I have this ongoing issue with watching any show or movie with my fiancé (will be married in a couple months) involving female nudity. We try to avoid the really gratuitous stuff but it seems like it’s in everything now…when it comes up I get really upset, and oftentimes angry with the situation/people who made the content in the first place.
My fiancé has told me that it doesn’t really ‘do anything for him’, that there’s no reason I should feel insecure, etc. He also has been making it a point to either look at me or at his phone during these moments. I really appreciate him.
But there are moments where he can’t look away without missing important content. Like if something is happening in the story and there’s also a very scantily clad woman also in the scene.
For some context, I have never had a very healthy relationship with sex. I grew up in the church with very mild-mannered parents who would answer questions if they ever arose but made it a point to keep their children away from that content for a long time. I started struggling with sexual desires when I was about 12-13 and instead of realizing that some of it was actually a normal part of growing up, I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. I spent several years being absolutely disgusted with myself for all of this, and as I grew up more and so did the content I was allowed to watch, I personally found myself very stimulated by any sexual content in movies or shows. And then I’d feel disgust and shame.
It wasn’t until recently (I’m 26 now) that I’ve been able to learn how to embrace the healthy sides of sexuality…but if something comes up while I’m with my fiancé, I get so protective, angry, and upset. Like if we’re on the beach and a woman is in a little bikini…I just feel so small, even though he really does his best not to look.
My fiancé was not a Christian until about 5-6 years ago. He engaged with hookup culture, and partied a lot in college, although he has also told me that for the majority of that time he was in committed relationships and so was not hooking up, also there was like 1 woman to every 14 men at his college. It was a very small school. I have also struggled a lot with his past, but do my best to put it to the side because it’s not fair to him to hold his past over him now.
I went on a couple dates in college/shortly after graduating but I never kissed anyone. I sent some photos I should not have sent. I’m not in the clear either and I know that.
My fiancé and I have been together for about 3 years now. At the beginning of the relationship I was adamant that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. My now-fiancé respected this. We still did some things that we probably shouldn’t have done. We did end up starting to have sex a year and a half into dating. I knew I was taking a risk but by that point we were 98% sure we’d be getting married. I’m not saying I’m not a sinner, because I am.
I’ve always been insecure about the fact that he’s been with other women. He had promised me he does not think about any past sexual moments with them. I’ve had some very unstable moments of breaking down over the pain these thoughts bring me, which in turn makes him feel terrible, because he can’t undo his past. It still hurts sometimes, but has gotten so much better.
I don’t want to continue to bring this issue into our marriage. I don’t want to have an issue any time we watch something with nudity. Like I said, we try to avoid it, but there are some really good shows that involve it. Like we’re watching Yellowstone right now and there was nudity. He made a point to look away for most of it. But I looked it up and there’s some more that will be coming up. I plan to tell him generally what kind of scene is coming up and just ask him to look away. But I also don’t want to be crazy, here.
Advice and wisdom is appreciated…I want to forgive his past. I want to be less bothered when these things come up. It hurts me and then I hurt him by making him feel terrible for his past. It’s not healthy.
My fiancé has told me that it doesn’t really ‘do anything for him’, that there’s no reason I should feel insecure, etc. He also has been making it a point to either look at me or at his phone during these moments. I really appreciate him.
But there are moments where he can’t look away without missing important content. Like if something is happening in the story and there’s also a very scantily clad woman also in the scene.
For some context, I have never had a very healthy relationship with sex. I grew up in the church with very mild-mannered parents who would answer questions if they ever arose but made it a point to keep their children away from that content for a long time. I started struggling with sexual desires when I was about 12-13 and instead of realizing that some of it was actually a normal part of growing up, I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. I spent several years being absolutely disgusted with myself for all of this, and as I grew up more and so did the content I was allowed to watch, I personally found myself very stimulated by any sexual content in movies or shows. And then I’d feel disgust and shame.
It wasn’t until recently (I’m 26 now) that I’ve been able to learn how to embrace the healthy sides of sexuality…but if something comes up while I’m with my fiancé, I get so protective, angry, and upset. Like if we’re on the beach and a woman is in a little bikini…I just feel so small, even though he really does his best not to look.
My fiancé was not a Christian until about 5-6 years ago. He engaged with hookup culture, and partied a lot in college, although he has also told me that for the majority of that time he was in committed relationships and so was not hooking up, also there was like 1 woman to every 14 men at his college. It was a very small school. I have also struggled a lot with his past, but do my best to put it to the side because it’s not fair to him to hold his past over him now.
I went on a couple dates in college/shortly after graduating but I never kissed anyone. I sent some photos I should not have sent. I’m not in the clear either and I know that.
My fiancé and I have been together for about 3 years now. At the beginning of the relationship I was adamant that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. My now-fiancé respected this. We still did some things that we probably shouldn’t have done. We did end up starting to have sex a year and a half into dating. I knew I was taking a risk but by that point we were 98% sure we’d be getting married. I’m not saying I’m not a sinner, because I am.
I’ve always been insecure about the fact that he’s been with other women. He had promised me he does not think about any past sexual moments with them. I’ve had some very unstable moments of breaking down over the pain these thoughts bring me, which in turn makes him feel terrible, because he can’t undo his past. It still hurts sometimes, but has gotten so much better.
I don’t want to continue to bring this issue into our marriage. I don’t want to have an issue any time we watch something with nudity. Like I said, we try to avoid it, but there are some really good shows that involve it. Like we’re watching Yellowstone right now and there was nudity. He made a point to look away for most of it. But I looked it up and there’s some more that will be coming up. I plan to tell him generally what kind of scene is coming up and just ask him to look away. But I also don’t want to be crazy, here.
Advice and wisdom is appreciated…I want to forgive his past. I want to be less bothered when these things come up. It hurts me and then I hurt him by making him feel terrible for his past. It’s not healthy.
