OCD and vows

[LookingForward1]

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD at an early age and struggled with it all my life. In high school I started to develop a category of OCD referred to as scrupulosity which usually has to do with intrusive thoughts of selling my soul to the devil if I do something or buy something I want. For example I might want to buy something and have the thought “I’d sell my soul for that” at which point I wouldn’t buy it out of fear. This also branched out to everyday actions and redoing things. At some point years later maybe in college, I discovered I could counteract the fear of selling my soul by making a vow to God to punish myself if I engaged in the first fear. For example I might have a fear that if I do a specific action I’ll sell my soul or agree to sell my soul, then to counteract this I’d make a vow to God stating if I don’t do specific action then I won’t let myself engage in some activity I enjoy for some period of time, or in extreme cases I’ll ban myself from certain things completely. As time went on the selling my soul fear dissipated to some degree but the vows became more and more common and more and more extreme in response to other anxiety to the point I’d say/think “God please hold me accountable to this vow” and proceed to say that if I do or don’t do something then I’ll ban myself from certain hobbies I enjoy for months at a time. This has led to recent struggles in which I made a vow to ban myself from hobbies of mine (exercise and/or gaming which I do to spend time with a friend and destress) for several months. I had anxiety about a situation then vowed and asked to be held accountable that if I failed to do something or did something then I wouldn’t exercise/workout for some timeframe of 1-3 months. I ended up accidentally breaking the vow and I also have other vows I’m struggling with trying to determine if I broke them or not as well. I understand the concept of grace but at the same time I feel like if I do not punish myself I would be engaging in willful sin and essentially saying I value these things more than being with God and I worry about being condemned to hell if I fail to fulfill the vows. Furthermore I see it as a daily repeating sin every day that I fail to not start the punishment since I vowed to not engage in the hobbies for a certain time and this breaks the vow every day I don’t start the punishment. Even when praying about it I’ve had thoughts pop in my head saying “do it” in regards to fulfilling the vows which add more anxiety. I would appreciate thoughts on the matter. I do receive medication for the anxiety but I still struggle. Apologies for the long paragraph I just wanted to add as much context as I can.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD at an early age and struggled with it all my life. In high school I started to develop a category of OCD referred to as scrupulosity which usually has to do with intrusive thoughts of selling my soul to the devil if I do something or buy something I want. For example I might want to buy something and have the thought “I’d sell my soul for that” at which point I wouldn’t buy it out of fear. This also branched out to everyday actions and redoing things. At some point years later maybe in college, I discovered I could counteract the fear of selling my soul by making a vow to God to punish myself if I engaged in the first fear. For example I might have a fear that if I do a specific action I’ll sell my soul or agree to sell my soul, then to counteract this I’d make a vow to God stating if I don’t do specific action then I won’t let myself engage in some activity I enjoy for some period of time, or in extreme cases I’ll ban myself from certain things completely. As time went on the selling my soul fear dissipated to some degree but the vows became more and more common and more and more extreme in response to other anxiety to the point I’d say/think “God please hold me accountable to this vow” and proceed to say that if I do or don’t do something then I’ll ban myself from certain hobbies I enjoy for months at a time. This has led to recent struggles in which I made a vow to ban myself from hobbies of mine (exercise and/or gaming which I do to spend time with a friend and destress) for several months. I had anxiety about a situation then vowed and asked to be held accountable that if I failed to do something or did something then I wouldn’t exercise/workout for some timeframe of 1-3 months. I ended up accidentally breaking the vow and I also have other vows I’m struggling with trying to determine if I broke them or not as well. I understand the concept of grace but at the same time I feel like if I do not punish myself I would be engaging in willful sin and essentially saying I value these things more than being with God and I worry about being condemned to hell if I fail to fulfill the vows. Furthermore I see it as a daily repeating sin every day that I fail to not start the punishment since I vowed to not engage in the hobbies for a certain time and this breaks the vow every day I don’t start the punishment. Even when praying about it I’ve had thoughts pop in my head saying “do it” in regards to fulfilling the vows which add more anxiety. I would appreciate thoughts on the matter. I do receive medication for the anxiety but I still struggle. Apologies for the long paragraph I just wanted to add as much context as I can.

The answer to this is to turn away from the works of the flesh and to walk in the Spirit. We can do this only in the power of the Holy Spirit. The prayer we should be praying every day to keep from doing the deeds of the flesh is, "Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil."

