Please Help? How Do I Fully Surrender My Life to God and Leave My Old Ways Behind

[sacardian]

I’ve spent a lot of time in my younger years studying the Bible, and after a long period away from faith, I’ve recently returned to it with renewed focus. My studies have especially centered around topics like Satan, demons, music, hypnosis (likely a reason I fell away from faith for a while), free will, the end times, and human suffering. My understanding is strongest in these areas, though I continue to uncover new insights, particularly in Revelation and other prophetic books like Daniel, Isaiah, and the Gospels. Recently, I’ve been deeply reflecting on Jesus, His crucifixion, sin, the Fall, and the reason for suffering in the world.

For the first time in my life, my faith feels truly grounded. I am completely convinced of the truth of God, from Lucifer’s fall from heaven with a third of the angels, to the consequences of free will and the resulting sin and death, through the Old Testament’s preparation for a Savior and the establishment of God’s law, to the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments. I’ve even had a profound experience with the Holy Spirit, but despite this, I recognize that I am still a sinner, as we all are.

I know that all this knowledge is meaningless if I don’t wholeheartedly commit with a pure heart. Yet, I’ve built my life completely in sin, and it feels like I’m trapped in a deep hole. My current lifestyle revolves around music—both listening to and creating it—including satanic or worldly influences. I even organize my own festival, which draws large crowds and is dependent on me. It’s deeply intertwined with alcohol, smoking, and a social circle that supports this lifestyle. Every time I step outside, it feels like I fall back into sin.

Now that I finally see the truth of God at 27 years old, I realize that I’m still too proud and selfish to let go of everything. I know I need to completely surrender my life, abandon my current lifestyle, and start anew to become a true child of God. I need to be “clothed in new garments” as the Bible describes. Verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17 (“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come”) and Luke 9:23 (“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”) make it clear that I cannot continue living this way.

I pray daily for forgiveness, for a pure heart, and to learn to love what God loves and hate what He hates (Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me”). I’m currently studying the Gospels and exploring what it means to be part of God’s mission—how to share the Gospel and live in a way that convinces others of His truth.

I know only God can truly help me, as He is capable of all things, but I would greatly appreciate your advice, experiences, or guidance. What steps can I take to fully surrender and truly turn my life around? I believe I understand the truth, but I fear that my heart isn’t yet fully pure, as I haven’t made the drastic changes I know are necessary. I know, I have to pray a lot. Only god can help me, but I would love to hear your stories. What has helped you on your journey to faith and transformation?

 

[d taylor]

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Well if your study has lead you believe salvation is through: the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments.

You have miss how to receive God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation, through belief in Jesus believing that Jesus is who He says He is The Son of God/The Messiah, the resurrection and the life.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

With a past like that you have to reverse many things in your life, some are easy and quick, some may be very hard and take a lot of time. Some of the damage/consequences may be impossible to reverse in this life. God can do miracles though.

Repentance is up to you - the requires a genuine willingness to change your ways and to have an undivided heart towards God.

Forgiveness was costly but is free to you. You may keep struggling with certain things - so this is a ongoing thing. But don't let that be an excuse not to take sin seriously and really root it out from your life with all your might.

Sin can lead to a spiritual / demonic burden sometimes - if possible seek others to pray for you and your past (pastor, priest, etc.).

Sin and bad behaviour creates bad habits, causes mental and physical damage - so overcoming and reversing that is a process and journey, but we sure to start it.

Live each day as willing to please God; ask forgiveness to those you have wronged. And joyfully and undeterred by setbacks embrace your walk into holiness and purification.

I've gone through similar things myself - it's worth it.

 

[sacardian]

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​

Well if your study has lead you believe salvation is through: the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments.

You have miss how to receive God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation, through belief in Jesus believing that Jesus is who He says He is The Son of God/The Messiah, the resurrection and the life.

Thank you for your response. I fully understand that salvation comes through belief in Jesus as the Son of God and Savior (John 14:6). My focus right now is less on the knowledge of salvation and more on how to live a worthy life in Christ. I’m striving to truly surrender my life to Him and would love to hear stories of others who experienced real transformation.

As the Bible says, "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:26), and "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father" (Matthew 7:21). It's clear that true faith requires action, and I want to live in a way that reflects that. Thats my point. I of course do know, that believing in jesus and the ressurection is key, but its not enough. Thats clear in Scripture. Many many times. God Bless you!

 

[sacardian]

With a past like that you have to reverse many things in your life, some are easy and quick, some may be very hard and take a lot of time. Some of the damage/consequences may be impossible to reverse in this life. God can do miracles though.

Repentance is up to you - the requires a genuine willingness to change your ways and to have an undivided heart towards God.

Forgiveness was costly but is free to you. You may keep struggling with certain things - so this is a ongoing thing. But don't let that be an excuse not to take sin seriously and really root it out from your life with all your might.

Sin can lead to a spiritual / demonic burden sometimes - if possible seek others to pray for you and your past (pastor, priest, etc.).

Sin and bad behaviour creates bad habits, causes mental and physical damage - so overcoming and reversing that is a process and journey, but we sure to start it.

Live each day as willing to please God; ask forgiveness to those you have wronged. And joyfully and undeterred by setbacks embrace your walk into holiness and purification.

I've gone through similar things myself - it's worth it.

Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging response. I completely agree that repentance requires genuine willingness and an undivided heart towards God. I understand that overcoming past habits and struggles is a process, and I’m committed to that journey, trusting God for His strength and miracles. I will continue to seek forgiveness, pray for guidance, and strive to live each day in a way that pleases God. Your experience gives me hope, and I’m thankful for your support.

 

[sacardian]

Well if your study has lead you believe salvation is through: the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments.​

You have miss how to receive God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation, through belief in Jesus believing that Jesus is who He says He is The Son of God/The Messiah, the resurrection and the life.

Thank you for your response. I fully understand that salvation comes through belief in Jesus as the Son of God and Savior (John 14:6). My focus right now is less on the knowledge of salvation and more on how to live a worthy life in Christ. I’m striving to truly surrender my life to Him and would love to hear stories of others who experienced real transformation.

As the Bible says, "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:26), and "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father" (Matthew 7:21). It's clear that true faith requires action, and I want to live in a way that reflects that. Thats my point. I of course do know, that believing in jesus and the ressurection is key, but its not enough. Thats clear in Scripture. Many many times. God Bless you!

 

[d taylor]

Thank you for your response. I fully understand that salvation comes through belief in Jesus as the Son of God and Savior (John 14:6). My focus right now is less on the knowledge of salvation and more on how to live a worthy life in Christ. I’m striving to truly surrender my life to Him and would love to hear stories of others who experienced real transformation.

