Hi

[Whispers and Ashes]

Hello

I'm new to the forum (Obviously). Not that great with introductions : / But basically I happened to bump into this section of the forums on a internet search. It intrigued me that their is actually a community for sew workers out their. I was kind of curious if something like this existed out their so I decided to do a search and here you guys are..

Well a little about me... I'm not terribly religious (Hope that's not a problem?). I've been stripping for the last year or so. I hate it... But their isn't much else for me to do. It would probably be easier if it was just me, but I have a son. So it's hard for me if I was going to be able to leave. I honestly don't know how I would do it financially.. It's not a good way of thinking I guess. It's reality though... Well for me anyway. It's certainly my reality. It's just a 0.difficult situation.. I hate having to deal with the pervs and idiots on a near daily basis, on top of all the usual catty drama... But I love my son so it's worth it. It's just a struggle... It's always kind of been.

Well hope to hear from some people who can relate to me.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi Whispers! I'm Courtney. I was a stripper for many years and a escort...so yes, I can relate to you. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you need to. Not being terribly religious is not a problem as long as you don't mind those of us that are . No, really this forum is a great place of a big variance of people...it's been slower around here lately than it used to be so be patient with people answering you...

I too have a young son and can only imagine how hard it must be trying to provide for your son in the only way you know how. Yes, dealing with the pervs and idiots is really, really hard. I don't think what we call civilians (people not in the industry) realize how hard it is.

Are you thinking of getting out of the industry at some point?

Do you use to cope with stripping?

Do you have many friends outside of the industry?

I ask a lot of questions....if they are too many ignore me ... Just know we are here for you!

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Hi Courtney! Sorry you can relate... Sorry you've been through the same experiences. I've escorted a few times to. I don't really like it though. I only will do it if it's really worth my while. I don't like the way it makes me feel though.... Stripping makes me feel worse enough! It's like a nightmare... A lot of my life has been like that it seems. But anyway... Ohhh no don't mind that you guys have your beliefs at all! That's really cool their are a variety of people here. Makes sense seeing that you meet all kinds of people in the industry..

How old is your son?? My son is one. He's such a handsome little man : ) I don't have to work today so were just hanging out. I love those days! It's a struggle though... It would be a lot worse if I didn't strip. I don't know how I would do it. I live in a pretty expensive state to live in so it's not easy. I make good money but it's scary knowing I would probably starve and be homeless if I couldn't take my clothes off and look pretty. Depressing really.... But it's just us. I don't get help from his dad. Not that I want it... He doesn't know I got pregnant (It was a stupid mistake). But as big of a mistake as it was... I can honestly say I don't know if I would be here without my son.. The only person I can loves me without expecting something.. So it's worth dealing with the pervs and idiots for him.. Ya people have no idea... No idea... It's like day after day you just get bombarded... Guys can be so disgusting... Ughghg losers....

To answer your questions!

I'd like to get out sometime.. But not sure when or if it will be possible financially... I'm not living large but it seems hard between all the things I have to pay for between my son and I. He has some health problems so things get really expensive.. But like I said he's worth everything I have to take.

I've never been very social.. So no I don't have many friends.. I just don't like people.... I know I should be more social for my son though...

Don't mind the questions at all! Thanks for posting so fast : )

 

[Elliemare]

Just wanted to say Hi and welcome! Glad you found us.

I have never been a stripper, but I worked in an illegal massage parlor. I down-play a lot of what I experienced there. It was pretty disgusting and degrading. I convinced myself for years that it was my choice to work there and it wasn't detrimental to my self worth... I actually thought it was empowering to me! What a joke. I know better now.

I do understand how tempting the money can be, and even years after leaving the business I still think of the sex industry as my "safety net" but fortunately I have not returned, but some days it seems like I have nothing else to offer the world and no real means of an income if I were to find myself in a financial bind.

Again, welcome and I hope we can help you in any way!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Whispers,

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. My son is 6 and he has some health problems too....he is also my reason for being so I understand. My son has kidney reflux and Apserger's.

You will find that around here most of us are not very social in the "real world". It's hard. Many of us were abused at some point in our lives (thus making it easier for us to strip or do porn or whatever) because we are used to shutting off our feelings. There is no way that I know of to survive stripping without shutting off feelings....

It is hard to be social for our little ones, but like you said, so important.

I am so happy that Ellie chimed in to welcome you... Hoping others will as well. If you have any questions or if we can do anything for you let us know!

