The marriage bed- is there a wrong way to make it?

[bluegreysky]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

 

[Inkachu]

My concern would be; where is my money going if I purchase any of those items? What company am I supporting? What kind of things do they fund and support and promote? Chances are, it's not monogamous Christian values. Is there a Christian company that makes sex toys? I'd be curious to know!

That aside, I have to laugh at the idea of purchasing "toys" for the bedroom. To each their own, but my husband's body is the only "equipment" I desire lol. Oy veh... this topic is making me LOL

 

[ValleyGal]

What a couple decides to do behind closed doors is up to the couple and no one else has to know anything about it. I would argue that you can do anything except that which is mentioned in the Bible (third-party such as porn, bestiality, sodomy, etc). It's mentioned for a reason. But other than that, as long as it is consensual, go for it. If you are uncomfortable going into an adult store, there are some things available at a pharm, such as warming KY.

 

[Odetta]

I'm with ValleyGal.

You can do a lot with clothing and accessories, actually. Stuff that you can find in normal stores. You just have to think creatively.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

My feeling is outside of the obvious things we aren't suppose to do intimately that the bible talks about, anything outside of that is ok. But of course the couple has to want to do it. Everyone likes something different. Something I try to tell people is don't try everything all at once. That is enjoy each thing over time because if you do it all at once you will have nothing to spice up the marriage later when things get boring (for those who find it boring after awhile).

I personally am against the whole toy concept. I've read to many studies where a person (more so the woman) starts to prefer those things over her own husband because obviously the machine that you can control can do it better. It just makes a male feel like he can never compare. Granted as the couple gets older those things might be needed because of various reasons. But again its up to the couple.

I agree with VG too. I would never step foot in a adult store. But local places like Walgreens have thing for the basic needs. Theres nothing wrong with basic stuff. And some things you have to have obviously. My wife had no sex education at all in her country. So I've taught her alot and read things with her. So to her its all exciting and new, but she wants to wait on most of it until things slow down a bit.

Its your bedroom, your rules together. Each couple has their own things they like.

 

[ValleyGal]

CfC, can you cite the studies? I'd be interested in reading them.

Thanks.

 

[tall73]

Regarding toys, I am not sure the Bible gives any direct references. One point on vibrators:

And at least 30 to 40 percent of women require direct clitoral stimulation (manual or oral) and are unable to have an orgams with intercourse alone.
The New Harvard Guide to Women's Health.

This is quoted from the Harvard Guide, but there are other sources where I have seen this information as well. That additional stimulation can be done during intercourse at times by the man or woman with their hand, but sometimes the angles can be difficult. Some find vibrators can be used during intercourse for that purpose as well. There are vibrators that are meant to be used for this purpose during intercourse.

I have seen various views as to whether women become less sensitive to more natural stimulation through frequent use of vibrators. Some say they do, some not.

There is also some evidence that some of those who fall into the above category which cannot reach [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] without additional stimulation can learn to do so overtime, though this too is debated.

The only thing approaching a direct reference to toys that I can think of, and whether it actually does is debated, is in Ezekiel.

Eze 16:17 You also took your beautiful jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself images of men, and with them played the harlot.

Some indicate images of men here being a constructed male phallus. Others just see this as a reference to idolatry through the often used analogy of adultery.

Either way you take it the issue still appeared to be activities happening in the context of forbidden cult worship, not use of sex toys between husband and wife.

 

[tall73]

My concern would be; where is my money going if I purchase any of those items? What company am I supporting? What kind of things do they fund and support and promote? Chances are, it's not monogamous Christian values. Is there a Christian company that makes sex toys? I'd be curious to know!

Not sure if there is a company that produces them or not. Would make for an interesting business card though!

I think there are some Christian sites that sell the toys that do not put nude images on their sites.
The marriage bed site links to some, but I have never tried ordering anything from them to give you a review.

 

[LinkH]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

I don't think it's wrong to buy skimpy underwear for your spouse or some of the other stuff they sell in those places. The problem is that some of the stores may promote the dark side of the sex industry. On a personal level, I'd be a little concerned if I wanted to actually walk into one of those stores that there would be naked pictures on the walls or on the products and there would be a lot of temptation.

I remember reading somewhere that there was a Christian website that sold stuff without any porn. I think a lot of people would want to do this stuff online so they wouldn't be seen coming out of one of those stores or have to talk to the cashier when they buy stuff.

There are places in malls that just sell the fancy underwear without the porn. That's an option.

 

[seeingeyes]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

Once you add a bed to the equation, you've already determined not to do it "naturally".

A bit of cinnamon sprinkled on apples is delicious. A mouthful of cinnamon is uncomfortable. A bit of hot sauce on your eggs is yummy. A shot of hot sauce is downright painful. "Spice" is supposed to be an addition to what is already there...not a main course.

Something to keep in mind, though, is that "spice" can be a distraction. There is a temptation to hide yourself. To be that sexy one, that porn star, that girl you think you're supposed to be, rather than being yourself. It's much harder to hold up a facade when it's just two naked people in the daylight.

 

[peckaboo]

Valleygal - you make an excellent point about what kind of company you're supporting when you buy toys etc. I've always taken the view that anything that doesn't involve a third party or animals is fine as long as both partners are happy with it. But you've given me pause for thought. I've contacted one of the Christian resellers I'm aware of to ask them whether they vett their suppliers / manufacterers at all - I'll let you know how they respond.
The other posters are right, though. There are plenty of regular clothing stores that sell nice lingerie, or beauty counters where you can buy massage oils etc. Then there are all the foods you already have in your kitchen... (Although we were taught in sex ed not to use sugary foods below the waist as they can encourage bacterial growth. I know. We had a very open-minded tutor.) Plus there's a lot that you can do with a man's tie and a little imagination haha!