As the Bible says, "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:26), and "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father" (Matthew 7:21). It's clear that true faith requires action, and I want to live in a way that reflects that. Thats my point. I of course do know, that believing in jesus and the ressurection is key, but its not enough. Thats clear in Scripture. Many many times. God Bless you!

-
​

Well since i am not Traditional Adventist ( did not know i was posting in that section) I will not post any more.

But knowing does not equal to believing and it is believing that gives people Eternal Life salvation.

 

[sacardian]

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​

Well since i am not Traditional Adventist ( did not know i was posting in that section) I will not post any more.

But knowing does not equal to believing and it is believing that gives people Eternal Life salvation.

Thank you for your response, but I believe there’s a misunderstanding. At the end of the day, I trust in what the Bible says. I understand that religions differ, but for me, the Bible and the teachings of the Adventist faith align and there is nothing added. Its original doing what the bible says. Nothing else. There are no changes or humans, who changed the sabbath to sunday, like emporer Constantine did with the sunday law (sun worship, google it) 321 AD and whole church changed (like prophecy told, He will speak against the Most High and oppress his holy people and try to change the set times and the laws." (Daniel 7:25, NIV) .

it’s simply the Bible, and I can understand it and god better when I logically read it as I grow in my faith.

As I mentioned before, knowing is important, but it’s not the ultimate goal. As 1 Corinthians 8:1 says, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." The knowledge I gain from the Bible doesn’t just stay in my head; it leads me to a deeper love for God and for others, which is what truly matters. I think this is where we might be misunderstanding each other. I never said that knowledge alone equals belief or salvation. I read the Bible not just to know, but to build a relationship with Jesus, because that’s what He desires from us.

In Matthew 5:6, Jesus says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” This hunger for God’s Word isn’t about knowing facts; it’s about drawing closer to Him and living out His truth in love. And as I’ve said, the Bible is clear—faith alone is not enough. It's not just about believing Jesus existed (ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO BELIEVE IN JESUS OF COURSE! But not the key alone. Read it. Research it.) James 2:19 reminds us, “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” So, belief is more than acknowledging the facts; it’s about trusting in Jesus as Savior and living in obedience to His will.

I don’t see this as an argument or a need to disprove anything, but as a desire to follow God’s path of love and transformation. And I truly believe that as we seek God with all our hearts, He will lead us through His Spirit, filling us with His love and guiding us toward salvation. Wish you all the best <3.

 

[Unqualified]

Just do it and see.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Thank you for your response, but I believe there’s a misunderstanding. At the end of the day, I trust in what the Bible says. I understand that religions differ, but for me, the Bible and the teachings of the Adventist faith align and there is nothing added. Its original doing what the bible says. Nothing else. There are no changes or humans, who changed the sabbath to sunday, like emporer Constantine did with the sunday law (sun worship, google it) 321 AD and whole church changed (like prophecy told, He will speak against the Most High and oppress his holy people and try to change the set times and the laws." (Daniel 7:25, NIV) .

it’s simply the Bible, and I can understand it and god better when I logically read it as I grow in my faith.

As I mentioned before, knowing is important, but it’s not the ultimate goal. As 1 Corinthians 8:1 says, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." The knowledge I gain from the Bible doesn’t just stay in my head; it leads me to a deeper love for God and for others, which is what truly matters. I think this is where we might be misunderstanding each other. I never said that knowledge alone equals belief or salvation. I read the Bible not just to know, but to build a relationship with Jesus, because that’s what He desires from us.

In Matthew 5:6, Jesus says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” This hunger for God’s Word isn’t about knowing facts; it’s about drawing closer to Him and living out His truth in love. And as I’ve said, the Bible is clear—faith alone is not enough. It's not just about believing Jesus existed (ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO BELIEVE IN JESUS OF COURSE! But not the key alone. Read it. Research it.) James 2:19 reminds us, “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” So, belief is more than acknowledging the facts; it’s about trusting in Jesus as Savior and living in obedience to His will.

I don’t see this as an argument or a need to disprove anything, but as a desire to follow God’s path of love and transformation. And I truly believe that as we seek God with all our hearts, He will lead us through His Spirit, filling us with His love and guiding us toward salvation. Wish you all the best <3.

You are right .. but the word 'faith' in English is a bit misunderstood.

'Faith' in Biblical terms ('emunah' in Hebrew, or 'pistis' in Greek) is not just 'assumption/belief/knowledge' (as it is used in English mostly), but it is also and sometimes primarily 'trust / loyalty / leaning on'. So Biblical faith is knowing and doing at the same time. Only when you fully trust / lean on God, you can say you really have faith in Him.

Learning what truth is and gathering wisdom helps ... but ultimately we have to know God & Jesus, and not just know about Him.

By understanding faith this way - the classical dichotomy of grace / works disappears.

Loving God means doing what pleases Him.

Be blessed!

 

[Freth]

Maybe my testimony will help. I'm going to go into detail so that the full picture is presented.

I was born and raised Seventh-day Adventist. It was a devout Adventist household. We observed Sabbath, went to church every Saturday. I credit my grandmother, as she was a devout Adventist, and so my mother followed.

My mother and father were separated (divorced) and married a second time before I became self-aware. I and my older brother lived with my mother and her second husband. We went to visit my father every other weekend.

My mother's second husband was physically abusive, and she eventually left him. We went to an abuse shelter and lived there until we could get into low income apartments. We lived there for a few years. As things often go, my mother got pregnant by the ex-husband (second), and soon my little brother was born.

Around this time she started seeing an old acquaintance, a friend of her ex-husband. He was into what is now known as classic rock, and smoking marijuana. Mother refused to marry him unless he converted. He changed his life and became an Adventist. He adopted my little brother as his own as his real dad didn't want anything to do with him. As a family we were actively engaged in the church. I was baptized around this time, at age thirteen.

As time went on, this third husband became verbally abusive to me in particularly. I was grounded often because of this, and started to become an introvert. I found solace in my bedroom, reading books and playing.

One day when he was at work we moved everything of ours out of the house and into grandmother's house. The divorce came later. We moved into a dump of a place until we could get into the low income apartments we lived in before. My older brother moved in with our father.

The second husband went back to his old habits. He had lost the support of many in the church (which was the cause of his reverting back to his old life, sadly). We lost touch, aside from his visits to see my little brother. He ended up getting remarried and is still married to the same woman today.

Mother, myself and my little brother lived in the dump for about a year and finally got into the low income apartments. At around this time I was about to be sixteen years old. I started to think on following my brother to go live with my father. I wanted to know my father better than weekend visits, and I wanted a change in my life, something new.

