Secular Music and Dancing offensive at Wedding?

[FaithfulServant]

My boyfriend and I were discussing his parents and he mentioned that if we were ever to get married we couldn't have secular music or dancing at the wedding because his parents and some of his relatives would find it offensive. (They think secular music is worldly and dancing is sexual or something like that).

Now, I'm from Texas, and I grew up listening to country music and dancing to it, and I would prefer an out door BBQ country type wedding. And a BBQ is just not complete without some two stepping! haha
Plus, My family is Italian and at Italian weddings there is lots of alcohol and lots of dancing - and lets face it you can't really dance to Christian music. His parents would ALSO be against alcohol probably.

So, what would I have to do? Not have any dancing or any music? I mean, I would gladly pick out country songs that did not included curse words or anything. It just seems ridiculous to me because on my wedding day I want to dance with my husband!!!

Now, I sure wouldn't want to offend people, because Id want everyone to be happy. But I cant exactly be like, "okay reception time, if you are offended by dancing, country music, or alcohol go home now please".

 

[plum]

the great wedding (with great dancing) that i went to this weekend involved swing big bad music and oldies/dance classics (sadly this included YMCA and the chicken song!)
but many of the attendees are VERY conservative... and this was a hit! everyone knew the songs too which was fun.

Just in case you need this reminder, not having alcohol (except maybe wine for the toasts?) is SO MUCH CHEAPER! unless you know a brewer personally, it might just be an economical comprimise to make.

Music though? I dunno...

 

[PurpleBunny]

Some people have an early afternoon wedding with a tea reception, and then later have a dance. I've seen this done before in families where one side has problems with drinking and/or dancing. Perhaps that might be an option for you? That way you could do all the toasting, the cake-cutting, bouquet toss, and garter toss (if you're doing those things) with his family, take a break for supper, and then have a dance!

This might be a bit outside some peoples' budgets, but there are some ways to lighten the cost are to have the tea reception at the church, if it has a hall, and have the dance just at a local hall. If you just serve hors d'oevres at the dance, that cuts costs as well. You can do quite well with costco platters in that case (just make sure guests know that there will not be a sit-down meal).

Do you think that is an idea your boyfriend and/or his family would go for? If they are REALLY against dancing, there's nothing you can really do about it.

(And I'm in a bit of the same situation--about three weeks ago my grandmother proclaimed that dancing is sinful and evil. She also doesn't like strapless wedding dresses, thinks my dress won't fit 'cause I bought it in October, and she hopes I won't call off the wedding on July 15th, but I digress...)

 

[invisiblebabe]

It's your wedding, and you know that dancing and secular music are not sinful. If other guests don't like it, well, they can leave.

Of course, tell them that in a more tactful way than I just stated it.

 

[IslandBreeze]

It's your wedding, and you know that dancing and secular music are not sinful. If other guests don't like it, well, they can leave.

Of course, tell them that in a more tactful way than I just stated it.

Your wedding is about YOU. It's YOUR day, not everyone else's. If they get offended by something, they can leave. I doubt very highly most of them have ever been to weddings where there was absolutely no secular music.

 

[Singin4Him]

I agree, it's your wedding and you should do what you have always wanted to do. However, be sure you keep it tasteful and sophisticated such as no "bump and grind" music lol. I'm a Texan too and I grew up lovin' country but I do know some of those songs can be inappropriate for a wedding, just make sure your selections are ones that everyone will enjoy and be able to dance and have fun to. You want people to remember the beautiful moments of your wedding, not music they may have thought was inappropriate or distasteful.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

My grandma was like this before she passed away - the dancing side wouldn't have been an issue, because we aren't having dancing, but the music would have been off limits.

Some traditional baptists don't like the idea, because of the dancing that killed John the Baptist - that's the reason I've heard anyway.

What I'd do is have a sit down and talk with them about how you are planning on having a bridal waltz with your FH, and get them to talk about their issues with it. I'm sure they can compromise - it is YOUR wedding, after all, and sometimes you just have to ignore others, and have what you really want - hard as it is to accept that!

