Separate accounts - when marriage comes?

[crishmael]

A shared bank account I can handle, but there ain't no way I'm going for one of those ridiculous shared Facebook accounts.

 

[MacFall]

And also, for further biblical support, 1 Corinthians 7:4:
"For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

This verse is specifically and explicitly about sexual access. It does not even imply something about finances. But if it did—do you believe that this means a married couple have no right whatsoever to privacy? Does it mean that a spouse always has a right to have sex when the other is physically exhausted, sick, or emotionally distraught?

No—Paul is talking about mutual respect; not the abolition of privacy or personal property. And if that applies to something as intimate as sex, it should be doubly true of their finances.

 

[Toro]

If it's so simple, why does it break apart so many marriages then?.

Because people like to make it complicated.

Because the way of the world is about money?

Because people get married for the wrong reasons in the first place?

If it were all about money, then why is it that broke people can have a long, fulfilling marriage while rich folks change marriages like most people change pants (General statement I know not ALL rich people have tons of marriages) ?

Life is simple WE as humans make it hard.

If you marry for love, TRUE love, there is not fear. Love drives out fear, if you cant trust the person you say "I do" to then you have no business saying "I do" IMO and THAT will be the reason th marriage fails NOT because the bank account.

Just like with having children in a marriage, the bank account situation will only MAGNIFY problems, not create or solve them.

 

[Paulie079]

This verse is specifically and explicitly about sexual access. It does not even imply something about finances. But if it did—do you believe that this means a married couple have no right whatsoever to privacy? Does it mean that a spouse always has a right to have sex when the other is physically exhausted, sick, or emotionally distraught?

No—Paul is talking about mutual respect; not the abolition of privacy or personal property. And if that applies to something as intimate as sex, it should be doubly true of their finances.

If it applies to their bodies, it applies to their finances just on principle. That's not a far leap to make. I agree that privacy is necessary, and none of what I'm saying negates privacy. All I'm saying is that the husband and wife should act like one unit in that their finances are combined and allocated according to what they both agree with. That's a simple aspect of two being one. If what you mean when you talk about having three different accounts--one for you, one for her, and one shared--is that you are still deciding together how much your individual "fun money" is going to be and there is full financial disclosure between you two, then there is not much more discussion to be had here.

 

[MacFall]

Okay, maybe we've been talking past each other a bit. I agree with that. But once again, you can't agree to share something that isn't yours. You have no say whatsoever in the control or disposal of something that isn't yours. I want my wife to offer herself to me because she wants to; not because I have a "right" to her. Same with money. I want to share what I have with my wife because I love her; not because she has a "right" to have it. Obligation robs a gift of charity.

 

[Paulie079]

Okay, maybe we've been talking past each other a bit. I agree with that. But once again, you can't agree to share something that isn't yours. You have no say whatsoever in the control or disposal of something that isn't yours. It is a matter of charity; not obligation.

Going back to sex (since something about the one does have implications for the other), I want my wife to offer herself to me because she wants to—not because I have a supposed right to her. Same with money. I want to share what I have with my wife because I love her; not because I don't have the choice.

Yeah, I agree with that. When it comes to marriage, obviously you want to marry someone who has similar values to you, but I will never take it upon myself to play the role of Holy Spirit and tell her what she has to do or that she isn't fulfilling her role. All I need to be worrying about is fulfilling my role. But my goal would be that, before we choose to get married, we would agree that our finances would be shared.

 

[Nilloc]

Is there evidence that righteous couples in the Old Testament did not have personal property?

Pretty sure married women couldn't own property back then, because they were the husband's property.

 

[MacFall]

Pretty sure married women couldn't own property back then, because they were the husband's property.

Exactly the point I was trying to make. I wondered how long it would be for someone to get it.

 

[PetLuv]

Pretty sure married women couldn't own property back then, because they were the husband's property.

Don't go bringing facts in here. This is the internet, no facts allowed

 

[Toro]

I did not say it is not possible, but to give someone open access to it is a whole other thing. It gives people a felling of a "right" to it, and that is where most problems come in with anything.

Okay so don't marry someone that has a sense of entitlement. Marry someone that is self reliant and not dependent and wanting something for nothing and they wont feel entitled to something they didnt earn

LOL. That is a hard pill for even me to swallow - and I've had someone actually try to kill me. A thief is not equal to a killer; there are some who are both but to say that that one diffinitively preempts the other is outlandish.