I had always been a devout Christian up to this point, but even when living with the second husband and at the peak of our Adventism, I was losing faith and starting to go through the motions. Bible studies were a chore to me, and my mind was elsewhere. I was becoming an adult, and the world tugged at me in a big way. So many things I hadn't experienced, because of my devout upbringing, were beckoning me. I told myself at the time that I needed time away to figure out what I believed, to answer the question(s) on my own, in my own time, concerning the existence of God. Really, it was just an excuse to do what I wanted.

I moved in with my father after turning sixteen, and left Christianity behind. I did what I wanted, ate what I wanted. My mother eventually moved to another state to be close to her sister, and remained there for over a decade. She did return, and now lives in the same town as I.

I finished high school, met new friends who helped me slowly come out of my shell, and graduated. Life was uncertain for a couple years, until I got hired into a telecommunications company. I would work for eight years before getting into the technical position that would be my profession. I moved out of my father's house and was now living in a town thirty miles away, to be close to my job.

Even though I was in the world, much of the values I was raised with kept me from all manner of sin. It could've been much worse had I not had those values guiding me. I did sow my wild oats, as much as I would allow myself. My lifestyle became one of excess.

I took on a number of bad habits. I ate way too much (and I gorged myself on pork). I sat for long periods at work, especially in the early years. I gained weight. I was addicted to soft drinks, coffee and sweets. I dated a number of women, and fell into sexual sin. I had other habits that I won't talk about. Even though I had money, all of the toys, and was living a life of excess, I still wasn't happy.

In 2008 I was on vacation, but sitting at home, when I received a phone call from one of dad's friends, saying that he had collapsed and was being taken to the hospital. Mother was now living across from me in an apartment, so I told her and we both jumped in my car to drive the thirty miles to the hospital.

That half hour of driving was misery. Thinking the worst, and trying to steel myself for it. It was all I could do to stay driving the speed limit. I had to get to my father and make sure he was okay.

When I arrived at the emergency room entrance, my brother was sitting outside on a bench, his head hung low. I was numb. Mother and I exited the vehicle and went to meet him. We all hugged together, and then entered the hospital where several of father's friends were gathered. The one that had called me immediately came over and told me that he didn't tell me over the phone because he wanted me to drive safely.

My father had come home from work and had collapsed in the bathroom, suffering a heart attack. He was gone before the ambulance got there and could not be revived.

One of the doctors came and greeted us and took us back to see him. For years I had dreaded this moment, the moment when one of my parents would pass. I dreaded the circumstances. I dreaded seeing my parents go through any sort of suffering. My father was a loving, kind and generous man. I can't imagine having a more perfect father. How awful it would have been to see him suffer.

The doctor took us into an area sectioned off by curtains. There lay my father on a gurney. In such a moment of anguish, of seeing your father's lifeless body, the ultimate fear I had for so many years, I fully expected to burst out into hysterics and bawl my eyes out, but as I stood there looking at him, the most overwhelming love poured over me. Sure, I had tears in my eyes, but all I could see was how precious this man was. So precious. I was flooded with a love I had never felt before. Yes, I loved my father, like any son, but this was something else, something more.

At the viewing I stood by my father's casket and I stared at him with a love I had never known before. So much was this overwhelming love that it sustained me for months. Yes, I grieved, and I cried, but I received utmost assurance and peace. Love washed over me and kept me.

I didn't recognize the significance of this event at the time. I chalked it up to my love for my father. Years later it would come full circle.

The passing of my father started me thinking on figuring out the existence of God question that I had for so long neglected to address. And so I looked everywhere I knew God wouldn't be, to see if there was any truth. I went from one thing to the next, vetting philosophy, religion and conspiracy theory.

I didn't see it at the time, but I was being led from one conclusion to the next, toward the ultimate conclusion, that God indeed exists, and that the evidence is all around us.

In 2016 after the final conclusion was reached, I fully surrendered to God in prayer, and asked Him to enter my life again, to forgive me of all of my sins, and to help me. It was a full heart surrender.

What happened next was something I wasn't prepared for. The floodgates opened. I suddenly had hindsight and could see every point in my life where God was with me. A couple points where He had clearly saved my life. Many points where I was blessed beyond measure.

I looked back on the overwhelming love I felt surrounding my father's death, and came to the conclusion that God was showing me what His unconditional love is, so that I could understand how important love is to His plan of salvation, and to the very government of God and His creatures. This includes loving others unconditionally.

See, before that event, I did not understand complete love in that sense, I did fully comprehend it until eight years later, when I surrendered my heart and was open to receiving the truth.

That was just one of many life-changing events that have happened since I came back to Christianity.

But what of my bad habits? Oh yes, the bad habits! I was bound and determined to make changes in my life, to overcome all of the sin. I asked God for help, and I set about working on them.

The first thing I did was declare my faith to all of my friends. It wasn't a new faith, but an old one renewed. I explained that I couldn't go out on Friday and Saturday anymore, because I would be observing the Sabbath. I explained that I was fully committed to this life change.

Just to give you an idea of how things were at the time... I was drinking two or three large Starbucks coffees a day. I was going to gas stations between meals and snacking on all manner of sweets and gas station food. I was eating meal portion sizes that could've been split up to make two or three meals.

I was listening to music that had no redeeming value. I was into metal, rock and the 80's. I listened to bands that are openly Satanic. It wasn't until after my conversion that these glaring messages started to be opened up to me in a way that was off-putting.

I was constantly buying new things, because I had the extra money to do so.

All of these habits in my life were dopamine factories. Everything I indulged in served to make me happy temporarily, but I always needed more to fill the void.

Two years after my conversion (2018) I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. So bad were my numbers that my doctor called me to go pick up a prescription right away. This was a wakeup call.

I immediately set about changing my diet and getting exercise. I went from dangerously high numbers to normal numbers in six months, and I kept those numbers low. Today, I have been living without medication for going on seven years, thanks to diet change.

I am mostly vegetarian. I control my portions, and my sugar intake, and I endeavor to get exercise on a regular basis. I was once 240 with a huge gut, but I am now nearing 190, and am working toward the goal of a normal body weight. I consider myself thin now, since I haven't been this weight for decades, but I want to lose even more. Diabetes necessitated getting my sugar intake under control, and so that keeps me in line. I don't want to go back on medication.

How I overcame the music addiction? It was the easiest. I couldn't abide by those messages in my life anymore. They stood out to me like sore thumbs, and made the music unlistenable. If I am trying to live a Christian life, I can't have those influences constantly tugging at me. The same goes for movies and TV shows.

