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Relentless trials

Healing with Jesus

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I understand that my Father is working to discipline me and conform me to be more Christlike. However, the depth and longevity of the trials in my life has gotten to the point where I truly feel lost.

14 years ago, I was pregnant with my firstborn, and the man who is now my ex-husband moved us 500 miles away from our families into the middle of nowhere, the U.S. frontier basically. There are very few services and infrastructure here. When I left him with our 3 kids 5 years ago, I went back to my home state to be supported by my family through the separation. It was then that I learned that I needed to get back to my then-husband's state or I would have the kids taken away from me. So, I did, and I have been living in poverty ever since then. When we were together, I saved up money and racked up debt so that he could buy a house. Now he owns 10 acres and a 1400 sq. ft house. I filed for bankruptcy and lost everything I bought for our family. I gained legal custody of the kids, that was the trade-off. My ex is not engaged with medical providers, etc.

I moved into an old, beat-up trailer in a run-down park. I made the best of my circumstances. I bought the trailer from my mom once I got on my feet. I worked on the trailer, I went to therapy, read a ton of books, prayed constantly, did all the available programs for my kids, I tried my best to manage a bad situation. But my choices and this world took a toll one me. My hope was to find a husband, but I just found dudes who want to use me. I was hurt very badly (illegally - catch my drift?) last year twice. Cops did nothing, just took my info. I installed security cameras and kept my head down, working on my house and renovating it the best I could with my limited skill set.

Then it all culminated this winter. I realized that my family of origin is very supportive financially, but also we have some major skeletons in our closet that have never seen the light of day. I recovered a really deep, dark horrible memory, a pattern of what happened to me as a toddler. I already remembered stuff from when I was in early elementary school, but this hit me like a Mack truck. I became pretty dysfunctional emotionally. I feel so completely damaged inside and out. I blamed all my problems on my dad, who did the things, and my mom, who did nothing to stop him. She only had him taken out of the house when the school intervened because the violence became very apparent.

So, I was struggling just to function into the spring, when I got my butt kicked even harder. In spite of my renovations, I had no idea that there was a recall on plumbing fittings in older trailers in the 90s. So one day 3 weeks ago, I woke up smelling a horrible smell of mildew coming from my heating ducts. I figured out that there was a leaking water line. It has been a living nightmare ever since then. 3 weeks of constant phone calls to contractors, a ton of money, and the problem still is not solved. The water line has been fixed, but the water has spread and spread under the trailer all through the belly. I am the only one who is being thorough, and I am not a carpenter. I have mold allergies. So now my health, which was already ailing from all the stress coming to the surface from my childhood, is even worse.

I have spent many hours under my trailer and have found that the contractor I paid did not finish the job. There is a ton of insulation that is still wet, 3 weeks later. I lost my mind when I discovered this. The contractor did a ton of work, it's not like he's running away with money after not doing anything. He demoed a lot of insulation, damaged subfloor, did a lot of structural work, reinstalled new floors, etc. But he is just not as attentive to detail as I am. I care about my family and our health. My youngest child has intensive special needs, which are both medical and developmental, and I am not taking any chances with mold. But now, after doing all that work, I am quite ill. I lost more weight, and my stress is off the charts. There is a professional mitigation company visiting tomorrow to take a look, but the price will likely be too high for me to afford.

The most stressful part of this is that my insurance company denied my claim, blaming it on wear and tear of the plumbing system. And I have no family, none whatsoever, to help me with this. I have a handful of guys I dated who want to help me, and get into my pants at the same time. This is my battle.

I am crying out to God for guidance through these stormy seas for wise navigation.
 

Pop D.

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Heavenly Father, we pray you will help this woman and her children through all these trials, and provide her with your guidance, in the Name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.
 
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Healing with Jesus

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I am grateful to God for everyone who has prayed for my family and me, and for the ways He has been moving in my life.

I was unable to afford to hire the professional mitigation company. However, a generous family member decided to lend me the money to do that part of the repairs. Hallelujah! Praise be to God!! The wet insulation is all out now, and I didn't have to do it. I am working on other remediation, and the project is not anywhere near complete yet.

My house still smells like mold, badly. It really needs to be rebuilt from the ground up and/or have professional mold remediation. I can't afford those repairs, nor do I have the time to do them myself. I am paying a lot of money into a place that is just not great to live, and I don't have the means to invest in it to improve it. It is an old trailer and it is falling apart quickly.

Another problem is that I now have to make debt payments. I have been debt-free for 5 years, so this is difficult because my budget already is pretty tight, and I do not like to owe anyone money.