 

[LookingForward1]

The answer to this is to turn away from the works of the flesh and to walk in the Spirit. We can do this only in the power of the Holy Spirit. The prayer we should be praying every day to keep from doing the deeds of the flesh is, "Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil."

By this are you saying I should punish myself for the vow?

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

By this are you saying I should punish myself for the vow?

No. What I am saying is that God's instruction is that you walk in the Spirit, and then you won't fulfil the deeds of the flesh. My personal opinion means nothing because I'm just a poor sinner just like you, but Jesus Christ is all in all, and the instruction to walk in the Spirit is His command not mine.

 

[LookingForward1]

No. What I am saying is that God's instruction is that you walk in the Spirit, and then you won't fulfil the deeds of the flesh. My personal opinion means nothing because I'm just a poor sinner just like you, but Jesus Christ is all in all, and the instruction to walk in the Spirit is His command not mine.

I understand what you mean though maybe I did not explain well in my initial post. Usually the vows themselves are not pertaining to sin or deeds of the flesh. It can be anything as simple as loading clothes into the laundry which was a vow I broke because I vowed to load them all in but missed one. I made the vow because I had anxiety/intrusive thoughts. The biggest challenge I face is that by not punishing myself I feel like I’ve drifted from God but I also recognize it is me telling myself this rather than it being the reality. I wish my faith was stronger but it is a journey not an instant arrival. OCD leads to doubt in many ways and often I have many questions.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I understand what you mean though maybe I did not explain well in my initial post. Usually the vows themselves are not pertaining to sin or deeds of the flesh. It can be anything as simple as loading clothes into the laundry which was a vow I broke because I vowed to load them all in but missed one. I made the vow because I had anxiety/intrusive thoughts. The biggest challenge I face is that by not punishing myself I feel like I’ve drifted from God but I also recognize it is me telling myself this rather than it being the reality. I wish my faith was stronger but it is a journey not an instant arrival. OCD leads to doubt in many ways and often I have many questions.

I understand. The best thing is not to make a vow in the first place. This may help you. I have software on my iPad called "Dream Speak". I load sermons and Christian books into the software as PDF files, and I put my headphones on and get the software to read them to me. I have downloaded an authentic voice that reads to me like a real person. I often do it just as I turn out my light to go to sleep, when I have all sorts of thoughts that tend to keep me awake. The readings being a sense of calmness to me. I can even download a copy of the Bible and have my iPad read it to me. I can do the same on my iPhone, and I am currently having the three volumes of Bishop Ryle's commentary on John's Gospel read to me.

You can do the same through Youtube by loading an audio sermon by your faviourite preacher. putting your headphones on, and sitting back in your easy chair with your eyes closed allowing the message to wash right through you.

Try it.

 

[Margaret3110]

I’m not an expert, but I believe the usual treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention. The response is punishing yourself for breaking the vow, I guess, so you want to prevent that. Basically I think if you make a vow and don’t keep it, just proceed as if you hadn’t made it to begin with. It will be hard and scary at first but then get easier. Do you have a therapist to help you with this?

 

[Margaret3110]

Just adding that I struggled with scrupulosity myself for a time, years ago. It made it very difficult to discern what God actually wanted. I think you should act on the assumption that God wants you to be mentally healthy, that these vows are coming from your illness and are therefore not binding for you in any way.

 

[eleos1954]

