- Oct 19, 2005
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Testimony of My Faith in Christ:
Hello. Yousef Hai is my Hebrew and Arabic name.(Yusuph is Arabic, Yosef is Hebrew) I have Chinese and Western Asian ancestry and am a minority of China. My grandfather was the president of an Islamic association in a small town, although he was a secularized Muslim. My father is a scientific worker and has no religious beliefs under atheistic education. I have admired science since I was young, but later I realized that science cannot solve the problems of life and death. I am a philosophy enthusiast who devoted my whole life to exploring philosophical issues, even to the point of madness. I have studied various philosophies and religions in both the East and the West, and in my arduous struggle, I have asked a fundamental question: What does "Logos" mean? I was an extremely proud and conceited person, and I wanted to prove that my wisdom was superior to others. But I have a neurasthenic constitution, and my roommates in the university dormitory were playing cards late at night, which made me unable to fall asleep. My body and mind collapsed, I failed the exam, and eventually my mental state was close to collapse, unable to complete my studies, so I dropped out and went home. From then on, bipolar disorder had been with me.
I have had the opportunity to interact with and learn about the religions, cultures, and philosophies of various countries and ethnic groups. Although they are not deep enough, my ideal is to piece together these fragments into a whole. Of course I can't, but Jesus can because he is the creator of humanity. Clarifying fallacies and shortcomings reveals the truth and value. I am a Hui ethnic group, but my best friend I have met is an American believer in Jesus. His father was Jewish and his mother was Westerner. He embodies the wonderful combination of Jewish and Western cultures. I studied the theories of American Jewish Yeshua believers in theology and became one of them. On the other hand, I am also a member of local Chinese churches in Beijing. I have also become a believer in cultural globalization. I have a special relationship with the Jewish people and have become a member of the Beijing Jewish synagogue. Later because I had no international passport I could not visit the synagogue. In terms of spiritual culture, I am very similar to a Han Chinese, and I am also somewhat Arab, Korean, Japanese, Indian, and black. I also met the famous Chinese saint Yuan Xiangchen, whose church has attracted participants in globalization. The books of my predecessors Wang Mingdao and Song Shangjie (John Song) have had a significant impact on me. I am also very grateful to Western missionaries like James Hudson Tailor and Morrison etc. I have been working in the community neighborhood committee and the Disabled Persons' Federation for 8 years and have experienced how to explain obedience to the government.
I am a science student, but due to my excessive exploration and arrogance in the spiritual realm, I still have a mental breakdown. And I have had multiple manic episodes and then turned to depression, almost completely hopeless. I feel that all my efforts are meaningless, they are all over. The Lord has abandoned me, and all that awaits me is hell. However, there has also been a turning point. Recently, my rationality has somewhat recovered. I have found that Logos ( English: Word, Aramaic: Memrah, Hebrew: D’vah, Arabic: Duah, Chinese: Dao道) is my best friend and teacher. He has helped me find a balance between the spiritual and rational aspects of Logos, restored logical thinking, and rescued me from madness, giving me hope for eternal life. I have come to a deeper understanding of my sinfulness. Since I was young, I had not followed the laws (Torah) of God, nor have I shown filial piety to my parents. Therefore, a curse has come upon me, making the heavens that cover me like copper and the earth that carries me like iron. I have been brought down to an extremely humble state. Those who are arrogant will be demoted to inferiority, and it has indeed been fulfilled. The Lord has logically defeated me, and I have come to understand that all my experiences are due to the Lord's discipline or the unsolvable mysteries that are beneficial to me. The Dao (Logos) has become physical body, accepting my challenges and injuries to him, bearing my debt of guilt, and making me willing to be his student and servant forever. Although I still suffer from bipolar disorder, close to the door of death, I still want to embrace that beam of holy light, perhaps a miracle will happen.
My witness is here for now, and I sincerely hope that the Lord can clarify my logical errors, defects, and shortcomings. The reader can bear a little the weakness of a brother in Christ, and the lessons I have experienced in failure can raise awareness among others. God cannot be underestimated.
Now I have a girlfriend. My relationship with her is described in this thread.