People will do alot for money; cold-blooded murder... That takes a certain kind of mentality.
I've known alot of people I would not leave my purse alone with but have no hesitation to walk alone down a dark alley with.

I didn't say they were the same thing, you missed my point again.

There ARE murderers out there or are you denying they exist?

yet you are more concerned about someone taking your money than your life. You will trust someone you apparently feel you cant trust with your life but not your bank account? Based on what? the assumption they share your value of human life? That they would rather rob you than kill you?

They could just as easily be a murderer as a thief.

That may be the big difference in thinking as I don't see myself ever getting married.

Well if you dont plan to ever be married why take part in a discussion about marriage and sharing an account? (No I am not saying you have no right to post in a public forum, just asking a valid question)

 

[PetLuv]

Okay so don't marry someone that has a sense of entitlement. Marry someone that is self reliant and not dependent and wanting something for nothing and they wont feel entitled to something they didnt earn

Anyone can develop a sense of entitlement at any time; it is grown in selfishness and pride. It is likely a bit more rare to develop later in life, but it does happen.

I didn't say they were the same thing, you missed my point again.

There ARE murderers out there or are you denying they exist?

I never said there weren't murderers. If you want to reread my post I acknowledged their existence directly, and in fact with a personal statement of experience.
You seemed to be comparing the two as though they are somehow connected. If that was not your intent than it seems I did miss what you were trying to get across.

yet you are more concerned about someone taking your money than your life. You will trust someone you apparently feel you cant trust with your life but not your bank account? Based on what? the assumption they share your value of human life? That they would rather rob you than kill you?

They could just as easily be a murderer as a thief.

I don't think I would say I am more concerned about someone taking financial security than my life. I am not *afraid* to die, but I am not willing to give my life away and I also have means to protect my life and I will use them if necessary.
The means to protect my money is to not allow someone free access to it; and I actively use that as well.

~And don't we all trust people with our lives a little more than with our money?
You chat to some random person in a parking lot or at a store; could they not be a psychopath and kill you just for looking at them? But you still say hi to strangers and possibly even let them within feet of you.
But even in doing that you don't hand them your wallet and walk away do you?

Well if you dont plan to ever be married why take part in a discussion about marriage and sharing an account? (No I am not saying you have no right to post in a public forum, just asking a valid question)

Several reasons actually.
I don't plan to get married as of now, but I don't proclaim to know what will happen in the next 20 years.
I am single, this is a Singles forum; from what I have gathered discussions on opinions are open to anyone unmarried - no matter their neurosis or future plans.
I've been told by several that I am not a Christian by name and as such I am limited in what forums I am allowed to post in on here.
Maybe I don't want to get married, but I do have opinions, and I know there are others who have been through some of what I have been and my opinion, while wrong or upsetting to some is equally valid to others.
I come here to see the reasoning for different opinions on topics. Should I not share differing views as well?

 

[PinkSweetart]

I personally would definitely go over this issue with the guy I was going to marry before I married him, but for the most part, I've always wanted my own separate account.

I think it's because I was raised like this. My mom and dad both have their own accounts and they are both absolutely fine with that. My dad buys whatever he wants with his money, and so does my mom. If either of them need money, they will freely give to each other.
Other circumstances may be different. Like what if only one of you was working?

I realize each marriage would be different though. For instance, my mother does receive more money that my dad, so she is in charge of all the bill paying, for the most part. So as you can see, I was raised in a very nontraditional home. My mom "brought home the bacon" and my dad took care of my siblings and I while he managed his business.

The only reason I oppose of sharing accounts is because of all the bad I've seen from people who do. My sister and her husband included, and I will use them as an example. He will give her NOTHING sometimes... my poor niece goes without proper fitting shoes while he goes and buys guns, ammo, and whatever his heart desires. My sister has to secretly take money out for herself every once in while to buy her needs as well as the needs for my niece. The only money he gives is for gas and groceries.
I've known other couples like this who just don't really know the true meaning of SHARING and account.

So yeah, this is a topic that obviously needs to be talked about before marriage.
As I said, I would prefer to have my own account because I was raised in a family (pretty much my whole family) where the women where all independent and I've always believed that as the norm. I haven't seen it work any other way. But that's not to say that I would be completely opposed if all circumstances and issues where talked about beforehand.

