Millennial Female too Scared to date--the culture we grew up in

[EmilytheLutheran]

I joined this forum tonight to ask for help, but I haven't quite found the right thread or forum yet and I need to fall asleep soon. I think this means I just need to leave a message that I think might be validating and maybe helpful to at least some young women my age (and I'm sure it applies to women of other ages too):

Millennial women got violated--literally and figuratively--we were assaulted/bombarded by explicit material online since we were children and grew up in a generation with boys who experienced the same. We endured a barrage of mixed messages about our bodies, our worth and we were called "crazy"/socially-ostracized for not knowing how to cope with it. We wanted sacred intimacy--but for many of us, we were groomed to the point where we were not given a choice and we were violated. Jesus protected Mary Magdelene, don't you ever forget that.

I know what it feels like to feel lost in the culture.

I am too scared to date, and I am single because I refuse to sacrifice my safety/health/the safety-of-a-potential-child for a man who refuses to adhere to a wholesome covenant. And I just can't take dealing with dangerous situations/perverts anymore.

I know it's hard, I know it's confusing and scary and you are probably just sick and tired and looking for hope.

When I feel like that I cry to Jesus--alone, speaking out loud and in my thoughts; because the Lord protected the traumatized; The Lord saw the reality of trauma and helped good people who were traumatized in his life. I then remember I have a purpose, I have a path--and although this hardship is unfair and so painful and so lonely and so terrifying, God and the Lord has helped me survive--giving me tools and led me to other good people. Yes, morality is still here. Wholesomeness is still here...it seems rare...but it is still here. Never give up.

 

[Carl Emerson]

This is a very touching post and welcome to CF...

You have enunciated what I have seen beautifully.

Critical to be in tight fellowship with sincere believers.

There are aspects of culture absent in this modern age including respect, honour and supportive Godly council.

It can be a tough ask to remain uncompromising in your faith in this permissive age.

The more we have traveled away from a biblical foundation in our culture the worse the problems have gotten.

The battle is raging and sadly we have little support for those in the firing line.

I am sure folks will pray for you as I will.

 

[Jeshu]

Praying for you, it is hard growing up, Millennial or not. i grew up in the 60s when rebellion against authority was rampant. i was only 4 when the perversions of others got to me already and grew up devouring countless porn magazines, were all kind of sexual perversity was recommended until well into my teens when i finally decided they were wrong.


i did away with seeking out porn when i realising it was badly wrong. Yet as kids we knew precisely where to find these magazines. The secret parking lots of the dating couples we knew so well to find. Making crude jokes about the bouncing, fogged up cars parked there at all times of the day. What chance did we kids get to remain pure? All of this was made worse by parents who were to embarrassed to talk about sex, for all our kids lives they used to say it was dirty and we were not allowed to experiment with each other. No sex education at school either.

Honest i began to understand that sex is sacred only when i married the women of my love and i saw how my sexual education were harvesting me 'coals of fire' instead of the rewards i had anticipated.

Good on you for choosing to do it God's way. i hope and pray that God will bless you for it and you find a husband who also wants to serve the Lord this way.

Peace.

 

[rturner76]

I am so saddened that this is happening but very encouraged by your message. I have a niece who though not religious, respects herself and does not engage in these high-pressure situations, and avoids immoral people. She loves her horses and dogs and focuses on animals and nature instead of focusing on men and giving in to the pressures of society.

So you are not alone in your convictions. You are not alone in your distress. You are on the right track. Stay away from these situations and men and stay single until you find that god-fearing, man who proves he is patient and he respects women and people's boundaries. Though it can be lonely without that kind of companionship, staying close to your God, quality friends in the church, and avoiding that one on one situation that turns dangerous will allow you the time you need to be granted everything you need in life.

 

[Tolworth John]

am too scared to date, and I am single because I refuse to sacrifice my safety/health/the safety-of-a-potential-child for a man who refuses to adhere to a wholesome covenant

I can understand that fear, but we are not all rapists, wife beaters or philandering women haters.

Do you not work with decent men or attend church with decent men who behave themselves, keep there word etc.

Dating can be as simple as going for a coffee, or attending someone else's church with them and building a friendship that develops out of this.

If someone asks you out, don't automatically say no, talk to them and go for a coffee.