The caffeine addiction took a long time to get a handle on. It has helped that over time my body has become intolerant to it. I am still working to remove it completely, but I've made huge strides. I am not addicted anymore.

Sexual addiction was a big one to overcome. I had to reorient my habits. Part of it was purging my mind of the wrong mindset, the wrong thinking, the wrong impulses that sin had planted in my head. Decades of absorbing sinful content had poisoned my mind to only think the most depraved things. It took a LONG time, but I finally found success in staying the course. Getting on my knees when I sinned and asking for forgiveness, and then redoubling my efforts to overcome it. What works is the renewing of the mind, and the removing of those things that are triggers. Eventually, even those triggers stop being triggers at all, and you are free of it.

The spending addiction was easy. I retired early and live on a meager pension that forces me to live within my means. I now live simply, eat simply, and it has helped me focus on my Christian walk that much more.

I had to be at a point in my life where I was ready to let go of everything. Every bad influence. Every bad habit. Every desire for worldly things. All of it. If I held onto one thing, it would be like a weight pulling me down into the abyss.

I had to reach that point, where I actually wanted my Christian walk more than worldly things, worldly habits, and worldly influences. When I reached that point they actually became repugnant and abhorrent to me, their sinfulness being made apparent; as I said before, sticking out like a sore thumb.

I have learned that I can't keep a foot in the door. I can't straddle the fence. I have to choose one or the other. As Jesus said, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other." (Matthew 6:24)

If you think about it, if your foot is stuck in the door to hold it open, you can't move anywhere. You can't move into one room or the other. You're stuck there in the middle. Choose a room and live in it. Abide in those things found in the good room, and you will succeed.

God bless!

 

[sacardian]

Maybe my testimony will help. I'm going to go into detail so that the full picture is presented.

I was born and raised Seventh-day Adventist. It was a devout Adventist household. We observed Sabbath, went to church every Saturday. I credit my grandmother, as she was a devout Adventist, and so my mother followed.

My mother and father were separated (divorced) and married a second time before I became self-aware. I and my older brother lived with my mother and her second husband. We went to visit my father every other weekend.

My mother's second husband was physically abusive, and she eventually left him. We went to an abuse shelter and lived there until we could get into low income apartments. We lived there for a few years. As things often go, my mother got pregnant by the ex-husband (second), and soon my little brother was born.

Around this time she started seeing an old acquaintance, a friend of her ex-husband. He was into what is now known as classic rock, and smoking marijuana. Mother refused to marry him unless he converted. He changed his life and became an Adventist. He adopted my little brother as his own as his real dad didn't want anything to do with him. As a family we were actively engaged in the church. I was baptized around this time, at age thirteen.

As time went on, this third husband became verbally abusive to me in particularly. I was grounded often because of this, and started to become an introvert. I found solace in my bedroom, reading books and playing.

One day when he was at work we moved everything of ours out of the house and into grandmother's house. The divorce came later. We moved into a dump of a place until we could get into the low income apartments we lived in before. My older brother moved in with our father.

The second husband went back to his old habits. He had lost the support of many in the church (which was the cause of his reverting back to his old life, sadly). We lost touch, aside from his visits to see my little brother. He ended up getting remarried and is still married to the same woman today.

Mother, myself and my little brother lived in the dump for about a year and finally got into the low income apartments. At around this time I was about to be sixteen years old. I started to think on following my brother to go live with my father. I wanted to know my father better than weekend visits, and I wanted a change in my life, something new.

I had always been a devout Christian up to this point, but even when living with the second husband and at the peak of our Adventism, I was losing faith and starting to go through the motions. Bible studies were a chore to me, and my mind was elsewhere. I was becoming an adult, and the world tugged at me in a big way. So many things I hadn't experienced, because of my devout upbringing, were beckoning me. I told myself at the time that I needed time away to figure out what I believed, to answer the question(s) on my own, in my own time, concerning the existence of God. Really, it was just an excuse to do what I wanted.

I moved in with my father after turning sixteen, and left Christianity behind. I did what I wanted, ate what I wanted. My mother eventually moved to another state to be close to her sister, and remained there for over a decade. She did return, and now lives in the same town as I.

I finished high school, met new friends who helped me slowly come out of my shell, and graduated. Life was uncertain for a couple years, until I got hired into a telecommunications company. I would work for eight years before getting into the technical position that would be my profession. I moved out of my father's house and was now living in a town thirty miles away, to be close to my job.

Even though I was in the world, much of the values I was raised with kept me from all manner of sin. It could've been much worse had I not had those values guiding me. I did sow my wild oats, as much as I would allow myself. My lifestyle became one of excess.

I took on a number of bad habits. I ate way too much (and I gorged myself on pork). I sat for long periods at work, especially in the early years. I gained weight. I was addicted to soft drinks, coffee and sweets. I dated a number of women, and fell into sexual sin. I had other habits that I won't talk about. Even though I had money, all of the toys, and was living a life of excess, I still wasn't happy.

In 2008 I was on vacation, but sitting at home, when I received a phone call from one of dad's friends, saying that he had collapsed and was being taken to the hospital. Mother was now living across from me in an apartment, so I told her and we both jumped in my car to drive the thirty miles to the hospital.

That half hour of driving was misery. Thinking the worst, and trying to steel myself for it. It was all I could do to stay driving the speed limit. I had to get to my father and make sure he was okay.

When I arrived at the emergency room entrance, my brother was sitting outside on a bench, his head hung low. I was numb. Mother and I exited the vehicle and went to meet him. We all hugged together, and then entered the hospital where several of father's friends were gathered. The one that had called me immediately came over and told me that he didn't tell me over the phone because he wanted me to drive safely.

My father had come home from work and had collapsed in the bathroom, suffering a heart attack. He was gone before the ambulance got there and could not be revived.

One of the doctors came and greeted us and took us back to see him. For years I had dreaded this moment, the moment when one of my parents would pass. I dreaded the circumstances. I dreaded seeing my parents go through any sort of suffering. My father was a loving, kind and generous man. I can't imagine having a more perfect father. How awful it would have been to see him suffer.

The doctor took us into an area sectioned off by curtains. There lay my father on a gurney. In such a moment of anguish, of seeing your father's lifeless body, the ultimate fear I had for so many years, I fully expected to burst out into hysterics and bawl my eyes out, but as I stood there looking at him, the most overwhelming love poured over me. Sure, I had tears in my eyes, but all I could see was how precious this man was. So precious. I was flooded with a love I had never felt before. Yes, I loved my father, like any son, but this was something else, something more.