Considering my entire situation, I am praying for the Lord's guidance about renting an apartment / house for the children and me. This way, the monthly payment would be stable, the repairs would be the landlord's responsibility, and my time would be able to be spent focusing on my children's needs, and not my house. I could also find a place closer to my ex-husband, which would save travel time and money on gas. This would be especially convenient in the winter, when we get a lot of snow and tough driving conditions. There are also some districts with better schools, so I could at least potentially send one or two of my kids there instead of home schooling all three.

This change has the potential to take some things off my plate, and being closer to my ex would give him opportunities to support the kids more, though of course I don't know for sure that he will. My ex's girlfriend recently moved in with him, and I have noticed that he has been better about taking care of things and stepping up to the plate to help with the kids more now that she's in his life more. The downside is that I would be giving up my life here, which includes a small homestead the kids and I have been building for the past 5 years, and all the small-town connections I've made over the years. But they have not been very supportive.

I really need our Father to guide me in all my decisions and direct all of my paths. I am torn in a lot of ways. I hope that you'll continue to pray for us!
 
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Healing with Jesus

merciful listener
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I am grateful to God for everyone who has prayed for my family and me, and for the ways He has been moving in my life.

I was unable to afford to hire the professional mitigation company. However, a generous family member decided to lend me the money to do that part of the repairs. Hallelujah! Praise be to God!! The wet insulation is all out now, and I didn't have to do it. I am working on other remediation, and the project is not anywhere near complete yet.

My house still smells like mold, badly. It really needs to be rebuilt from the ground up and/or have professional mold remediation. I can't afford those repairs, nor do I have the time to do them myself. I am paying a lot of money into a place that is just not great to live, and I don't have the means to invest in it to improve it. It is an old trailer and it is falling apart quickly.

Another problem is that I now have to make debt payments. I have been debt-free for 5 years, so this is difficult because my budget already is pretty tight, and I do not like to owe anyone money.

Considering my entire situation, I am praying for the Lord's guidance about renting an apartment / house for the children and me. This way, the monthly payment would be stable, the repairs would be the landlord's responsibility, and my time would be able to be spent focusing on my children's needs, and not my house. I could also find a place closer to my ex-husband, which would save travel time and money on gas. This would be especially convenient in the winter, when we get a lot of snow and tough driving conditions. There are also some districts with better schools, so I could at least potentially send one or two of my kids there instead of home schooling all three.

This change has the potential to take some things off my plate, and being closer to my ex would give him opportunities to support the kids more, though of course I don't know for sure that he will. My ex's girlfriend recently moved in with him, and I have noticed that he has been better about taking care of things and stepping up to the plate to help with the kids more now that she's in his life more. The downside is that I would be giving up my life here, which includes a small homestead the kids and I have been building for the past 5 years, and all the small-town connections I've made over the years. But they have not been very supportive.

I really need our Father to guide me in all my decisions and direct all of my paths. I am torn in a lot of ways. I hope that you'll continue to pray for us!
Thank you @Pop D. for praying. I am so overwhelmed. I would be giving up a lot of freedom if I moved into a rental. Namely, our therapy chickens who are an incredibly important part of our family. I really need God's guidance.

I also stood up to two guy friends who have been trying very persistent to date me for months. Now I'm isolated because they were two of my best friends. Sigh. I am praying for Godly companionship, hopefully with Christian women.
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Just wanted to ask for my family to be kept in your prayers. I am getting to the point where I am willing to part with my chickens so that we can move somewhere more safe and stable. The unpredictability of home repairs financially, physically, and emotionally is just too much for me as a single care-giving mother. No landlords want to allow the chickens, even places out in the country. It is not fair at all, but the rental market is challenging in my location. I already have red flags like a bankruptcy (thanks to my ex-spouse's financial abuse during the marriage) and receiving public assistance. Sigh. God help me and guide me.
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Hey, thank you @Pop D., and everyone else who may be reading, for praying for my family and me throughout this constant ordeal. Today I have plans to look at a potential rental, the first one since I started looking a month ago. I am being flexible and am willing to re-home our chickens if that makes the landlord more comfortable.

Please pray that the Lord will give my kids and me very sharp discernment about this home, so that we can be confident about being guided by Him and not merely our earthly desires/ needs...
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Thank you for praying @Pop D. and @Joseph G and everyone else who is praying. The rental I checked out last week went horribly. My kids and I were given the middle finger by the next-door neighbor. It was very upsetting and triggering for me. However.... I am grateful for the clarity, because I did ask God to make it clear whether we should move there or not.

My praise report is that I got a call about an affordable townhouse becoming available in a few weeks. I haven't seen it yet and am praying, and asking for prayers for wisdom and discernment. It is being held for my family until our background check etc. comes back.

