Spanking in public?

[newcreature]

One of the post in the spanking thread talked about spanking in public. Any ideas on why or why not to? How have you handled behavior problems in public. Let me know. Thanks.

 

[andiesmama]

If it comes down to it, I will spank while we're not at home...just to keep the consistency. However, depending on where we're at I'll probably take it to the restroom or something, you know? Just because it should only be between my daughter & myself, I don't feel like she should be spanked in front of strangers looking on.

Right now, I haven't run into any problems being out & about with her....(*crossing fingers & knocking on wood! lol*)

 

[Katydid]

If it comes down to it, I will spank while we're not at home...just to keep the consistency. However, depending on where we're at I'll probably take it to the restroom or something, you know? Just because it should only be between my daughter & myself, I don't feel like she should be spanked in front of strangers looking on.

In all honesty, I would love to be able to do that, but with three little ones (well, one is 8, then 3, then, 20 months) I would be run ragged dragging all three to the bathroom each time one of them needed a swat.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I agree wit andiesmamma there, it's not for the world to see, it's corrective action between the parent an the child. The only other thin I could add to that would be, these days, we're all left up to the mercy of joeblow beside us an what they think. So if they think you spanked for no reason or to much etc etc etc then you could have some trouble like that. So spankin in public should probably be limited simply to avoid a visit from a bunch of fellers who think they know how to parent your child better n you. Limited isn't the right word, I haven't got a problem disciplinin in public, but make it as private as possible, jes like was said, go off to the bathroom er the like.

 

[Katydid]

This is what I had written in the spanking thread, but I feel like I should explain what looks like an inconsistency.

I think Addicted2~Jesus hit our philosophy right on. We also spank for anything that the child does that we have warned them to stop. This is at home and in public. Though when we are on the economy (what we call it when we shop on the German economy and not on base) we take them out to the van or to a bathroom. At the PX, it is right there in the store. Some people state that you don't want to embarass the child. My point is, they are embarassing me, often times purposefully (especially the older one) so maybe if they get a little embarassed, they will think twice about doing it again. It works too, because it is a very rare occurence that we have to spank out in public

.


The portion I highlighted. While we know that the rules on post state that we can swat no more than three times with a bare hand, we do not know what the German law states. Perhaps this is one reason that we don't have a problem spanking on post. We know that we won't be turned in, as we follow the rules.

 

[bostonlass]

Guess the biggest problem is that here anyway you would just be asking for DSS to get involved in your parental skills. I have seen a woman spank her child in public at one of our stores here and someone reported her. Immediately police were involved and there was a big to-do. Don't know what happened ultimately since it was none of my business and we were checking out but I don't think it's a good idea. Then again I'm not a pro-spanker.


An example of how I would handle things in public happened yesterday:

I took my daughters, 7 and 8 years old to the GAP and told them to pick out two outfits each. One daughter remembered her size from a few weeks ago and I know she hasn't grown any so she was fine. The other is growing like a weed and I told her that she would have to try on her capris before I would buy them. She was in a fit and said no. I told her in no uncertain terms that if she did not try on the pants then I would not purchase them for her. She was not budging so I left the store with my 7 year old's outfits purchased and nothing for the 8 year old.

This morning the 8 year old asked if we can go back and she will try them on, since she's bummed that she is now wearing her winter clothes still and her sister is looking springy. I said that I would think about it but if she acts up we will leave the store.

I"ve always done this. If I'm in the middle of some store or event and one acts up I give them a warning and if they do not heed that warning then we all leave and she is grounded for the rest of the day with no tv. There are so many alternatives to hitting a child in order to discipline them. Just takes a little imagination and patience on the parent's part.

 

[Katydid]

I"ve always done this. If I'm in the middle of some store or event and one acts up I give them a warning and if they do not heed that warning then we all leave and she is grounded for the rest of the day with no tv. There are so many alternatives to hitting a child in order to discipline them. Just takes a little imagination and patience on the parent's part.

I DEFINATELY don't want to start a debate, but I do have to ask a question about this. I have three children, and if I do that, then I am punishing the two who behave for the misbehavior of one. How do you explain to the one behaving that you can't eat at Chuckie Cheese's becuase the sister wouldn't behave??? I am truly asking because I do see that a problem would occur in my home if that happened.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I came from 7 and I member my maw treid sumthin like that, leavin the store er what have you, boy howdy that didn't work well. Jes in our situation mind you I don't know anythin bout ya'lls er the like, but it happened jes like Katydid was sayin, we all got punished cause one of us screwd up. I know what your sayin by not buyin that outfit for that gal, is that the punishment your talkin bout alone er is it a matter of one screws up they all get it? I'm not wantin a debate either an I notice you don't agree wit spankin as well as hittin. To me there is a major difference and I don't believe in hittin any child, I don't see there ever bein a need for hittin. Spankin there backside er thigh is a different story IMO.

