- Oct 22, 2019
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Ah, yeah, right, you did mention epilepsy I just forgot it, sorry.I think the person who's son you are referring to is me.
Yes, though my son's developmental issue is because of epilepsy; the seizures have left him with autistic like communication challenges. Yeah, and in some ways, I'm sure my son does feel like he was "born in the wrong universe" too.
You said in the post above that you like to hear testimonies. Well, I got one posted on Fan Fiction that I'll leave you a link to. It might help you..... not feel like you're so alone in this world.
Epilepsy is another condition that Pentecostals and charismatics treat as demonic possession
Sometimes the church can be incredibly hurtful of people taking aims at things that are totally out of their control. It's like Jobs "friends" and the disciples when Jesus healed the blind man assuming the blind man somehow deserved it because of sin.
there are other hurtful things the church can say to a person like me as well, with the idea of not liking singing, like if you don't feel like you'd be at home in heaven, and don't feel at home on this Earth, their "reassurance" is that you can feel at home in hell where you belong and deserve to be.
Oh we're saved by grace, none of us deserve to be in heaven, but the way they can say it and make you feel like you're going to a place you don't belong brings about the thought "will I ever be somewhere that feels like 'home'? will I ever be happy?"
which just reinforces my belief in my lack of value, "it's not about you it's about God", and so I have to view me, what I thought humans were a social animal, instead being a eusocial animal, like an ant or a wasp, all expendable workers living for the queen, in our case, King.
I read the bible, and can see that many of those pastors seem to be way off, but then my own low self esteem gets in the way "maybe I misinterpret what I read and they're right, I'm wrong, after all they're John Piper who writes books and has a million subscribers, I'm a nobody they exhibit joy in God, I don't, so I must be wrong"
Like I think the most toxic thing that I believe, is that my own life is so unenjoyable, that I am not thankful for it. So even the idea that yes, Jesus took the punishment for my sins, if heaven and the New Earth are as someone like John Piper says, then I have no real thanks to give, only the question of why was I born in the first place, there'd have been no sins to die for or forgive, if I'd never existed. Life itself becomes a thing of resentment instead of gratitude, and that fuels bitterness.
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