Kinda' depressed...any advice?

[ninetails390]

Hello people, I finally decided to come ask for a little help from you all. I've been sort of depressed lately (ok, more than "sort of"). I just told my Mom about a week ago, and she's trying to help, but I just want someone to talk to, so I decided to make a thread on it. I started getting depressed around the begining of June, and then it got better for a while, and then it returne and got worse, to the point that I started cutting my wrist with a thumbtack, then a pencil, then scissors...I almost cut it witha pocket knife, but then I slit my thumb pretty bad with the knife and decided against it. I haven't cut myself since I told my mom, but lately I've been feeling a little more depressed again, and the only thing keeping me from hurting myself is the fact that my mom would notice and freak out. I take this over the counter anti-depressant type thing called St. John's Wort, but I've only been taking it for about four days, so it hasn't had time to have much effect on me yet. I just wanted to talk about it, thanks in advance for your concern and/or advice.

 

[needhislove]

Hi ninetails,

I think you need to get to a doctor. St. John's Wort is for very mild depression, not for serious depression, and if you are cutting or feeling compelled to cut, that sounds pretty serious. Your family doctor can help. How is your mom trying to help? Is she going to get you in to a Dr? Is there something in your life that is causing you to feel this way? Think about any difficulties you are having or have had in the past that you maybe haven't dealt with yet. I will be praying for you. God Bless.

 

[bliz]

Some people find St. John's Wart very effective, but other people feel that it does not work at all, and still others have a rough time with side effects, even as others claim there are no side effects. The tough thing with SJW, and all herbal treatments, is that there are no controlled or standardized dosages. Herbal treatments can work, and they can becasue they contain poweful chemicles. At your age, I would feel so much better if you had a chat with a doctor. Medications for young people are somewhat limited, but you may find a great deal of help just with talk therapy.

In the meantime... may I suggest a couple of things? Put youself on a schedule. Get up on the morning, do choress, do physical activity. Exercise and activity really can help with depression. Get some sunshine. Take your mind off yourself a little. There are all manner of places where you can volunteer - try your local library where you can help with story hour or summer programs at local churches. I am well aware that there is so much more going on with depression than being inactive and thinking about yourself! But still, those kind of things can be a big help. I know that depression makes you want to be less active, to sleep in and crash all day... so you need to be plan and hold yourself to a plan.

How's your diet? Enough protein? Veggies? Fruit? All of that helps as well.

Cutting is actually a way of releasing pain and stress. It can spook the heck out of people, but it is not that uncommon... just leave the pocket knife out of it, will you?

Why don't you chat with your Mom again and ask if she could help you find a counselor or therapist to talk to. A Christian counselor can be great... but your Mom should check out in advance what they believe. Some Christians counselors believe that all mental illness comes from sin. Sin can cause guilt and depression, but that is very different than the depression that has organic causes. Other counselors will tell you that cutting is a sin, just adding problems to the pile and not helping you get better. Many counselors work under the authority of a psychiatrist, and that can be helpful.

It's great that you are talking with your mom about this! Post here anytime - lots of people check in and respond!

 

[allieisme]

If you attend a church, anyone on the pastoral staff should/would be willing to counsel you.
Have you told your mom on your cutting as well, or just the depression? If you havent you need to let her know, you shouldnt be doing it at all, but the things you are using could lead to infection. A thumbtack? A pencil..with a pencil you could get lead poisoning, I'm just asking that you talk to your mom about the cutting, if you havent already

 

[ninetails390]

Thanks you guys! My mom is looking for a counselor for me, and she is trying to keep me occupied and make sure I get enough attention and such.
Leave the pocket knife out, huh? What about steak knives? I kinda' hit rock bottom again last night. I just picked up a stuffed animal that I got from my mom's old boyfriend and started crying; I ended up staying up really late crying, and then I went out to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and brought it to my room. I was half convinced I was going to end up killing myself, so I ended up writing a goodbye note to my best friend. I always calm down when I write things, so by the time I finished, I didn't want to die anymore, but I still cut my wrist a few times for good measure (I stopped when I started getting blood on the knife) and then scratched my arm up pretty bad just above the elbow. I really should tell my mom what I did, but it was hard enough telling her I was depressed in the first place...
I love little kids! I'm trying to get a sort of volunteer job working with preschoolers at my church (the one I go to when I'm at my mom's house; my parents are divorced). I already have a sort of unofficial, unpaid babysitting service at my dad's church (he's a pastor); I watch the preschoolers and such at church events and I sometimes keep an eye on peoples babies when they have to go do things. That always cheers me up.
Well, thanks a lot for your help.

 

[katylees]

Hey ...im sorry to hear about the probelms u got with cutting and depression ...you're also quite young ...well compared to me hehe i dunno wot i meant there :S ...hmm anyway ..i cut a few times last month and now ive *given it up* hopefully ... but only my b'f knows ... i couldnt tell any1 else ..and still no one else knows ...hmm it is hard telling ppl ...anyway ill stop rambling Hope you're ok PM me if u wanna talk anytime

 

[ninetails390]

Thank you so much, you guys! Last night I scared myself pretty bad..I can't believe I really was going to try killing myself! My mom still doesn't know about that...but yes, she does know about my cutting in general. My wrist is actually healing up pretty good; what I'm really afraid of is that I'll lose control of either myself or the knife/thumbtack and end up killing myself or getting seriously hurt. (Oh, and I seriously doubt I'll get lead poisoning from graphite, but that pencil sure drew a lot of blood.) Oh, one more thing I think I failed to mention: my mom is a mental health worker. Nothing much, just a sort of client supervisor; she also runs the crisis phone line at the mental health place she works at.

 

[TheMainException]

PM me if you need to vent...I'm a good listener....I'm glad that you told your mom about your depression...but if you find after a couple of weeks that St. Johns Wort isn't working, maybe you should get a prescription anti-D...that might help even more. Keep living! It won't get easier, but the closer you get to God, the better you will be able to cope with it. Try reading a book by Brennan Manning called "Abba's Child." It's about the love of Christ.