Losing your cool

[Ichthymom]

Can anyone relate?

Sometimes, my kids just makes me explode. Like, uncontrollable screaming, at them. How do you deal with yourself at the height of the moment?

 

[Karin12414]

I get like that with my two year old sometimes. What has helped me is, I have actually started reading and listening to discussions about baby's mental development. Mine is only 2, so I am staying in the toddler range, but I am sure there are similar articles for older children.

I also try my best to walk out of the room. I have neighbors across from me and the grandmother is ALWAYS yelling at the children... I know a lot of that has to do with her whole traditional Spanish woman vibe, but it really breaks my heart because she yells at them for EVERYTHING... So when I think I am about to raise my voice at my daughter, I think of the loud grandma across the street and I walk away.

How old are your little ones?

 

[Southernscotty]

Count to ten and say "I will not sin".... Over and over lol. Pray about this and know that many others are facing the same problems.
Children like to press things just to see how far they can go. Deep breaths :]

 

[Ichthymom]

I get like that with my two year old sometimes. What has helped me is, I have actually started reading and listening to discussions about baby's mental development. Mine is only 2, so I am staying in the toddler range, but I am sure there are similar articles for older children.

I also try my best to walk out of the room. I have neighbors across from me and the grandmother is ALWAYS yelling at the children... I know a lot of that has to do with her whole traditional Spanish woman vibe, but it really breaks my heart because she yells at them for EVERYTHING... So when I think I am about to raise my voice at my daughter, I think of the loud grandma across the street and I walk away.

How old are your little ones?

I try to walk away sometimes, but it's usually when they make a HUGE food mess. It just makes me snap. My kids are 1, 2, 3 and 5. It's been so overwhelming these past couple years.

 

[Ichthymom]

Count to ten and say "I will not sin".... Over and over lol. Pray about this and know that many others are facing the same problems.
Children like to press things just to see how far they can go. Deep breaths :]

Thanks! I need to start trying the breathing thing. Lol.

 

[blackribbon]

When you feel like screaming (or do), make sure the kids are safe and walk away until you cool down. Don't forget to apologize to the kids for losing your cool because I assume you expect the same behavior from them. In calmer times, have the discussions you need to have about what they did wrong and how it should be handled in the future. Punish when you are cool if need be. If you do it when you are out of control, they will associate being punished with mom being mad and not with what they did wrong.

 

[carp614]

I have struggled with this the entire time I have been a parent. I went from not worrying about it, to understanding that my outbursts were not helpful, to understanding that it hurt everyone in my family and praying for it to stop, with no appreciable improvement. It was devastatingly frustrating to do this to my kids and then 10 minutes later realize what a jerk I had been. I got so tired of having to navigate the lack of progress.

This Easter season I fasted for the first time and one of the things I prayed for was for the strength to stop scaring my family. God answer my prayer by revealing to me how scary it really can be when I lose my cool. As soon as I was able to see it (it was like scales came off my eyes and I could see see and feel the real weight of what i was doing) I found the strength to stop myself just a few seconds in, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and then move on with the lesson they needed to learn.

This book has been helpful: "For Parents Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. Just because it gives some insights into what my kids actually want from me. The real help actually came from the Lord and in my humility, which was, it seems, a prerequisite to receiving his blessing.

 

[JAM2b]

Have a break until you're under control. You have to take care of your emotions before you can take care of issues with your children.

 

[Avniel]

Have a break until you're under control. You have to take care of your emotions before you can take care of issues with your children.

I think this is the best answer, you can’t teach self control when you don’t display it. I don’t yell at my kids, I don’t allow myself to get that frustrated. My method is to walk away, go to bathroom, put headphones on and listen to music. When I’ve calmed my spirit, I communicate with my child and give consequences for actions. I think it teaches consequences don’t happen immediately and allows me to appear in control of my own emotions.

 

[Tzav]

Okay. I am both a mother and grandmother now. It horrifies me to even imagine that I screamed at my children, and my brain does not want to remember doing it! But I am SURE I did!

My opinion , at my particular stage in this game of life, when it is happening, when your frustration is growing, it is way too late, if you have not purposely already prepared yourself! If you know this problem has happened before, seriously, you need a pleasant, peaceful, quiet time of your own before you start your day.

1. What pleases you? A latte? Tea? Simple black coffee? Cranberry juice? Then get some and take it to your quiet place, where you can sit down, alone, with your Bible. (You can be alone in the same room as your spouse, if you both agree with this.)
2. Start by telling the L_RD about your desire to please Him and be the best parent you can be, with His help, then ask Him to help and to shepherd you, because He knows, even better than you do, the value of your child.
3. Read something from the Psalms or another Scripture that is calming, soothing, about His love, or just your pre-planned reading for the day.
4. And sip your pleasant drink, enjoying the quiet communion.
5. Ask for His help. Ask Him to prepare your heart. Ask Him to teach you His ways.
6. Then purposely meet and greet your day with the understanding that He is there.

Seriously.

And stop beating yourself up for the past! You have a future to do!

(Don't have time for this? You have time for the things that are important to you.)