she weren't? Would she be "working with you" if she were to find a career/take a course of action that was against your beliefs? I'm not saying she'd break the law or anything. But supposing she started working for a company with non Christian ethics? Supposing she embraced New Age beliefs or got caught up in a cult?
Would she be "working with you" if you wanted any future children to be baptised and go to church, and she didn't?

But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that it's ok if you marry an unbeliever.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise.

It's still the case that you love Christ, he is the most important person in your life - and you cannot share him with this woman. You won't be able to talk about all the things he says to you, ways in which he leads you or blessings that he gives you. She won't be able to share those special times with you and might, in time, even come to resent you.
In what way is she willing to compromise - and will she expect/ask you to compromise too?

she knows God is my #1.

Are you happy to consider a future where you cannot share the most important person in your life - God - with your partner?
Would you be happy knowing that your partner did not believe in, or consider to be important, your #1?