Now, think back over the coping strategies cited in the lesson: withdrawal, anger and hatred, false identity, and perfectionism. What are the drawbacks to each one? Why don’t they work? How do they hurt us? What are the reasons why we keep using such failed strategies? In addition to the prayer steps (repentance of carrying rejection and confession of the truth about our total acceptance), what practical steps could help break these habits?
Withdrawal: Drawbacks; loneliness, isolation, not improving social skills, remaining stagnant, frustration, anger, resentment. Reason to keep using withdrawal as a strategy despite the drawbacks: familiarity, need to escape, safety, freedom from potential hurts.
This habit could be broken by forcing ones self to attend regular social events whether that is a one-on-one weekly or a larger scale event like church once a fortnight. Joining an internet forum.
Hatred: Drawbacks; misery, suffering, loneliness, anger, resentment, bitterness, negativity. Always being angry. Knowing one is grieving the Holy Spirit by not acting in love or forgiveness. Reason to keep using hatred as a strategy despite the drawbacks: familiarity, self-defence (attack is the best form of defence type thinking), not having to do the difficult work of forgiving and loving (hating is just easier), laziness. This habit could be broken by: taking every thought captive and thus catching ones mind when it starts to hate, judge and or criticise others. Recite a Bible verse to remind heart and mind to love one's neighbour and to do unto others as one would have done to themselves.
False identity? Not sure what this means. Being a fake? Considering ones self to be a mere animal with no spirit soul and failing to recognise one's true identity as disciple of Christ and future resident of heavenly realms?
Perfectionism: Drawbacks; mental and or physical exhaustion. Holding ones self and others to an impossible standard and therefore constantly rebuking and or criticising ones self and others. Anger and frustration as one tries to run up a slide covered in grease. Reason to keep using perfectionism as a strategy: familiarity, fear of losing control, fear of humbling ones self, fear of admitting defeat, fear of admitting to being a human bean. This habit can be broken by letting go and letting God, taking every thought captive and challenging black and white thinking patterns such as good/bad, win/lose, succeed/fail. Take up a hobby that you are not good at just for the fun of doing it to challenge the need to be the best and come top of the class.
