I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.
God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.
I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.
Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.
I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh. I thought I was saved during everything but I wasn’t. I haven’t felt the Holy Spirit’s presence.
I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.
In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.
God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.
I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.
Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.
I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh. I thought I was saved during everything but I wasn’t. I haven’t felt the Holy Spirit’s presence.
I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.
In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.
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