Stigma on being single after 40

[Lybrah]

I read a post on the internet today on the Quora page. Someone wrote "It is rare to find an unmarried woman over 40 who is genuinely happy." I am so upset about this. So I'm supposed to be unhappy? I am the same as when I was twenty. I hate this stigma of if you're not married you're a shrew or something. I know plenty of married women who are (you-know-whats). Thoughts?

 

[Rachel20]

I guess that makes me rare

 

[Lady Bug]

Even if you're not completely happy at 40 and unmarried, some people act like being married will solve those problems. I would guess that being in a marriage with the "right" person might make you happier. All you need to do is find some threads right here at CF about how some people are unhappy in their marriages.

Disclaimer: I do feel unhappy as an unmarried woman at 40 but I don't feel confident that I'd be any happier if I were married. I don't know. I don't think that someone else could put up with me, or vice versa. I'm weird.

 

[Sketcher]

I read a post on the internet today on the Quora page. Someone wrote "It is rare to find an unmarried woman over 40 who is genuinely happy." I am so upset about this. So I'm supposed to be unhappy? I am the same as when I was twenty. I hate this stigma of if you're not married you're a shrew or something. I know plenty of married women who are (you-know-whats). Thoughts?

Not to be mean, but you didn't disprove their point.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Happiness is fleeting for those who put it in someone else's hands. I've seen enough unhappily married people that I know marriage doesn't make someone happy that isn't already so.

 

[Dale]

I have the same situation, being over 40 and still single.

Overall, I would rather be married if I could be married to the right person but I would rather be single than be married to the wrong person. I wouldn't want to be in a bad marriage, and there are plenty of those.

 

[dzheremi]

I am the same as when I was twenty.

Do you think this is a positive or a negative?

 

[Niels]

Some also say that it's rare to find happy married people.

Whether married or not, we're ultimately responsible for our own happiness. To place that burden on somebody else is unfair to them, and possibly one of the main reasons for so many unhappy marriages.

 

[paul1149]

I am so upset about this.

It's a mistake to let other people define you. It's not easy to go against the flow, but it is possible, and sometimes it is necessary.

There was a woman named Julia Smith. She was single most of her life. She also appears to have been single-minded for the Lord. She taught herself Hebrew and Greek and translated the Bible by herself. Finally, though, she did marry.

She was in her 80s when she married. That might not be what you want to hear but the point is that she let no one limit her.

 

[bekkilyn]

I've known a lot of stressed-out married people who a lot of times believe the grass is greener on the single side of the fence, and vice versa, but the thing to remember is that despite any of these posts and articles of people's OPINIONS (though I have seen studies that suggest that women, particularly older women, are healthier and happier being single though can be opposite for men), there are plenty of people who are single by choice and they are very happy remaining that way.

Being in a relationship is a tremendous amount of work and it's even worse if it's not particularly a good match. Marriage in and of itself isn't a solution to unhappiness and can oftentimes make things worse depending on the underlying issues, but there are plenty of happy people in marriages too.

If you become a happy person, you will be happy regardless of whether you are single or married.

 

[bèlla]

You allowed a random message on Quora to disrupt your mood and render you upset. It wasn't from a friend or loved one who knows your character. You're bothered by an issue you didn't consider until you read the post.

Why would you validate their opinion? If you're happy that's it. You don't have to prove it to anyone.

~Bella

 

[sampa]

I read a post on the internet today on the Quora page. Someone wrote "It is rare to find an unmarried woman over 40 who is genuinely happy." I am so upset about this. So I'm supposed to be unhappy? I am the same as when I was twenty. I hate this stigma of if you're not married you're a shrew or something. I know plenty of married women who are (you-know-whats). Thoughts?

That's a pretty hard question to define. I can only speak from personal experience.

I'm in the never-married crowd. not much experience with serious relationships and only one boyfriend in the past 27 years. MytMy had quite some difficulties but it had to do with my workplace, and most likely some of the fellowship that I was keeping. At 40 I finally let go of a desire to get married. That's when God's work really began in my heart. I told people that I was not getting married and stopped dating. It was a shock to others but freeing to me. After some years of fasting and drawing closer to the Lord I came to revisit the idea of dating again. At 46 in December of 2019, I began online dating again. This time I made sure to make Jesus the focus, filling it with prayer, and I also took time out for 40 days of a Daniel fast. I still see some work in my heart that needs to be done but overall this time around I am much stronger than I was in my thirties and the prospects have been so much better. Not that this equates to happiness, but I like to think that those who comment/went on dates/corrisponded were attracted to the light of Jesus in me and His Joy.

Currently I am going through a sort of break up from someone I had gone on some dates with for 7 weeks.... But in general I have been much more connected and supported in fellowship with other believers that are women. We were meant for fellowship and not to go alone. I think I spent a lot of my 30s alone and trying to be a soldier for Jesus without the connection to other believers. I definitely went through periods of Joy during that time but I feel so much better in my forties. And I'm hoping the joy will continue into my 50s whether I am married or not.

I hope this can be an encouragement to other women in their forties.

 

[Olmhinlu]

I hope the world doesn't convince you that you're unhappy if you're not.

I've also heard that the statistics show as people stay single and get older, women tend to do better than men. I haven't confirmed that, but I don't disbelieve it.

 

[Will Joseph]

If you are getting stigma from the internet, don't listen to that source much. There's a dark side of the internet with a lot of criminals trafficking women and stuff. They encourage perverse behavior and discourage Christians and celibates. Stay faithful to yourself and the Lord.

 

[Lybrah]

If you are getting stigma from the internet, don't listen to that source much. There's a dark side of the internet with a lot of criminals trafficking women and stuff. They encourage perverse behavior and discourage Christians and celibates. Stay faithful to yourself and the Lord.

It's not just stigma from the internet.