 

[peckaboo]

Just heard back from the website. They're called Covenant Spice and are based in the US. They said, "The companies we order from are not Christian. However, we order from brands which only manufacture toys and do not produce porn. Hope that helps."
So that's at least one company you can buy from knowing that you're not supporting porn/human trafficking.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

God intended sex to be alluring, exciting, and fulfilling. If a married couple adds to it for shared enjoyment then it is good. If a couple never tires of missionary for 40 years that is ok.

 

[ShouldaWouldaCoulda]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

I have a friend who was going to start a toy business for married Christians. She called a bunch of us to see if we'd help her research all facets of the business she was hoping to start up as a house party type thing. Then we'd all get together, pool our the findings of our research and help her to decide if she was going to invest. She promised discounts on purchases if we helped. So silly.

One thing we learned was that when it comes to toys, because she was going to sell sexy clothing, oils, and other things besides, was that the materials used to make them can be very dangerous to the body.

That wasn't my department and so I can not help you with what was found or the sites that had the information about toys materials.
But if you're considering toys in your marriage I'd recommend looking to see what are the safest for you and your spouse to use.

And also lubricant and body gel's and the like are another thing. Ingredients are key. Mineral oil is petroleum, for instance. Not something that you want inside you.


How To Read A Cosmetic Ingredient List





Ten Synthetic Cosmetic Ingredients to Avoid

 

[bluegreysky]

Well, there's a little family owned shop here in the tourist part of our town. Unlike the big sex store by the highway, that advertises on a billboard by the intersate, this little shop sells only the sexy clothes and costumes. And maybe a book about "creative intimacy".
It doesn't have the raunchy gifts, toys for immoral behavior, videos and all that. Also, it's cheaper to buy your costumes there.
I priced some things online as far as lingerie and at their tiny shop I put in an order for something for my wedding night that is bridal-themed and says "love me kiss me marry me" on it. <3 They don't really have that at the lewd bigger store.

What I would be interested to have is the "furniture". It's not like the little hand-held machines, which could "replace" my man. It is a foam geometric shape like a ramp or a big curve and it enhances intimacy by helpping you get into a position that you couldn't by just laying on a bed. LOL
It DOES come from a catalog that also sells nasty stuff. So what do you think? It's like $200 so not anytime soon.

 

[ShouldaWouldaCoulda]

I don't think toys used in the marriage bed would constitute immoral behavior. But to each their own.

I also don't think a board full of strangers should be telling you to or not to invest in a foam board that will help you position yourself for your husband. It is a private matter that should remain so. In my opinion of course.

 

[bluegreysky]

LOL I was just curious what everyone thought about the concept in general

 

[tall73]

LOL I was just curious what everyone thought about the concept in general

I am guessing you are speaking about Liberator shapes. I suppose some folks find them helpful. The cost was such that we never purchased one, and especially when you are first married you probably will find plenty of creativity without them.

On the other hand, if you are looking for something slightly cheaper, that is useful for just relaxing, and could be shaped for various purposes, you might check out a fuf.


Fuf 6' Media

It is somewhat like a beanbag, but far better. It is made of memory foam, so it holds up a lot better for weight, and gives support. You can shape it to some degree by pressing down various areas and then having other areas more upraised.

In size it is somewhat like a futon with no frame, and it is pretty heavy, so it is not something you could just move around easily. On the other hand it is not something as awkward to explain as a device solely for sex if someone sees it either! Most folks find a fuf an entertaining conversation piece.

The one I linked to can also be covered with a fitted queen sheet fairly well, which reduces wear, and I suppose if you really wanted to you could put a plastic sheet and then a flannel sheet over it so you wouldn't have to worry about messes.

We don't usually use it for that purpose, just use it to relax. But it does seem serviceable that way as well.

It used to be 99 bucks, but just went up to 124 unfortunately. The larger 7' foot one got worse reviews for durability. We have had ours for over a year now with no issues, with every day use from all members of the family. It is large enough that two people can fit on it at once.

Our kids have decided if they go to college they want to take one for a bed because it is ridiculously comfortable, and still supports your back. The only drawbacks we have found is that it is hard to get up once your in it because you want to fall asleep, and whoever is not using the fuf at a given moment usually wants to be using it.

It can be "fluffed" to look like it does on the site that I linked to. But usually it gets more packed down and conforms to your body.

 

[ValleyGal]

BlueSky, it looks like you're talking about a wedge or a body pillow. You can get those from Wal Mart, too, and no one needs to know you use it for sex rather than elevating your head when you sleep. Or if you like, you can hide it under your bed. But don't go and spend all kinds of money....you can get them much cheaper elsewhere.

 

[tall73]

BlueSky, it looks like you're talking about a wedge or a body pillow. You can get those from Wal Mart, too, and no one needs to know you use it for sex rather than elevating your head when you sleep. Or if you like, you can hide it under your bed. But don't go and spend all kinds of money....you can get them much cheaper elsewhere.

Good suggestion. I had not seen those before, but you are right, they have them on the Walmart website. I might buy one just for their intended sleep purposes.