 

[bostonlass]

I DEFINATELY don't want to start a debate, but I do have to ask a question about this. I have three children, and if I do that, then I am punishing the two who behave for the misbehavior of one. How do you explain to the one behaving that you can't eat at Chuckie Cheese's becuase the sister wouldn't behave??? I am truly asking because I do see that a problem would occur in my home if that happened.

That's just part of life with us I guess. Sure the other one is upset but the onus goes on the one who caused the raucus in the first place. She now not only has to deal with the fact that we left the store and she won't get anything but also has to now deal with the wrath of her sister. In a classroom full of kids, normally everyone looses a privilege (around here anyway) if one person really messes up. It's just a part of life that you deal with when you're a little kid and serves as a lesson to the innocent one that mommy/daddy really means business.

 

[bostonlass]

I came from 7 and I member my maw treid sumthin like that, leavin the store er what have you, boy howdy that didn't work well. Jes in our situation mind you I don't know anythin bout ya'lls er the like, but it happened jes like Katydid was sayin, we all got punished cause one of us screwd up. I know what your sayin by not buyin that outfit for that gal, is that the punishment your talkin bout alone er is it a matter of one screws up they all get it? I'm not wantin a debate either an I notice you don't agree wit spankin as well as hittin. To me there is a major difference and I don't believe in hittin any child, I don't see there ever bein a need for hittin. Spankin there backside er thigh is a different story IMO.

Not buying the outfits was her punishment now, at 8 years old. I don't have to leave a store anymore...that happened only twice that I can remember when they were much younger...I think about 3 or 4 years old. I don't have a problem with them acting out like that at their ages now so the punishment is less severe...kind of to fit the crime.

Everyone is different and what works for one parent may not work for the other. I know there is a difference between hitting and spanking but my point on this particular thread was that around here, if a parent is spanking a child in the middle of a store, etc. they run the risk of getting the department of social services involved if someone notifies them. I would never do this unless they were really beating the kid up but it's not me one would have to worry about...more likely it's someone who isn't a parent and has never been in a situation where it's warranted.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

That's just part of life with us I guess. Sure the other one is upset but the onus goes on the one who caused the raucus in the first place. She now not only has to deal with the fact that we left the store and she won't get anything but also has to now deal with the wrath of her sister. In a classroom full of kids, normally everyone looses a privilege (around here anyway) if one person really messes up. It's just a part of life that you deal with when you're a little kid and serves as a lesson to the innocent one that mommy/daddy really means business.

Roflol, that's why it didn't work out to well wit us, the first time maw did that, she ended up gittin nuthin done an havin to drive 30 miles one way again to town to do what she had to do an the second reason was cause of what we did an what worries me bout your post. We beat th ever livin snot outta whoever it was that screwd up, an when we was kids... we had alot of hidin places to beat th other one up an not stop til we was done smackin em. We was mean lil boogers an I would be very worried bout teachin my kids er even classroom kids that it's ok to be wrathful towards a peer or their siblin. I'm sure folks aren't as bad these days as we were when we were kids, but 6 boys an a gal would get in mean violent nasty fights over thins like that, an I don't want my kids to be like that.... I wonder if'n I'd made a movie star if my nose was straight LOL

 

[bostonlass]

Roflol, that's why it didn't work out to well wit us, the first time maw did that, she ended up gittin nuthin done an havin to drive 30 miles one way again to town to do what she had to do an the second reason was cause of what we did an what worries me bout your post. We beat th ever livin snot outta whoever it was that screwd up, an when we was kids... we had alot of hidin places to beat th other one up an not stop til we was done smackin em. We was mean lil boogers an I would be very worried bout teachin my kids er even classroom kids that it's ok to be wrathful towards a peer or their siblin. I'm sure folks aren't as bad these days as we were when we were kids, but 6 boys an a gal would get in mean violent nasty fights over thins like that, an I don't want my kids to be like that.... I wonder if'n I'd made a movie star if my nose was straight LOL

Oh my gosh!!!! Yeah that would not work for me either if I had been your mom!!!! Don't worry about my two. First of all I haven't had to do it in a few years and second of all their idea of getting back at the other one is not letting the other one play with their barbies,etc. I don't think I ever saw much hitting between them and I would definitely know about it because they would tell on each other. Trust me I know when one even gives the other a nasty look!!! Maybe girls are different than boys.