The idea of being completely united is a really sweet one if the action is never abused. It would probably be simpler, too, because you wouldn't have to worry about the "who pays what" when it came to bills because they would both be paying. That's why I said with my mom and dad the situation was different.

I known couples who split their bills, or even take turns, or assign different bills to each other. So I've seen both sides work and both fail... but, uh, basically I think I am more partial to the keeping separate accounts because I'm biased.

But again... just talk it out.

(okay. Enough of cf! lol)

 

[RobertMerton]

Separate accounts...

My future wife will probably kill me if she knows how much i spend on my hobbies.

But hey, it's the separate account.

I wouldn't call it a 'separate account', it's more along the lines of a discretionary spending account.

Joint account will be the mortgage, travel, savings, bills, etc.
i think each week or month an amount of money will be deposited into each of the accounts, and we can spend it however we want. - the issue here would be the ratio.. i think 50 50 is fair.

 

[toastface_grillah]

Thinking ahead for when married life comes - Would you share one account between the two of you for all income, or would you have separate accounts?

Discuss. Since alot of marriages seem to break apart due to financial problems.

Note - by separate accounts I'm referring to having your individual accounts with a shared one which a percentage of both of your income goes into.

I thought this was about Facebook accounts when I saw the headline. Had a good post thought up and everything. Oh well. #firstworldproblems

Bank accounts? Methinks the missus and I will have to sit down and talk about that when the time comes.

 

[anewday]

I would like to share the same account. I think it would make things easier and simpler. Of course, if I ever got close to marrying somebody, we would discuss this.

 

[Neve]

Three accounts - one shared, for all the necessary household budget items, to be funded in proportion to the respective income of each spouse until it balances in the black. Then separate ones for whatever, if any, is left over of our respective incomes.

'Course that's just my idea. I'd certainly let my wife have some input.

I like the above.

I mean even right now, I have more than one account. I have different accounts earmarked for different current/future expenses. Why on earth would I go down to only one account for everything?

I think we need several: one joint for household, one joint for savings, one separate for extra per spouse, one separate per spouse for savings (so that's 6 different accounts - sounds about right, not counting IRAs, CDs, or retirement funds). Yup.

And for the record, my parents have one joint account; my mother has her separate bank account yet my father does not (partly because my mother doesn't want him to have one). My father is coming up on being a hostage - I mean, husband - for almost 40 years.

 

[TwistTim]

I am the mindset of marriage === joint partnership, even if she insists for some reason on keeping a seperate account in her name only(in case we need money and the bills are to much or something) I would get her name on my accounts. (Checking and Savings, and possibly another Checking, I want one to pay bills out of, the other to live out of, I need enough time not paying bills to set that up)....

I would also sit down with her and discuss what the income and outgo are of our household, how the accounts are to be managed, and how to work together to be debt free(if she has any) and remain that way.

A marriage that doesn't have to worry about money is avoiding 70-85% of the causes for divorce.

 

[DandelionsInTheRain]

Blind post:
I think that a married couple owns their belongings together. When you get married your money belongs to each other as well as your possessions; and debt too. I think this is a very important discussion to have with a future spouse before getting married, deciding what to do about finances, etc. But I think it is important to discuss it after getting married as well. Regardless of how you set up accounts, 1 accounts, 2 accounts, 3 accounts, etc. I guess it doesn't really matter so much. But attitude about it does matter. I think it's good to sit together and plan out a budget together. And discussing big purchases together regardless of if it's in one person's personal account or the other person's. Because I believe you still share possessions. (An example: one of you owns a computer - it is your own; but it also belongs to your spouse )

I voted for 1 account, but what I really mean by that is sharing everything, regardless on how many accounts you set up.

Anyway regardless of how it is set up in the end they need to discuss it and settle on something that doesn't frustrate each other, and as income changes adjust it if needed. It is sad when marriages break up because of financial issues.

 

[m.a.r.X]

Three accounts are the way to go...IMO !!

 

[bocannes]

Wow, the responses in this thread are a bit surprising to me.

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.

I absolutely agree with you. My first response was also "wow". I can't imagine marrying someone and then having a separate account with "my" money.