Suffering from both contamination OCD and scrupulosity

[sab94868]

Hi guys,

I wonder if anyone could help me.

So, I've known I suffer from scrupulosity for a few months now. But it's only this morning that I've also learned that I also suffer from contamination OCD. This was news to me because I'm not obsessive about cleaning and I'm definitely not afraid of getting myself contaminated with anything (well, not anything 'normal' - we're not talking Ebola here). But rather, I am obsessed with the thought that I might have inadvertently 'spread' my, umm, sperm, everywhere.

I have had a porn addiction spanning over a decade, and, since I came to the faith just over a year ago, I've been trying to quit it. As an aside, I was quite successful (around 6 months free if I remember correctly) at first, until OCD hit and I had some bad episodes of H-OCD (or homosexual-OCD - intrusive thoughts that you might be attracted to the same sex) which completely ruined that and I've been on a downward spiral since. I haven't given up that fight yet, although it is very hard.

Anyway, at some point last week, I was, umm, doing 'something', then, I think I touched my phone with the same hand I was using. I think I touched it because I remember thinking 'should I wipe my phone?' then thinking that, since I was the only one that's using it, it wasn't a big deal. I'm pretty sure I didn't have any actual sperm on my hand at that point, and I'm pretty sure that I've only touched the sides of the phone but since last night I've been thinking of all the places my phone has been and all the things I have touched after touching my phone.

In my mind, whatever I had on my hand, went onto the phone, then, the next time I touched the phone, whatever was on the phone got back onto my hand then onto whatever I was touching next and so on. This is especially nerve wreaking because I also suffer from scrupulosity, so now I am thinking that I need to go and apologise to anyone that might have touched what I've touched since then. Another 'level' to it is that I've also been to church on Sunday, and we use the same pen to sign in on our way in (I also put my phone in the pew, shook someone's hand and touched someone's shoulder), so those are gonna be some awkward conversations to have...

I know that:

1. this is likely because of my OCD
2. anything that would have been on my phone would probably have been long gone by Sunday
3. I've probably touched far worse things on the train on my way to church

but I still can't shake these thoughts and it's driving me crazy.

I've been trying to think if I would want someone to apologise to me if they did what I did (treat others the way you would like to be treated I suppose) and I'm rather certain I wouldn't want them to do it: not only would it not help me in any way, it would also be quite weird, not only for them, but also for me...

Any help would be appreciated.

God bless

 

[Tolworth John]

I've known I suffer from scrupulosity for a few months now. But it's only this morning that I've also learned that I also suffer from contamination OCD

Is this following a diagnosis by a doctor or psychologist, or is it self diagnosis?

If you saw a doctor they will have put you on a waiting list to be seen by a therapist.
All I can suggest is that you read what the NHS ocd therapy web site says and ask your doctor for suggestions on what you can do to limit the effects of your ocd.

 

[sab94868]

Is this following a diagnosis by a doctor or psychologist, or is it self diagnosis?

If you saw a doctor they will have put you on a waiting list to be seen by a therapist.
All I can suggest is that you read what the NHS ocd therapy web site says and ask your doctor for suggestions on what you can do to limit the effects of your ocd.

No, it's self diagnosis. I've actually found out that my thoughts and compulsions have a name - scrupulosity - through this forum. Similarly, I've found out that about the contamination OCD after I googled some of my thoughts and found this website:

Contamination OCD: Blood, sperm, and Bodily Waste… Part 3

Everything fits to a tee, so I'm 100% sure that's what it is. I'm now able to recognize the patterns of my obsessions/compulsions most of the time, but due to the nature of them, I'm afraid that I might be attributing legitimate convictions of the Holy Spirit to the ilness (I don't want to see a therapist for similar reasons)

 

[Tolworth John]

No, it's self diagnosis. I've actually found out that my thoughts and compulsions have a name - scrupulosity - through this forum. Similarly, I've found out that about the contamination OCD after I googled some of my thoughts and found this website:

Contamination OCD: Blood, sperm, and Bodily Waste… Part 3

Everything fits to a tee, so I'm 100% sure that's what it is. I'm now able to recognize the patterns of my obsessions/compulsions most of the time, but due to the nature of them, I'm afraid that I might be attributing legitimate convictions of the Holy Spirit to the ilness (I don't want to see a therapist for similar reasons)

 

[Tolworth John]

If you want professional help you need to be professionally diagnosed and introduced to the NHS system.

 

[sab94868]

If you want professional help you need to be professionally diagnosed and introduced to the NHS system.

I do not want to be rude, but do you have OCD, and more specifically, scrupulosity, yourself? You will not understand what I am saying unless you do.