At the viewing I stood by my father's casket and I stared at him with a love I had never known before. So much was this overwhelming love that it sustained me for months. Yes, I grieved, and I cried, but I received utmost assurance and peace. Love washed over me and kept me.

I didn't recognize the significance of this event at the time. I chalked it up to my love for my father. Years later it would come full circle.

The passing of my father started me thinking on figuring out the existence of God question that I had for so long neglected to address. And so I looked everywhere I knew God wouldn't be, to see if there was any truth. I went from one thing to the next, vetting philosophy, religion and conspiracy theory.

I didn't see it at the time, but I was being led from one conclusion to the next, toward the ultimate conclusion, that God indeed exists, and that the evidence is all around us.

In 2016 after the final conclusion was reached, I fully surrendered to God in prayer, and asked Him to enter my life again, to forgive me of all of my sins, and to help me. It was a full heart surrender.

What happened next was something I wasn't prepared for. The floodgates opened. I suddenly had hindsight and could see every point in my life where God was with me. A couple points where He had clearly saved my life. Many points where I was blessed beyond measure.

I looked back on the overwhelming love I felt surrounding my father's death, and came to the conclusion that God was showing me what His unconditional love is, so that I could understand how important love is to His plan of salvation, and to the very government of God and His creatures.

See, before that event, I did not understand love, and I did not realize the fullness of it until eight years later, when I surrendered my heart and was open to receiving the truth.

That was just one of many life-changing events that have happened since I came back to Christianity.

But what of my bad habits? Oh yes, the bad habits! I was bound and determined to make changes in my life, to overcome all of the sin. I asked God for help, and I set about working on them.

The first thing I did was declare my faith to all of my friends. It wasn't a new faith, but an old one renewed. I explained that I couldn't go out on Friday and Saturday anymore, because I would be observing the Sabbath. I explained that I was fully committed to this life change.

Just to give you an idea of how things were at the time... I was drinking two or three large Starbucks coffees a day. I was going to gas stations between meals and snacking on all manner of sweets and gas station food. I was eating meal portion sizes that could've been split up to make two or three meals.

I was listening to music that had no redeeming value. I was into metal, rock and the 80's. I listened to bands that are openly Satanic. It wasn't until after my conversion that these glaring messages started to be opened up to me in a way that was off-putting.

I was constantly buying new things, because I had the extra money to do so.

All of these habits in my life were dopamine factories. Everything I indulged in served to make me happy temporarily, but I always needed more to fill the void.

Two years after my conversion (2018) I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. So bad were my numbers that my doctor called me to go pick up a prescription right away. This was a wakeup call.

I immediately set about changing my diet and getting exercise. I went from dangerously high numbers to normal numbers in six months, and I kept those numbers low. Today, I have been living without medication for going on seven years, thanks to diet change.

I am mostly vegetarian. I control my portions, and my sugar intake, and I endeavor to get exercise on a regular basis. I was once 240 with a huge gut, but I am now nearing 190, and am working toward the goal of a normal body weight. I consider myself thin now, since I haven't been this weight for decades, but I want to lose even more. Diabetes necessitated getting my sugar intake under control, and so that keeps me in line. I don't want to go back on medication.

How I overcame the music addiction? It was the easiest. I couldn't abide by those messages in my life anymore. They stood out to me like sore thumbs, and made the music unlistenable. If I am trying to live a Christian life, I can't have those influences constantly tugging at me. The same goes for movies and TV shows.

The caffeine addiction took a long time to get a handle on. It has helped that over time my body has become intolerant to it. I am still working to remove it completely, but I've made huge strides. I am not addicted anymore.

Sexual addition was a big one to overcome. I had to reorient my habits. Part of it was purging my mind of the wrong mindset, the wrong thinking, the wrong impulses that sin had planted in my head. Decades of absorbing sinful content had poisoned my mind to only think the most depraved things. It took a LONG time, but I finally found success in staying the course. Getting on my knees when I sinned and asking for forgiveness, and then redoubling my efforts to overcome it. What works is the renewing of the mind, and the removing of those things that are triggers. Eventually, even those triggers stop being triggers at all, and you are free of it.

The spending addiction was easy. I retired early and live on a meager pension that forces me to live within my means. I now live simply, eat simply, and it has helped me focus on my Christian walk that much more.

I had to be at a point in my life where I was ready to let go of everything. Every bad influence. Every bad habit. Every desire for worldly things. All of it. If I held onto one thing, it would be like a weight pulling me down into the abyss.

I had to reach that point, where I actually wanted my Christian walk more than worldly things, worldly habits, and worldly influences. When I reached that point they actually became repugnant and abhorrent to me, their sinfulness being made apparent; as I said before, sticking out like a sore thumb.

I have learned that I can't keep a foot in the door. I can't straddle the fence. I have to choose one or the other. As Jesus said, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other." (Matthew 6:24)

If you think about it, if your foot is stuck in the door to hold it open, you can't move anywhere. You can't move into one room or the other. You're stuck there in the middle. Choose a room and live in it. Abide in those things found in the good room, and you will succeed.

God bless!

Hey! Thank you for this, it touched my heart. Thank you for sharing so much details, i can see similiaritys to my life and it gives me hope. <3
God bless you!

 

[Johan2222]

I’ve spent a lot of time in my younger years studying the Bible, and after a long period away from faith, I’ve recently returned to it with renewed focus. My studies have especially centered around topics like Satan, demons, music, hypnosis (likely a reason I fell away from faith for a while), free will, the end times, and human suffering. My understanding is strongest in these areas, though I continue to uncover new insights, particularly in Revelation and other prophetic books like Daniel, Isaiah, and the Gospels. Recently, I’ve been deeply reflecting on Jesus, His crucifixion, sin, the Fall, and the reason for suffering in the world.

For the first time in my life, my faith feels truly grounded. I am completely convinced of the truth of God, from Lucifer’s fall from heaven with a third of the angels, to the consequences of free will and the resulting sin and death, through the Old Testament’s preparation for a Savior and the establishment of God’s law, to the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments. I’ve even had a profound experience with the Holy Spirit, but despite this, I recognize that I am still a sinner, as we all are.

I know that all this knowledge is meaningless if I don’t wholeheartedly commit with a pure heart. Yet, I’ve built my life completely in sin, and it feels like I’m trapped in a deep hole. My current lifestyle revolves around music—both listening to and creating it—including satanic or worldly influences. I even organize my own festival, which draws large crowds and is dependent on me. It’s deeply intertwined with alcohol, smoking, and a social circle that supports this lifestyle. Every time I step outside, it feels like I fall back into sin.