 

[rowantree]

Whispers and Ashes, welcome to CF. It is horrible that you are having to go through this. Just wanted to say welcome.

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Hi Ellie Thanks for the warm welcome! I imagine what you did was equally as bad, if not even way more horrible then stripping.. Ya I've noticed a lot of girls do what you were describing. Kind of blending empowering feminism into sex work. You're right though! It's such a joke! I'm kind of just numb to things their : / It's like going through the motions at this point. It's pretty much (Lift leg.... Shake booty.... Raise both legs.... Shake booty...). For me it's just become kind of robotic I guess... Things don't usually bother me until I get to my car..

Ya the money is just really tempting... I know I'm not stupid like IQ wise. If I had done some things differently, made some better choices, applied myself, and with a little luck.. I probably could get myself a really good job. It's just things didn't work out that way... Makes it a little worse when you kind of blame yourself a lot for things... But hey I'm glad you haven't had to go back to the industry. Good for you!

Thanks for the welcome

Hey Courtney! Ohhh ya sorry I didn't introduce myself better! I'm Sarah. Seems like we can relate a lot. My son has Xeroderma pigmentosum which is an allergy to light. The doctors are hopeful that it's a more mild case. But it's serious even if it's mild. Kidney reflux has to be rough... It's tough to watch little ones in pain.

It's scary for me to be around people... I just don't trust people, or really like them for that matter... It's hard for me to make conversation with people I don't know. Funny that I make a good stripper considering that... But ya my childhood and teen years were different to say the least. My stepfather did stuff to me when I was pretty young until I was 14. I was bullied pretty bad in school to.. Girls hated me and the guys just tried to sleep with me kind of thing.. Anyway I snapped and tried to kill my stepfather. But who is everyone gonna believe someone who's 47 or someone whose 14. I ended being institutionalized until I was 18. It was just horrible... You go in not thinking your crazy, but then everyone looks at and treats you like your crazy, then you find yourself going crazy, and at the end you have to act like your not crazy to get out.. Just a lot of horrible things happened their.. Wish I could forget most of my life sometimes.

But to answer your other question. I drink when I'm at work, sometimes I will take viccodin or oc's if I'm having a really bad day. I try not to because I know I have an addictive personality and I can't be like that with my son. But at the very least I make sure to keep it out of our house.

Ya socialization... Ahhh lol... But it's unfortunately necessary...

Thanks! It's nice just talking. I don't really talk to people much openly about things like this.. It's needed... So thank you.

Thanks for the kind welcome rowantree! I appreciate it!

 

[BlondieLashes]

No worries Sarah! Wow that must be hard to have your son allergic to light... I am sorry. I hope the doctors are right that it's a mild case!

I understand about not trusting people. I am so, so sorry about your childhood and teen years! I was sexually abused by my father so I sort of relate. I can understand that you snapped! I can imagine everyone treating you like you were crazy made you feel crazy!

When I danced I drank and took vicodin. Messed me up pretty bad. I just wondered how you cope with dancing...everyone has their own way to numb out. I understand. I am glad you keep it out of the house and you are aware enough to protect your son...

You can "talk" here anytime...that's what we're here for. When I was in the industry no one reached out to me or even cared...I hope we can make a little difference here and there. You can just vent here if needed if you've had a rough night or whatever.

 

[Browneyedgirl1010]

Hi Lashes and everyone,

I went through a rough period in my life in 2003 (before I met my husband) and I was never a stripper (but I "worked"). I hated it and I hated myself for doing it. I also hated the world that made me have to resort to this to survive. I just want to say hello and that I can relate to you in every which way. No one ever reached out to me and people looked down on me. I was in a rough circumstance and I even though I'm having a hard time in my life again, I would never go back to doing this. I just want to say that there is no judgment here, just acceptance and understanding from me. Thanks!!

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Thanks Courtney Things can be a bit overwhelming at times with my son. He can't be in direct sunlight at all unless he's covered up, and I have to be really careful with him around artificial light as well. I have to have dark tinted windows on my car, dark shades, etc, etc.. So we basically can only go places at night to be on the safe side. It's just hard... I'm worried about just like stupid things like if he's going to be safe going to school or if he can even go to school. But I just try and confront things as they come and that's down the road... I just really wish he could have a totally normal life. I'm sure you can relate to that. But anyway thank you for caring, means a lot

Ya trusting isn't in my vocabulary anymore. It's hard to even trust the sitter I have with my son. Going out in public is really hard for me. You just see and hear the worst in people and it's hard to get over it. Sorry you can relate to what I went through : / It's a lot for a young girl to handle.. I know it's impacted me in ways that I won't ever really be able to get over. I shouldn't have snapped like I did... But I believe their is only so much a person can take until they lash out. Ya it was horrible where I was at. Basically locked in with people who had everything from schizophrenia, to huge rage problems, to just plain psycho's. It's funny they think they can make sick people better by putting them virtual cages with people who try and fight them, touch them, and just plain go crazy around them. It's just not a good environment... Add that to the long list of pervs that work at these places and your bound to go crazy if you aren't already. It was really bad at night. I still sleeping in bed, I usually sleep on my couch.

