Trusting God with Number of Children

[Woohaar]

Hi there!

I am recently married (almost 9 months) and am on the pill. I have no problems with being on the pill or people using contraception, but that's not really what this thread is about.
Over the past few months, I have been thinking a lot about starting a family, particularly is pregnancy based on our will or Gods will?

This is something that i'm really struggling with in the sense that I kow of people who have gotten pregnant when medically, they shouldn't have been able to. So you can argue that was obviously God. But what about teeneage pregnancies, or babies that are born into abusive families? I know that God doesn't want those children to suffer, yet they do. I realise that there is an element of free choice in here i.e. if you are having sex, especially unprotected sex, you should be prepared to possibly get pregnant. And what about babies that are a product of rape? But does God interfare with free will in the sense that if I'm on the pill he's going to respect that? but then again, people DO get pregnant on the pill.

My husband and I are very much looking forward to starting a family of our own someday, the fear is that we give up birth control now we won't be financially ready when a child comes along. Because, as far as we know, there is no reason why I wouldn't get pregnant right away. But God wouldn't give us a child if he wasn't able to help us provide for it - would he?

Ok, this is probably making very little sense, but I would hugely appreciate any thoughts/experience you have on this topic.

Thanks in advance

 

[Jehane]

I got pregnant on the pill - twins! We never used contraception again. Total no., kids - just 5. Yes we have struggled financially at times. Would I do it differently? No. God has always provided the necessities & luxuries are just that, luxuries.

 

[Athaliamum]

God said that he would always provide what we need. Now sometimes there is a very big difference between what we sometimes want and what we may need.

I believe it really comes down to what are you willing to go without in order to have a child or more children?

Things can change relatively quickly in finacial situation too so even if you do find yourself in a comfortable position to finacially have a child the next day might not be the same and it might not be so comfortable. I think finaces is one of those things, that while it is a consideration, should in no way be a top of the list factor in making such a huge decision. Questions I would be more likely to ask is - Am I prepared to give an enormous amount of my time and energy to the life of another human being? Is my husband and I prepared to make sacrifices of time together? Are we willing to compromise on finacial matters? What expectations do I have?

And a big one and some may think this one taboo but...what happens if that child is disabled? Am I prepared for mild disability or the works? I ask this question as the mother of a disabled child myself with huge risk of further children having similar issues.

As for your questions about God and contraception I can only answer all and none of the above. I think it is individually based and to make a sweeping statement either way would not be correct.

Hope this helps. As for not knowing what to do - ask God to either place the desire to have or not have children in your heart and go with that.

 

[Woohaar]

We know that we want to have children one day, probably quite a few actually, it's just a matter of when. The thing that we're struggling is whether this is a decision we make ourselves, or if we just leave it up to God.
In terms of finanaces, we both have degrees and my husband has a good job with an international company. I am a primary school teacher, but it is our intention that I would stop working in order to stay at home with our children. I have considered the possibility of having a disabled child, and I know that we would find a way of dealing with that situation.
Please understand that we are not very materialistic and are happy to go without some things - either by choice or because circumstances dictate.
We will be great parents one day, and we have a plan of when to start trying, but what I want to know is....
How do we know whether our plan and timing for having children is the same as God's plan and timing for us having children?

 

[Jehane]

Ask God. He will give you the desire to concieve & clarify the position he wishes you to take on things like contraception.

I happen to be particularly thick as well as stubborn & I got over-ruled big time on the contraception issue. God has an unique plan for each of us. Ask him what his plan is for you.

 

[ACADEMIC]

Hi there!
...is pregnancy based on our will or Gods will?

This is something that i'm really struggling with in the sense that I kow of people who have gotten pregnant when medically, they shouldn't have been able to. So you can argue that was obviously God. But what about teeneage pregnancies, or babies that are born into abusive families? I know that God doesn't want those children to suffer, yet they do. I realise that there is an element of free choice in here i.e. if you are having sex, especially unprotected sex, you should be prepared to possibly get pregnant. And what about babies that are a product of rape? But does God interfare with free will in the sense that if I'm on the pill he's going to respect that? but then again, people DO get pregnant on the pill.

My husband and I are very much looking forward to starting a family of our own someday, the fear is that we give up birth control now we won't be financially ready when a child comes along. Because, as far as we know, there is no reason why I wouldn't get pregnant right away. But God wouldn't give us a child if he wasn't able to help us provide for it - would he?

Quiverfull is based upon an unBiblical idea of God's sovereignty in that it views pregnancy as occurring by a supernatural act of God opening or clsoing the womb.

That is not the way it works though. God set cause and effect into His universrse and upholds it (Col 1:16-17). As part of this, He set the ovulation cycle into human biology.

Hence, and assuming no cause and effect mechanism has been taken to intervene (e.g., the pill, a barrier method, etc.), when a male and a female has relations during around ovulation, pregnancy is likely to result. This is true with married couples, teenagers in a backseat, an incestuous uncle with his teenaged niece, or during a violent rape.

That God is capable of intervening to open and close wombs, just as He is capable of healing the body or of causing the sun to stop or of preventing a person from smashing upon rocks if they fall off of a cliff, does not mean He does in every instance. It is presumption, often tempting God (Mat. 4:6-7), and not faith, to take a capability of God and make it a doctrine of His supposed perpetual action.

The pill fails part of the time in Christians and non-Christians just the same. That is a recognized fact and the failure mechanism of it is well-known scientifically. One cannot make the leap that God overrode each instance where a couple became pregnant while on the pill, although it is possible in given instances. If the pill fails to suppress ovulation on a month, then--well, the rest of the proccess follows.

God's sovereignty and man's free will works complimentarily. We are co-laborers with Christ (2 Cor. 6:1). There is absolutely nothing wrong with using prayer and your good sense to prudently plan your family - the when, the spacing, and the number of children - via the blessing of contraceptive technologies He has given.

At the same time, do not get caught up, as some couples sometimes do, in perfectionistically expecting absolutely every possible thing to be in complete order before having children.

While it may be prudent to wait to have children until you both are settled educationally and your husband is alone making an adequate living, you certainly do not need to have a college fund for your children going before having them. (Hey, don't laugh! I have actually seen that once before!)

This may help:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_on_contraception

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[Jehane]

As always, Academic, you present a clear argument.

 

[oliveplants]

You ask some good questions. I agree that the answer is 'yes' and 'no.' Sometimes God intervenes, and sometimes things just happen.

I guess one way to know if your plan is the same as God's plan is to keep in it. If He does intervene and override your plan, then you know He has something better. Just don't get mad if He does! Of course, keep in prayer and be willing to hear from Him if He speaks.

 

[Assisi]

It's both up to you as a couple and God. He allows us to participate in His creative work.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

He allows us to participate in His creative work.

I like this answer best! God created our bodies to work a certain way, I believe He created our bodies to inform us of when we are fertile so that we can plan (according to His will, that we learn through prayer and fasting) when is the right time to conceive and when is the right time to wait.

 

[Woohaar]

Thank you all so much for your input (especially ACADEMIC). What you wrote makes a lot of sense and has helped me answer a few of the questions I had.

 

[ACADEMIC]

Glad we could be of some assistance.

Feel free to pose more problems/questions. You can probably tell there are folks around who like to tackle this subject.

 

[ACADEMIC]

More later.

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