Now that I finally see the truth of God at 27 years old, I realize that I’m still too proud and selfish to let go of everything. I know I need to completely surrender my life, abandon my current lifestyle, and start anew to become a true child of God. I need to be “clothed in new garments” as the Bible describes. Verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17 (“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come”) and Luke 9:23 (“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”) make it clear that I cannot continue living this way.

I pray daily for forgiveness, for a pure heart, and to learn to love what God loves and hate what He hates (Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me”). I’m currently studying the Gospels and exploring what it means to be part of God’s mission—how to share the Gospel and live in a way that convinces others of His truth.

I know only God can truly help me, as He is capable of all things, but I would greatly appreciate your advice, experiences, or guidance. What steps can I take to fully surrender and truly turn my life around? I believe I understand the truth, but I fear that my heart isn’t yet fully pure, as I haven’t made the drastic changes I know are necessary. I know, I have to pray a lot. Only god can help me, but I would love to hear your stories. What has helped you on your journey to faith and transformation?

Well, there are some things that you say that give me encouragement and some things that are of great concern to me but with the life that you say that you have lived and still do live, after your knowledge of Christ and the gospel, and after walking away from it, if I was too tell you everything was rosy, hopefully you would know that I was dishonest or lacking in discernment.

There are certain requirements necessary to be a Prodigal son and you have not yet received all of them and if you had, you would not feel that you were in a deep dark hole, but would know for certain that God had received you and was preparing the fatted calf in celebration.

For you to have spent a great deal of time in your youth studying the gospel means that you received the truth and received Christ, for he who believes receives Christ.

When you receive Christ the evil spirit goes out of you and when the evil spirit goes out of you, your joy in the things of the world is lost and if your new life in the wilderness is too much for you to bear and you return to the deeds of the temple of the flesh, there is a consequence. Luke 11.24.

You make several errors in doctrine contradictory to the word and it is your pride and denial that causes you to say that “you are a sinner as are we all” for that is the lie preached by the multitude on the wide road to destruction that leads everyone to think that sin is acceptable.

When you said that you recognised you “were a sinner as we all are,” I assume that you did not mean that you recognise that we are fallen sinful beings for that is obvious even to 12 year-old babes in Christ.

Seeing therefore that your implication that you know we are all walking in sin, as you are, is the lie preached by many in the church to lead us into believing that walking in sin is acceptable, I shall correct your error here openly knowing how many people have been stumbled by this lie.

1 Peter 4:1 KJV
Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

One of the things that perhaps worries me most about you is your pride which is revealed in many things that you say.

You have lived and are living a life of utter deception and for you to say that you have recently “experienced the Holy Spirit” is a great concern to me.

Matthew 6:23 KJV
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

You say that your studies centre mainly around Satan, Demons, music and hypnosis and if you cannot see the error in your focus there is not much that I can say that is going to be of any use to you.

You say you continue to receive insights in the word and you clearly attribute those insights to the work of the Holy Spirit who you say that you have experienced and all of these things combined cause me to worry about you in great measure.

If you want to know what you are missing in order to be received by God again, ask and you shall receive but do not expect me to show you an easy road that you can find through a wide gate.

 

[StayStill46]

I’ve spent a lot of time in my younger years studying the Bible, and after a long period away from faith, I’ve recently returned to it with renewed focus. My studies have especially centered around topics like Satan, demons, music, hypnosis (likely a reason I fell away from faith for a while), free will, the end times, and human suffering. My understanding is strongest in these areas, though I continue to uncover new insights, particularly in Revelation and other prophetic books like Daniel, Isaiah, and the Gospels. Recently, I’ve been deeply reflecting on Jesus, His crucifixion, sin, the Fall, and the reason for suffering in the world.

For the first time in my life, my faith feels truly grounded. I am completely convinced of the truth of God, from Lucifer’s fall from heaven with a third of the angels, to the consequences of free will and the resulting sin and death, through the Old Testament’s preparation for a Savior and the establishment of God’s law, to the New Testament’s message of salvation through love, forgiveness, and obedience to God’s commandments. I’ve even had a profound experience with the Holy Spirit, but despite this, I recognize that I am still a sinner, as we all are.

I know that all this knowledge is meaningless if I don’t wholeheartedly commit with a pure heart. Yet, I’ve built my life completely in sin, and it feels like I’m trapped in a deep hole. My current lifestyle revolves around music—both listening to and creating it—including satanic or worldly influences. I even organize my own festival, which draws large crowds and is dependent on me. It’s deeply intertwined with alcohol, smoking, and a social circle that supports this lifestyle. Every time I step outside, it feels like I fall back into sin.

Now that I finally see the truth of God at 27 years old, I realize that I’m still too proud and selfish to let go of everything. I know I need to completely surrender my life, abandon my current lifestyle, and start anew to become a true child of God. I need to be “clothed in new garments” as the Bible describes. Verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17 (“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come”) and Luke 9:23 (“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”) make it clear that I cannot continue living this way.

I pray daily for forgiveness, for a pure heart, and to learn to love what God loves and hate what He hates (Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me”). I’m currently studying the Gospels and exploring what it means to be part of God’s mission—how to share the Gospel and live in a way that convinces others of His truth.

I know only God can truly help me, as He is capable of all things, but I would greatly appreciate your advice, experiences, or guidance. What steps can I take to fully surrender and truly turn my life around? I believe I understand the truth, but I fear that my heart isn’t yet fully pure, as I haven’t made the drastic changes I know are necessary. I know, I have to pray a lot. Only god can help me, but I would love to hear your stories. What has helped you on your journey to faith and transformation?

Surrendering to God starts with trusting in Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross. It’s not about being perfect or doing everything right—it’s about giving your heart to Him and letting Him lead your life. Romans 12:1 says, 'Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.' When we surrender, we experience His peace and grace in a new way. Are there specific areas where you’re seeking His guidance?

 

[sacardian]

Surrendering to God starts with trusting in Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross. It’s not about being perfect or doing everything right—it’s about giving your heart to Him and letting Him lead your life. Romans 12:1 says, 'Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.' When we surrender, we experience His peace and grace in a new way. Are there specific areas where you’re seeking His guidance?

meanwhile i spend every day lots of time with the bible and in many areas my eyes got opened. all my worries blur slowly away and i can really feel change from inside. it`s fascinating how life and thoughts truly change, when you pray everyday and read the bible. i learned so much in this short time and im very hungry for reading more and im excited, how my life will change. the more fearful part (in a good way) are the endtimes. the more i read, the more i realise, we are in the prophecied end times of the bible. all whats happening right now is just more proof, that the existence of god is undeniable and the inner peace i feel is just something new and awesome to me. God bless.

