Sex with my girlfriend is sinful?

[OD3]

So I have been with my Gf for a year now, and we pretty much have sex every day. We are planning to get married eventually, in about a year when finances and housing are all sorted out. (Weddings are not cheap).

We really love each other and want to be with each other forever. How is this "pre-marital sex" sinful if we are married in soul, but not by the church yet?

Also what kinds of sexual acts are considered sinful. You mention masturbating is sinful, but what if she does it for me? That makes it less sinful? Also if she asks me to put it in her bum is that sinful? Does it even matter what kind of shenanigans you get up to so long as you are in love?

Yours Truely
E

 

[OD3]

How on earth can you even THINK of getting married to someone without having sex first?

What if you get married and the sex is rubbish?

You gotta take the car out for a test drive before you buy it.

 

[ebia]

So I have been with my Gf for a year now, and we pretty much have sex every day.

How very nice for you.

We are planning to get married eventually, in about a year when finances and housing are all sorted out. (Weddings are not cheap).

Weddings are not expensive - its the trappings that you are choosing to add that are expensive.

We really love each other and want to be with each other forever. How is this "pre-marital sex" sinful if we are married in soul, but not by the church yet?

If you really think you are married you should, IMO, get the church to seal that as soon as practically possible - and let the trappings fit whatever you can afford. To wait till you can afford what you want is to make the trappings more important that the marriage.

Also what kinds of sexual acts are considered sinful. You mention masturbating is sinful, but what if she does it for me? That makes it less sinful? Also if she asks me to put it in her bum is that sinful? Does it even matter what kind of shenanigans you get up to so long as you are in love?

Holiness is about striving towards perfection, not about getting as close as you can to a line without crossing it.

How on earth can you even THINK of getting married to someone without having sex first?

What if you get married and the sex is rubbish?

You gotta take the car out for a test drive before you buy it.

If your reason for getting married is primarily the sex you shouldn't be getting married. Sex is there to serve marriage (and procreation), not the other way around.

 

[OD3]

Thank you for not answering my question.

So what your saying is that if the sex is bad, then the marraige should be fine?

It is not the most important thing obviously, but it is still very important and if there is some kind of sexual incompatibility, the relationship will not work.

 

[Trashionista]

You gotta take the car out for a test drive before you buy it.

I'm sorry. I find that one of the most disgusting arguments. Granted, in some sense, its applicable, but I don't know. Just as a woman, I'd like to think marrying me is completely different from buying an automobile. The comparison just bugs me.

On topic, though. I, personally, don't care what other people do in their sex lives, providing its all consentual. If you talk about it flagrantly, I do think then you open yourself to other people's judgement. But if its all consentual and one's sexuality is treated discreetly, I certainly don't think its "bad" or "sinful" behaviour.

Live and let live.

 

[HuntingMan]

Sure, its ok and youre bound to get tons of support here for your premarital sex questions.
Do it until you puke, thats what I always say..doesnt matter if your married, or even intend on marrying, sex without any commitment is just how God intended it to be.
Testing driving the old mare is just something guys do before making a commitment. If your gf cant handle that, then move on to the next one.

(/sarcasm)

 

[ebia]

Thank you for not answering my question.

So what your saying is that if the sex is bad, then the marraige should be fine?

It is not the most important thing obviously, but it is still very important and if there is some kind of sexual incompatibility, the relationship will not work.

Obviously if the 'sex is bad' that's going to make the relationship more difficult. But that's true of any number of other things that aren't predicable (including what the sex will be like 20 or 60 years down the track). If you're not both prepared to make the relationship work whatever, then you shouldn't be getting married.

 

[t1mp01]

To OD3,

Q1: Are you a Christian?
Q2: Why not just stop having sex, because it is obviously affecting you, as the Holy Spirit is convicting you, and led you to post on here.

 

[OD3]

To OD3,

Q1: Are you a Christian?
Q2: Why not just stop having sex, because it is obviously affecting you, as the Holy Spirit is convicting you, and led you to post on here.

A1: yes.
A2: Because myself and my girlfriend are human beings, with human needs. Besides, we are quite good at it and its fun. You know what fun is right? .....right?

 

[Floatingaxe]

As Christians you need to become grounded in God's Word. Plant yourself in a Bible-believing church locally, and get set for growth.

You need to know that you have no RIGHT to sexual intercourse. It belongs in marriage. Do not rob what you want from your future. You are forfeiting God's blessing and God's best for you. Regret will be the fruit of such disobedience and lack of self-control.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

A1: yes.
A2: Because myself and my girlfriend are human beings, with human needs. Besides, we are quite good at it and its fun. You know what fun is right? .....right?

Do you go to church? If so, do you remain awake or pay attention? You talk of this "marriage of the soul", yet also talk of this "try it before you buy it" thing.. I don't quite understand that because I'm not sexual, but I don't think "marriage of the soul" is something you take seriously, whatever it is.

