Suicidal Feelings

[Bridgida]

I haven't slept long enough today and I feel this the entire day. I even had suicidal feelings at times and that scared me. It is now the second time in 7 days. I need counselling but that cost money. I have everything, but when I go into our estate people stare at me. I hate them, they hate me. I don't talk to them, but I love my flat.
We did everything the last days. We went several times to the park, ate nicely, worked on some projects and then peng. And I get scared, I prayed that God protects me from myself. I work on a small business idea and a blog and would like to throw it out. I feel like I can't do what I plan to do. That I don't have enough skills. I felt so different today and discouraged and panicked.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

This is true for millions...life interrupted. I feel it too, but I'm not too distressed over it. This will pass in time. Hopefully people will recover, sadly many won't. Hang in there.

 

[GospelS]

You are wonderful just as you are. You are loved more than you can ever imagine or measure. Our trials and pains will bring out the best in us. Our weaknesses and brokenness will bring us closer to God. He is fighting your battle. Please be patient and don’t give up on Him. I pray that God casts out the lies of the enemy and rescues you. We are your family. We need you and love you.

 

[Bridgida]

Thanks to have replied so fast. So many have these feelings? And I can learn to live with them? Wow, and yes I prayed as well that God protects me from me.

 

[Rescued One]

I have very few skills. But we aren't clones of one another. All the sorrow in my life can't prevent me from loving God. I've been heaped wirh hard times. I pray a lot. I pray for others going trough diffucult times and sadness and I pray for God to help when things seem to be going downhill. God promises to not abandon us.

With my love and prayers for you.

 

[Dave G.]

Thanks to have replied so fast. So many have these feelings? And I can learn to live with them? Wow, and yes I prayed as well that God protects me from me.

Bridgida, we are all living in a time that has literally turned everything upside down in this virus mess. And even if we feel like we have a handle on that it has a huge under current that plays with us emotionally. Don't discount that. We know things aren't right, maybe we feel a bit empty and surely at a loss as to how we should react. I don't know how strong your faith is in Jesus Christ but He literally is our anchor in times like this. Oh we can try to fill the empty hole inside with earthly items but it's designed for Him. Right now I believe we are seeing the biggest display in a really long time where we need to pick Jesus, He's practically begging us to pray to Him in this time imo. I know through this pandemic my prayer times have become so many per day it's as one. Pick out some comforting verses for yourself and pray with them. For me my very first knee jerk is Psalm 23 because every verse brings assurance.

What ever you do, don't bottle up this feeling. We seem to be in a holding pattern don't we ? It won't go on forever but non the less be vocal even if that is in type. I have a lot of rest and assurance in the Lord and I still find times where some anxiety can well up in me in this time. You're not alone, you have brothers and sisters here who will communicate with you. Meanwhile, the world is not our all in all, Jesus Christ is. This is a good time to be looking up ! Amen to that.

 

[Allen of the Cross]

Hi friend. I love how others are comforting you. I would like to try too!

We have joys and pleasures coming for us in the next life. So great - so grand - so magnificent, that they can't be compared with the troubles and sorrows of today. And also, no mind has ever imagined the things of the next world. They are that great! There is much to be happy about my friend

That hope for the next world keeps me going. The fact that I am alive and able to earn myself rewards in the Kingdom of God in this life has prevented me from harming myself several times. There is a lot of bad in this world, but there is so much good, too! Namely Jesus Christ. Speaking of Him..

Jesus Christ loves you. Jesus Christ loves you like God the Father loves Him. John 15:9. That's a lot of love. Can you only imagine how God the Father loves His only begotten Son? Must surely be a lot. And that's exactly how God loves you - you are apart of his family. He cares about you.

You are God the Father's child, you know. He's not just "the" Father, He's "our" Father! Jesus said so. If you feel like you can't live a good enough life for Jesus, well, then please don't worry about that! Jesus already lived the perfect life for you. It's okay to mess up sometimes. (As in, sin.) He forgives generously!

I had a dream about a week ago. I was sitting in God the Father's lap. It told me something - this is how God the Father sees us. We are His little children, we who believe. We are co-heirs with Christ. We will inherit the earth! God's Kingdom belongs to us!! The Lord loves you, honey!!

And, for what it is worth, I love you. You are my sibling in Jesus Christ. We are family. One day we will meet, and I will hug you. I will be your friend. We can enjoy paradise together.

God be with you, honey. May He take you into his bosom, and nurture and care for you, and be your comfort during these times.

 

[Willing-heart]

This song is for you my friend. You have to learn to trade your sorrows for the joy of the Lord. When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him (JESUS) there, who made an end of all my sin.

 

[Jeshu]

It is about cultivating good life and resisting bad life. If we cultivate God's good life then we grow in it and we are stronger to endure hardships. So bring all the negativity to Jesus and ask for His good life back in return. The fuller your heart is about Jesus the more good life will stream from above. For His loving truth is like living waters to our soul.

