To not be so hard on myself in my walk of faith not just of now but of how long it took me to accept Jesus, so I won't get in my own way (keep the faith but don't worry about not getting in my own way resulting in doing better, doing better, doing better - perfectionism coming at me from another direction), for how difficult it is that the flesh wars against the spirit, especially with mental illness being a setback with a ton of "what-if's" I did this or that then I'd have been (capable of) doing so much more for the Glory of God if only I'd been more intellectually steadfast instead of lazy in my thinking and reasoning, found the truth of Jesus is God over my other beliefs before, and humbled myself before Him sooner to be an instrument of His Will before mental illness hit me; I'd be there having done so much for others instead of here having done only so much for others (I humbly depend on my family for food and shelter still). Oh, I feel the burn, even though I've been forgiven. There's no time like the present to be on fire with the faith.
And also, all the tiny mistakes of the law I want to be watchful for, such as:
- not being quick to anger with pet peeves
- not using profanity (especially when I get frustrated and it slips out, either in thought or speech)
- having religious scrupulosity that isn't always entirely not of me that I have to address and pray about
- failing to be perfectly kind and loving because of errors in emotional processing and communication despite my best efforts
- not catching myself when I start to daydream about a lustful thought and start letting myself being led into temptation of lustful desiring
- not quitting cigarettes fast enough, being mastered by them
- not making the best use of my time all the time for the Glory of God, instead relishing in comfort and relaxation and laziness at times, not bettering myself when I don't need rest
- and probably more besetting habits that nag me daily or periodically that are difficult if not impossible to always address (I can only focus on so many things at once, I try to simplify things to where I don't get overwhelmed with too much/many things at once and my brain/flesh do things for me on autopilot what only my spirit in faith can do correctly, and thus make me make these mistakes) while otherwise staying focused on Jesus' ways with all my heart. I try with all my spiritual might, but that too might be where I need more improvement, to do more to love God with all my heart, mind, strength, and soul, as well as in the point above where I aim to love my neighbor as myself. Obedience is better than sacrifice, and I need to not be so hard on myself.