I am nervous about the landlord reference. My current landlord has been very combative and, while they have no reason to give me a poor reference, it is something I wonder about. I have brought many things about the living conditions to their attention, like the roads falling apart, unaddressed property maintenance concerns, etc. A family member said they will probably be happy to be rid of me as a tenant, since almost everyone else here is content to live in substandard conditions. It has been a really rough place to live with a good bit of crime and a general unfriendly attitude from the neighbors and management company. We have a couple neighbors who we would miss, but we don't see them very often.

I am putting my trust in God.... to guide me, to deliver and protect my family.. and to show me what to do.
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Hey, so this weekend I booked an Air BnB for the kids and me. We have been breathing in black mold for 12 weeks now and I wanted a break so that we could just relax.

Unfortunately, the place had a flea problem. I left after 3 hours, but I am covered in flea bites :(

I am asking for a supernatural work of God. I am literally beyond tapped out and don't have the capacity to deal with fleas.

I discovered yet another water leak in my home yesterday. I just am too tired to deal with an insect infestation on top of more mold and more construction.

Please pray with me that God will move supernaturally and stop this pestilence. I have faith the size of a flea egg....
 
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shanrose

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I understand that my Father is working to discipline me and conform me to be more Christlike. However, the depth and longevity of the trials in my life has gotten to the point where I truly feel lost.

14 years ago, I was pregnant with my firstborn, and the man who is now my ex-husband moved us 500 miles away from our families into the middle of nowhere, the U.S. frontier basically. There are very few services and infrastructure here. When I left him with our 3 kids 5 years ago, I went back to my home state to be supported by my family through the separation. It was then that I learned that I needed to get back to my then-husband's state or I would have the kids taken away from me. So, I did, and I have been living in poverty ever since then. When we were together, I saved up money and racked up debt so that he could buy a house. Now he owns 10 acres and a 1400 sq. ft house. I filed for bankruptcy and lost everything I bought for our family. I gained legal custody of the kids, that was the trade-off. My ex is not engaged with medical providers, etc.

I moved into an old, beat-up trailer in a run-down park. I made the best of my circumstances. I bought the trailer from my mom once I got on my feet. I worked on the trailer, I went to therapy, read a ton of books, prayed constantly, did all the available programs for my kids, I tried my best to manage a bad situation. But my choices and this world took a toll one me. My hope was to find a husband, but I just found dudes who want to use me. I was hurt very badly (illegally - catch my drift?) last year twice. Cops did nothing, just took my info. I installed security cameras and kept my head down, working on my house and renovating it the best I could with my limited skill set.

Then it all culminated this winter. I realized that my family of origin is very supportive financially, but also we have some major skeletons in our closet that have never seen the light of day. I recovered a really deep, dark horrible memory, a pattern of what happened to me as a toddler. I already remembered stuff from when I was in early elementary school, but this hit me like a Mack truck. I became pretty dysfunctional emotionally. I feel so completely damaged inside and out. I blamed all my problems on my dad, who did the things, and my mom, who did nothing to stop him. She only had him taken out of the house when the school intervened because the violence became very apparent.

So, I was struggling just to function into the spring, when I got my butt kicked even harder. In spite of my renovations, I had no idea that there was a recall on plumbing fittings in older trailers in the 90s. So one day 3 weeks ago, I woke up smelling a horrible smell of mildew coming from my heating ducts. I figured out that there was a leaking water line. It has been a living nightmare ever since then. 3 weeks of constant phone calls to contractors, a ton of money, and the problem still is not solved. The water line has been fixed, but the water has spread and spread under the trailer all through the belly. I am the only one who is being thorough, and I am not a carpenter. I have mold allergies. So now my health, which was already ailing from all the stress coming to the surface from my childhood, is even worse.

I have spent many hours under my trailer and have found that the contractor I paid did not finish the job. There is a ton of insulation that is still wet, 3 weeks later. I lost my mind when I discovered this. The contractor did a ton of work, it's not like he's running away with money after not doing anything. He demoed a lot of insulation, damaged subfloor, did a lot of structural work, reinstalled new floors, etc. But he is just not as attentive to detail as I am. I care about my family and our health. My youngest child has intensive special needs, which are both medical and developmental, and I am not taking any chances with mold. But now, after doing all that work, I am quite ill. I lost more weight, and my stress is off the charts. There is a professional mitigation company visiting tomorrow to take a look, but the price will likely be too high for me to afford.

The most stressful part of this is that my insurance company denied my claim, blaming it on wear and tear of the plumbing system. And I have no family, none whatsoever, to help me with this. I have a handful of guys I dated who want to help me, and get into my pants at the same time. This is my battle.

I am crying out to God for guidance through these stormy seas for wise navigation.
Your story touched my heart. I too have been in dark times and wondered what on earth God was doing. I became so weary and in pain that I cursed God and semi-hoped He would take me out of this life.