Sorry you used to.. It sounds bad... But it does help.. It makes me able to be able to be that person you have to be when your stripping. Can't be Sarah and expect to make money if you know what I mean. Ya my priority is my son... I just wish I could protect him forever from the terrible stuff and people that are out their.

Thanks Courtney The industry is isolating and I'm a solitary person in general.. So it's nice to have a place where I can be understood and not be looked down upon by everyone. So again thanks for spending the time to "Talk" to me. Have to work tonight... Not looking forward to it... Work straight through til next Monday : /

Hi Browneyedgirl Sorry for what you've had to go through as well... Ya I certainly have a lot of hatred to people and the world in general as well. I think in a lot of ways we all hate ourselves a little to go through the BS we do and keep coming back for more. Thanks so much for the understanding It helps knowing I'm not alone. A lot of times I think I feel like I'm the only person with some of the feelings I have. But anyway thanks! Very glad I posted.

 

[New Creation]

Hi Sarah!
It's nice to meet you and good to have you join us though I wish it wasn't necessary. I'm Paula and I was a stripper for about a thousand years. (ok, more like 15) I also escorted on a couple of occassions. I've been out for 9 years now.
I never thought I would be able to get out of the industry because I'd never done anything else as an adult and basically had no resume to speak of. I was also a pretty hard core alcoholic and pothead. I felt pretty hopeless actually. It was really hard. I can`t even imagine having the pressure of taking care of a child on top of it. ( I`m 8 years without substances now.)
I wasn't abused as a kid but I was raped on a few occassions and I had an abortion at 17 which really made me hate myself for a very long time.
I got hard core into feminism and wicca because some wings of those ideologies supported the destructive stuff I was doing. I was one of those people who hated Christians and christianity. Stripping for so long gave me a really skewed view of men. I really had a hate on for men for a long time. Oh yeah, I have anger issues too. LOL
I got Jesus about 9 years ago and it was pretty miraculous actually. I would have been the LAST person I`d have ever thought would have become Christian. I totally respect other people`s spiritual journeys and that is pretty much the case here.
I have an almost 6 year old daughter and I am married to a very good man. He just phoned me from work to thank me for helping him get ready for work this morning when he realized he was going to be late.
I have had some success socially but I think that is my nature. Still, it took me about 4 years to really enter the public arena after I quit stripping. I needed healing time and learning time.
Do you have any family around that you trust and can help you? what kind of things are you interested in?

 

[Browneyedgirl1010]

Thanks Courtney Things can be a bit overwhelming at times with my son. He can't be in direct sunlight at all unless he's covered up, and I have to be really careful with him around artificial light as well. I have to have dark tinted windows on my car, dark shades, etc, etc.. So we basically can only go places at night to be on the safe side. It's just hard... I'm worried about just like stupid things like if he's going to be safe going to school or if he can even go to school. But I just try and confront things as they come and that's down the road... I just really wish he could have a totally normal life. I'm sure you can relate to that. But anyway thank you for caring, means a lot

Ya trusting isn't in my vocabulary anymore. It's hard to even trust the sitter I have with my son. Going out in public is really hard for me. You just see and hear the worst in people and it's hard to get over it. Sorry you can relate to what I went through : / It's a lot for a young girl to handle.. I know it's impacted me in ways that I won't ever really be able to get over. I shouldn't have snapped like I did... But I believe their is only so much a person can take until they lash out. Ya it was horrible where I was at. Basically locked in with people who had everything from schizophrenia, to huge rage problems, to just plain psycho's. It's funny they think they can make sick people better by putting them virtual cages with people who try and fight them, touch them, and just plain go crazy around them. It's just not a good environment... Add that to the long list of pervs that work at these places and your bound to go crazy if you aren't already. It was really bad at night. I still sleeping in bed, I usually sleep on my couch.