Drink in His love during this time and you will soon be back on your feet.

 

[worshipjunkie]

I haven't slept long enough today and I feel this the entire day. I even had suicidal feelings at times and that scared me. It is now the second time in 7 days. I need counselling but that cost money. I have everything, but when I go into our estate people stare at me. I hate them, they hate me. I don't talk to them, but I love my flat.
We did everything the last days. We went several times to the park, ate nicely, worked on some projects and then peng. And I get scared, I prayed that God protects me from myself. I work on a small business idea and a blog and would like to throw it out. I feel like I can't do what I plan to do. That I don't have enough skills. I felt so different today and discouraged and panicked.

If the suicidal feelings or thoughts get more intense or more frequent, PLEASE go into your local ER. That's not a step anyone wants to take but trust me, it's a million times better then the alternative- either an attempt or completed suicide. We all care about you and will be praying for you.

The focus on the business ideas and the lack of sleep can be signs of a particular problem as well. If you're not sleeping more then 3 or 4 hours a night and you have intense focus on ideas, etc; that's also something you need to address. I would call your doctor if it continues.

 

[Rescued One]

This song is for you my friend. You have to learn to trade your sorrows for the joy of the Lord. When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him (JESUS) there, who made an end of all my sin.

 

[Tempura]

So many have these feelings? And I can learn to live with them? Wow, and yes I prayed as well that God protects me from me.

Yes, dear sister, many have them and learn to live with them, and better yet, it's not uncommon to not have them anymore after time has passed and people have either dealt with some issues within themselves, or accepted them. Do not think that there is some horrifying thing happening to you that you are absolutely helpless against. If it gets bad, professional help is very recommended, I needed it often. Nobody ever wants to get it, I didn't either, but I did. You might even go for some therapy now to work with some issues you might have. Yes I know, the virus is making everything difficult, but hopefully things return to somewhat normal soon.

But there's something else too. If we are really getting into those dark hallways of our souls (not that we purposefully should) there is something to be learned about God, love and hope. There's something about Christ that shines brightly in the darkest pits, no matter how hard it may be to see it then. We really can't tell how many people Christ has taken to Himself from a place of despair. But I'm sure that number is great.

You are not doomed in any way. You are most certainly not alone with this, this is quite common. Christ is with you every day. We can persist. Persistence, strength, hope and patience, they're weird things, aren't they. When we use them the most, we think we don't possess them at all.

Much love to you, and all the brothers and sisters who comforted you. Said a prayer for you. No fear.

 

[Bridgida]

Thank you very much for answering, this helps a lot. You are all really nice and every single answer gives something special.
When I had this feeling, I thought that I can die from it. And then it is as well not so safe because I might act out suddenly without thinking. This is frightening. So to read that other people have these suicidal feelings as well and can live with them and overcome them gives me confidence. There was as well panic because I start going back to work. I imagined that I am not good enough, that I can't do it and how that it comes that people trust me. And another thing was the neighbours. We had done gymnastic in the park and when we came home, walking through the estate. Two neighbours were staring at us and making jokes. I want to do therapy on this issue. I forgive them of course. We did fight but this was many years ago.
And as I go back to work I will feel tired again and will sleep through the night. Otherwise; nurses work through the night as well. They work non stop several days and then have lots of days off. That I will link myself in with a group of people on a forum that I am not alone and start to panic again. Otherwise I have to really look after me and do not do anything wrong. I slept 3 hours, that is the minimum for me. And I red a book about bipolar, that helped as well, but I am not bipolar just a bit manic. But people with this illness have this problem more severe. And yes I pray and reed the Bible and wonder what Jesus thinks about me. How I make it now from 1 to 10. Where do I stand in his eyes. I wonder this a few times, as I have sins from the past.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Been there done that...... even sort of had a voice in my head that popped in at one time to try and tempt me to drive into a bridge. You do know that God isn't the author of fear but of power , love, and a sound mind.
I stood on that scripture plenty of times and the more I realized that God doesn't want us to take our lives but rather the enemy wants that of us. I do know if I don't feel well or am very tired because of lack of sleep.
I used to care what people thought and said about me to, but realized the ones making cruel jokes and saying bad things aren't doing it because of God but rather they were allowing themselves to be used by the enemy also.
Remember.... God IS the author of a sound mind.... in Christ you have a sound mind, claim that every time you feel your mind slipping and agree with it. It takes awhile but the more you believe God the less the enemy has power over you either in your mind or through attacks of others upon you.

 

[Tempura]

And yes I pray and reed the Bible and wonder what Jesus thinks about me.

