- Nov 14, 2022
- 4
- 2
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Hi all, I am new to this community but was desperately seeking a place that I can find Christian based advice on my dating life. I welcome any resources!
I am having serious doubts and trust issues in my one year relationship. I met my boyfriend on Upward (the Christian dating site) with much hesitation. I was engaged in 2018 and when that relationship ended it almost broke me. I chose to devote my energy on my relationship with God rather than seeking a new relationship. 3 years later I took a leap of faith and started dating again. I was instantly drawn to this man who I have now been with for a little over a year. I was terrified of starting something new but I felt that God brought us together. Half a year into our relationship I started to get the feeling that I couldn’t trust him. I decided to ignore the feelings and 3 months later I stumbled across several messages he was sending to other women. He was on a couple of different dating sites. I confronted him about it without showing any anger but he denied it until I showed him screenshots that I took. He told me that he couldn’t explain why he was talking to these other women, and that he has never gone out with them or physically connected with them. He told me that he only loves me. He then explained that this behavior was a type of distraction to not engage in watching pornography. He felt a sense of gratification from matching online with other women. He told me that “I’m too good for him.” I wanted to understand his bout with sexual sin and support him through it. I decided to forgive him with the promise that he would work on our relationship and come to me if he felt a moment of weakness. We started praying together more but it has still felt like a struggle. Fast forward, today I was helping him clean his apartment and I found a red blouse hidden in one of his drawers. I am trying to make every excuse in my head that this isn’t what I think it is. I’m questioning whether it was from a past relationship and was simply forgotten, but then I know I would’ve seen it a long time ago. He says that he loves me and he does all of these amazing things to “take care” of me. He goes to church with me and prays with me. I just don’t get why this is happening. I want to work on whatever the issue is but I feel like I am just in denial. The old version of me would have walked out of the relationship the moment she saw those messages months ago. I’ve changed, I seek to exemplify grace, but at what point does grace become naïveté. I carry a lot of guilt about how my last relationship ended. I felt like I gave up on that relationship and pushed my ex away. Now I feel like I have to do better in this relationship and fight for this person that I truly love. I just don’t know if I’m fighting in vain.
I am having serious doubts and trust issues in my one year relationship. I met my boyfriend on Upward (the Christian dating site) with much hesitation. I was engaged in 2018 and when that relationship ended it almost broke me. I chose to devote my energy on my relationship with God rather than seeking a new relationship. 3 years later I took a leap of faith and started dating again. I was instantly drawn to this man who I have now been with for a little over a year. I was terrified of starting something new but I felt that God brought us together. Half a year into our relationship I started to get the feeling that I couldn’t trust him. I decided to ignore the feelings and 3 months later I stumbled across several messages he was sending to other women. He was on a couple of different dating sites. I confronted him about it without showing any anger but he denied it until I showed him screenshots that I took. He told me that he couldn’t explain why he was talking to these other women, and that he has never gone out with them or physically connected with them. He told me that he only loves me. He then explained that this behavior was a type of distraction to not engage in watching pornography. He felt a sense of gratification from matching online with other women. He told me that “I’m too good for him.” I wanted to understand his bout with sexual sin and support him through it. I decided to forgive him with the promise that he would work on our relationship and come to me if he felt a moment of weakness. We started praying together more but it has still felt like a struggle. Fast forward, today I was helping him clean his apartment and I found a red blouse hidden in one of his drawers. I am trying to make every excuse in my head that this isn’t what I think it is. I’m questioning whether it was from a past relationship and was simply forgotten, but then I know I would’ve seen it a long time ago. He says that he loves me and he does all of these amazing things to “take care” of me. He goes to church with me and prays with me. I just don’t get why this is happening. I want to work on whatever the issue is but I feel like I am just in denial. The old version of me would have walked out of the relationship the moment she saw those messages months ago. I’ve changed, I seek to exemplify grace, but at what point does grace become naïveté. I carry a lot of guilt about how my last relationship ended. I felt like I gave up on that relationship and pushed my ex away. Now I feel like I have to do better in this relationship and fight for this person that I truly love. I just don’t know if I’m fighting in vain.