Sorry you used to.. It sounds bad... But it does help.. It makes me able to be able to be that person you have to be when your stripping. Can't be Sarah and expect to make money if you know what I mean. Ya my priority is my son... I just wish I could protect him forever from the terrible stuff and people that are out their.

Thanks Courtney The industry is isolating and I'm a solitary person in general.. So it's nice to have a place where I can be understood and not be looked down upon by everyone. So again thanks for spending the time to "Talk" to me. Have to work tonight... Not looking forward to it... Work straight through til next Monday : /

Hi Browneyedgirl Sorry for what you've had to go through as well... Ya I certainly have a lot of hatred to people and the world in general as well. I think in a lot of ways we all hate ourselves a little to go through the BS we do and keep coming back for more. Thanks so much for the understanding It helps knowing I'm not alone. A lot of times I think I feel like I'm the only person with some of the feelings I have. But anyway thanks! Very glad I posted.

Hi,

You are not alone, not by a long shot!! You know, I read a book by the founder of the group GEMS, her name is Rachel Lloyd. She was a stripper and did other things in her late teens and in her twenties. Anyway, she says in the book that the girls in the sex industry usually blame themselves for what is happening to them. They hate themselves and feel like they are the only ones in the world who have the feelings that they do. It is actually a very helpful book, it is called "Girls Like Us", you should get it if you can. I got mine from the library.

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Hi Paula It's nice to meet you and good to be here all things considered. Wow! You've had a long ride when it comes to the industry and how it seems you got their! Seems we all have... A lot of sad stories I've found.. It usually takes someone with no options and pretty bad self esteem to become a stripper. So I guess it's no wonder really..

Really sorry to hear you were raped : / That happened to me as well when I was I was institutionalized... So I know how hard it is to try and come to terms with. It's a daily struggle for me. Ahh anger issues! I'm manic so I have them as well... Mine usually involve throwing things.. Usually food... Always make it hard on myself to clean things up : /

Aww sounds like you have a wonderful family! That's great! You're husband sounds like a very nice and thoughtful man. You're all very lucky it sounds

My mom passed when I was younger.. I'm not close with the family she married into obviously. The only person I keep in contact with is my dad. He's a drug addict though and can't really even take care of himself. I actually end up taking care of him when he comes around. So short answer no... Hmm well I like listening to music, video games, movies (All the things to keep a shut in occupied lol), other then that I like to cook, read, hmmm that's basically it. I'm not terribly interesting lol.

Well nice to meet you Paula!

Hi Browneyedgirl! That book sounds really interesting. Pretty much describes the way I feel about things to a T. I'm gonna check on Amazon and order it. Sounds like it will at the very least be a good read and hopefully will be helpful. So thanks again! I never really thought my feelings were similar to anyone in the worlds really. I've always just been called and considered myself "Weird". So thanks again!

 

[Browneyedgirl1010]

Hi Paula It's nice to meet you and good to be here all things considered. Wow! You've had a long ride when it comes to the industry and how it seems you got their! Seems we all have... A lot of sad stories I've found.. It usually takes someone with no options and pretty bad self esteem to become a stripper. So I guess it's no wonder really..

Really sorry to hear you were raped : / That happened to me as well when I was I was institutionalized... So I know how hard it is to try and come to terms with. It's a daily struggle for me. Ahh anger issues! I'm manic so I have them as well... Mine usually involve throwing things.. Usually food... Always make it hard on myself to clean things up : /

Aww sounds like you have a wonderful family! That's great! You're husband sounds like a very nice and thoughtful man. You're all very lucky it sounds

My mom passed when I was younger.. I'm not close with the family she married into obviously. The only person I keep in contact with is my dad. He's a drug addict though and can't really even take care of himself. I actually end up taking care of him when he comes around. So short answer no... Hmm well I like listening to music, video games, movies (All the things to keep a shut in occupied lol), other then that I like to cook, read, hmmm that's basically it. I'm not terribly interesting lol.

Well nice to meet you Paula!

Hi Browneyedgirl! That book sounds really interesting. Pretty much describes the way I feel about things to a T. I'm gonna check on Amazon and order it. Sounds like it will at the very least be a good read and hopefully will be helpful. So thanks again! I never really thought my feelings were similar to anyone in the worlds really. I've always just been called and considered myself "Weird". So thanks again!