 

[sacardian]

Well, there are some things that you say that give me encouragement and some things that are of great concern to me but with the life that you say that you have lived and still do live, after your knowledge of Christ and the gospel, and after walking away from it, if I was too tell you everything was rosy, hopefully you would know that I was dishonest or lacking in discernment.

There are certain requirements necessary to be a Prodigal son and you have not yet received all of them and if you had, you would not feel that you were in a deep dark hole, but would know for certain that God had received you and was preparing the fatted calf in celebration.

For you to have spent a great deal of time in your youth studying the gospel means that you received the truth and received Christ, for he who believes receives Christ.

When you receive Christ the evil spirit goes out of you and when the evil spirit goes out of you, your joy in the things of the world is lost and if your new life in the wilderness is too much for you to bear and you return to the deeds of the temple of the flesh, there is a consequence. Luke 11.24.

You make several errors in doctrine contradictory to the word and it is your pride and denial that causes you to say that “you are a sinner as are we all” for that is the lie preached by the multitude on the wide road to destruction that leads everyone to think that sin is acceptable.

When you said that you recognised you “were a sinner as we all are,” I assume that you did not mean that you recognise that we are fallen sinful beings for that is obvious even to 12 year-old babes in Christ.

Seeing therefore that your implication that you know we are all walking in sin, as you are, is the lie preached by many in the church to lead us into believing that walking in sin is acceptable, I shall correct your error here openly knowing how many people have been stumbled by this lie.

1 Peter 4:1 KJV
Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

One of the things that perhaps worries me most about you is your pride which is revealed in many things that you say.

You have lived and are living a life of utter deception and for you to say that you have recently “experienced the Holy Spirit” is a great concern to me.

Matthew 6:23 KJV
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

You say that your studies centre mainly around Satan, Demons, music and hypnosis and if you cannot see the error in your focus there is not much that I can say that is going to be of any use to you.

You say you continue to receive insights in the word and you clearly attribute those insights to the work of the Holy Spirit who you say that you have experienced and all of these things combined cause me to worry about you in great measure.

If you want to know what you are missing in order to be received by God again, ask and you shall receive but do not expect me to show you an easy road that you can find through a wide gate.

Certainly! Here’s a revised version of the response that includes additional Scripture references to support the arguments:

---

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I truly appreciate your concern for my walk with God and your desire to see me live according to His will. I want to address some of the points you raised, as I believe there are a few misunderstandings, and I hope to clarify them in light of Scripture. Since posting that, I’ve spent a significant amount of time in the Bible daily, and I now have a notebook full of notes from my studies. I’ve gained a wealth of insights, as I believe the Bible is the ultimate truth, and I’ve found many answers within it. Let me explain further.

1. The Prodigal Son and Repentance:​

You mentioned the story of the Prodigal Son, and I appreciate the insight. However, I believe that the prodigal son’s return to the father in Luke 15 shows that God receives us with grace when we genuinely repent. In the parable, the son didn’t have to be perfect to be received; he just had to turn back to the Father. In Luke 15:20, when the son returned, the father “ran to him and embraced him,” a picture of God’s heart toward us when we return.
Yes, I’m in a place of deep struggle, but this is the journey of repentance and transformation. 1 John 1:9 assures us that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The fatted calf is there for all who turn back to God, no matter how deep we’ve fallen, and it is a celebration of God’s mercy.

2. The Concept of Being a Sinner:​

You pointed out the danger of believing sin is acceptable, and I completely agree with you on that point. Romans 6:1-2 warns us not to continue in sin, saying, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?" The key here is that while we are still sinners by nature (Romans 3:23), we do not remain in sin. As believers, we are called to live a life of holiness and to pursue righteousness.
The fact that I acknowledge my sin does not mean I accept it; rather, I’m recognizing my need for a Savior. Romans 7:24-25 reflects Paul’s inner struggle with sin: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” This struggle is real, but we are not left to fight it alone. We are called to fight with Christ's strength (Philippians 4:13).

3. The Work of the Holy Spirit:​

I understand your concern about my claim of experiencing the Holy Spirit, but I believe the Holy Spirit convicts of sin, leads to truth, and empowers transformation (John 16:8-13). Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” The work of the Spirit is ongoing and transformative. The Holy Spirit isn’t just a one-time experience, but a constant presence in the life of a believer, helping us become more like Christ.
The Spirit leads us into holiness, not confusion or darkness. In Matthew 6:23, Jesus warns, “But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” This highlights the need for spiritual discernment, and I believe that if my focus on spiritual matters, such as Satan and spiritual warfare, is rooted in Scripture and prayer, the Holy Spirit can guide me to discern truth from error. I do not want to glorify darkness; I want to understand the enemy’s tactics so I can resist him (1 Peter 5:8-9).

4. The Focus on Spiritual Matters:​

You mentioned concerns about my focus on topics like Satan, demons, music, and hypnosis. While I understand your concern about these topics potentially leading me away from God (That's actually what happened in my youth when I did study "the dark side"! However, I never truly understood or experienced spiritual matters at that young age.), I believe the Bible calls us to be aware of the spiritual battle we face. Ephesians 6:11-12 says, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
By studying these subjects, my aim was to understand how the enemy works so that I can better protect myself and those around me (of course this was the wrong direction!) . 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says that “the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” But understanding these areas now can help me better engage in the spiritual battle, not out of fear or fascination, but to become more grounded in the truth of Christ.

5. Transformation and Surrender:​

You rightly pointed out that true transformation comes through surrender. I completely agree. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” The transformation is not instantaneous, but it’s a continuous process of sanctification. I believe this happens through daily surrender, as Luke 9:23 calls us to “deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Him.”
It’s a lifelong journey of denying the flesh and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us. Philippians 1:6 reassures us that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” While I have not by far reached perfection, my heart is bent toward surrender, and I believe God will continue to shape me into His image as I grow in my faith.

Luke 5:32 – “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
1 Timothy 1:15 – “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

Conclusion:​

I truly appreciate your heart of concern and the time you've taken to address my walk with God. I do not claim to be perfect, but I believe that God’s grace is greater than our failures, and that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9). My desire is to fully surrender to Him and to live according to His will. I believe that God’s transforming power is at work in me, and I trust that, through the Holy Spirit, I will be led to greater holiness.
Thank you for your willingness to engage in this dialogue with me. I will continue to seek God’s will and ask for His strength to walk in the light.

