Wife getting massages

[Chas Douglass]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

 

[stevil]

You don't own her. Her body isn't your property.

Maybe if you are so jealous, you could join some night classes or something and learn how to give good professional massages.
But still, your wife might rather go to the actual professional. If I were you, well I don't have that level of insecurity, but I certainly would tell her I'm doing the night class and that I'd like to try out massages on her. Maybe tell her you think it might save money, to have you give the massage, but don't feel too jealous if she'd prefer to go to the professional.
1. They know what they're doing.
2. She just might like to be pampered without the baggage of "you". She might just want some nice quiet time, some "her" time, and to not have to spend "her" time trying to accommodate you. There is nothing wrong with her having some time for herself. She doesn't need to be with you 24x7.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

I can understand your feelings very well .. this is not a physiotherapist-like situation. Full-body contact for the purpose of relaxation - I would say that's your domain. Can you offer her a better experience? You could offer to do the same and better I guess? Does she have any understanding of your feelings?

 

[Paidiske]

Surely it is better in private than in an open area with multiple people? I've had massages quite a bit, at various times (a lot of back pain after giving birth), and never would I have been in the room with anyone other than the therapist. And of course I would expect my privacy to be protected.

This is normal. There's no reason for it to even be mentioned. That she's been going for years suggests that she finds it beneficial, why seek to take that away from her, or interfere with it, when there's nothing wrong going on?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

Just go with her each and every time and tell her you'll "just wait out in the lobby for her."

I'm sure that if she's a faithful sort of person, she won 't mind one bit.

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

IMO YOU are the only one that should be touching her and seeing her in that respect, unless it is a doctor (most will have a female nurse present). She IS YOUR wife. In the end it is up to you. I would request another woman be present (acceptable to both you and your wife) if you decide it is OK with you that she continue with that.

 

[timewerx]

If I ever had a wife and found out about such thing going on.

I'd probably be concerned too. I'd prefer she had female masseuse instead.

Men are usually preferred massage therapists being physically stronger. A strong massage therapist is quite important but hey, there are strong female massage therapists too!

 

[Lost4words]

My Gran worked at a massage parlour.

They used to let her walk on peoples backs with her paws!

 

[Larniavc]

Am I just too insecure?

Yeah, I think you are. If there is nothing funny going on where is the beef?

 

[Larniavc]

I'm sure that if she's a faithful sort of person, she won 't mind one bit.

Sure, once she gets over knowing that she’s not trusted and needs to be supervised by her husband.

 

[Larniavc]

My Gran worked at a massage parlour.

They used to let her walk on peoples backs with her paws!

A cat would do a far better job with their delightful soft paws.

Scratchy rough dog paws with ground in mud and soil sounds awful.

 

[Lost4words]

A cat would do a far better job with their delightful soft paws.

Scratchy rough dog paws with ground in mud and soil sounds awful.

I disagree!

You see, a Corgi's paws are the best paws in the world! Truly amazing texture. Add in some nice earth from the garden, with bits of grass and you have the pawfect recipe for a delightfully healing massage.

 

[Paulos23]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

My wife goes to a massage therapist, and I don't have the skills they have to relax her muscles and ease her pain. If you want to be the only one to touch your wife's body, I would recommend starting by learning how to be a massage therapist.

But honestly, this is more you being insecure and not trusting her.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Sure, once she gets over knowing that she’s not trusted and needs to be supervised by her husband.

I got over being supervised by my wife ...

... and what's more, I'm sure that if the OP's wife is a "Presbyterian," like he supposedly is, she can get over it too.

Y'know, not everyone has been brainwashed by the modern counterfeit Human Rights Zeitgeist. And so being watched over by one's spouse for the sake of marital fidelity shouldn't be a deal breaker.

 

[comana]

I also think your feelings are com from insecurity. I would suggest an honest and non judgmental conversation with her explaining your feelings and letting her exp why she chooses her specific massage therapist. Maybe you have already done this.

Since you state that you know this is therapeutic and not sexual, I think this is a you problem to work on ultimately.

 

[Paidiske]

Y'know, not everyone has been brainwashed by the modern counterfeit Human Rights Zeitgeist. And so being watched over by one's spouse for the sake of marital fidelity shouldn't be a deal breaker.

Maybe not a deal breaker, but I'd be pretty unhappy if my husband wanted to sit right outside every time I got a massage. Not because of anything to do with marital fidelity, but because it'd be weirdly possessive and controlling.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Maybe not a deal breaker, but I'd be pretty unhappy if my husband wanted to sit right outside every time I got a massage. Not because of anything to do with marital fidelity, but because it'd be weirdly possessive and controlling.

..... I won't tell my wife that you said that.

I also won't take an eraser to what Paul said about the marriage relationship.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

Welcome to CF. First if all, I never heard of a massage taking place in public ( many people in a setting) so you may want to familiarize yourself. That being said, I can totally relate to your concern though it is a bit too late to register your complaint. I think the best course of action is to simply ask her to change to a female.
Blessings

 

[comana]

IMO YOU are the only one that should be touching her and seeing her in that respect, unless it is a doctor (most will have a female nurse present). She IS YOUR wife. In the end it is up to you. I would request another woman be present (acceptable to both you and your wife) if you decide it is OK with you that she continue with that.

I have two problems with this. One it is HER body, not property of her husband. Two is the implication that a therapeutic massage by a male masseuse is inherently sexual. If she has been comfortable alone with this masseuse then why is there a need for a female chaperone? Acquiescing to his insecurities does not bode well for the marriage.

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

I have two problems with this. One it is HER body, not property of her husband. Two is the implication that a therapeutic massage by a male masseuse is inherently sexual. If she has been comfortable alone with this masseuse then why is there a need for a female chaperone? Acquiescing to his insecurities does not bode well for the marriage.

Good for you...you are an atheist. In marriage the two become one. The husband has authority over the wife. When he doesn't have authority the marriage and family breaks down. A woman should never be alone and almost naked with a man that is not her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:4