Upgrading Wedding Rings

[Redguard]

Before I became engaged, I had no idea that people did this. I guess I was a bit naive (but as a teenage guy, you don't pay much attention to this stuff anyway).

I always assumed that the wedding rings that you saw on people who've been married 10, 15, 20 years etc, were the rings that they got married with.

When engaged, I learned that women sometimes start off with a regular engagement ring and wedding ring, and then (if they can afford it), they either upgrade the band, or replace the diamond(s) in it.

When I first learned this, I was floored. I thought it was the most shallow thing that somebody could do. Then I started inquiring with the women at work and I was surprised to learn that about 9 out of 10 of the women I asked had actually done this.

Some of them laughed at me when I asked. They said stuff like, "I got married when I was 19... that was 30 years ago. Do you think hubby could've afforded THIS back then?"

So then, it didn't seem all that unreasonable anymore.

How many of you have done this or plan on doing it?

Sadly, I'm not too proud of my wife's engagement ring. It doesn't suck or anything, but I think that it could use a bit more 'bling'. It was all that I could afford at the time. I plan on giving her an "upgrade" one day... the only problem is that she talks about it more than I think about it and I find it a bit annoying. But that's another topic.

 

[LiberatedChick]

The only time I'd "upgrade" my rings is if they got lost, damaged or too small. My parents have been married 25 years this year...a few years ago my mums wedding ring had become too small for her finger and was hurting. It was stuck on so my dad had to saw through the ring! My dad bought her a new one which was better than the plain band she had before...if the ring hadn't needed to be cut off though she'd still have the same one 25 years on. My husband and I bought platinum wedding bands as this is a tough metal and we intend on wearing these for the rest of our lives so they'll only be changed if something happened to them. My engagement ring isn't very "bling" and I did get an upgrade for my birthday this year...though I wore that up until our wedding in July and then switched back to my old one because I kept scratching my husband with the new one lol.

 

[Flipper]

I've heard of stories of couples marrying during the Great Depression, or right before the husband goes off to war, and the only ring they could afford was one bought at a dime store or pawn shop. Later on, in the 1950s or 1960s or even later, when the family was in better shape, the husband would buy the wife a much nicer ring as an anniversary present.

I see nothing wrong with a gesture like that.

Personally, I won't exchange mine. However, I would love to have an anniversary band in white gold, to wear with silvery jewelry, as my wedding band is in yellow gold. That's only because I'm weird and don't like mixing my jewelry metal colors. It's not going to kill me if I never get one.

 

[Why?]

Okay, I'm going to be honest... I really, really, really like diamonds.

My engagement ring is 1/4 carat. That's all we could afford at 19 years of age. I want an upgrade. I probably won't get it for 4 more years (10th anniversary) because I want a 1 carat solitare.

I've already had an upgrade on my anniversary band. For our first anniversary my husband bought me a 1/4 carat anniversary band. Then last year for our 5th he bought me a 1/2 carat band with alternating bagguettes and rounds. This was totally his idea. (I think he thought he'd shut me up for a while about the solitare...)

Anyway, yes, I do pray about this, as I know that I am a jealous person and somewhat materialistic.

I do like 'bling'.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

I have just a nice gold band right now. We do plan to get a "real" wedding set for a future anniversary. We will not be trading our current rings in, because they will always have very sentimental meaning to us. My parents pretty much did the same thing too. They got an inexpensive set when they married (they were young) and for their 30th wedding anniversary, they went out and purchased a really nice set that they both enjoy. It wasn't a replacement either...it was simply a way of showing their love and appreciation for all of the years they've been together.

 

[GirlieGirl]

I like the idea of upgrading. If we have children, it would be nice to give them a ring that they can propose with. But I wouldn't want to part with my only engagement ring!

And I like diamonds too! But it would be pretty tacky to keep bringing that up infront of my husband. I can see why you'd be annoyed.

 

[mamaneenie]

I'm not surprised you find it annoying to hear her talk about it. I would too.

I am very proud of my engagement ring. It suits me very well, and I know that I will keep it forever (unless i lose it) Occasionally I think that maybe a solitaire would have been nicer, but I am happy with it. It is 3 diamonds together and kind of clustered. The only real problem I have with it, is that it is quite thick and I can't fit my wedding ring with it very well (I have put on weight since I got married) and also my eternity ring doesn't fit with it either. I wear the eternity ring on my right hand, and my engagement ring on my left (as kind of both wedding and engagement ring)

At the moment i am pregnant again, so am wondering how long I will be wearing etiher of those rings for at the moment.

 

[Singin4Him]

I don't think it should be a matter of "upgrading", to be honest I think it's pretty disrespectful to you for her to even mention that. She should be happy with what you could afford at that time. If it bothers you, you should tell her that. Don't keep it to yourself and maybe she'll realize what she's doing and stop. If you want to someday then I see nothing wrong with it but only if you both are ok with it.

I also want to mention something else. My ring is 1 and 1/2 carat and I am not materialistic in the least. I love my ring because it's what my husband gave me and even if it were smaller I would think it were beautiful. I really think you need not judge by the size of someone's ring, it doesn't always mean they're trying to flaunt their money or anything else and trust me my husband and I are not flaunting our money lol.

