hi
it's awkward, but I need to write it out, otherwise I can't face my future.
I fled from my family, my beloved city, and even my beloved country because of one reason, I am not a virgin anymore.
My grandparents and all my (big) family from my mother's side are catholic. My grandfather had christianize lot of people in his time, and respected in the region where I lived.
My fathers family embrace various religion.
a few years ago, I had a boyfriend(Islam) and my family member not approved our relationship, because of his religion(in my country Islam men known to have more than one wife or do violence to their wives).
I decided to break our relationship, but in the same time I had did sinful thing.
And finally I know if he have his own family(his wife pregnant, and he has a daughter live in other city). I'm very regret with what I've done. Although he wanted to marry me, but I wont marry with a husband and the more important thing was I don't want to convert to his religion, and marry without my family's permission. I decided to sneak of from my father's house, for I know if my parents know if I'm not their virgin daughter anymore, it will kill them slowly. For I have embarrassed them and a whole family.
From that time onwards, I never attended mass in church nor pray in formal way as a catholic person. I feel so dirty and sinful.
I'm dying wanted to receive communion again, I miss that moment so much.
two weeks ago I went to a church, my eyes streaming after I received His bread, my heart feels warm and peace when I leave the church.
My sin seems to dance over my eyes every day and night, for a few months onwards I will finish my work contract and wanted to go home to my homeland, to my beloved family.
I feel very excited but scared in the same time.
I had called them, and they told me that they are miss me and love me and have forgiven me.
but, still, I don't know how to face them, later when my time's come..
thank you for listening.
please pray for me, may God give me courage to overcome all of this.
and how I manage my relationship with God again?
is there any chance that my church in my country will refuse me?
it's awkward, but I need to write it out, otherwise I can't face my future.
I fled from my family, my beloved city, and even my beloved country because of one reason, I am not a virgin anymore.
My grandparents and all my (big) family from my mother's side are catholic. My grandfather had christianize lot of people in his time, and respected in the region where I lived.
My fathers family embrace various religion.
a few years ago, I had a boyfriend(Islam) and my family member not approved our relationship, because of his religion(in my country Islam men known to have more than one wife or do violence to their wives).
I decided to break our relationship, but in the same time I had did sinful thing.
And finally I know if he have his own family(his wife pregnant, and he has a daughter live in other city). I'm very regret with what I've done. Although he wanted to marry me, but I wont marry with a husband and the more important thing was I don't want to convert to his religion, and marry without my family's permission. I decided to sneak of from my father's house, for I know if my parents know if I'm not their virgin daughter anymore, it will kill them slowly. For I have embarrassed them and a whole family.
From that time onwards, I never attended mass in church nor pray in formal way as a catholic person. I feel so dirty and sinful.
I'm dying wanted to receive communion again, I miss that moment so much.
two weeks ago I went to a church, my eyes streaming after I received His bread, my heart feels warm and peace when I leave the church.
My sin seems to dance over my eyes every day and night, for a few months onwards I will finish my work contract and wanted to go home to my homeland, to my beloved family.
I feel very excited but scared in the same time.
I had called them, and they told me that they are miss me and love me and have forgiven me.
but, still, I don't know how to face them, later when my time's come..
thank you for listening.
please pray for me, may God give me courage to overcome all of this.
and how I manage my relationship with God again?
is there any chance that my church in my country will refuse me?