Hi again,
You are not weird at all, most women think that they are the only ones that feel the way that they do, but that is not true. You'll like the book and the money goes to help girls exit from the sex industry, the average age of a girl starting out in the sex industry is only 13. How sad is that? You'll learn alot from the book
Johanna

 

[hope4today]

Hi Sarah

It's really nice to meet you on here although like others have said I'm sorry that you are in the position to need to be here.
Unlike many others here I actually haven't been in the sex industry but I'm here because I want to people who are, or have been, to hear how valuable and important they are.
I'm sorry you are going through all this.
It's sounds like it must be quite a challenging situation for you and your precious little man. I hear how much you love him and how committed you are to him.
I know you said you aren't very religious but I hope you don't mind if I pray for you and your boy. I believe in Jesus and believe he loves you very much. Because of that I love you too and would love to pray for you.

Thanks for trusting us with your story and I hope you keep feeling able to come and chat here anytime you like.

Bless you heaps
Hope

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Well my hatred of people has been reaffirmed..... Love how people act like i have like zero feelings. I mean I know im just a stripper and who cares..... But wow..... People never cease to make me hate them... At least I'm not working today... Hate that place...

 

[Elliemare]

Well my hatred of people has been reaffirmed..... Love how people act like i have like zero feelings. I mean I know im just a stripper and who cares..... But wow..... People never cease to make me hate them... At least I'm not working today... Hate that place...

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. People can be so cruel. Not everyone is bad and know that we all care and are praying for you.

I have to admit that one of the reasons I went to work in a massage parlor was because I don't think I could handle the unkind treatment of a strip club. The one-on-one situation didn't really allow the guys to behave like jerks. I never really experienced much of that. Doesn't mean its not still degrading and a bit traumatic! Most guys were nice, and their "requests" were pretty simple. I still have a lot of guilt surrounding those times in my life.

I had an ex-bf who went to a strip club for a bachelor party once. A friend of his said something really rude to a dancer. I was livid when I heard the story. The bouncers tried to throw the guys out, a big fight broke out my ex ended up in the hospital with stitches in his hand... yeah, guys can be real idiots and jerks... I hated them for a long time too.

Funny thing is the guy in the group that was rude to the dancer, was the big-shot, suit wearing, Jaguar driving show off of the bunch... yeah, he was a jerk and I never looked at him the same, nor spoke more than two words to that guy for years after that incident.

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this stuff. I'm praying for you.

 

[New Creation]

Well my hatred of people has been reaffirmed..... Love how people act like i have like zero feelings. I mean I know im just a stripper and who cares..... But wow..... People never cease to make me hate them... At least I'm not working today... Hate that place...

You're not JUST a stripper honey. You are a daughter of God, a precious jewel who deserves to be treated with love and respect.

I have many memories of the royal jerks. It's one of the hardest parts of the job, isn't it? I'm sorry you had a rough go of it.

 

[Whispers and Ashes]

Hi board. So I'm not dead! Sorry I've been absent for awhile, I've had a bit of a rough time the last month or so. My son's been in and out of the hospital, more in then out. It just kills me when this happens. I'm so worried, stressed, anxious... It's terrible. I'm just so worried it like shuts me down. I don't handle these things well.. All I can really do is just be nervous, stare off blankly, and freak out... It's hard to watch tv or even eat, let alone go to work, or try and form thoughts. I almost got into an accident the other day because I was like just so blanked out.

I shouldn't get like this... I know it's not good.. I've been losing weight that I shouldn't really lose, then I've been getting nose bleeds because my blood pressure is so high. It's just hard because I worry so much. It's just like hell for me... But I'm trying to just like be here for him like a mother, and try and be strong. I spend most of my time during the day at the hospital, then I'm drained by the time work roles around, but nights are just the worst.... It's hard looking at an empty room.

So just trying to deal with this stuff. Trying to get the motivation to go to work, because I need the money. It's not easy though dealing with all the Aholes that I meet when I have all this going on... I feel like raging out more often then not.

Anyway just letting you guys know what's up.

 

[BlondieLashes]

((((Sarah)))))) Hi Honey! Long time no hear! I am so sorry to hear your son has been so sick and in the hospital! I can only imagine what you are going through! I will pray for him if it's okay with you.

You be careful driving like that. I've done that before where I just totally blank out and miss an offramp, etc. because I'm, "spacing out". I totally understand.

Have you seen your doctor? I know you are taking care of your son, but if no one takes care of YOU you won't have what you need emotionally or physically to be there for him... I know that all too well. I have a really bad habit of taking excellent care of my son and ignoring my own pressing needs. It doesn't work out so well.... trust me.

I can only imagine the anger you're feeling at work dealing with the customers!

It's really good to hear from you and please keep us posted as to how you and your son are doing!