What has been the hardest year(s) of marriage?

[MERCY@GRACE]

For some reason the world always pumped that the 7th yr is the worst yr of marriage- hence the 7yr itch! I don't know if they did a survey to get to that conclusion or not!

Then others say the first yr is the hardest but for me that is the complete opposite. We had a GREAT first yr!
I guess I could also ask, which have been the best yr(s) in your marriage?

 

[fairyshyone]

My 1st year was great. The 7th year was a nightmare. It has improved and now we are on year 11.

 

[Jenna]

I haven't been married a long time, so I think that my take might be a little different compared to those who have more years under their belts. The *time* hasn't really been an issue in how well my husband and I have done. Rather, our commitment to doing things God's way, has made HUGE differences in our life together. During times when we become selfish and want to deviate from God's will for our life and marriage, then things decline and we are jerks to each other. When we are working to glorify God individually and as a couple, then even the toughest situations are managed without heartache. It's been all about position and perspective, on how much we obey the authority of our Lord.

Thus far, our first years have been the hardest, since neither of us were immersing ourselves in what GOD wanted for us. Instead, we were selfish and were trying to take, take, take from each other and only give when we had to. Hopefully we have learned our lessons, and any foibles that we have will be short-lived.

 

[jd032700]

I've been married 4 years. Before we married, we were told over and over that the first year would be the hardest. That was not the case for us. We had a great first year. Lots of bad things happened to us, (I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my arm and tailbone and had to have surgery, he totaled his car and we could not afford to replace it), but we were still in the "he/she can do no wrong" phase of love and so those things didn't bother us as long as we were together. The second year was a lot harder because we started noticing the annoying habits and tendencies of the other. i.e. - he never closes the drawers on his dressers, and I started being a nag. We had to work through a lot of little things that come with living with someone and realizing that you're ALWAYS going to live with this person. We are now in a really great place, and though I know that there will be many more rough patches, it feels good to have settled in. We know what our expectations of each other are and are content in our marriage.

 

[Mirelys]

We're only just on our second year. The first was tough in spots; we had some major issues to work out, and we didn't always do it well. On the other hand, there were weeks at a time where everything was wonderful and perfect. I think we have pretty realistic expectations of each other (knowing that we're both human), and I think that helps. We're also learning to take it to God first.
That said, I think this year is going to be the hardest; he left for basic training last month. I won't get to see him until the end of March (for one day), and then not again until May. And since I know how psycho the military makes him we could have an interesting readjustment period.
Ah, well...at least I know the house will be clean

 

[Shown Much Mercy]

I have been married ten years now so I will go ahead and say that first ten are the hardest, lol. My wife and I got married pretty young so we have made many mistakes. It seems like we have grown up together in a sense. Neither of us was ready even though we thought we were. I realize that we were still kids at 18. I find that you can't get complacent and stop doing the things that attracted your spouse fron the begining. I still open my wife's door and avoid doing "unatractive" things that couples may start to do after ten years.

 

[CarrieAg93]

We've been married 9 years. The first few years of our marriage were the hardest because we were seperated quite a bit. We had a long distance marriage for the 1st year and after that DH would be out of town for weeks (which sometimes stretched into months). I think we took the anger we had over the situation out on each other. We fought a lot more when we were apart and it was too easy just to hang up the phone instead of dealing with it. I think the past few year have been the best. We moved to a city where we didn't know anyone about 2 1/2 years ago. We were over-extended before we moved and were much more selective about what we commited to since we've been here. We've done much more as a family. I also think we've learned how to tell the other about the "little" things that bug us so they don't fester and turn into a big issue.

 

[LiberatedChick]

So far the first year is going good for us, though we were living together for 2.5 years before marrying (neither of us were Christian then though) so this is the actually the 3rd year of living together now.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

We've been married 10yrs also. Someone said in their first yr of marriage- they were in the "he can do no wrong phase". I'd say that's how it was in my marriage the first 4-5yrs. It was almost bliss, and when I'd hear other ppl's problems, I silently gloated that I had a good man (still do) that would never hurt me like that! I was on a diff message board where a lady was in her first yr ofmarriage and she reminded me soo much of me back then. Everything was well we don't have that problem, we NEVER argue, so why should you.....things like that. I just thot to myself-you are soo setting yourself up lol!