 

[andiesmama]

I'm agreeing with all the things being said about spanking in public & how some people can be "nosy" and think they know your parenting skills (or lack of) and put their nose in where it doesn't belong. That would be another reason I'd choose to head to the bathroom or someplace a little more "private" if I had to discipline Andie while we're out & about.

If I had more than one child, then I probably would have to re-visit my discipline choice, I understand it would be next to impossible to drag 2 kids off to the bathroom or someplace! (*aaahhh!! lol I can't imagine!*)

 

[Katydid]

Maybe girls are different than boys.

In my house it is the other way around.LOL The boys are scared of the girl. She can be vicious when she gets mad. (That's her biting whoever makes her mad)

No but, that is what would concern me about mine too. My oldest is already known to hit on (and frame if you remember my problem A2J) my younger boy. And I have no doubt that if I did a mass punishment that someone would end up injured.

 

[newcreature]

In all honesty, I would love to be able to do that, but with three little ones (well, one is 8, then 3, then, 20 months) I would be run ragged dragging all three to the bathroom each time one of them needed a swat.

I am right there with you (mine are 5, 4, and 3).

 

[EmSchmem]

I think that having a healthy view of spanking helps. Of course you may not want to yell "Hey Look at me, I'm swatting my kid!" either. Spankings in our house will be a result of ery specific consequences and consistancy is the key. Then again baby Levi is still in my belly what do I know.

 

[erin74]

We had friends who did the leave the shops thing - 4 kids - and they made it perfectly clear that they were ruining the fun of the rest of the family. But they were a pretty non-violent family. But because they were very close to each other it was a really good punishment for them, cause they didn't like letting one another down.

We tend to do very quiet warnings - and either smack back at the car when we're ready to go or find a quiet place. Where we live i think it's less of an issue that Dept of Community Services would be called - I think they would just laugh - they are that overwhelmed with real work.

I think each situation really is different, and the temperament on the child will have a big impact, as well as their relationships with other members of the family. I have at times threatened to my son to just leave where we are, and because he is such a social bunny it is something that usually pulls him inline!

Erin

 

[Katydid]

Another problem I see with "If you fuss we leave" idea, is the fact that next time you go grocery shopping and the child is bored with it, he knows how to get you to leave. Plus, it is another way of saying, "This family revolves around you. If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, we are not". I prefer, "If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, you are not, but we still are". I make sure the kids don't think that what we do or where we go is dependant on their state of mind, wants, or desires. We MAY decide to go somewhere because a child is being extra good, but we will not leave BECAUSE a child demands it with their behavior. I think that would be too easy for them to manipulate to their advantage. In essence the grocery store, the furniture store, the gas station, etc. Places they don't want to be.

 

[bostonlass]

Another problem I see with "If you fuss we leave" idea, is the fact that next time you go grocery shopping and the child is bored with it, he knows how to get you to leave. Plus, it is another way of saying, "This family revolves around you. If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, we are not". I prefer, "If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, you are not, but we still are". I make sure the kids don't think that what we do or where we go is dependant on their state of mind, wants, or desires. We MAY decide to go somewhere because a child is being extra good, but we will not leave BECAUSE a child demands it with their behavior. I think that would be too easy for them to manipulate to their advantage. In essence the grocery store, the furniture store, the gas station, etc. Places they don't want to be.

Oh I agree 100% that if the kid started doing things to manipulate the situation each time it would not be the best form of punishment. If that ever happened then I would have to think of something else, for sure!!! That's why it's so important to have plenty of options handy in case one doesn't work, for me anyways, so that I wouldn't have to resort to spanking.

 

[andiesmama]

Another problem I see with "If you fuss we leave" idea, is the fact that next time you go grocery shopping and the child is bored with it, he knows how to get you to leave. Plus, it is another way of saying, "This family revolves around you. If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, we are not". I prefer, "If you are good, we are happy, if you misbehave, you are not, but we still are". I make sure the kids don't think that what we do or where we go is dependant on their state of mind, wants, or desires. We MAY decide to go somewhere because a child is being extra good, but we will not leave BECAUSE a child demands it with their behavior. I think that would be too easy for them to manipulate to their advantage. In essence the grocery store, the furniture store, the gas station, etc. Places they don't want to be.

Wow, I never thought of that!! (I haven't run into it yet with Andie although I'm sure it's coming! lol) I'm going to file it away in the recesses of my mind for future reference...thanks!!