I can't offer too much but I would contact your ex and ask him to help you. Have you tried welfare? Many people coming in through the border are getting it.

I don't understand God. My life has been hard for many years. I hope that you find some relief soon.
 
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Joseph G

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Prayed for all your needs, especially a solution for the mold and fleas.

As to the investation, I had similiar when I moved into this apt. it was soon overrun with roaches - everywhere! The mgmt sent a pest control guy who accomplished zilch.

I prayed and prayed (and felt overburdened with challenges too), but finally got off my keister and told God I would cooperate with Him if He'd provide the wisdom. The pest aisle at the grocery store was a dizzying array of products to choose from, but He guided me to the particular solution - traps and spray. Worked like a charm! I see one occasionally and immediately zap the little bugger before they can establish a stronghold.

I kinda view the situation as a metaphor for demon investation. Gotta zap the little you-no-whats at every vain attempt at reconquering the joint.

So, along with prayer here's a really good link for dealing with fleas:


God's gonna provide for all your needs - just hang in there and keep the faith!
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Your story touched my heart. I too have been in dark times and wondered what on earth God was doing. I became so weary and in pain that I cursed God and semi-hoped He would take me out of this life.

I can't offer too much but I would contact your ex and ask him to help you. Have you tried welfare? Many people coming in through the border are getting it.

I don't understand God. My life has been hard for many years. I hope that you find some relief soon.
I appreciate hearing your story. It has been very crushing lately, all the burdensome trials one after the other. I don't understand and I am very tired. I have been living in a moldy house for 3 months with my kids now and it's taken over my mind and body. Very dark, fungus grows in the dark...

When I tried to escape, I got fleas. @Joseph G The good news is that I must not have brought home any / enough to create an infestation. I quickly did some serious deep cleaning and laundry. Not sure if that helped, or if they didn't hitch a ride on me as I initially believed they did.

What happened is that I had a very severe reaction to the bites I did get. I thought I was getting new bites, but the lack of visible fleas and lack of bites on my kids were clues. It turns out that I had hives appearing on my body. I could literally feel like something was crawling on/in my skin, but nothing was visible.

I felt like I was going crazy till I researched flea allergy dermatitis. I even had a severe GI reaction 18 hours after my first bite. I kept getting new hives for a week. Thank God it has stopped and I am starting to heal from that.

Now the sad part is about the new apartment I was going to get. They are refusing to accommodate a safe play structure I had custom-built for my child with severe disabilities. I saved a ton of money to have this made for her so that she can enjoy the outdoors. The area of the apartment was also recently badly affected by a natural disaster. So I almost feel like I'm back to the drawing board. I'm not saying no, but I am very discouraged.

I need God's guidance now soooo much. Thank you all for your prayers, it means more to me than you may know. @Pop D. @Joseph G @shanrose
 
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Healing with Jesus

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Wish I had a testimony about how things have improved, but all I can say is that God is good. He is opening my eyes to deceptive spiritual practices and helping me cling to Him.

In the last week, I have had such an increase in the trials that it feels absolutely unreal. Nothing is working out for me, but God... He is helping my faith become stronger. The last round of trials has been so unexpected and devastating that I feel it led me to give it all to God. I needed to step out on pure faith in God and what I know to be the truth, when almost everyone around me is saying I'm wrong. I feel deliverance, internally at least. Thank God.
 
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Joseph G

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Wish I had a testimony about how things have improved, but all I can say is that God is good. He is opening my eyes to deceptive spiritual practices and helping me cling to Him.

In the last week, I have had such an increase in the trials that it feels absolutely unreal. Nothing is working out for me, but God... He is helping my faith become stronger. The last round of trials has been so unexpected and devastating that I feel it led me to give it all to God. I needed to step out on pure faith in God and what I know to be the truth, when almost everyone around me is saying I'm wrong. I feel deliverance, internally at least. Thank God.
That sounds pretty darn encouraging to me. Your faith is your most precious asset, and the doubters already see it paying off in your confidence in Him, whether they're ready to admit it to themselves just yet or not.

All else will fall into place one by one!

Still praying!

James 1:2-4 NIV

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
 
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Healing with Jesus

merciful listener
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That sounds pretty darn encouraging to me. Your faith is your most precious asset, and the doubters already see it paying off in your confidence in Him, whether they're ready to admit it to themselves just yet or not.

All else will fall into place one by one!

Still praying!

James 1:2-4 NIV

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."


I got really distracted for a few months. Even though it felt like all I was doing I was meeting my earthly obligations, I was unwittingly getting swept up into worldliness.

Evil spirits were given authority to harm my home and my body... I'm suffering a lot.
 
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