 

[searle29678]

We have only been married for a year (almost) but we lived together for five before getting married. The toughest year we have had is this one. I will never again say that it's ok to live with someone before marriage, not just for Biblical reasons either. Personal experience for me says--I don't care how long we lived together, everything changed when we slipped that ring on! Things are getting better, but man it has been tough. Almost everyone I talked to before we got married told us our first would be the hardest, but we didn't believe it. I felt like I was being punished for living in sin for so long! Oh well, that's my experience so far....we'll see what I have to say about it in a few more years.

 

[Kentucky_Girl]

I have been married for 6 years as of March 26th and I would have to say that the first year and a half was the hardest. We had to get used to living with each other and we had a new baby. I hope the 7 year itch thing isn't true as we are approaching that point!

 

[Southern Cross]

For us, it's years 10-13. Just coming up on our 13th year! Not sure we'll make 14. I think the key is to get into groups that strengthen your marriage before the problems start.

 

[Jonteel]

That's about 20 years. Many couples break up. Two of my friends marriages (not Christian) just disintegrated.

 

[Oblivious]

I've been married almost 5 years. The first year was by far the hardest, I think because everything was "new" and it was a little hard to adjust. I seems like the further into the marriage we go, the better it gets.

 

[LynnMcG]

hmmm. We will be married 10 years this August. I would venture to guess that the 8-9th years were the toughest. But not in terms of our devotion to one another. Outside influences and other personal problems caused a great deal of turmoil. I also think small children add a great deal of pressure to a marriage. But I think as long as you agree on how you handle these situations and stay like minded, you get through it.

 

[faith177]

We have been married almost three years, and def so far the first year was the hardest. We are both very headstrong and not used to compromising. I have to say its very disheartening for me to hear how marriages could last 10+ yrs and then break up.

 

[Saint2be27]

I have almost been married 10 years. My husband and I both agree the first 3 years were definitely the hardest! We both had a lot of adjusting to do and we had 3 kids right away which added it's own kind of trials. My husband says "their was only one good thing the first couple of years" :o I'll let you draw your own conclusions on that.

We didn't have a 7 year issue at all. Those seemed to be our better years. The time I worry about is the empty nest syndrome...if we can learn to live together with just the two of us (we only had 9 months of just us in the beginning of marriage).

One thing is certain, you will always have trials at every stage of marriage and for us those trials seem to get worse. We have learned to grow together while still complimenting each other. Only by God's grace have we made it this far. *sigh of relief*

 

[okiemommy26]

The 3rd year was the hardest for us. We almost divorced over it. But God kept us together. We are on our 7th year and this is a great yr. After that 3rd yr we got a lot closer.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I'm in my Third Marriage


1st 16 years (Cancer)

2nd 5 years (Heart Attack)

3rd CURRENT (Pretty Healthy)

For ME 1st was(some of the BEST times) and STILL The Hardest. It was an adjustment period, which was fun AT TIMES and hard as a rock at others.

After a while maybe it was 7, unless you are on guard, you start to get pretty comfortable and usually someone starts taking someone for granted. Then somebody acts up, or make a BIG FUSS and it becomes an issue for a while till it settles down (If you work together)(Otherwise Divorce is @ a high % rate).

These are observed patterns. COPING skills make it all easier to deal with, and realizing "This too shall pass" helps.

 

[bliz]

28 years and counting...

I'd have to say that the first year and the first year with a child have been the hardest, just looking at the marriage. (The heart attack years were tough, but in a different way...) Those hard years were also some of the best... if that makes any sense.

Year one - so much adjusting and learning and sorting EVERYTHING out. (Which way does the toilet paper sit on the roll? You want to be where on Christmas eve?) I remember feeling like I wanted to just go home for a weekend and have my life back instead of this new, conjoined one. Only, I was already home!

The year with the first kid is again, wonderful and awful at once. Again, so many adjustments. I see a lot of couples who do not make the transition from couple to family.

Empty nest years approaching... I may have to rethink my answers!