You are His. He paid the price for you, takes away the burden of sin and death from you, and gives you His life. He loves you. Our love down here, it's tainted with all kind of sin and selfishness. We treat love as a transaction, as a trade, so often. What did God get, from us, when He sent His Son down to us? Only contempt. He knew it all along. He still did it. What did Christ say when He was being crucified? "Father, forgive them". So if we still think love as a transaction or bondage, God didn't get a good deal. He clearly lost, if that's what we think love is. But despite of everything, God gave you His Son. Not begrudgingly. Freely. Because we need Him and He is mighty to save.

Never judge the love of God through your own feelings of despair. Never judge the righteousness of Christ, which is for you, through your own unrighteousness. Whatever sin, whatever bondage, whatever failure, whatever it is that brings you down, that is why you have Christ. We never have what we want to have for Him, we never love him or each other enough, but He loves us perfectly, just as He is perfect, and He is the author and finisher of our faith. We can approach Him boldly, we can always confess anything to Him, we can always bring our hearts - with all its imperfections - to Him.

 

[Bridgida]

I feel better for a long time now. I get therapy in a few month. I don't work, but look for work. I wish I could be self employed and live from it. I get into bad feelings when people are around me. I like to be alone, I need to dream. Where with people it is more like a crash or panic. I enjoy the free time I have and do a lot I can stay that way. I think of going back to uni, and prepare myself for it now.
But the feeligns of despair are quite something, they hurt and you can't think them away. When they hit you, you just wonder how you can survive them. Very scary as it is very powerful. And it was incredible helpful what you all have written. Because in the estate we hate some people, they hate us and that triggered the feeling. There are difficult people and there is racism; old stories.
I always think about how Mary or Jesus went through hard times. They didn't had doctors to go to to get anti-depressants. How did Mary survived these perverse times she had to go through. Or our grandparents and parents, they didn't get that ill and they had a much harder time.
but perhaps is this a new way of learning to deal with this world. That our suffering makes us soft and we should work on it. Like I talk to the people now or say hallo. One woman ignores me since ever and use to say nasty things in her language when I passed her.

 

[Jeshu]

I feel better for a long time now. I get therapy in a few month. I don't work, but look for work. I wish I could be self employed and live from it. I get into bad feelings when people are around me. I like to be alone, I need to dream. Where with people it is more like a crash or panic. I enjoy the free time I have and do a lot I can stay that way. I think of going back to uni, and prepare myself for it now.
But the feeligns of despair are quite something, they hurt and you can't think them away. When they hit you, you just wonder how you can survive them. Very scary as it is very powerful. And it was incredible helpful what you all have written. Because in the estate we hate some people, they hate us and that triggered the feeling. There are difficult people and there is racism; old stories.
I always think about how Mary or Jesus went through hard times. They didn't had doctors to go to to get anti-depressants. How did Mary survived these perverse times she had to go through. Or our grandparents and parents, they didn't get that ill and they had a much harder time.
but perhaps is this a new way of learning to deal with this world. That our suffering makes us soft and we should work on it. Like I talk to the people now or say hallo. One woman ignores me since ever and use to say nasty things in her language when I passed her.

Good to hear you are feeling a lot better now. It can be so hard to be depressed and as you know very well people can be so mean. Yet loving people regardless if they deserve it is the answer to keep the negativity out and the love growing.

i try to pray for people when they come up in my mind, be it for good or for bad. i bring Jesus all my impure thoughts and ask Him to cleanse me and change my heart after His. So much love has grown back since i began to this undertaking.

Please always remember that love is a very powerful force in your life, God is love, so when you love truthfully then God is at work in your heart. To see that He has taken up residence in this once desolate place is truly awesome and humbling at the same time. He does us so much good.

Be blessed and i hope your life will be a testimony of God's loving goodness.

Peace.

Feasting My Good Life.

The Wicked captivated my truth
the truth of my heart and mind
and wound me around their lies
knotted me out of my own reality
into the dungeons of torture below.

Unable to unravel their cob webs
the wicked took control of my life
and brought much pain and misery
feasting on my God given good life
at the expense of my own welfare.

Yet when Christ light lit up my night
and i saw Him ruling from on High.
The Wicked sprung all their traps
thinking i was as good as dead
trapped in their nasty fowler's nets.

Yet the Lion of the tribe of Judea
killed the goats great and small
and set me free from their control
and gave me back my freedom in Him
feasting good times growing New Life.

 

[Macchiato]

Thanks to have replied so fast. So many have these feelings? And I can learn to live with them? Wow, and yes I prayed as well that God protects me from me.

I feel that i have to pray this same prayer sometimes.

 

[Garry37]

You need to see a specialist. Depression is a serious mental health problem. Treatment for mental problems cannot be delayed. God with you!

 

[Bridgida]

My doctor knows and I had an assessment. I thought I am bipolar, but I just have reacted to stress, with being suddenly out of work and applying for benefits. So huge change that I needed to get used to. I started to take vitamins and I think they help as I feel better. and I continue to feel better. Thanks for advice.