May the Lord bless you with Faith,Love,Peace and Joy.
Hello. Yousef Hai is my Hebrew and Arabic name.(Yusuph is Arabic, Yosef is Hebrew) I have Chinese and Western Asian ancestry and am a minority of China. My grandfather was the president of an Islamic association in a small town, although he was a secularized Muslim. My father is a scientific worker and has no religious beliefs under atheistic education. I have admired science since I was young, but later I realized that science cannot solve the problems of life and death. I am a philosophy enthusiast who devoted my whole life to exploring philosophical issues, even to the point of madness. I have studied various philosophies and religions in both the East and the West, and in my arduous struggle, I have asked a fundamental question: What does "Logos" mean? I was an extremely proud and conceited person, and I wanted to prove that my wisdom was superior to others. But I have a neurasthenic constitution, and my roommates in the university dormitory were playing cards late at night, which made me unable to fall asleep. My body and mind collapsed, I failed the exam, and eventually my mental state was close to collapse, unable to complete my studies, so I dropped out and went home. From then on, bipolar disorder had been with me.
I have had the opportunity to interact with and learn about the religions, cultures, and philosophies of various countries and ethnic groups. Although they are not deep enough, my ideal is to piece together these fragments into a whole. Of course I can't, but Jesus can because he is the creator of humanity. Clarifying fallacies and shortcomings reveals the truth and value. I am a Hui ethnic group, but my best friend I have met is an American believer in Jesus. His father was Jewish and his mother was Westerner. He embodies the wonderful combination of Jewish and Western cultures. I studied the theories of American Jewish Yeshua believers in theology and became one of them. On the other hand, I am also a member of local Chinese churches in Beijing. I have also become a believer in cultural globalization. I have a special relationship with the Jewish people and have become a member of the Beijing Jewish synagogue. Later because I had no international passport I could not visit the synagogue. In terms of spiritual culture, I am very similar to a Han Chinese, and I am also somewhat Arab, Korean, Japanese, Indian, and black. I also met the famous Chinese saint Yuan Xiangchen, whose church has attracted participants in globalization. The books of my predecessors Wang Mingdao and Song Shangjie (John Song) have had a significant impact on me. I am also very grateful to Western missionaries like James Hudson Tailor and Morrison etc. I have been working in the community neighborhood committee and the Disabled Persons' Federation for 8 years and have experienced how to explain obedience to the government.
I am a science student, but due to my excessive exploration and arrogance in the spiritual realm, I still have a mental breakdown. And I have had multiple manic episodes and then turned to depression, almost completely hopeless. I feel that all my efforts are meaningless, they are all over. The Lord has abandoned me, and all that awaits me is hell. However, there has also been a turning point. Recently, my rationality has somewhat recovered. I have found that Logos ( English: Word, Aramaic: Memrah, Hebrew: D’vah, Arabic: Duah, Chinese: Dao道) is my best friend and teacher. He has helped me find a balance between the spiritual and rational aspects of Logos, restored logical thinking, and rescued me from madness, giving me hope for eternal life. I have come to a deeper understanding of my sinfulness. Since I was young, I had not followed the laws (Torah) of God, nor have I shown filial piety to my parents. Therefore, a curse has come upon me, making the heavens that cover me like copper and the earth that carries me like iron. I have been brought down to an extremely humble state. Those who are arrogant will be demoted to inferiority, and it has indeed been fulfilled. The Lord has logically defeated me, and I have come to understand that all my experiences are due to the Lord's discipline or the unsolvable mysteries that are beneficial to me. The Dao (Logos) has become physical body, accepting my challenges and injuries to him, bearing my debt of guilt, and making me willing to be his student and servant forever. Although I still suffer from bipolar disorder, close to the door of death, I still want to embrace that beam of holy light, perhaps a miracle will happen.
My witness is here for now, and I sincerely hope that the Lord can clarify my logical errors, defects, and shortcomings. The reader can bear a little the weakness of a brother in Christ, and the lessons I have experienced in failure can raise awareness among others. God cannot be underestimated.
Now I have a girlfriend. My relationship with her is described in this thread.
May the Lord bless you with Faith,Love,Peace and Joy.
