Woosah.

[Quoth]

What is the correct way for dealing with "holier than thou" types, do you think? Someone who is there to rain on your parade just because of their personal convictions. They're in every church, every forum, every chat, every group. So how do you deal with them?

 

[Inkachu]

Stop giving them the power to upset you. If they're looking down their noses at you, it's only their own insecurity or power complex that's at work. If you know you're being the best Christian you can be, you can be confident in that, and what someone else thinks of you won't affect you so much.

 

[Quoth]

Stop giving them the power to upset you. If they're looking down their noses at you, it's only their own insecurity or power complex that's at work. If you know you're being the best Christian you can be, you can be confident in that, and what someone else thinks of you won't affect you so much.

It's not that they annoy me. It's that I want to wake them up out of their holier-than-thou attitude.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm afraid it's pretty rare that we can "wake up" another person. How often have you let someone else wake YOU up about your attitude, and it actually worked? People are naturally quick to get defensive and huffy when another person tries to tell them they're doing something wrong. Some people are gifted at that sort of thing...they can open eyes with their calm, diplomatic, and persuasive manner. But if you aren't that type of person...best to leave the heart changing to God, in my opinion.

Let me know if you make an attempt, and tell me how it goes!

 

[Im_A]

What is the correct way for dealing with "holier than thou" types, do you think? Someone who is there to rain on your parade just because of their personal convictions. They're in every church, every forum, every chat, every group. So how do you deal with them?

get an umbrella and get ready to watch their fall. pride always goes before the fall.

 

[latteda]

Usually just ignore them and try to steer clear.

 

[seekingpurity047]

Well, sometimes we wonder if they actually have a "holier than thou" perspective at all. I mean, there is the question of why are they doing things. Like, if they say, "I disagree with this because I would never do that." Then that is a holier than thou attitude, but if they say things like, "I disagree with this because the Bible says this" or something, then I would recommend considering their position. It's not fair to them to automatically assume that they are being holier than thou if they think something that people are doing is wrong. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and maybe that person is truly concerned for a situation.

So I think we should be a little bit more gracious when it comes to these things and not automatically assume that just because they believe something is wrong, that they have a "holier than thou" attitude.

 

[Inkachu]

Well, "holier than thou", by definition, means that they are interacting in a way that says they feel they are above you, or superior to you. If someone simply says, "I don't believe this is right because the Bible says this..." I wouldn't define that as being holier than thou.

That isn't to say someone might be overly sensitive and defensive and interpret ANY bit of advice as someone being condescending so...

I guess that equals a whole lot of nothing lol.

 

[seekingpurity047]

Well, "holier than thou", by definition, means that they are interacting in a way that says they feel they are above you, or superior to you. If someone simply says, "I don't believe this is right because the Bible says this..." I wouldn't define that as being holier than thou.

That isn't to say someone might be overly sensitive and defensive and interpret ANY bit of advice as someone being condescending so...

I guess that equals a whole lot of nothing lol.

Thank you for clarifying, Silver.

However, I do think a lot of us (myself included) tend to jump to the conclusion that someone is "holier than thou" a little too fast. It's a fallacy of hasty generalization. Not until we can prove that they actually have this attitude should we base our conclusion. Give people a chance.

 

[Im_A]

Well, "holier than thou", by definition, means that they are interacting in a way that says they feel they are above you, or superior to you. If someone simply says, "I don't believe this is right because the Bible says this..." I wouldn't define that as being holier than thou.

That isn't to say someone might be overly sensitive and defensive and interpret ANY bit of advice as someone being condescending so...

I guess that equals a whole lot of nothing lol.

agreed. just because someone says, i disagree because of this and this, they are not being holier than thou, but boy when they use that as a way that shows they are above you, then its easy to call out that spade.

not so much as easy as online. text have no ability to show holier than thou attitudes, without them saying, "i'm better than you". but irl, it seems a lot easier to pinpoint out.

 

[Quoth]

Thank you for clarifying, Silver.

However, I do think a lot of us (myself included) tend to jump to the conclusion that someone is "holier than thou" a little too fast. It's a fallacy of hasty generalization. Not until we can prove that they actually have this attitude should we base our conclusion. Give people a chance.

I used to come across to others as "holier than thou." The problem isn't just with one end of the situation. If someone is coming across as holier than thou, I generally tell them how they're coming across. If their attitude changes, great! If their attitude doesn't change, it's rare that--even when I try--I can get past how I perceive their attitude.

Though with my father I've had to learn to sort of roll over his jokes about my hair or clothes being ungodly.

 

[Inkachu]

That is an excellent point.

Online, all you see are typed words. You don't see eyes, facial expressions, hands, you can't hear subtle inflections in the person's voice.

This is one reason I refuse to engage in "arguing" online. It's pointless and almost always results in everybody being ticked off and nothing being achieved. It's WAY too easy to just spout anything that you want when you're upset here, and you have no accountability or consequences in your offline life.

I save my arguing for real life, lol.

 

[seekingpurity047]

I used to come across to others as "holier than thou." The problem isn't just with one end of the situation. If someone is coming across as holier than thou, I generally tell them how they're coming across. If their attitude changes, great! If their attitude doesn't change, it's rare that--even when I try--I can get past how I perceive their attitude.

Though with my father I've had to learn to sort of roll over his jokes about my hair or clothes being ungodly.

I think that falls along the lines of legalism, eh?

 

[Im_A]

That is an excellent point.

Online, all you see are typed words. You don't see eyes, facial expressions, hands, you can't hear subtle inflections in the person's voice.

agreed. i think it takes way too much pride and ego in ones' self that they think they are so able to read the words written between the lines on an internet message board and be able to say someone is being holier than thou when they actually never said, "i am better than you."

its pride, or ego, or one person that is a sensitive whiny baby who gets so offended at every last thing, when then, well have fun with that i say

 

[Balugon]

What is the correct way for dealing with "holier than thou" types, do you think? Someone who is there to rain on your parade just because of their personal convictions. They're in every church, every forum, every chat, every group. So how do you deal with them?

Be kind but dont waste ur time arguing with them. Its not like its mandatory to be there best friend. Some people actually say i get like that sometimes, but then again, those same people ive heard mention it do things at work that they shouldnt be doing, so some of it may be they just dont like me trying to follow the rules.

There are some people that just dont realize their wrong, though they may honestly want to have the right understandings. Those kind of situations, sometimes u just have to say ur peace and trust that God will teach them if ur view is the correct one. It takes time for people to learn and grow in the christian walk.

And with that, some people are new and dont understand the concept of grace too well yet. They think they have to live by the rules and if they mess up, then God is mad at them. Because of that, they become legalistic and arent good at relaxing and taking things in stride. If u happen to catch that this might be the case with them, maybe explain to them the freedom that we have in grace, and it may help to set them free, or at least on a better path.

Me, depending on the severity of how self-righteous they act, i try to show them mercy and put up with them while im around them. Talk to them here and there and such. Over time i would think they would learn to relax a little, or they would just lose interest in someone like me and go bug other people/things. If they are really bad, then i leave it to God to teach them and then maybe once they arent so bad ill be a bit closer friends.

 

[IDDQD]

I've come up with a few retorts to some of the things these kinds of people say to me for future reference. When one of these people tells me "If you're not X or if you're doing X and X then you're going to Hell", I simply tell them "I'll see ya there", followed by pointing at them and winking.

I'll add more when I think of them again or if one comes up.