As I said, either in a previous post, or in another thread, one of the ways scrupulosity manifests is that you are constantly seeking assurance from what you perceive to be religious authorities over your obsessions. You google 'is this a sin', you ask your pastor etc - this only works for a short while, because the next step is asking yourself 'what if they are wrong?', 'what if I'm missing something?' and so on. It never ends because in your mind 'you've done something wrong' or 'you need to do something' and no amount of anyone telling you otherwise will help.

Talking DOES NOT HELP with scrupulosity specifically because it deals with matters of God and if you suffer from scrupulosity the ilness makes you not trust anything anyone says regarding these matters. There is always that thought 'what if they're wrong?'. I don't even know why I've even bothered posting, because I already know I will not believe anything anyone would tell me.

The only way I can see a professional helping me is putting me on medication, which I do not want to do. My brother is on medication for OCD and from what he's told me you're just swapping one issue for another.

 

[Tolworth John]

The only way I can see a professional helping me is putting me on medication, which I do not want to do.

Would you tell a man with a broken leg, to get on with life and stop making a fuss?
Or would you advise him to go to A + E to get his leg set etc.

You have a mental illness, unlike a broken bone, it will not get better on its own.
Therapies, talking does help, as do the practises you are taught, and it does take time.

If you find it difficult to control the urges your ocd causes then medication is given to calm things down so you have a chance or time for the therapies to work.

Unlike the people on this forum you do not have to pay insurance fees or the full cost of medication.

I would urge you to talk to your doctor about getting help.

As for your brother, if his medication is too strong it can be changed.

 

[Mari17]

Hi guys,

I wonder if anyone could help me.

So, I've known I suffer from scrupulosity for a few months now. But it's only this morning that I've also learned that I also suffer from contamination OCD. This was news to me because I'm not obsessive about cleaning and I'm definitely not afraid of getting myself contaminated with anything (well, not anything 'normal' - we're not talking Ebola here). But rather, I am obsessed with the thought that I might have inadvertently 'spread' my, umm, sperm, everywhere.

I have had a porn addiction spanning over a decade, and, since I came to the faith just over a year ago, I've been trying to quit it. As an aside, I was quite successful (around 6 months free if I remember correctly) at first, until OCD hit and I had some bad episodes of H-OCD (or homosexual-OCD - intrusive thoughts that you might be attracted to the same sex) which completely ruined that and I've been on a downward spiral since. I haven't given up that fight yet, although it is very hard.

Anyway, at some point last week, I was, umm, doing 'something', then, I think I touched my phone with the same hand I was using. I think I touched it because I remember thinking 'should I wipe my phone?' then thinking that, since I was the only one that's using it, it wasn't a big deal. I'm pretty sure I didn't have any actual sperm on my hand at that point, and I'm pretty sure that I've only touched the sides of the phone but since last night I've been thinking of all the places my phone has been and all the things I have touched after touching my phone.

In my mind, whatever I had on my hand, went onto the phone, then, the next time I touched the phone, whatever was on the phone got back onto my hand then onto whatever I was touching next and so on. This is especially nerve wreaking because I also suffer from scrupulosity, so now I am thinking that I need to go and apologise to anyone that might have touched what I've touched since then. Another 'level' to it is that I've also been to church on Sunday, and we use the same pen to sign in on our way in (I also put my phone in the pew, shook someone's hand and touched someone's shoulder), so those are gonna be some awkward conversations to have...

I know that:

1. this is likely because of my OCD
2. anything that would have been on my phone would probably have been long gone by Sunday
3. I've probably touched far worse things on the train on my way to church

but I still can't shake these thoughts and it's driving me crazy.

I've been trying to think if I would want someone to apologise to me if they did what I did (treat others the way you would like to be treated I suppose) and I'm rather certain I wouldn't want them to do it: not only would it not help me in any way, it would also be quite weird, not only for them, but also for me...

Any help would be appreciated.

God bless

I can definitely recognize obsessive thinking patterns in this issue. I've had contamination OCD before, about several things. My first obsession, as an eight-year-old, was the fear of spreading poop (which I guess was probably the worst thing I could think of at the time, LOL). I also had, at one point, the irrational fear that I would spread AIDS to other people even though there was no way I could have contracted AIDS. So I definitely understand where you're coming from.

It sounds to me like you already know the logical counterpoints to this obsession. With OCD, we usually do intuitively "know" the truth; but all this fear and doubt and second-guessing overshadows it.

So, down to practical application: have you read up much on how to treat OCD? CBT/ERP therapies, etc.? I think you could benefit from professional help if you find someone who knows how to treat OCD. You're right, regular "talk therapy" is usually NOT effective for OCD, but CBT (specifically ERP) therapy is considered to be quite effective at treating OCD. You can also learn the therapy strategies and apply them on your own. That's what I've done, though admittedly it's probably a longer and harder process than if you had a therapist to guide you.

If you're interested in self-educating yourself about OCD, I'd be happy to point the way to several websites/resources that I've found particularly helpful.

 

[Unqualified]

Wash your hands when you are done.