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD at an early age and struggled with it all my life. In high school I started to develop a category of OCD referred to as scrupulosity which usually has to do with intrusive thoughts of selling my soul to the devil if I do something or buy something I want. For example I might want to buy something and have the thought “I’d sell my soul for that” at which point I wouldn’t buy it out of fear. This also branched out to everyday actions and redoing things. At some point years later maybe in college, I discovered I could counteract the fear of selling my soul by making a vow to God to punish myself if I engaged in the first fear. For example I might have a fear that if I do a specific action I’ll sell my soul or agree to sell my soul, then to counteract this I’d make a vow to God stating if I don’t do specific action then I won’t let myself engage in some activity I enjoy for some period of time, or in extreme cases I’ll ban myself from certain things completely. As time went on the selling my soul fear dissipated to some degree but the vows became more and more common and more and more extreme in response to other anxiety to the point I’d say/think “God please hold me accountable to this vow” and proceed to say that if I do or don’t do something then I’ll ban myself from certain hobbies I enjoy for months at a time. This has led to recent struggles in which I made a vow to ban myself from hobbies of mine (exercise and/or gaming which I do to spend time with a friend and destress) for several months. I had anxiety about a situation then vowed and asked to be held accountable that if I failed to do something or did something then I wouldn’t exercise/workout for some timeframe of 1-3 months. I ended up accidentally breaking the vow and I also have other vows I’m struggling with trying to determine if I broke them or not as well. I understand the concept of grace but at the same time I feel like if I do not punish myself I would be engaging in willful sin and essentially saying I value these things more than being with God and I worry about being condemned to hell if I fail to fulfill the vows. Furthermore I see it as a daily repeating sin every day that I fail to not start the punishment since I vowed to not engage in the hobbies for a certain time and this breaks the vow every day I don’t start the punishment. Even when praying about it I’ve had thoughts pop in my head saying “do it” in regards to fulfilling the vows which add more anxiety. I would appreciate thoughts on the matter. I do receive medication for the anxiety but I still struggle. Apologies for the long paragraph I just wanted to add as much context as I can.

1. Don't make vows ... majority of the time we are unable to keep them.

Ecclesiastes 5:5 King James Version (KJV)

Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.

2. If we obsess on the past we experience depression .... if we obsess on the future we experience anxiety ... the Lord don't want us to experience either ... give all your worries to Him and leave it there.

1 Peter 5:7
PHILLIPS
So, humble yourselves under God’s strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.

Focus on the Love and goodness of the Lord .... obsess on that.

Philippians 4:8

Amplified Bible

Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

Change your focus and quit punishing yourself.

If you have a unworthy habit that needs to be dealt with ... ask Him to help you overcome it along with your sincere desire to quit the habit.

 

[LookingForward1]

I understand. The best thing is not to make a vow in the first place. This may help you. I have software on my iPad called "Dream Speak". I load sermons and Christian books into the software as PDF files, and I put my headphones on and get the software to read them to me. I have downloaded an authentic voice that reads to me like a real person. I often do it just as I turn out my light to go to sleep, when I have all sorts of thoughts that tend to keep me awake. The readings being a sense of calmness to me. I can even download a copy of the Bible and have my iPad read it to me. I can do the same on my iPhone, and I am currently having the three volumes of Bishop Ryle's commentary on John's Gospel read to me.

You can do the same through Youtube by loading an audio sermon by your faviourite preacher. putting your headphones on, and sitting back in your easy chair with your eyes closed allowing the message to wash right through you.

Try it.

I’m working on controlling it more, many times it can almost be as a reflex to stress. Thank you for your insights and responses

 

[LookingForward1]

Just adding that I struggled with scrupulosity myself for a time, years ago. It made it very difficult to discern what God actually wanted. I think you should act on the assumption that God wants you to be mentally healthy, that these vows are coming from your illness and are therefore not binding for you in any way.

That’s what I like to think but at times they feel intentional and thus doubt haunts me a lot. So much so that I feel like I’m drifting away from God. I suppose OCD is called doubting disease for a reason.

 

[LookingForward1]

1. Don't make vows ... majority of the time we are unable to keep them.

Ecclesiastes 5:5 King James Version (KJV)

Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.

2. If we obsess on the past we experience depression .... if we obsess on the future we experience anxiety ... the Lord don't want us to experience either ... give all your worries to Him and leave it there.

1 Peter 5:7
PHILLIPS
So, humble yourselves under God’s strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.

Focus on the Love and goodness of the Lord .... obsess on that.

Philippians 4:8

Amplified Bible

Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

Change your focus and quit punishing yourself.

If you have an unworthy habit that needs to be dealt with ... ask Him to help you overcome it along with your sincere desire to quit the habit.

I do not want to make them they have been engraved as a response for years but I am trying to work on refraining. For so long Ive been very legalistic in my way of thinking in general so accepting grace has been a struggle and even then I think about how/if one could lose it.

 

[LookingForward1]

I’m not an expert, but I believe the usual treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention. The response is punishing yourself for breaking the vow, I guess, so you want to prevent that. Basically I think if you make a vow and don’t keep it, just proceed as if you hadn’t made it to begin with. It will be hard and scary at first but then get easier. Do you have a therapist to help you with this?

