I Attract Abusive Men

[Tull]

Because you aren't attracted to nice guys.

Nice guys aren't socially adept, which is a turn off for most women.

Yep,they want the life of the party,the "stick with me babe" rock star types and bad boys.

 

[Servant68]

I've been divorced for 3 years after a 20 year marriage to a "Christian" woman. She dumped me for her ex high school boyfriend who is an alcoholic sports fanatic. Never a dull moment with him... They deserve each other.

I've seen dozens of long-term marriages fail over the past decade or so. Most of those have been in the church.

In nearly every single case, it was the woman who initiated the split. And in nearly every single case, she left the man for a "bad boy"...

The girl I'm dating now has been married twice. The first one was a physically and emotionally abusive narcissist cop who left her. The second one was an end times survivalist nut job who ended up robbing a bank.

She's done with bad boys and is just blown away by someone who is polite, respectful, thoughtful, and opens doors for her.

One thing she told me last week really stuck with me. She said that even though she found me attractive, she wouldn't have agreed to go out with me because I exuded confidence and cockiness that didn't appeal to her. She thought my swagger and machismo (her terms) meant that I didn't respect women. She only went out with me because a mutual friend said I was super nice.

She told me that within fifteen minutes of us talking, she knew I was a genuine person and was interested in dating me. After talking for 3 hours, she knew we would end up in a serious relationship if I wanted one.

 

[rubyinprogress]

I hate it. I'm good at spotting it now but I attract abusive men. I'm tired of it. I never let it get too far but every man I meet that I might be interested in is abusive. Luckily I see the red flags and get out but why can't I meet a nice guy? Someone who wants to like me for me instead of some guy who just wants to have relations with me and boss me around. So so tired of this...

I've been single for two years after my divorce. It's hard living alone. I really want to find my best friend.

I haven't read all the way through this thread but I read a ways down and no one has mentioned what to me seems obvious. Any woman can get hit on by abusive men. There are a lot of them out there and if you seem "available" they are gonna try. The difference is not whether or not you get hit on as much as whether or not you fall for them. You mentioned that you spot it. Good for you!!! So you got hit on by Mr. Wrong last night. You didn't go out with him. You didn't give in despite his persistence. At one point in your life maybe his persistence would have been "flattering" to you, but now you know better. Sounds to me like you are making good progress.

 

[rubyinprogress]

I reread the title of this thread. Stop believing that about yourself! I mean that with the utmost kindness and respect.