when you experiences change, or when your spouse experiences change...

[Evening Mist]

It seems like one of the toughest things on marriage is when one partner goes through some sort of change or another. The other partner often feels like "Oh, this isn't the same person I married!" And there is this feeling of disspointment, betrayal or feeling ripped off. KWIM?

So lately I've been noticing so many comments that communicate this sense of let down -- like,
"This just isn't like you."
"You are not the man I married."

And, incidentally, toward our children too:
"What happened to my sweet boy?"

I'm realizing lately that people *do* change and you can't really do anything about it. It is part of our nature to grow, and change, and mature -- and the loving gracious thing to do is to accept your partner for who they are and support what they are going through, even if you don't understand it. It is too much to expect someone to always be the same person.

I wish that we could have realized these sorts of things BEFORE we got married, KWIM? It would have helped to define the enormity of the commitment.

Just my meandering thought of the day!

 

[Dewjunkie]

If we could see into the future of our spouses, the divorce rate would be much lower. Mainly because very few people would get married.

It's tough to accept change and to grow with it. My first marriage failed because we were unable to find any remote common ground after a couple years.

My current wife was recently paralyzed. I am fully understanding the growth in change. My once active wife now struggles to do even the most menial tasks. Not only has her physical ability changed, but she has different emotions now. I am finding that ONLY through the grace of God am I able to adapt to this situation.

You have a good point, mist, and as one who has been through failure in accepting change and in the process of adapting, I can say that you must lean on God to help, even when it seems helpless. He will, and the reward will be better than you think.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

The enormity of the commitment. Amen sister! You just defined something I could never find words for. The enormity of the commitment. I think when you're young you romanticize marriage and don't consider that it *costs* something, everything. You give 100 percent of yourself to another person. You don't learn what that entails until you are married. Thankfully, my wife makes a crying shame of what it cost me to marry her. I cleaned up on this deal. Being married to her outweighs what I gave up ten to one. But as I get older and grow I try to be a better husband. So as I change I seek to change in a way that will benefit my marriage. I want how I change to be reflected in the kind of husband I am.
My wife rocks and someday maybe I'll be good enough to deserve her.

 

[seebs]

I hate to interrupt with mere pedantry, but "enormity" doesn't mean "largeness", it means "awfulness".

 

[Evening Mist]

enormity means awfullness???? REALLY? I just thought it meant enormousness.

prayisrael -- i had a to laugh a little when I read your post. yeah, there are things that will never change. He'll never clean up his newspaper when he's finished reading it. He'll never rinse the oatmeal out of his dish in the morning. He'll never wake up with the baby at night.....

Just kidding. He's actually awesome and I wouldn't trade him for anyone. 'cept maybe a cat.

dewjunkie -- your story is amazing. May God grant you and your wife unlimited strength. You are an inspiration!

 

[hollygirl]

I'd have to say that there have been plenty of changes since my husband and I married. Many have been for the good. I never would've known that things could get better than they already were until I saw it happening. God continues to bless us and I continue to be thankful for His goodness.

My husband, my blessing, you are more wonderful than I can put into words. I am so blessed! I praise the Lord for giving me to you and you to me!