I see a nurse practitioner for meds so not technically. Ironically I work in the mental health field so I understand the concept. Even when I do not punish myself it haunts me for months on end at times which is where the hardship lies because I feel like I have something I must do.

 

[Margaret3110]

That’s what I like to think but at times they feel intentional and thus doubt haunts me a lot. So much so that I feel like I’m drifting away from God. I suppose OCD is called doubting disease for a reason.

I understand. I’ve been there. It can get better but it does take work as well as prayer. My advice is to treat the vows as annoying background noise or mental clutter, like you would for intrusive thoughts.

 

[LookingForward1]

I understand. I’ve been there. It can get better but it does take work as well as prayer. My advice is to treat the vows as annoying background noise or mental clutter, like you would for intrusive thoughts.

Thank you, I appreciate the input, it’s something I have to overcome. I just wish I never let it get this bad where I feel like I have to make such vows right but I am working to resist them

 

[Mari17]

How have you been doing lately? Do you have any resources to help you deal with your OCD?

 

[Sabertooth]

@LookingForward1, you cannot argue yourself out of OCD any more than you can argue yourself out of a bacterial infection.

1. If you have not done so already, get a psychiatrist (not just a psychologist).
2. Visit a church that is good at dealing with mental illnesses.

The Church & Mental Illness...

These USA churches are good at dealing with mental illnesses (such as schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.), Vineyard, Assembly of God, Foursquare Church (Links above are locators.) They are present in other countries, as well...

www.christianforums.com

 

[FameBright]

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD at an early age and struggled with it all my life. In high school I started to develop a category of OCD referred to as scrupulosity which usually has to do with intrusive thoughts of selling my soul to the devil if I do something or buy something I want. For example I might want to buy something and have the thought “I’d sell my soul for that” at which point I wouldn’t buy it out of fear. This also branched out to everyday actions and redoing things. At some point years later maybe in college, I discovered I could counteract the fear of selling my soul by making a vow to God to punish myself if I engaged in the first fear. For example I might have a fear that if I do a specific action I’ll sell my soul or agree to sell my soul, then to counteract this I’d make a vow to God stating if I don’t do specific action then I won’t let myself engage in some activity I enjoy for some period of time, or in extreme cases I’ll ban myself from certain things completely. As time went on the selling my soul fear dissipated to some degree but the vows became more and more common and more and more extreme in response to other anxiety to the point I’d say/think “God please hold me accountable to this vow” and proceed to say that if I do or don’t do something then I’ll ban myself from certain hobbies I enjoy for months at a time. This has led to recent struggles in which I made a vow to ban myself from hobbies of mine (exercise and/or gaming which I do to spend time with a friend and destress) for several months. I had anxiety about a situation then vowed and asked to be held accountable that if I failed to do something or did something then I wouldn’t exercise/workout for some timeframe of 1-3 months. I ended up accidentally breaking the vow and I also have other vows I’m struggling with trying to determine if I broke them or not as well. I understand the concept of grace but at the same time I feel like if I do not punish myself I would be engaging in willful sin and essentially saying I value these things more than being with God and I worry about being condemned to hell if I fail to fulfill the vows. Furthermore I see it as a daily repeating sin every day that I fail to not start the punishment since I vowed to not engage in the hobbies for a certain time and this breaks the vow every day I don’t start the punishment. Even when praying about it I’ve had thoughts pop in my head saying “do it” in regards to fulfilling the vows which add more anxiety. I would appreciate thoughts on the matter. I do receive medication for the anxiety but I still struggle. Apologies for the long paragraph I just wanted to add as much context as I can.

Just out of curiosity, did something happen that made you feel the need to punish yourself?

For what it's worth Colossians 2:23, Paul warns against practices that appear righteous but lack true spiritual value. He mentions things like "self-abasement" or self-imposed humility.

 

[FreeinChrist]

ADVISOR HAT

This thread was moved from Christian Philosophy & Ethics to a forum more appropriate for the topic.

​

 

[LookingForward1]

How have you been doing lately? Do you have any resources to help you deal with your OCD?

Not many outside of a few people I know, the vows actually spiraled to the point I couldn’t really keep track of them which ironically helped me let them go and not take them seriously. Outside of one new one that is slightly different from past ones