 

[Johan2222]

Certainly! Here’s a revised version of the response that includes additional Scripture references to support the arguments:

---

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I truly appreciate your concern for my walk with God and your desire to see me live according to His will. I want to address some of the points you raised, as I believe there are a few misunderstandings, and I hope to clarify them in light of Scripture. Since posting that, I’ve spent a significant amount of time in the Bible daily, and I now have a notebook full of notes from my studies. I’ve gained a wealth of insights, as I believe the Bible is the ultimate truth, and I’ve found many answers within it. Let me explain further.

1. The Prodigal Son and Repentance:​

You mentioned the story of the Prodigal Son, and I appreciate the insight. However, I believe that the prodigal son’s return to the father in Luke 15 shows that God receives us with grace when we genuinely repent. In the parable, the son didn’t have to be perfect to be received; he just had to turn back to the Father. In Luke 15:20, when the son returned, the father “ran to him and embraced him,” a picture of God’s heart toward us when we return.
Yes, I’m in a place of deep struggle, but this is the journey of repentance and transformation. 1 John 1:9 assures us that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The fatted calf is there for all who turn back to God, no matter how deep we’ve fallen, and it is a celebration of God’s mercy.

2. The Concept of Being a Sinner:​

You pointed out the danger of believing sin is acceptable, and I completely agree with you on that point. Romans 6:1-2 warns us not to continue in sin, saying, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?" The key here is that while we are still sinners by nature (Romans 3:23), we do not remain in sin. As believers, we are called to live a life of holiness and to pursue righteousness.
The fact that I acknowledge my sin does not mean I accept it; rather, I’m recognizing my need for a Savior. Romans 7:24-25 reflects Paul’s inner struggle with sin: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” This struggle is real, but we are not left to fight it alone. We are called to fight with Christ's strength (Philippians 4:13).

3. The Work of the Holy Spirit:​

I understand your concern about my claim of experiencing the Holy Spirit, but I believe the Holy Spirit convicts of sin, leads to truth, and empowers transformation (John 16:8-13). Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” The work of the Spirit is ongoing and transformative. The Holy Spirit isn’t just a one-time experience, but a constant presence in the life of a believer, helping us become more like Christ.
The Spirit leads us into holiness, not confusion or darkness. In Matthew 6:23, Jesus warns, “But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” This highlights the need for spiritual discernment, and I believe that if my focus on spiritual matters, such as Satan and spiritual warfare, is rooted in Scripture and prayer, the Holy Spirit can guide me to discern truth from error. I do not want to glorify darkness; I want to understand the enemy’s tactics so I can resist him (1 Peter 5:8-9).

4. The Focus on Spiritual Matters:​

You mentioned concerns about my focus on topics like Satan, demons, music, and hypnosis. While I understand your concern about these topics potentially leading me away from God (That's actually what happened in my youth when I did study "the dark side"! However, I never truly understood or experienced spiritual matters at that young age.), I believe the Bible calls us to be aware of the spiritual battle we face. Ephesians 6:11-12 says, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
By studying these subjects, my aim was to understand how the enemy works so that I can better protect myself and those around me (of course this was the wrong direction!) . 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says that “the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” But understanding these areas now can help me better engage in the spiritual battle, not out of fear or fascination, but to become more grounded in the truth of Christ.

5. Transformation and Surrender:​

You rightly pointed out that true transformation comes through surrender. I completely agree. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” The transformation is not instantaneous, but it’s a continuous process of sanctification. I believe this happens through daily surrender, as Luke 9:23 calls us to “deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Him.”
It’s a lifelong journey of denying the flesh and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us. Philippians 1:6 reassures us that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” While I have not by far reached perfection, my heart is bent toward surrender, and I believe God will continue to shape me into His image as I grow in my faith.

Luke 5:32 – “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
1 Timothy 1:15 – “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

Conclusion:​

I truly appreciate your heart of concern and the time you've taken to address my walk with God. I do not claim to be perfect, but I believe that God’s grace is greater than our failures, and that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9). My desire is to fully surrender to Him and to live according to His will. I believe that God’s transforming power is at work in me, and I trust that, through the Holy Spirit, I will be led to greater holiness.
Thank you for your willingness to engage in this dialogue with me. I will continue to seek God’s will and ask for His strength to walk in the light.

Well, you have quoted several scriptures, none of which I disagreed with and none of which I will disagree with.

My concern was not with what the scriptures teach. My concern was with your pride clouding your eyes into believing that you see what you don’t see and making you think that what is wrong is right.

For example I mentioned your focus on Satan and Demons and hypnosis etc and you are still trying to justify it with scriptures that do not justify it, but obviously they do in your mind.

Philippians 4:8 KJV
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Satan and Demons are not lovely or good or pure or just or honest.

“Charity is the bond of perfection” not the study of Satan or Demons or music or hypnosis.

The focus of the perfect is in that which Christ has called us to focus upon.

Matthew 5:19 KJV
Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

The deeds he was speaking of are the deeds of charity which he outlined in his first sermon.

If it had not been for doubters and hypocrites and unbeliever and rebels and know it alls Christ would have had no need to say or teach anything after his sermon on the mount for he covered everything that we should do to come to perfection in his sight.

To think otherwise is to miss the whole essence of everything he taught and yet you have been tempted to think otherwise.

 

[StayStill46]

meanwhile i spend every day lots of time with the bible and in many areas my eyes got opened. all my worries blur slowly away and i can really feel change from inside. it`s fascinating how life and thoughts truly change, when you pray everyday and read the bible. i learned so much in this short time and im very hungry for reading more and im excited, how my life will change. the more fearful part (in a good way) are the endtimes. the more i read, the more i realise, we are in the prophecied end times of the bible. all whats happening right now is just more proof, that the existence of god is undeniable and the inner peace i feel is just something new and awesome to me. God bless.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey! It’s truly beautiful to hear how God is working in your life—opening your eyes, giving you peace, and drawing you closer to Him through His Word. The change you’re experiencing from the inside out is a testament to the power of the Holy Spirit at work in you.


It’s amazing how the Bible comes alive the more we read it, and how it nourishes our souls. As you’ve said, we are indeed living in times where the fulfillment of God’s Word is evident, and this reminds us to stay steadfast in faith and hope.


I encourage you to continue seeking Him daily, praying, and immersing yourself in His truth. As Philippians 1:6 says, 'He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' God’s work in you is ongoing, and He will continue to transform and guide you.


If there’s anything specific you’re reflecting on or if you have questions as you read the Bible, feel free to share—I’d love to walk alongside you on this journey. God bless you as you grow in His grace and truth!

 

[reddogs]

A most beautiful sermon has been given here, thank you all. God Bless