They should be reasonable to compromise with you over it!

Sasch

 

[Sketcher]

Eloping keeps many things simple . . .

The biggest problem I have with alcohol at weddings is that people need to drive home afterwards, even if there's only a little. You may not have a problem with my next problem with it, but but here we go: At one wedding I went to, the best man was drunk before the recieption even began. They went a bit overboard on the alcohol at that one.

 

[plum]

In my opinion right now... I wouldn't serve alcohol because I know too many people who are alcoholics. This would not serve them.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Som relatives on my side of the family has had problems with alcohol, and we are Salvation Army, so almost all our friends don't drink, and I don't like his dad's behaviour after a few drinks.

So, we've solved this issue by not having a bar tab, and just serving non-alcoholic drinks (de-alcoholised champagne for the toasts - yummy stuff - tastes exactly like wine more than maison or any other 'store bought' non-alc wines taste!)...

If people want to drink, then they can buy it themselves. Saved ourselves lots of money this way!

Maybe that's an option? Good budgetting and non-offensive - so everyone wins!!!

Sasch

 

[Sketcher]

BYOB wedding. Great.

 

[PurpleBunny]

BYOB wedding. Great.

We're sort of doing this as well... just serving beer, wine, and non-alcoholic drinks but we've spread the word that because the wedding reception is on private property (an acreage in the country) people can feel free to bring anything they want that we aren't providing.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Romans 15, in a nutshell:
The Bible doesn't outline everything point-to-point. In some situations, God convicts some people in some ways, and other people in other ways. Very important keys: 1)God will never convict us against what He says in the Bible; 2) If we convince a brother or sister in Christ to go against his or her convictions, even though it doesn't violate our own, we are sinning in doing so.

Dancing and alcohol are prime examples of this. The Bible doesn't say "Thou shalt never have a sip of beer in your life!" Yes, it says not to drink to get drunk, and we know what it says about sexuality and understand how some of today's dancing can have sexual implications. Some people respond to these things by not drinking or dancing at all. Others may walk the line a little to close.

You don't want to cause your relatives to stumble by rubbing your music in their faces (maybe start with slower songs/oldies/whatever, then move to the more modern stuff later on), but they also need to remember that you probably have a different opinion from them.

 

[PurpleBunny]

You don't want to cause your relatives to stumble by rubbing your music in their faces (maybe start with slower songs/oldies/whatever, then move to the more modern stuff later on), but they also need to remember that you probably have a different opinion from them.

Yup, that's why I suggested having a tea reception in the church hall immediately following the ceremony and then having a dance later. This can be done pretty frugally, too.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Yup, that's why I suggested having a tea reception in the church hall immediately following the ceremony and then having a dance later. This can be done pretty frugally, too.

Hmm but what if the wedding is held outside - where the ceremony and reception are held practically right next to each other?

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Maybe start with light dinner music, and start with some old classics (seriously, who doesn't like Unchained Melody at a wedding?), then step it up later on.

My fiance and I were tempted to figure out the most offensive song possible and start with that, just to shake things up, but we decided against it

 

[plum]

My fiance and I were tempted to figure out the most offensive song possible and start with that, just to shake things up, but we decided against it

The Thong Song?

no kidding, my boyfriend and I have talked about songs and some songs just get nixed because they'd make some certain relatives faint dead away! Yeah, we didn't really consider The thong song, but hey, if you want someone to run for the hills, that's a good one. lol

 

[LadyBird]

It's the same with me. My boyfriend's entire family (both sides!) are Christians. And my family, both sides, are not. But me and my boyfriend are Christians...just to clear that up. His family, parents too would probably not want any dancing or alchol. But you know what, it's OUR wedding, we will do the things we want on our day. I will want to toast with wine, absolutely, that's non-negotiable. However, on the dancing, I want to dance, but I know that his family would be offended, so...we could meet half way on that...like, I think that we will just dance with our parents (eg, me and my dad and honey and his mom) and then with each other (me and honey.).