 

[Cright]

I absolutly love my engagement ring! John and I talked alot about rings before he purchased this too... MY BIGGEST/only requirement for a ring is that it lasts my life time (given it never has to be cut off). I don't want a replacement ever. I want this ring on my hand, the one he proposed to me with, I want to wear as a symbol of our loyalty and love.

In the future, if John has an itch to buy a ring for me I'd prefer he buy a right hand ring... I really don't want to upgrade my engagement/wedding rings!

 

[Busybee]

I would never ever exchange my rings. Even if we got filthy rich, I'd still be wearing these original pieces on my finger lol. It would always be a reminder of how far in life we've came together. I'm very sentimental though.

If it were something that both spouses agreed on then, go for it. I'd personally be afraid of hurting my husband's feelings by asking him to buy me a "better" ring if I did want something different. So I'd let the man make that decision himself to purchase something new.

If my husband ever gets me another ring it would go on the other hand lol. I only wear my wedding/engagement rings.

 

[plum]

I agree with Cright. I want my wedding band/set to be one I keep and treasure forever.
So I guess that means no plastic ring pops for me

an "upgrade" would mean maybe a right hand ring much later.... if he wanted to on his own

 

[Flipper]

My husband has brought up the idea of upgrading stones later on, because the stone I have was smaller than he wanted to get me. He wanted a flawless stone, and it was the largest flawless stone they had (something to keep in mind when ring/stone shopping by the way). I like what I have just fine.

 

[selune]

My rings are perfect. I don't want an upgrade. I'm forever bumping things with what I have (very small) I can only imagine what would happen if the diamond were any bigger, I'd likely rip my finger off getting it caught on something. I love the ring he chose.

 

[gracefaith]

Okay, I'm going to be honest... I really, really, really like diamonds. ...I do like 'bling'.

I think this is okay, really. I know its not quite the same thing but people who like cars (and computers) upgrade all the time!

I think it's only a bad idea it hurts the feelings of either spouse or if it's a way to avoid having a sentimental attachment to anything. I've contemplated it myself - not because I don't love my ring, but because I work around diamonds all the time (I sell wedding gowns) and sometimes get an inferiority complex around the huge rocks. I don't think I would ever do it though. I'd feel too much like I was trading in one of our memories!

 

[okiemommy26]

I have just a nice gold band right now. We do plan to get a "real" wedding set for a future anniversary. We will not be trading our current rings in, because they will always have very sentimental meaning to us. My parents pretty much did the same thing too. They got an inexpensive set when they married (they were young) and for their 30th wedding anniversary, they went out and purchased a really nice set that they both enjoy. It wasn't a replacement either...it was simply a way of showing their love and appreciation for all of the years they've been together.

See mine was like yours, I didnt have an engagment ring i just had a wedding band so around our 5th annivesary since it was close to xmas we got a wedding set for me, Mike still has his band but we plan on upgrading his to a titanium because it is more durable than his gold band but we are waiting to do that and when he gets his i probably will get a set to match his. That probably will be like for our 15th anniversary. Right now we are both in school and can't afford that lol. I plan on giving my rings to my kids when I pass away. I still have my wedding band put away.

 

[okiemommy26]

I think this is okay, really. I know its not quite the same thing but people who like cars (and computers) upgrade all the time!

I think it's only a bad idea it hurts the feelings of either spouse or if it's a way to avoid having a sentimental attachment to anything. I've contemplated it myself - not because I don't love my ring, but because I work around diamonds all the time (I sell wedding gowns) and sometimes get an inferiority complex around the huge rocks. I don't think I would ever do it though. I'd feel too much like I was trading in one of our memories!

I agree but my hubby was the one to insist i get a wedding set instead of just having my band when i told him it was ok he wouldnt take now for answer lol. I dont think someone should do it if its going to hurt the spouses feelings.

 

[Oblivious]

an "upgrade" would mean maybe a right hand ring much later.... if he wanted to on his own

I totally agree! I love my wedding ring, and I wouldn't change a thing about it, ever. We picked the ring out together and it truly is symbolic.

 

[Why?]

Ahh... I guess I just don't place the value of my marriage on my original wedding band. I place it on my love for my husband and his love for me. To me a ring (any ring) on your ring finger of your left hand is just a public symbol that says "I'm taken."

My husband has two wedding bands. He has his original (a gold band with designs on it) and we bought two titanium men's bands a few months ago. He wears one in place of his wedding band when ever he feels like the white metal would match his outfit better. I wear the other on my thumb.

Does it bother me that he wears two different wedding bands? No. Because it's just jewlrey. What matters about our love and our marriage can not be worn on a finger.

 

[gracefaith]

. He wears one in place of his wedding band when ever he feels like the white metal would match his outfit better.

Wedding bands as a fashion accessory? Now, that's a thought. I'm imagining a whole wedding band wardrobe - one for every outfit!

I don't think I've ever seen my husband take his ring off. He's really not a jewelry guy. Something about wedding rings on guys who would otherwise obviously not wear jewelry is so sexy!

 

[Oblivious]

is this a debate now? I didn't know we were supposed to be debating.. you make it sound like one Why?

I don't see anyone debating Everyone's just giving their personal experience with wedding rings, upgrades, etc.