Leviticus chapter 18 is what most Christians go by for forbidden sexual practices. Leviticus is the third book of the bible. You should read it for yourself to make sure, but I'll post them.
Do not have sexual intercourse with any of your relatives.
This includes your mother, your father's other wives(stepmom), sister or stepsister(whether you grew up together or not), granddaughter, aunts, uncle's wives (they are aunts too), daughter-in-law, or with your brother's wife, the daughter or granddaughter of your wife, your wife's sister (as long as your wife is alive), a woman during her period, another man's wife, with animals, and with other men. I don't know about masturbation.

 

[Floatingaxe]

What if you get married and the sex is rubbish?

Born again Christian couples want to please God first. They wait until marriage for sexual consummation. When they honour God and each other, and LOVE each other---sex is NEVER BAD! to suggest that it might be bad and so use that as an excuse to discover it first, is a weakly veiled attempt at compromising with the world and using their inane reasonings.

We are not of the world.

 

[LightHorseman]

Sounds like they are married all ready. Marriage is about making a committment between yourselves before God. The rest is windowdressing.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

to be fair though there is a lot of Leviticus which is not taken literally these days:

(Lev. 20:14)
(Lev.24:10-16)
(Lev. 19:19)
(Lev. 11:10)
(Lev. 25:44)

not all Christians take the sex before marriage thing so literally either - it's down to your personal faith.

Not all, but most. We have to take into account many factors, are they a lukewarm Christian, or a backslider? Most serious Christians do take the sex laws seriously.

 

[HuntingMan]

A1: yes.
A2: Because myself and my girlfriend are human beings, with human needs. Besides, we are quite good at it and its fun. You know what fun is right? .....right?

Id say I smell a troll, but you do have quite a few posts already. Maybe finding out what your normal posting habits are to determine if this thread is even serious or not would be a good idea.

As another poster said, you are not married, you have no rights to sexual intercourse that is reserved for marriage alone.

Check out the porneia thread, you'll find folks there who will give you the ok to continue in premarital sexual sin.

 

[HuntingMan]

Born again Christian couples want to please God first. They wait until marriage for sexual consummation. When they honour God and each other, and LOVE each other---sex is NEVER BAD! to suggest that it might be bad and so use that as an excuse to discover it first, is a weakly veiled attempt at compromising with the world and using their inane reasonings.

We are not of the world.

The quote you posted to, FA, was kind of funny.
So what if we marry and the sex isnt that great ?

My wife had issues that kept us from consummating our marriage for 2 whole years...should I have refused to marry an awesome, godly woman because the sex was going to be an issue ?

As you say, sex is NEVER bad when a marriage couple love each other and and work together to make things good for each other.
I dont know...a man who judges the worth of a wife based on sexual performance doesnt have his priorities in proper order.

Ill take a decent, godly prudish woman who has troubles with sex for my wife over an athletic porn star type who cant get enough of herself any day.

 

[..::AL::..]

I think that the pre-marital sex is very much between you and God. In my belief, the bible is a very good reference point, however the majority of your spiritual decisions need to be between you and God. I personally think that pre-marital sex is ok, and intend on having it when i am ready. I dont feel that that negates my relationship with God in any way, and to be honest OD3, there are alot of worse things you could be doing than having consensual sex with someone you care about.

 

[Leah]

How on earth can you even THINK of getting married to someone without having sex first?

What if you get married and the sex is rubbish?

You gotta take the car out for a test drive before you buy it.

Then I would much prefer to be left alone if some dude would want to "test drive me" first and then use that as a means to consider marrying me or not. How insulting and degrading

You don't need to have sex with someone to decide if the relationsip will work. Sex, in marriage, is something that can be absolutely wonderful IF each is willing to give of self (which is not merely physical, either) first to the other. Not to mention maturity plays a factor in this, as well. That's what marriage is. Its not sex, alone.

For example, Tony likes me and I like Tony. But I don't know who he is yet so I take it upon myself to observe and talk with him for the purpose of seeing who the real Tony is. If its all good and he also has pleasure in me, then perhaps marrige could happen. If not, then it'd be wise to let him be and move on. And if he has nothing to offer me nor I him (spiritually and emotionally), then why would we have sex?

Now take that scenario and go backwards with it, as you've said in the first sentance of your post, OD3.

I don't know about anyone else, but I like to see what I'm getting myself into first before even considering having sex with that person. And outside of marriage? Sorry, but no thanks.

 

[Leah]

Thank you for not answering my question.

So what your saying is that if the sex is bad, then the marraige should be fine?

It is not the most important thing obviously, but it is still very important and if there is some kind of sexual incompatibility, the relationship will not work.

Says who? You?

To me, there's no such thing as sexual incompatibility when all that needs to be done is communicate to one another what you like and don't like.

Besides, saying that the relationship will not work simply because one person feels he/she is sexually incompatible with the other person sounds self-centered and selfish.

 

[Leah]

Born again Christian couples want to please God first. They wait until marriage for sexual consummation. When they honour God and each other, and LOVE each other---sex is NEVER BAD! to suggest that it might be bad and so use that as an excuse to discover it first, is a weakly veiled attempt at compromising with the world and using their inane reasonings.

We are not of the world.

Exactly.